‘I love my HIV positive status!'

[Lalakokofefe]

Ronke Afolabi is charming, black and beautiful. She radiates so much confidence and poise at every encounter partaining issues on HIV/AIDS. In this interview with KUNLE ODEREMI, she x-rays her life as a social worker and somebody living with HIV.

How she discovered her HIV positive status?

I fell sick and I went to the hopital for a test. It was discovered that I was HIV positive. It didn’t come to me as a surprise because I had heard about it and going to a church where people would come out to tell us that they were living with HIV and that they could still live their normal lives. They also told us many ways one can get it, not through sex alone.
There is nothing wrong if I got it through sexual intercourse. I’m not a young person. I’m an adult. I’m not a virgin.


Her lifestyle before discovering she had HIV

I was living a very good life. I got married and I was staying with my husband. We separated. So, that was it!
There was no symptom then; there was no problem at all. I think it was after we separated that I contracted it. There are so many ways someone can get HIV. One cannot even say exactly how. So, I wouldn’t tell you maybe it [was] through sexual intercourse or through other means.


Challenges of being HIV positive?

There are `a lot of challenges. The society tends to stigmatise and discrimintate against people with HIV/AIDS. Besides, victims don’t want people to see their faces. That is part of the challenges. The federal government has tried so much because the drugs are now free. I remember when I first tested positive, the price of the drug was about N70,000. Now, it is readily available and very accessible. For example, they are readily available in private hospitals and places like the Nigerian Institute of Medical Research.


Is she missing anything as a result of her HIV status?

I’m not missing anything. In fact, I’m living my life to the fullest. Sex is a personal matter, any way. I don’t need to tell you if I’m still having sex or not. I’m just a complete human being and I can do all the things that women do. They get married, have children, have a good job, build houses and have cars. I can also do those things.

My HIV status doesn’t affect me at all because I know myself. If I could ask you how many girls have you dated in your life, can you tell me? Was your wife born and brought intact to you for marriage? Are you the one who deflowered her? So, there is nothing that I have done so far that you have never done as a being, negatively.

I have always taken precautions even now; I don’t want to infect others. that’s why I’m living openly. People know that I’m living with HIV. There are some people like me, young ladies, out there, who do not want to live openly.


Attitude to the HIV/AIDS campaign before discovering her status

I didn’t know much about it. So, I didn’t take the campaign seriously. It was not until I found myself in the current situation that I knew what to do. The society should not be discriminating and stigmatising people that are living with HIV because we still have a lot of health problems. One could have HIV without anybody knowing. It is never written on the face. There is the problem of cancer, diabetes, hypertension, and a lot of other diseases. Government should face those ones and stop stigmatising people that are living with HIV.


Any regrets?

Regrets for what? For having HIV? It’s not the end of life. So, I don’t have any regrets for having it. I’m not missing anything, even sex. Someone who is HIV negative does not have the opportunity to see the president/founder of Asabe Shehu Yar’adua foundation, Hajiya Asabe Yar’adua. I can hug and sit beside her. My status has enabled me to get to a lot of places in life. I have been to many places that persons that are not HIV positive find difficult to get to. I’m a grandma; I have three kids and all my children are in the university.


Coping with sexual urge

I get over it like others. The fact that I’m separated does not mean that I can’t find anybody that could woo me or offer his hand. Why should people get scared? Does it mean that HIV is magnetic? Does it mean that if they touch somebody with HIV, they would contract it? It’s not so.


How she views her status

If I have to live my life again, I will still want to be HIV positive. I want it; it’s okay for me because I’m not a diabetis patient; I’m not a cancer patient nor a hypertensive patient. So, if I didn’t tell anybody what I have, nobody would know. But no one is spared from one disease or the other. And if I will rather choose, I will choose HIV, that’s what I want. If all my friends are having their parties and I am not there, the parties are not complete


Parents’ reaction when they learnt of her HIV status

They are so caring and loving. They are not worried. They are well educated and they know much about HIV/AIDS. They know someone can still live a normal life. I think I’m mature; I’m over forty. So, I do not think that they need to give me pieces of advice to live my life the way I want it. Parents should try to talk to their children and loved ones about it. They should not dicriminate or neglect anyone with HIV, whether they are family members or not.

http://odili.net/news/source/2009/may/2/tribune/images/spi_feat2.jpg

Ronke Afolabi

[lateesha]

I have nothing but great respect for this Ronke lady.
HIV is no longer a death sentence and she's obviously well educated on the topic and not only taking care of herself but educating others.
This is very impressive especially coming froim our soceity wilth all the stigma

[Anonymous Villager]

Thanks a lot Lalakokofefe for this positive piece of news item.I have lived with Herpes for over 10 years now and with the miracle of Valtrex and so on I was able to live a fulfilling life with my wife and children.She also has Herpes. All our children are healthy and I give God the Glory.If you are wondering how it all happened, unprotected sex and I can't tell if my wife gave it to me or if I gave it to my wife. We found out when we about to have our first son.Education goes a long way.

[Bunch17]

I have nothing but great respect for this Ronke lady.
HIV is no longer a death sentence and she's obviously well educated on the topic and not only taking care of herself but educating others.
This is very impressive especialy coming froim our society wilth all the stigma

I agree but, I was kind of scared to read these;

My status has enabled me to get to a lot of places in life. I have been to many places that persons that are not HIV positive find difficult to get toIf I have to live my life again, I will still want to be HIV positiveI am am sure that her intentions were to motivate other HIV positive individuals but I worry if some people would take it literally. I hope it does not lead to the Naija equivalent of Bugchasing.

[lateesha]

@bunch,

Knowing how we talk in Nigerian she may just be relaying the fact that she has no regrets or doesn't feel sorry for herself.
I actually know someone whose HIV status turned out to be a blessing.
Sounds strange but this lady was living a very wreckless and dangerous life,running around with con men and criminals but when she got sick and learnt of her status,she turned her life around,became a model citizen and has been educating others.
Thankfully she's been healthy with normal CD4 count.
I wish there were more people like this who use this unfortunate situation as a springboard for doing good rather than hide in shame and refuse to visit the many centers in Nigeria for care.
You need to visit the infectious disease wards in our various general and specialist hospitals in Nigeria and see our young people dying of AIDS.
It's depressing.

[Bunch17]

@bunch,

Knowing how we talk in Nigerian she may just be relaying the fact that she has no regrets or doesn't feel sorry for herself.
I actually know someone whose HIV status turned out to be a blessing.
Sounds strange but this lady was living a very wreckless and dangerous life,running around with con men and criminals but when she got sick and learnt of her status,she turned her life around,became a model citizen and has been educating others.
Thankfully she's been healthy with normal CD4 count.
I wish there were more people like this who use this unfortunate situation as a springboard for doing good rather than hide in shame and refuse to visit the many centers in Nigeria for care.
You need to visit the infectious disease wards in our various general and specialist hospitals in Nigeria and see our young people dying of AIDS.
It's depressing.

I agree with you. I think that her message was overwhelmingly positive bar those two lines. The sad aspect of HIV in Nigeria is the fact that a lot of HIV patients has to hide their status from people around them. I think this is mainly due to the stigma attached to the disease.

It is my opinion that the two people who have done most to stem the HIV/AIDs in Nigeria are Fela( by dying from it) and his brother Olukoye by making it public. Before this time, people did not take HIV/AIDs seriously despite the disease decimating a large chunk of our retired/ex/serving military high command.

[Auspicious]

+

LOL @ Bunch & Lateesha.

Of course that was some Nigerianese.

I saw the line and I laughed - that's how we talk.

We Nigerians tend to go above and beyaund.

It's all good though, she's understood. :lol:

Auspicious.

[Lalakokofefe]

I thought it was a motivating story too. No doubt will be a source of inspiration other HIV positive individuals. And it also shows the power of education. I have an uncle who never stops saying our biggest problem as a nation is education. He says informed people make better decisions.

Her parents' position is very commendable...

Parents’ reaction when they learnt of her HIV status

They are so caring and loving. They are not worried. They are well educated and they know much about HIV/AIDS. They know someone can still live a normal life. I think I’m mature; I’m over forty. So, I do not think that they need to give me pieces of advice to live my life the way I want it. Parents should try to talk to their children and loved ones about it. They should not dicriminate or neglect anyone with HIV, whether they are family members or not.

[Miss Tee]

I thought it was a motivating story too. No doubt will be a source of inspiration other HIV positive individuals. And it also shows the power of education. I have an uncle who never stops saying our biggest problem as a nation is education. He says informed people make better decisions.

Her parents position is very commendable...

I must admit, this did surprise me. Like someone said education does go a long way.
I hope she will be an example for others who have been diagnosed, to also come out and be an educative tool for those suffering in silence. Or better still help to educative on preventive decisions.
I really do feel a lot of African countries need it (not just Nigeria). Especially now that a lot of the youth are be diagnosed with HIV in large numbers.

[Shoko Loko Bangoshe]

It is my opinion that the two people who have done most to stem the HIV/AIDs in Nigeria are Fela( by dying from it) and his brother Olukoye by making it public. Before this time, people did not take HIV/AIDs seriously despite the disease decimating a large chunk of our retired/ex/serving military high command.
I don't really agree with your assessment of Fela's impact. At the time he died, it wasn't clear exactly what he had died of - it was only much later that all was revealed.

He would have had even more of an effect if he had added his voice to the call for responsible sexual behaviour amongst Nigerians.

[Bunch17]

I don't really agree with your assessment of Fela's impact. At the time he died, it wasn't clear exactly what he had died of - it was only much later that all was revealed.

He would have had even more of an effect if he had added his voice to the call for responsible sexual behaviour amongst Nigerians.

I agree with you that it would have made a lot more impact if he added his voice to the call for responsible behaviour. I still believe that if it had been another prominent Nigerian who died of AIDs, the impact would not have been the same.

We had Patrick Okala the national team goal keeper who died of the same disease 6 years before Fela did not bring about increased awareness amongst Nigerians

[lateesha]

Bunch I also don't agree with you on the Fela thing.
I heard he died of AIDS but I doubt if it helped the AIDS cause really since he never admitted to having AIDs (or did he)
People only became fully aware of this disease,at least in Nigeria when it started killing their friends and family members.It's still a very secret disease in Nigeria.

[lateesha]

I agree with you that it would have made a lot more impact if he added his voice to the call for responsible behaviour. I still believe that if it had been another prominent Nigerian who died of AIDs, the impact would not have been the same.

We had Patrick Okala the national team goal keeper who died of the same disease 6 years before Fela did not bring about increased awareness amongst Nigerians

I happened to be a student when it was rumoured that Okala was admitted sick with AIDS in the late 80's or very early 90's.
about the same time Achebe also came in paralysed from a car accident.

[Bunch17]

Bunch I also don't agree with you on the Fela thing.
I heard he died of AIDS but I doubt if it helped the AIDS cause really since he never admitted to having AIDs (or did he)
People only became fully aware of this disease,at least in Nigeria when it started killing their friends and family members.It's still a very secret disease in Nigeria.

No. He never admitted to having AIDs. His brother Olikoye, former Health Minister announced it on NTA network new the day after he died. You can say the effect was similar to what the death of people like Rock Hudson and Liberace had on America's awareness of HIV.


BTW: When do you think we had our first HIV death?

[lateesha]

No. He never admitted to having AIDs. His brother Olikoye, former Health Minister announced it on NTA network new the day after he died. You can say the effect was similar to what the death of people like Rock Hudson and Liberace had on America's awareness of HIV.


BTW: When do you think we had our first HIV death?


Do you mean confirmed cases ?
I think it was in the 80's
I'm not sure
But I remember hearing about patients that came with what was diagnosed as Kaposi and some opportunistic infections that was uncommon to patients with healthy immune sytem coupled with some low wbc count and rumor had it that they were AIDS patients.
Whether any antibodies were detected or even tested is another issue.

[lateesha]

bunch,are you a lion?
Imoke?

[Bunch17]

Do you mean confirmed cases ?
I think it was in the 80's
I'm not sure
But I remember hearing about patients that came with what was diagnosed as Kaposi and some opportunistic infections that was uncommon to patients with healthy immune sytem coupled with some low wbc count and rumor had it that they were AIDS patients.
Whether any antibodies were detected or even tested is another issue.

The problem then was that we did not get the testing kits in the country till 88/89, so there were people who though did not have the immunological confirmation showed features consistent with full blown AIDS. I have a suspicion that it may have been sometime in the early 80's

(Warning: Speculation alert)

I think there was a story in the Sunday Concord in the late 70's/early eighties of a lady who was supposedly used for juju by a local tailor in one of the Western states. She was afflicted with a mystery illness. Mental retrospectoscopy :D tends to support the view that she may have had HIV/AIDS from the symptomatology that was described in the paper.

[lateesha]

The problem then was that we did not get the testing kits in the country till 88/89, so there were people who though did not have the immunological confirmation showed features consistent with full blown AIDS. I have a suspicion that it may have been sometime in the early 80's

(Warning: Speculation alert)

I think there was a story in the Sunday Concord in the late 70's/early eighties of a lady who was supposedly used for juju by a local tailor in one of the Western states. She was afflicted with a mystery illness. Mental retrospectoscopy :D tends to support the view that she may have had HIV/AIDS from the symptomatology that was described in the paper.

Oh my God!!
I remember that story well.
It was in the 80's.
I was in secondary school (or last year of elementary.)
I still remember that her last name was omotosho because that story made an impression on me.
They had her story with 2 pictures of her (before and after) and the story had it that the man used a hanky to swipe her private part after a sexual encounter and used it to do juju.
The picture of her terribly emaciated self with her ribs and backbone showing made an impression on me and when eventually I heard of AIDS,I also concluded that was obviously what Ms Omotosho had.
I can't believe someone else remembers this.

[Bunch17]

Oh my God!!
I remember that story well.
It was in the 80's.
I was in secondary school.
I still remember that her last name was omotosho because that story made an impression on me.
They had her story with 2 pictures of her (before and after) and the story had it that the man used a hanky to swipe her private part after a sexual encounter and used it to do juju.
The picture of her terribly emaciated self with her ribs and backbone showing made an impression on me and when eventually I heard of AIDS,I also concluded that was obviously what Ms Omotosho had.
I can't believe someone else remembers this.

Yes! The same one!

[Bunch17]

bunch,are you a lion?
Imoke?

Of course! Are you are Great Lioness?

[lateesha]

wow
That and the death of princess Grace of Monaco are the 2 stories I remember so well from the newspapers as a child and I think they were at about the same time.

[lateesha]

Of course! Are you are Great Lioness?

OMG!
I hope my covers won't be blown open
I hope I'm not talking to my classmate
so you know Aghaji,Ude,Udekwu and the great prof Nwakor?

[Bunch17]

OMG!
I hope my covers won't be blown open
I hope I'm not talking to my classmate
so you know Aghaji,Ude,Udekwu and the great prof Nwakor?

Yep! One was my mentor. I won't mention which for fear of disappointing him. I am soon going up my loft to fetch my class yearbook to do some detective work!

[lateesha]

Chineke God.
Make I sharap now.
This is a small world
kai menene!!

That Nwakor showed me pepper.
One day he asked a question at those his rounds and pointed at me and while I was shaping my mouth to answer,the man just started raining abuses on me .
The man traumatized me,wallahi.
Then Aghaji senior (I hope he's not the mentor of yours) is lucky to have escaped some abokis with daggers that claimed he used their brother to do experiment for "theater"
I miss that place.
Then the house officers doing abortions in their HO flats.
How about those mean matrons of UNTH
what is the name of that popular one that was an ex wife of some old politician?
she ran the emergency room.

Never a dull moment.

[lateesha]

This is a small world indeed
Greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt!! Lions and lionesses!

hey!!

[HolyPagan]

The problem then was that we did not get the testing kits in the country till 88/89, so there were people who though did not have the immunological confirmation showed features consistent with full blown AIDS. I have a suspicion that it may have been sometime in the early 80's

(Warning: Speculation alert)

I think there was a story in the Sunday Concord in the late 70's/early eighties of a lady who was supposedly used for juju by a local tailor in one of the Western states. She was afflicted with a mystery illness. Mental retrospectoscopy :D tends to support the view that she may have had HIV/AIDS from the symptomatology that was described in the paper.

I read her story in Prime People...according to her, a boyfriend had talked her into having sex in a cemetry, in some kind of ritual money making venture, and according to her, it was the cause of her malady.

[HolyPagan]

wow
That and the death of princess Grace of Monaco are the 2 stories I remember so well from the newspapers as a child and I think they were at about the same time.

I remember the day Princess Grace died. I had stepped on a needle 9months earlier and half of it broke into my foot, and evetually began to migrate. And inspite of 4 surgeries, In Nigeria, they could not locate the needle and bring it out.
my father decided that enough was enough, and sent my mother and I to london to get it out.
I woke up from surgery to find my mother crying...by my bedside, I asked her
"Did I die, is that why you are crying. I did not know that when a person dies they can still see living people."
She burst out laughing and told me that Grace Kelly died in an accident that day. Funny the hospital was called Princess grace Hospital.
I hated to be discharged....absolutely fab place. I could eat all the icecream I wanted even though it was autumn.

[Bunch17]

I remember the day Princess Grace died. I had stepped on a needle 9months earlier and half of it broke into my foot, and evetually began to migrate. And inspite of 4 surgeries, In Nigeria, they could not locate the needle and bring it out.
my father decided that enough was enough, and sent my mother and I to london to get it out.
I woke up from surgery to find my mother crying...by my bedside, I asked her
"Did I die, is that why you are crying. I did not know that when a person dies they can still see living people."
She burst out laughing and told me that Grace Kelly died in an accident that day. Funny the hospital was called Princess grace Hospital.
I hated to be discharged....absolutely fab place. I could eat all the icecream I wanted even though it was autumn.

More a spring chicken than lioldlady then?:D

[Bunch17]

I read her story in Prime People...according to her, a boyfriend had talked her into having sex in a cemetry, in some kind of ritual money making venture, and according to her, it was the cause of her malady.

Her boyfriend was one A**** the tailor! I often wonder what happened to him. I have been tempted several times to try to trace him to find out if his health status. I have to keep dreaming.

PS: Does anyone remember which town this happened?

[HolyPagan]

More a spring chicken than lioldlady then?:D

Nooooooo....I like soft foods, its an agbaya trait of mine,:lol: that is very hard to let go of, due to lack of teeth.:D:lol:

[lateesha]

here I was thinking nobody else remembered this story.
A vendor delivered papers to my dad daily and I used to read them all.
I still remember one Omobolanle Omoare whose birthday was on the daily times.
How her name got stuck in my memory amidst all the countless birthdays and obituaries that graced the papers,I have no clue
I just loved the name.

[mulan]

Why una dey use style intimidate us naa? Who be Princess Grace? :):):)

[Bunch17]

here I was thinking nobody else remembered this story.
A vendor delivered papers to my dad daily and I used to read them all.
I still remember one Omobolanle Omoare whose birthday was on the daily times.
How her name got stuck in my memory amidst all the countless birthdays and obituaries that graced the papers,I have no clue
I just loved the name.

I am very skilled, (I must say the best in the world) in remembering tidbits of information which are not likely to help me with either my career or my bank balance. If it was information that was important on the other hand, you will have to break open my skull and manually insert it into my brain for me to remember it.

[lateesha]

I am very skilled, (I must say the best in the world) in remembering tidbits of information which are not likely to help me with either my career or my bank balance. If it was information that was important on the other hand, you will have to break open my skull and manually insert it into my brain for me to remember it.


Looks like I'll be identified real soon by any one who knows me well.
I have also been said to have a magnetic brain.
Close friends of mine call me for "useless info" constantly.
I REMEBER EVEN PEOPLE'S MIDDLE NAMES FROM ELEMENTARY AND SECONDARY SCHOOL
HOW USELESS IS THAT?
Lyrics of songs from sweet breeze to the apostles
even those that came out when I was 5
I usually tell them I must have some undiagnosed aspergers syndrome like mozart and Thomas Edison or is it Jefferson.
Theirs they used for better things my own eh

[HolyPagan]

I am very skilled, (I must say the best in the world) in remembering tidbits of information which are not likely to help me with either my career or my bank balance. If it was information that was important on the other hand, you will have to break open my skull and manually insert it into my brain for me to remember it.

I mean no offense here...but from what you just described above
You are a compendium of useless information.
I first heard that expression, during a Phone company advert. It stuck.:rose:
because half of humanity are like that including moi.....How else do I keep forgetting that there is a camera less than half a mile from home on my commute?
I wish I can remember how many times, I forgot it was there, then after speeding past, I have awaited the dreaded penalty points by...Post.
But I can tell you the name of the boy, who used to pinch my 'Quink' Ink in primary 4.
Almost a hundred years ago.

[Idi-ogi]

The name of the man is Ajayi the tailor.
The city was Akure, Ondo State.
The man built a magnificient house along the main road in Akure but because of the sad story, the house was unoccupied for many years (probably 10) before a Redeemed Church rented it.

[Bunch17]

The name of the man is Ajayi the tailor.
The city was Akure, Ondo State.
The man built a magnificient house along the main road in Akure but because of the sad story, the house was unoccupied for many years (probably 10) before a Redeemed Church rented it.

Is the chap still alive? If yes it is likely to debunk this theory of mine.

[Ranter]

Why una dey use style intimidate us naa? Who be Princess Grace? :):):)



My guesses, Monaco royalty or the woman that invented buns, you know the one that comes with plenty of side sugar in those days.

[oluomo]

Is the chap still alive? If yes it is likely to debunk this theory of mine.

Not sure if he is still alive. He supposedly became "born-again" and was ordained a pastor (yes a pastor!) in one of the CAC churches in Akure.

[lateesha]

Not sure if he is still alive. He supposedly became "born-again" and was ordained a pastor (yes a pastor!) in one of the CAC churches in Akure.

You and your pastor stories again.
How can a man carry a woman's juices to do juju then he turns around to become a pasitor?
Which kain jujufied pasitor be this?

that's if the story is true sef,I doubt if it is

[oluomo]

You and your pastor stories again.
How can a man carry a woman's juices to do juju then he turns around to become a pasitor?
Which kain jujufied pasitor be this?

that's if the story is true sef,I doubt if it is

It wasn't a rumour Lateesha. Ask anyone (possibly uncle Tisha or Dapxin) who is familiar with the Akure terrain and they will confirm the story. The church where he was ordained is a CAC church at Isolo Akure (he had been a member of that church for decades before the alleged atrocities). I witnessed the ordination first hand no be say dem say. I know what you mean, it's weird right? It is indeed a weird world we live in

[HolyPagan]

It wasn't a rumour Lateesha. Ask anyone (possibly uncle Tisha or Dapxin) who is familiar with the Akure terrain and they will confirm the story. The church where he was ordained is a CAC church at Isolo Akure (he had been a member of that church for decades before the alleged atrocities). I witnessed the ordination first hand no be say dem say. I know what you mean, it's weird right? It is indeed a weird world we live in

Would you happen to know what became of him?...bearing in mind that the lady in question, went on to have what was suspected to be AIDS.

[oluomo]

Not really lil. I haven't been to that part of Nigeria for a while. You may check with uncle Tisha or Dapxin. They are supposed to be 'sons of the soil'.

[lateesha]

olu,are you sucking that woman's blood in that ya avatar

[oluomo]

olu,are you sucking that woman's blood in that ya avatar

Naa. The centre of 'the action' is actually located a bit more medialy and inferiorly;):p. She's loving it though as you can tell:D

[lateesha]

Naa. The centre of 'the action' is actually located a bit more medialy and inferiorly;):p. She's loving it though as you can tell:D

ROFL.
inferomedially indeed.
abeg no spoil me

[morkelkey]

Acquired immune deficiency syndrome or acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) is a disease of the human immune system caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV).
This condition progressively reduces the effectiveness of the immune system and leaves individuals susceptible to opportunistic infections and tumors. HIV is transmitted through direct contact of a mucous membrane or the bloodstream with a bodily fluid containing HIV, such as blood, semen, vaginal fluid, preseminal fluid, and breast milk.