Am I Overreacting?

[Anonymous Villager]

My husband has a female colleague, who is quite older than him. However, I am a bit uncomfortable with their relationship. The lady is having marital issues and my husband has been providing all forms of support for her relating to her marriage, career, finances, business, acquiring assets, etc. So the lady has become financially independent, through my husband's support. Consequently, the lady has been showing APPRECIATION by buying gifts for my husband, his parents, my kids, etc. I have no problem with her need to show her appreciation but it is causing a rift in my marriage because my husband is always praising her (that she has been able to single-handedly manage her home with minimal contribution from her husband), comparing me with her, even belittling my own efforts, asking her to buy foodstuffs for the house, etc. The time he spends on the phone with her, far outweighs the time he spends me with his wife. I have tried to convince myself that maybe I am just being silly by being jealous of the attention he has been providing her, given their age difference. The recent issue came about when my MIL had a thanksgiving ceremony and the lady made gift items for guests. The lady had earlier made the suggestion to me which I agreed and I provided some cash for mine. Unfortunately I could not attend the ceremony due to unforseen circumstances. So I asked her to take the initiative to buy some nice items on my behalf and distribute to the guests. Subsequently, my husband called me to describe the event, and went on praising her efforts that she distributed sourvenirs that were quite expensive and she even gave out some in my name (implying that she provided the cash, put my name on them to give the impression). I really felt insulted that he never even gave me the benefit of doubt that I provided the funds to buy them, but rather the lady was all over the place at the party giving everyone the impression that all those souvenirs were from her.

I have made up my mind to cut myself off from the lady, but my question to all villagers is if I am overreacting. Or can our ladies in the village take this from their husband? Or how can I handle this issue.

[Marin]

You are not overreacting. From what you've written, this woman can have your husband for the asking, probably with full support of your in-laws,......thats if she doesn't already.....

In terms of how to handle it you have to be wise......drama won't help you in this circumstance, and I'm not sure if you should cut yourself off from her. Like our people say, cunnyman die, cunnyman bury am. You need to beat her at her own game....I don't have any concrete advice as to how to do that at this time...I have to run the matter through my head first......If I get any ideas, I'll post them later. I'm sure some other, wiser, more experienced villagers will soon weigh in on the matter. E go beta!

[enna inot]

Hello Anony,
Sorry to hear about this problem,make u calm down relax your mind first.Am not married yet oh.But my take is no you are NOT OVER-REACTING at all.And i do not think your husband has anything to do with her yet 'affair-wise' i mean.
Why dont you choose to talk about this issue with your husband.(Communication is a vital key)Choose a time when you are both not angry or upset.Calmly ask him what areas of your marriage he would like to see improvements on.Then you can then go ahead to voice your own concern about areas of your marriage that you think needs improvements too.Tactfully introduce the subject of this older colleague,tell him how you really feel about their relationship without sounding accusatory.Tell your husband of your decision to severe ties with her and why you think it is best for him to limit his phone calls to her if at all the phone calls are necessary.Since they work together,severing ties with her abruptly may not be feasible.
Whatever you do,pray to God for wisdom to do and say whats best,strength and self -control.
Just BTW,i do not think it was right of you to ask this woman to buy and distribute gifts/souvenirs at your MIL's ceremony.Is she a friend of your MIL? By delegating her to do the distribution,you were asking her to stand in for you !!! There is no use crying over spilt milk, but next time maybe you could ask a sibling of your husband or yours to carry out that kind of assignment.
Abi,married women in this NVS how una see this matter? See as one 'older colleague' one take style begin play miss goody two shoes as 3rd party inside anoda person marriage oh!! Na wa oh!!!!!!!:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
All the best sis!
just my own 2 kobo contribution.

[.bebi]

AV,pele o.
U r not at all over-reacting.The older lady is a schemer(I choose to believe so),if not nke ya oke?What is her own in distributing sourvenirs at ur MIL's party?This one na serious over-kpeke if u ask me.
U made a serious mistake in delegating that role to her on top of ur suspicions,but let me not over-flog that one.
U berra shine ur eyes in ur marriage if not ife gi agholu ife onye ozo ie if not ur own will become another person's own.
I believe u need to speak to ur husband in as calmly and lovingly a way as possible but u have to be firm in telling him that u dont approve of this new development,afterall,if tables were turned,he would flip.
All the best.

[Anonymous Villager]

In retrospect, I must admit that I made a mistake in delegating that task to her. She informed me that she knew someone who could do a good job of the gift items at a reasonable cost. Since I had left the country for quite some time, it was difficult to start searching for alternative sources for the souvenirs.

Thanks so much villagers for your advice.


Original AV

[Rose]

In retrospect, I must admit that I made a mistake in delegating that task to her. She informed me that she knew someone who could do a good job of the gift items at a reasonable cost. Since I had left the country for quite some time, it was difficult to start searching for alternative sources for the souvenirs.

Thanks so much villagers for your advice.


Original AV
Like everyone agrees...you are not over-reacting. That older lady knows more tricks than you for sure. She has no right to insinuate herself into your family and knows exactly what she's doing. I'd keep a very close eye on this situation and quietly distance myself from her. I believe your husband also knows what he's doing by making comparisons between the two of you. It's like he's taunting you and trying to make you feel insecure. I wouldn't like it one bit and think it's wrong for someone to push up in a family for the express purpose of creating disharmony. She's trying to stay close so she can watch her little handiwork. Her conniving is probably at the root of her own marital issues. Too bad you can't locate her husband to get the real low lowdown...I bet this would unnerve her and your husband too!

[Beam]

My husband has a female colleague, who is quite older than him. However, I am a bit uncomfortable with their relationship. The lady is having marital issues and my husband has been providing all forms of support for her relating to her marriage, career, finances, business, acquiring assets, etc. So the lady has become financially independent, through my husband's support. Consequently, the lady has been showing APPRECIATION by buying gifts for my husband, his parents, my kids, etc. I have no problem with her need to show her appreciation but it is causing a rift in my marriage because my husband is always praising her (that she has been able to single-handedly manage her home with minimal contribution from her husband), comparing me with her, even belittling my own efforts, asking her to buy foodstuffs for the house, etc. The time he spends on the phone with her, far outweighs the time he spends me with his wife. I have tried to convince myself that maybe I am just being silly by being jealous of the attention he has been providing her, given their age difference. The recent issue came about when my MIL had a thanksgiving ceremony and the lady made gift items for guests. The lady had earlier made the suggestion to me which I agreed and I provided some cash for mine. Unfortunately I could not attend the ceremony due to unforseen circumstances. So I asked her to take the initiative to buy some nice items on my behalf and distribute to the guests. Subsequently, my husband called me to describe the event, and went on praising her efforts that she distributed sourvenirs that were quite expensive and she even gave out some in my name (implying that she provided the cash, put my name on them to give the impression). I really felt insulted that he never even gave me the benefit of doubt that I provided the funds to buy them, but rather the lady was all over the place at the party giving everyone the impression that all those souvenirs were from her.

I have made up my mind to cut myself off from the lady, but my question to all villagers is if I am overreacting. Or can our ladies in the village take this from their husband? Or how can I handle this issue.

AV1, the parts i have highligted i will write about, First wetin concern your husband with married woman having problems with her husband why not help the woman sort out her marital problems than give her money and all kinds of support including a shoulder to cry on

Why did you let her buy your kids gifts?

wetin concern her with your In-laws?

Do not let any man compare you to any other woman!!
not his mother, his sister, no body !!!!{ the ting i want say here i not fit say}:evil:

Why is she buying your food stuffs ? are you in a wheelchair, or
why is she doing your wifely duties {why did you open mouth let lizard enter your mouth?}

The phone one when he gets on the phone that is when you start love in jisitis with him and make sure she hears you calling him dear whatever you call him and make sure you disturbs his thoughts;):wink: not with only words:D

The part i highlighted in blue re: the Mother-in Law party, i not fit
talk much you just do not do things like that, this woman is a snake. However you caused it even if you could not make it on that day you could of made a courtesy call to your in-laws before that day and hinted them you had her do something on your behalf...[I hate to say this but she is behaving like an iyawo ke}


Back to the red parts look the long and short of this reel your husband back home away from this Mama wey dey use her eye do " come and do "with your husband.

To your question, Hell No!!! You are not overreacting to me you have under reacted too much self :neutral:


Av1, what i actually feel like writing is better said, becos i not fit tell una in writing alone i beg shake bodi and get your husband back first with prayers, then your body langauge to your husband, also go make sure your still in your in-laws good books , also kick the Mama to the curb ..... She needs to go back to her husband and leave yours alone

Av1, let this be a lesson to you next time be more viglant this has gone real far nip it in the butt now, If this in Nigeria there are women there who will tell you shift over we just want to share him if you cause too much wahala we go take him finish so please be very careful take care of yourself and kids

Also pray, prayers conquers all obstacles and this Mama na obstacles

I wish you all the luck :rose:

[Anonymous Villager]

Thank you very much BemBolla,

My reason for keeping quiet all this while was because I felt she was older than him so I never expected anything apart from a cordial relationship between them. In addition his performance at work depends on her performance, so he gave me the impression that she needed the support to perform well at work.

As per the purchase of food items, whenever she is somewhere close to an African foodstore, she will buy somethings with the presumed intention that she bought them for herself and THOUGHTFULLY got some for us just in case we needed such items. It was once that my husband asked her to get some foodstuffs for us because I was unable to at that time.

Regarding gifts for my kids, she will insist on buying gifts during christmas, their birthdays, etc. which I never thought much of until recently.

Also, I wanted the gift items to be a surprise for my in-laws which was why I never informed them beforehand. The long and short of everything was that I was a bit naive to think that her NICETIES were displays of gratitude.

[Rose]

Thank you very much BemBolla,

My reason for keeping quiet all this while was because I felt she was older than him so I never expected anything apart from a cordial relationship between them. In addition his performance at work depends on her performance, so he gave me the impression that she needed the support to perform well at work.

As per the purchase of food items, whenever she is somewhere close to an African foodstore, she will buy somethings with the presumed intention that she bought them for herself and THOUGHTFULLY got some for us just in case we needed such items. It was once that my husband asked her to get some foodstuffs for us because I was unable to at that time.

Regarding gifts for my kids, she will insist on buying gifts during christmas, their birthdays, etc. which I never thought much of until recently.

Also, I wanted the gift items to be a surprise for my in-laws which was why I never informed them beforehand. The long and short of everything was that I was a bit naive to think that her NICETIES were displays of gratitude.
I gather you are living outside of Nigeria. Out of curiousity, is this woman of African descent?

[Anonymous Villager]

Rose - Yes



Original AV

[Osibinaebi]

AV,
You don come tell your husband say na you give the woman money to buy the give you husband assumed she bought???? berra tell Mister and let him withdraw the perception. number two, go report the woman to your mother-in-law YES except if the mama sef don dey chopulate egunje from the woman. pity yah hubby o!! cos dem don finish using him head finish... But na you fight o!!, you need to take over the control of you man and tell the woman to keep off your man, infact tell her you are JEALOUS afterall na your man we dey yarn here. Just be subtle in your attack such that you leave no trace that she can show yah hubby. anytime your hubby say she said something , deny am, but intensify the attack and then with time your hubby go begin look properly and then you can start insinuating that the woman may be after something and let your hubby do the arithmetic.. as a starter, send area boys to go design the woman small on a day you and hubby will be at a dinner so that your alibi will be strong.....turn her into a pariah with your hubby and then you can have your peace back

[Rose]

AV,
You don come tell your husband say na you give the woman money to buy the give you husband assumed she bought???? berra tell Mister and let him withdraw the perception. number two, go report the woman to your mother-in-law YES except if the mama sef don dey chopulate egunje from the woman. pity yah hubby o!! cos dem don finish using him head finish... But na you fight o!!, you need to take over the control of you man and tell the woman to keep off your man, infact tell her you are JEALOUS afterall na your man we dey yarn here. Just be subtle in your attack such that you leave no trace that she can show yah hubby. anytime your hubby say she said something , deny am, but intensify the attack and then with time your hubby go begin look properly and then you can start insinuating that the woman may be after something and let your hubby do the arithmetic.. as a starter, send area boys to go design the woman small on a day you and hubby will be at a dinner so that your alibi will be strong.....turn her into a pariah with your hubby and then you can have your peace back
:D You've provided some excellent advice, but I'm a little confused by the bolded portion. I hope AV can locate this woman's husband and put a bug in his ear. I bet he has a story to tell.

[emj]

Hmmm....Av, you need to be strong and BOLD...you need to collect your thoughts and not to be too emotional. It's your Marriage and Home at Stake here.

I will share with you ferefe the experience of someone very close to me....The lady in question is also her husband's colleague....He's Handsome , Intelligent and has his Head well set....but lack experience in corniness of some women.

His wife having noticed that things were getting outta hand, gave her a call...and told her this.>.
....Mrs Kilanko, My Husband Tunde's first responsibility is to both i and our children...i quite understand that you are going through a trying time in your marraige....u are putting too much weight and stress on mine...just so you know.

She then had a formal talk with her spouse.....told him that it's okay to help Mrs Kilanko...but there has to be a limit to it...she made him to know that she is no longer cool with her calling at odd times and the frequent Text Messages she sends to him...three is a crowd....she then being bold went further and threatened to take it to the Board if this continues...and also put him on Notice that if he wants to continue with Mrs Kilanko...she wont stop him...that she as a matter of fact giving serious thought to an offer from an Old Flame...he shld take a good look at her(she dey kampe..on top, fit and trim)...she's beautiful enough after 3 to still turn heads here and there....the ball is in his court...meaning, let Redefine this Marriage...do we all want to play Away Games? She told him to perish the thought of they travelling together for their ME-TIME for the year...put spanner in the works in respect of some other stuff they were meant to do together as he no longer find her desirable etc etc ati bee lo( i thought she over did it..was afraid for her o..but..hmm)Or cut da crap and do away with Crap/Crumbs.

Need i say that bobo, prostrated and started begging her, knowing that she will deal well with him, and he cannot afford for her to walk, apart from the huge shame of scandal if the Board gets to know that he's a Philanderer....she knows how to set him straight...she did it with love..not screaming, nor yelling....they had a long talk, and she told me she meant every single word and he knows it...he now knows his limit and was saved from a Baracuda...need i say that when Ogbeni with his wife present gave her a call..and after a long chat was happy to be relieved of the heavy burden..Madam kilanko ended up in hospital...admitted for Stress Related matters....and the couple visited her with get well card and flowers...crazy henn.....So it is written that the 2 shall become 1..and they of course acted in their own best interest...Jointly.....

So my Dear go forth and get back that which is yours, not by Brute Force, but with all the fire you've got in u to save ur hubby from himself...do not allow his comparing you with her to faze u......relax and do your homework well well.

My Dear AV...wats your strength? Work within what you have. Reflect, Pray, Speak with a Subtle but Bold Voice...be firm but not disrespectful with your spouse. When Mrs Oshomalo comes visiting treat her with respect, when you have an opening, ask after her welfare, chip in that you know how ur husband and family has been of great help to her...let her know how u and your husband cherish her friendship....but three is a crowd...that your marriage and home is for u and the children...and his first responsibility is to you.....Wishing you more wisdom, Boldness and Favour.

Do not be dismayed, nor disturbed, this too shall pass.:rose:


PS>>>....If you've not been taking good care of yourself..i.e pampering yourself..now's the time to start...let sweet aroma/feelings start flowing from within you.....Let the Love you have for your Husband flow from within...take care of u and yours...and also your In-laws...cheers:p

[Isho]

And i do not think your husband has anything to do with her yet 'affair-wise' i mean.


Firstly you are only under-reacting.....a lot has been said regarding advice but there is s'thing i have to let you know from man's point of view... your husband and this old cargo are having an affair.

All the bullet points you gave confirmed it....you have been taken for a donkey ride..pls jump down and look where you are coming from..this woman is an agbaya , she knows what she's doing. You have been relegated in your own matrimonial home AV...that old cargo control your home... that's a fact.

One question pls....what is the age different between you and your husband? this man is treating you like a child....more like a useless sugar daddy. this man does not have any high opinion of you.

You sound more naive to me..... pls pick yourself up and confront your husband in peace or war....but try peace first..if that fail, try your best to locate the old cargo husband and tell him what his wife has been doing with your home...that might not mean anything to her but your husband will get the message dont be surprise if your MIL are on her side. bicos she has been giving them milk and sugar. She's well known in the family ( boy u r in trouble) i know what am talking about.

I noticed s'thing has transpired in the past between two of you. I mean what both of you cant control, which you dont have power over. God will help you guys there.

AV there are three of you in your marriage gbabe this Sisi Mama will destroy your home...age doesn't matter pls..esp. in abroad here...that is where they got you fooled.

[Lingo]

Original AV

I am so sorry to read/hear that you are experiencing this in your marriage. I have to say I admire emj's friend's tactic however, you need to be careful so this doesn't backfire. No one can say for sure that your husband has embarked on an affair with this Mrs but one thing about men is that they can be selectively naive/ignorant. Your husband might truly not have anything to do with this madam but he might not realise that he has become so close to her and not know how much this is affecting you.

Everyone has given you sound advice. PRAY ! PRAY and PRAY AGAIN !!! I cannot emphasise this enough and if possible, let your husband be in the vicinity while you're binding and losing.

I wish you all the best and pray God restores your marriage.

Layta

Lingo

[Osibinaebi]

as a starter, send area boys to go design the woman small on a day you and hubby will be at a dinner so that your alibi will be strong

:D You've provided some excellent advice, but I'm a little confused by the bolded portion. I hope AV can locate this woman's husband and put a bug in his ear. I bet he has a story to tell.

ROSE,
The above means the AV should get some muscle men that should give madam colleague some resounding slaps with a few nudges on the ass. then they can leave a a very tiny scar for remembrance purposes. The arrangement with the muscle men should be done in total secrecy with no trace back , but a verbal message of stay off my husband should also be delivered in the process by the muscle men. On the day of execution, AV should be chilling with her hubby with pointed calls coming from family friends for a good alibi...... hope say you gat the gist now:D

[Vade Mecum]

A.V.

Stop being naive.

Comot for your small pikin mind set

Open ya koro koro eyes for head. Make you dey see weteen dem dey do properly

The truth is bitter. However, it cures like surgery

The lady is your husband's main woman. You have been reduced to the status of a glorified Assistant.

The lady is having marital issues

and my husband has been providing all forms of support for her relating to her:

marriage,

career,

finances,

business,

acquiring assets,

etc.

The lady has been showing APPRECIATION by buying gifts for:

my husband,

his parents,

my kids,

etc.

Asking her to buy foodstuffs for the house, etc.

The time he spends on the phone with her, far outweighs the time he spends me with his wife.

The recent issue came about when my MIL had a thanksgiving ceremony and the lady made gift items for guests.

Them jus dey regard you as mugu, dey do you shegey

The Madam dey buy unu gift self (appreciation) take dey distract you and deflect your suspicion

Please do not confront this issue without serious spiritual support from your church (Prayer band) etc

This woman, who has also successfully reduced her husband to a mugu is not the type of door, that you open with one hand. Even ya two hands self nor reach to open door for this kine woman case. This one na real kpamgba plus akpuruka woman.

You need to have a brain trust. Get close to the leaders of the Women Fellowship in your church.

Do not fight your husband with vengeance nor try to punish him. Pray, fast and strategise hard to rescue him from this Jezebel's net

This woman's modus operandi is too sophisticated. I believe her grip on your husband is more spiritual than physical

If you are spiritually matured enough, you will not even say a word to neither your husband nor this dangerously calculating and mischievous woman; you will just band with 'fire exhaling' prayer warriors and pray her out of your husband's life.

IF OTHERS ARE DECEIVING YOU, PLEASE DO NOT DECEIVE YOURSELF

FIGHT SPIRITUALLY TO DISENTANGLE YOUR MAN FROM HER GRIP.

IT WILL BE A TOUGH BATTLE, BUT THEN; NO ONE EVER SAID, IT WILL BE EASY

[Rose]

as a starter, send area boys to go design the woman small on a day you and hubby will be at a dinner so that your alibi will be strong



ROSE,
The above means the AV should get some muscle men that should give madam colleague some resounding slaps with a few nudges on the ass. then they can leave a a very tiny scar for remembrance purposes. The arrangement with the muscle men should be done in total secrecy with no trace back , but a verbal message of stay off my husband should also be delivered in the process by the muscle men. On the day of execution, AV should be chilling with her hubby with pointed calls coming from family friends for a good alibi...... hope say you gat the gist now:D
Ohhhh...now I get the "design" part. :lol:

[valteena]

AV I guess everyone who have commented already have said it all. I want to say again that you need serious spiritual intervention here my dear and you’ve been told what to do about that already.

I’ll tell you what my best friend did when she found herself in very similar situation.

Both her husband and this Malaysian woman were doing their Ph.d in the same department and she was always calling to ask for one help or the other. And the husband will most often drop whatever he is doing to go attend to her.

According to my friend, she complained about it to her husband who kept saying they were only colleagues and that he was just helping because she is alone and far away from her family. He didn’t even try and curtail his association with the woman.

What did it for my friend was when the woman returned from her holiday and phoned her husband to come and pick her up from the station late at night. He was going to go but my friend told the husband in a none confrontational manner that if he does, he has two choices to make after.

That is to either come back and take his things and leave their home or if he choose to stay, then she will definitely be moving out with their children. He new she meant it too so he did not go.

When the woman phoned to find out what was keeping him, my friend answered the phone and told her that' incase she forgot that the man she is pestering is her husband and she would appreciate if she did not call him any more or have anything to do with him again even in their department.

She also threatened to come to the department to complain about her if she does not desist and hung up on her without giving her any opportunity to reply.

It definitely put an end to their relationship if there was any. She never called again and his outings to their Phd suit drastically reduced. In short she became history.

What you have is a situation more drastic than my friend's that requires drastic measures. You need to communicate your feelings unequivocally on 3 front here. One with your husband, the woman and your inlaws. Let each party know you are not happy with the situation as it is now.

With regards to your inlaws I do not know what your relationship with them is like, but I am sure if your inlaws wish you and your husband well they will agree with you that her presence is not healthy for your marriage.

As for the woman you need to tell her as nicely as possible how you feel and that you think it is now time for her to keep her distance from your entire family.

In the case of my friend she was never friendly with the woman, infact never meet her face to face so she didn’t need to be nice or pretend to be nice even. She wasn’t rude or nasty about it either. Just dead serious.

But unfortunately in your case she seem to have successfully infiltrated your family and install herself as a “family friend”. But bear in mind that if the nice way doesn’t work, don’t think twice about being nasty if you need to be.

This is your marriage you’re fighting for my dear. All is fair in love and in war. I will do same if I'm married and some old gagool is threatening my marriage like she is doing yours right now.

With your husband you’ve been given a lot of ideas on how to deal with him. But I think you need to impress on him that you cannot accept thing as they are anymore and that if he ignores your feelings anymore he might have to make a choice.

There is no pussy footing here my dear it is either you’re ready to eventually share your man if you are not already or sort it out once and for all.

Don't forget to earnestly seek god's intervention in this through prayer and I pray it will be well with you.

[E_Pluribus_Unum]

i think i go with the muscle men theory, dem go show say all is fair in love and war, but rember she aint gonna wan take am lying down, you could be declaring war.

can you handle it?

just asking

[toksy]

Yes ke! u'r over-reacting!!! tell me, how would ur hubbie reacts if some so-called work colleague starts buying you expensive clothes as a thank-you, for some purported good deeds from you? And the same person went further to buy presents for your kids and even buying stuffs for your parents? I 'll tell you as a man that it won't even get as far as that( buying gifts for my kids or MIL) before i throw a fit o!!! And i don't care whether the man in question is a methusaleh or a young stud........ooops i meant, man! I gaurantee you, no man including yours, will allow the situation to advance to that stage.

when does a thank-you gesture/s ends,huh? Am sure, u have done some good deeds in the past too. are these people still coming round to buy you things including ones for your kids and families? Like someone opined earlier, ur hubbie is playing away, jo! Di man dey compare u with this woman and u sidon dia dey ask, "am i over-reacting"? Di woman dey buy gifts for ur in-laws because ur hubbie did her a good turn and you sidon dey rationalise sey, di woman old pass ur hubbie. So what? You haven't even react yet talkless of over-, o. wait till the woman build house for ur MIL, before u spit up in the air and catch am with your face.

This is ur life, my dear. How many years of investment have you ploughed into this venture (which am sure you intend to be lifelong) that you 'll allow some scheming old hag with no scruples to just walk in and put a spanner into all ur efforts? how do you think ur kids will fare when you and hubby splits up? The woman is already endearing herself to ur children right under your korokoro eyes, and you are still asking lame questions. This is no time for talk o but a time for action else you end up losing all you 've slaved for all these years.

I beg, my sis, take the bull by the horn o before it's too late. A word is enough for the wise!!!

[Beam]

Thank you very much BemBolla,

My reason for keeping quiet all this while was because I felt she was older than him so I never expected anything apart from a cordial relationship between them. In addition his performance at work depends on her performance, so he gave me the impression that she needed the support to perform well at work.

As per the purchase of food items, whenever she is somewhere close to an African foodstore, she will buy somethings with the presumed intention that she bought them for herself and THOUGHTFULLY got some for us just in case we needed such items. It was once that my husband asked her to get some foodstuffs for us because I was unable to at that time.

Regarding gifts for my kids, she will insist on buying gifts during christmas, their birthdays, etc. which I never thought much of until recently.

Also, I wanted the gift items to be a surprise for my in-laws which was why I never informed them beforehand. The long and short of everything was that I was a bit naive to think that her NICETIES were displays of gratitude.


Just give the sisi Mama a polite shove over the cliff, by telling her to get her claws out of your hubby:D


Av1 , prayers conquers all bind and release, My sister gave me this book
by the Overseer of MFM ,Av there are prayers in it for everything:lol::lol::lol:


My sista , I wish you luck, sort this out real soon do not go into the New Year with this hanging over your head I beg:D


Stay blessed AV1, and Highly Favoured

[MsWoman]

As they say in Yoruba, kaka ki eku ma je sese a fi se awa danu! Rather than make rat eat the poison in the trap, he go kuku da si rough and scatter the whole trap! Dat one na the philosophy wey emj hin friend use! Wi-min sha! :shake: :hail:

@Original AV: You are not overreacting oh! Iro! In fact you are on t-r-a-c-k! Don't let any woman old or young come and take what you have worked so hard to get, retain, and maintain. In fact, women...I am one oh, but can only vouch for me, myself and my sister! After dat, shikena!

I have a family friend too, who works with one older "aunty" like this and me, I won't lie, that awa friend, strikes me as if if the woman naa si (extends it), he will do! She too nor get husband for house! I am minding my bizness right now, but always feel like telling the wife to buckle up and to shine her eyes. :no:

[Rose]

The woman is already endearing herself to ur children right under your korokoro eyes,
This part really gets to me. :evil:

[Abraxas]

Hi, folks!

As a man, I must say that I am quite intrigued by the responses and reactions of the womenfolk of this Village to the subject matter under deliberation here: the suspicions of a very concerned woman (Ms. Anonie) about the likely manipulation of her husband by an older woman at his workplace, via aggressive material gratification and overindulgence of members of Anonie's nuclear family, including in-laws. I am more intrigued by my observation that EVEN the Senior Babes and Big Girls of this Village (including Countess EMJ (Sister Mine), Rose, Marin, and Valteena), who I thought would bring in a different perspective to the matter, are virtually ALL concurring in toto, affirming and reinforcing the notion that the intentions of the other woman are purely and palpably diabolical, with the ultimate intention of a progressively aggressive strategic takeover of Anonie's matrimonial domain. I beg to differ completely, please! Let me now shift the paradigm a little bit:

Just over one year ago, my wife, Señora Juanita Abraxas (a.k.a Mama Marie-Jay) was appointed the CEO of a microfinance bank in Manaos, Amazonas State, in North West Brazil. Her primary task as the new CEO was to completely re-engineer the place, given its prehistory of abysmally low productivity, and massive corruption that had taken the establishment to the verge of complete organizational collapse. In fact, my wife's primary assignment at that particular microfinance bank is to empower rural WOMEN in particular, and to wean the women of Amazonas State from being over-dependent on government hand-downs. The irony of it all is that, of the five senior line managers that report to my wife, four of them (i.e. 80%) are WOMEN.

From the moment Mama Marie-Jay got in as the CEO, it was obvious that it was no longer going to be business as usual, whereby a few domineering but influential women (like the immediate past CEO of the bank, in collaboration with the WIFE (and mistresses) of the governor of Amazonas, some WIVES (and girlfriends) of ministers, and some top WOMEN civil servants) simply conered the funds of the bank and had fun! In short, Mama Marie-Jay's presence put sand-sand in their garri and they were not finding it funny at all! For me, (as a curious and unobtrusive male observer), I was amazed, amused and very much intrigued by the fact that what I was seeing WOMEN do, was no different from the games MEN typically play as they rabidly and callously embezzle and mismanage public funds!

Let me cut a very long story short, ojare:

The oldest (both in terms of biological age and length of service in the organisation), and the most senior among my wife's line managers is a 59 years old woman who was the Director of Banking Operations (DoBO), with less than 5 months left before her statutory retirement from service, to whom the other directors (3 female and one male) reported. On the surface, the woman was the archetypical "matured", "level-headed", "homely", and "motherly" persononality. Indeed, she EVEN claims to be a pastor! But underneath that calm facade, lies a very conniving, bitchy, exploitative, manipulative, and massively corrupt old hag.

Right from the very start of my wife's mandate by the board of directors of the bank to radically restucture the place, the understandable anxiety and dread on the faces and in the minds of the management and staff of that seriously dysfunctional organization was palpable. Everybody wanted to be in the good books of the CEO, bring out their "best" for her to see: EYE SERVICE!

Initially, everyday, very early in the morning, my wife received (so-called) inspirational biblical texts from her Director of Banking Operations. Once in a while, she even bought very expensive chocolates, video games, toys, dresses, and more, for our grand daughter. Last year, she sent a Christmas hamper whose contents were worth US$2,300 to our daughter, Marie-Jay.

The whole thing came to a head when, this year, she took up a full-page paid advertisement on behalf of my wife, in memory of my wife's dad, Señor Santos Verissimo, who died 20 years ago. I had to apply the breaks there and then, and advised my wife to please take her time and objectively scrutinize the transactions, particularly official finacial requests, recommendations, and commitments, that that woman may have presided over the period my wife had been the CEO. A thorough systems audit was conducted by an external firm of auditors, and, lo and behold, Pandora's Box was let loose! In summary, the Director of Banking Operations was actually the head of an in-house cabal of parasites ravaging the organization!

I must confess: Initially, I felt quite disturbed by the rather strange "closeness" that was beginning to develop between the DoBO and my wife. In fact, I was about to suspect that the woman may have been luring my unsuspecting wife into a lesbian relationship, especially with those frequent quasi-romantic "inspirational" text massages she sent her daily: (e.g. "Good morning, Ma. The Lord has chosen YOU to be our boss to move our bank forward. We all love you, my dear. God is on your side, my dear. Blood of Jesus ... No evil fashioned by man or woman against you will work, in Jesus name, Ma"). Worse still, I could not imagine a woman that was more than 15 years older than my wife calling her "Ma"! (It is very ga ju, I no go lie.)

In other words, while I was almost about to wrongly decode the ulterior intentions of the woman towards my wife as being psycho-sexual, in truth, the observed behaviour was one of a predatory older human being taking undue (non-sexual) advantage of their victim, in an attempt to assuage their own fears, using all manner of "niceness" to cover up their anxieties!

And so, for all I care, Anonie's husband, children, and mother-in-law are being given all those nice treats as "harmless bribes" just to cover up or make up for the older woman's official inadequacies and performance liabilities at the workplace. (For example, it was eventually found out that my wife's Director of Banking Operations had a dubious Masters degree, and a forged birth certificate in her personnel record!)

I seriously doubt if the older woman in Anonie's husband's office really has robust buttom power to fuckk her way up the organizational ladder. If she did, she would not waste time and money buying gifts, and stuff like that for children and in-laws of her target victim: only small girls go about buying gifts! In short, Anonie's husband and his old cargo colleague at work are NOT necessarily having an affair.

At any rate, if nothing else, at least, this thread has shown how intrinsically ultra-possessive, and instinctively extra-protective women are about their matrimonial space!

Ha-ha-ha! Operation MindFuck!(Pssst! .... psssssst! By the way, I am Ms. Anonie #1!)

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)

[folys40]

Abraxas, I've been wanting to tell you dis for a long time dat you are incredible. I always marvel at the way you write all dose long tory in any language. Your speed on the keyboard will probably be around 300 keystrokes per minute with no errors. You have talents, my broda.

The only ting that gets to my head is that you sat down and wrote all dis 10,000 words just laik dat for de above post and according to you, you cut a long story short.

[Isho]

@Abraxas....you dey craze if na you bi AV #1..... i go kill you if i catch you....shay u fit prove sey na you bi dat true true.?

[Ph3y]

@ Abraxas......if na u pose as AV1 true true........

Make i go come first........................mtcheeeeeeeeewwww!![Long Hiss]

[Anonymous Villager]

@Abraxas - You are not the original AV. You are trying to be mischievious.




Original AV

[Isho]

I am begining to believe Abraxas......ok AV #1 PM me so we can solve this problem....i promise you i will zip my mouth.:D:shake:

[Veros]

Regardless of who the AV is, I'm surprised (to say the least) that no villager has seen it fit to question the relatioship of AV1 and her husband prior to these developments. The answer to this problem may be a situation of "going to Sokoto to look for what may be in your shokoto". AV1 must ensure that she has not by her own actions (or in fact, inactions) pushed her husband in to the "waiting" arms of this older woman. AV1, you need to do some soul searching.

Another issue that surprised me a bit is the number of people who are asking AV1 to resort to prayer and fasting. There's nothing wrong with being spiritual or being a christian, but the idea that every problem in life has some evil/satanic/occultic under tone is perhaps a little bit exaggerated. Enough observations . . . don't want to derail this thread.

So AV1, abeg check yourself first, check wether e get any improvements or tone-downs wey you need to do on your own part, so that if the prayer and fasting or area boys or whatever means you employ works, there won't be another woman who has marital problems and needing help around the corner.

[Abraxas]

@Abraxas....you dey craze if na you bi AV #1..... i go kill you if i catch you....shay u fit prove sey na you bi dat true true.?

Hi, Isho, mu men (my man)!

How yoo dey? How de body? Yoo dey kampe? We t'ank God for his jolly mercies! Praise da Lord, praise da Lord! Allaluiyah, and Amem!

Ol' boy, look, make I tell give yoo: I no go fit prove sey na me be AV#1. No be sey I no want do am, but because, true-true, 'e no possible at all, at all, make anybody, wey wooman born with 'inhm congo, prove sey na 'inhm be Anonie: IMPOSSICANT!

In fact, nearly small, I been want sign in as Anonymous Villager, tell yoo sey na me be dis~o! But, sha, I come t'ink one kind, sey: "If come say sey I be Anonie, then, maybe, Mr. Isho too come say sey' inhm be AV#1, and then, Mr. Feyi too come say sey na 'inhm be de original AV#1, and then, Folys40 too put 'inhm own mouth say sey 'inhm na de main-de main AV#1, and then, Soko Loko Bangoshe and Big-K too come also say sey na dem be de ogbonge Anonymous Villager, na 'inhm be sey, before yoo know, no-do, no-do, we go come get about 4, 873 Anonies for dis thread alone!

Nnaa, make I talk turue: That one fit make all of us crase well-well, because, nobody go fit know again who dey talk turue, and/or who wey dem go fit believe again!

Yoo been really make me laugh like craseman when yoo talk sey if I know sey na me I be de AV#1, make I PM yoo! Na 'inhm I laugh~o, laugh well-well, laugh belle full, then I come axe myself:

(1) How wey I go fit PM this my friend, Mr. Isho, wit' AV#1 'inhm password, without using Abraxas 'inhm own password?

(2) Even sef, paa~paa, to prove sey me I be Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III) na another wahala, how mush more to prove sey I be Anonie?

(3) I no know why some pipul t'ink sey to answer Anonymous Villager make dem more anonymous dan to answer, for example, Abraxas, or Isho, or EMJ.

(4) Even dough, me and some pipul for dis awa Village (e.g. Okey Ndibe, Mobolaji Aluko, et al), we dey use awa baptismal name and surname as our pseudonym, plenty pipul for dis Village still dey t'ink sey me, I be one kind "faceless" cyber-terrorist of de Egbesu kind!

If I tell dem sey me, I be born-in-Isale Eko (Campos Square) guy-o-yo, wey grow up with 'inhm grandmama for Rio del Negro, for de Amazon Jungle for Brazil, dem go tell me, by force, sey, I come from Niger Delta; sey I be political adviser to MEND; sey my gran'papa and gran'mama na ogogoro-drinking Izon militants!

Me sef, I done tyre to explanate myself, {shey yoo get?} I dey even fear to argue with dem anymore. Na so wey 'e done reash-o, my burodas and sisitas!

So dia4, Mr. Isho, my buroda, make I tell give yoo, kro-kro: I no go fit prove sey na me be AV#1, and NOBODY FIT PROVE SEY NA 'INHM BE AV#1 TOO! But, sha-o, me I know sey na me be the first-first Anonie wey been begin all de 'tory wey been start dis particular thread.

Opari! Finito! Fa te! O zu go! Chikena!

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)

[valteena]

Hi, folks!

As a man, I must say that I am quite intrigued by the responses and reactions of the womenfolk of this Village to the subject matter under deliberation here: the suspicions of a very concerned woman (Ms. Anonie) about the likely manipulation of her husband by an older woman at his workplace, via aggressive material gratification and overindulgence of members of Anonie's nuclear family, including in-laws. I am more intrigued by my observation that EVEN the Senior Babes and Big Girls of this Village (including Countess EMJ (Sister Mine), Rose, Marin, and Valteena), who I thought would bring in a different perspective to the matter, are virtually ALL concurring in toto, affirming and reinforcing the notion that the intentions of the other woman are purely and palpably diabolical, with the ultimate intention of a progressively aggressive strategic takeover of Anonie's matrimonial domain. I beg to differ completely, please! Let me now shift the paradigm a little bit:

Just over one year ago, my wife, Señora Juanita Abraxas (a.k.a Mama Marie-Jay) was appointed the CEO of a microfinance bank in Manaos, Amazonas State, in North West Brazil. Her primary task as the new CEO was to completely re-engineer the place, given its prehistory of abysmally low productivity, and massive corruption that had taken the establishment to the verge of complete organizational collapse. In fact, my wife's primary assignment at that particular microfinance bank is to empower rural WOMEN in particular, and to wean the women of Amazonas State from being over-dependent on government hand-downs. The irony of it all is that, of the five senior line managers that report to my wife, four of them (i.e. 80%) are WOMEN.

From the moment Mama Marie-Jay got in as the CEO, it was obvious that it was no longer going to be business as usual, whereby a few domineering but influential women (like the immediate past CEO of the bank, in collaboration with the WIFE (and mistresses) of the governor of Amazonas, some WIVES (and girlfriends) of ministers, and some top WOMEN civil servants) simply conered the funds of the bank and had fun! In short, Mama Marie-Jay's presence put sand-sand in their garri and they were not finding it funny at all! For me, (as a curious and unobtrusive male observer), I was amazed, amused and very much intrigued by the fact that what I was seeing WOMEN do, was no different from the games MEN typically play as they rabidly and callously embezzle and mismanage public funds!

Let me cut a very long story short, ojare:

The oldest (both in terms of biological age and length of service in the organisation), and the most senior among my wife's line managers is a 59 years old woman who was the Director of Banking Operations (DoBO), with less than 5 months left before her statutory retirement from service, to whom the other directors (3 female and one male) reported. On the surface, the woman was the archetypical "matured", "level-headed", "homely", and "motherly" persononality. Indeed, she EVEN claims to be a pastor! But underneath that calm facade, lies a very conniving, bitchy, exploitative, manipulative, and massively corrupt old hag.

Right from the very start of my wife's mandate by the board of directors of the bank to radically restucture the place, the understandable anxiety and dread on the faces and in the minds of the management and staff of that seriously dysfunctional organization was palpable. Everybody wanted to be in the good books of the CEO, bring out their "best" for her to see: EYE SERVICE!

Initially, everyday, very early in the morning, my wife received (so-called) inspirational biblical texts from her Director of Banking Operations. Once in a while, she even bought very expensive chocolates, video games, toys, dresses, and more, for our grand daughter. Last year, she sent a Christmas hamper whose contents were worth US$2,300 to our daughter, Marie-Jay.

The whole thing came to a head when, this year, she took up a full-page paid advertisement on behalf of my wife, in memory of my wife's dad, Señor Santos Verissimo, who died 20 years ago. I had to apply the breaks there and then, and advised my wife to please take her time and objectively scrutinize the transactions, particularly official finacial requests, recommendations, and commitments, that that woman may have presided over the period my wife had been the CEO. A thorough systems audit was conducted by an external firm of auditors, and, lo and behold, Pandora's Box was let loose! In summary, the Director of Banking Operations was actually the head of an in-house cabal of parasites ravaging the organization!

I must confess: Initially, I felt quite disturbed by the rather strange "closeness" that was beginning to develop between the DoBO and my wife. In fact, I was about to suspect that the woman may have been luring my unsuspecting wife into a lesbian relationship, especially with those frequent quasi-romantic "inspirational" text massages she sent her daily: (e.g. "Good morning, Ma. The Lord has chosen YOU to be our boss to move our bank forward. We all love you, my dear. God is on your side, my dear. Blood of Jesus ... No evil fashioned by man or woman against you will work, in Jesus name, Ma"). Worse still, I could not imagine a woman that was more than 15 years older than my wife calling her "Ma"! (It is very ga ju, I no go lie.)

In other words, while I was almost about to wrongly decode the ulterior intentions of the woman towards my wife as being psycho-sexual, in truth, the observed behaviour was one of a predatory older human being taking undue (non-sexual) advantage of their victim, in an attempt to assuage their own fears, using all manner of "niceness" to cover up their anxieties!

And so, for all I care, Anonie's husband, children, and mother-in-law are being given all those nice treats as "harmless bribes" just to cover up or make up for the older woman's official inadequacies and performance liabilities at the workplace. (For example, it was eventually found out that my wife's Director of Banking Operations had a dubious Masters degree, and a forged birth certificate in her personnel record!)

I seriously doubt if the older woman in Anonie's husband's office really has robust buttom power to fuckk her way up the organizational ladder. If she did, she would not waste time and money buying gifts, and stuff like that for children and in-laws of her target victim: only small girls go about buying gifts! In short, Anonie's husband and his old cargo colleague at work are NOT necessarily having an affair.

At any rate, if nothing else, at least, this thread has shown how intrinsically ultra-possessive, and instinctively extra-protective women are about their matrimonial space!

Ha-ha-ha! Operation MindFuck!(Pssst! .... psssssst! By the way, I am Ms. Anonie #1!)

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)


Abraxas the above story about your wife's work place is complete different. In addition, it is woman to woman. So the chances of an affair developing is nil except if your wife swings both ways which I am sure is not the case :D:D.

Even in your wife's case you still saw it as unhealthy and you were suspicious (even if it was not an affair)enough to intervene and you were proven right.

Read Anonie's narration again and you'll see clearly that the situation gives very good grounds for suspicion and even if there is no affair yet, it could easily lead to one.

Also, even if the woman's intention are clean it is obvious that her involvement is unhealthy to the marriage as it is causing unease and dissatisfaction between the couple.

You don't need rocket science as a womasn to know that once your man starts comparing you with another woman then you need to sit up and and do something about it.

That is what we are advicing Anonie to do. And one of the ways to do that is to curtail if not entirely cut off the woman's involvement in their lives as much as possible affair or no affair.

[Oluwato]

My husband has a female colleague, who is quite older than him. However, I am a bit uncomfortable with their relationship. The lady is having marital issues and my husband has been providing all forms of support for her relating to her marriage, career, finances, business, acquiring assets, etc. So the lady has become financially independent, through my husband's support. Consequently, the lady has been showing APPRECIATION by buying gifts for my husband, his parents, my kids, etc. I have no problem with her need to show her appreciation but it is causing a rift in my marriage because my husband is always praising her (that she has been able to single-handedly manage her home with minimal contribution from her husband), comparing me with her, even belittling my own efforts, asking her to buy foodstuffs for the house, etc. The time he spends on the phone with her, far outweighs the time he spends me with his wife. I have tried to convince myself that maybe I am just being silly by being jealous of the attention he has been providing her, given their age difference. The recent issue came about when my MIL had a thanksgiving ceremony and the lady made gift items for guests. The lady had earlier made the suggestion to me which I agreed and I provided some cash for mine. Unfortunately I could not attend the ceremony due to unforseen circumstances. So I asked her to take the initiative to buy some nice items on my behalf and distribute to the guests. Subsequently, my husband called me to describe the event, and went on praising her efforts that she distributed sourvenirs that were quite expensive and she even gave out some in my name (implying that she provided the cash, put my name on them to give the impression). I really felt insulted that he never even gave me the benefit of doubt that I provided the funds to buy them, but rather the lady was all over the place at the party giving everyone the impression that all those souvenirs were from her.

I have made up my mind to cut myself off from the lady, but my question to all villagers is if I am overreacting. Or can our ladies in the village take this from their husband? Or how can I handle this issue.

Dear AV1,

There are many ways to handle this situation... I need to know a few things about you and your husband first.
- Are you born again Christians?
- Are you celebrated by your husband's family?
- Do you earn more than your husband?
- Are you more educated than your husband?
- Has your husband or even you had extra marital affair(s) before this?

If you can't answer the questions here, do send me a PM.

That said, the issue is very simple. Your husband is in a emotional affair which may become sexual if not handled with wisdom. Let me refer you to James 1:5 But if any one of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all freely and reproaches not, and it shall be given to him:.

Start with that.If you are not a Christian, this is a good time to become one!

Blessings,

[Isho]

Abraxas
If I tell dem sey me, I be born-in-Isale Eko (Campos Square)

@Abraxas ...Teflon baba...ok i agree say na you be AV#1... in fact you don prove am but u no know...

One question b4 i PM you...se u know any Vera Cruz. Please dont be shock with my question.

[Abraxas]

Hi, Evangelist (Ms.) Oluwato!

Dear AV1,

There are many ways to handle this situation... I need to know a few things about you and your husband first.
- Are you born again Christians?
- Are you celebrated by your husband's family?
- Do you earn more than your husband?
- Are you more educated than your husband?
- Has your husband or even you had extra marital affair(s) before this?

If you can't answer the questions here, do send me a PM.

As requested, (I think) I am a Christian, with my spiritual roots firmly embedded in Brazilian Xangoism (Shango Conciousness). I practice Transcendental Meditation (TM), and I am very much influenced by Zen Buddhist, Japanese Shinto, and Sufi philosophies.

Furthermore, I am a MAN.

Thank you for your enquiries. I have a feeling that you will be of very little or no help to me, seeing that you are so engrossed with evangelizing and preaching, instead of LISTENING to me!

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)

[dem]

my question to all villagers is if I am overreacting.

Absolutely not.

You must insist your husband cut off all contacts with this lady. Even if nothing physical has gone down, there's certainly transferance of feelings going on.