Children Of Single Mothers Fair Better In Africa During Worldwide Recession

There are some cultural shock-absorbers in Africa that help single mothers cope with our unfortunate children; it is none other than men and extended families for strength and stability. The role of men abroad where they are the father of their children and the role of men in Africa where they are the father of all children make the difference.
...Read the full article.

[Counsel]

May 7, 2009

Mothers in Crisis Turn to Temporary ‘Parents’
By ERIK ECKHOLM

INDIANAPOLIS — After resolving to leave her longtime but violent partner in March, Janai Parahams, 25 and jobless, wanted to make a fresh start. But she felt trapped: she was tending four small children with no family support or child care. She could scarcely leave her house, let alone find a job and a new place to live.

“I needed stability so I wouldn’t go back into an abusive relationship,” she said of those first days of confusion and fear.

A social worker told Ms. Parahams about a nonprofit group, Safe Families for Children, that places the children of parents in crisis with volunteer families, on a temporary basis — from a day to a year or more. Ms. Parahams could approve the caretakers, see her children whenever she wanted and get them back with no courts involved.

This unusual offer of extended respite to overwhelmed parents is part of a broader national trend in child welfare to keep many cases out of the courts and foster care systems. State agencies traditionally had a stark choice between breaking up families in turmoil or leaving children in potentially risky homes. Now many are doing more preventive work to forestall abuse and neglect.

Illinois, Minnesota, Missouri and Ohio are among the states redesigning official programs to identify families at risk and offer counseling or parenting classes. Other states are making intensive efforts to help families in more serious trouble stay together, placing a social worker in the home for weeks at a time to assess and advise parents, refer them to needed therapies and secure help with day care, housing and even emergency cash.

The group that Ms. Parahams turned to, Safe Families for Children, takes a different approach, finding mentoring families to take children temporarily, without the formalities and potential legal battles of foster care.

“It’s consistent with the whole movement in child-welfare agencies to find a broader range of responses for families in need,” said Mark Courtney, a family expert at the University of Washington.

Safe Families, which was founded in Chicago about five years ago, says that requests for help have accelerated this year along with the rise in unemployment and foreclosures.

Not all child welfare experts agree that removing children, even temporarily, is a good idea if there is no imminent risk.

Started by David Anderson, a child psychologist who heads a Christian service agency, Safe Families draws mainly on churches to find families who will take in children, with no compensation or expectation of adoption.

The approach has recently spread to Atlanta; Chattanooga, Tenn.; Davenport, Iowa; Los Angeles; Milwaukee; and Rockford, Ill.; with the blessing of state welfare officials.

“Where parents recognize issues they need to address and ask for support before abuse or neglect takes place, it’s a great thing,” said Erwin McEwen, Illinois director of child and family services.

In the Chicago area, Safe Families has placed more than 1,200 children, helping out single mothers who are suddenly homeless, fleeing domestic violence or, in one case, seeking a home for a baby born in prison while the mother served out her term.

Richard Wexler, director of the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform, criticized the removal of children from homes with no evidence of abuse. “Volunteers could bring the respite to the mom’s home by baby-sitting or mentoring there, instead of taking the children away,” he said.

Mr. Anderson said some Safe Families programs were planning to experiment with in-home mentoring, but stressed that all the parents involved had decided themselves that they needed a break from child-rearing to get back on their feet.

Removing children from parents should be avoided when possible, experts in child welfare agree. Placing them with relatives is next best, but when there are no acceptable alternatives, encouraging contact between parent and child during the separation, and friendship between the two families, can minimize the trauma, said Peter J. Pecora, director of research with Casey Family Programs, a nonprofit group in Seattle that develops child welfare programs.

Safe Families must deal with many of the safety and legal concerns of foster care. It makes background checks of potential hosts, visits homes to make sure things are going well and carries insurance in case of accidents. Mr. McEwen said he had not heard of any safety problems or other complaints in Illinois.

Legal arrangements vary: in Illinois, parents must sign over formal guardianship, while Indiana requires only a temporary placement agreement, with power of attorney granted for emergency medical decisions.

In Chicago, Safe Families expects to place 1,000 children this year, for average stays of 45 days. Administrative costs total $350,000 a year, with $100,000 coming from the state and the rest from churches and foundations. If those children ended up in foster care instead, Mr. Anderson noted, the cost to the public would be millions.

In Indianapolis, where several dozen children have been placed in the last year, and elsewhere, the group screens the children and does not take those with major behavioral problems, who need trained therapists.

Ideally, and as often happens, Mr. Anderson said, the hosts “become like extended family,” helping mothers and staying in touch with the children.

Such ties appear likely in the case of Brenda Bailey, 51, of Indianapolis, who has lung disease and lost her lease in October. She moved into a women’s shelter but could not provide for her sons, then ages 10, 16 and 17.

“I decided the kids would be better off without me,” she said, recalling the night she took handfuls of Valium. But when she woke up the next morning, she said, she swore she would reunite the family.

Her middle son moved in with an older half-sister, while the oldest and youngest sons were taken in by Safe Families. Then Ms. Bailey’s lung collapsed, requiring months of recovery. Her youngest son, Elijah, now 11, stayed with one family for four months, and in February moved into the suburban home of his gym teacher, J. T. Crook, and his wife, Samantha. Ms. Bailey, largely recovered and planning to rent an apartment, has become friends with the Crooks, and agreed that Elijah would stay with them until school ends, then spend weekends with them in the summer.

Ms. Parahams, the woman seeking a fresh start, used her month away from her four children to finish a job-preparation course. On April 20, she started work with the Census Bureau, and three days later, her children moved into her new home.

The families that looked after her children, she said, “helped me at a time of great need.”

“They showed real love, which is all you need,” Ms. Parahams said.

Copyright 2009 The New York Times Company

[Babine]

The image of African children sold all over the world dismay people of goodwill even when these children are disillusioned if “saved” from export in Africa. Many of them would curse their rescuers who never cared a bit for them in poverty but suddenly took notice on their way to greener pastures.

Right from the beginning of your article, you failed to make any sense. I had a hard time trying to understand it all. Your ideas were extremely disjointed. Let me try again.

It has been argued that the problem has nothing to do with being a nurse but the main income earner who wants control over her own money. This is significant as cultural reversal creates problems between mothers and fathers and between parents and children. Women of the host countries are able to hold their homes better than Diaspora Africans, but so are those at home in Africa. Hosts claim they stay put only for the sake of their children. Would there be careers or homes if any of the spouses in Kennedy, Clinton, Zuma, Edward, or Strom Thurmond had left?

????????????

There is a wide cultural disparity between the children of single mothers in Africa and those in Diaspora that cannot be explained by money, material goods or rich environment. The cost of looking after children as a single mother in United States or Europe could easily overwhelm the strongest one amongst us. The longer these children spend outside the countries, the worse off they are compared to their cohorts at home. It is a troubling fact parents realize too late.

Finally. But how? You failed to give us the reasons.

Another solution: Many parents are now sending their children to old boarding high schools in Africa before bringing them back to further their studies. The desire to study and excel where there is no automatic option is greater. That option is usually taken for granted amongst many African kids that have assimilated outside Africa. Of course, there are always exceptional kids no matter where they are. But automatic options to progress may not be straight forward for some.

How practical is this for many? Who will raise the children while the parents remain in foreign countries? How affordable are these boarding schools? Does it do more harm than good to split up the family unit especially without the direct supervision of the children by their parents themselves?

There was a friend of ours in those days who said it was too hard to study abroad. Why? As a kid in Nigeria, he went to school free and came home for free food and free rent, yet he could not do well in school. So what made us think that in a country where he had to work and go to school, pay for food and rent, that he would study hard? Abeg commot!

????????????????

[Magic]

Aresa,

Thank you very much for your insight. This is something many families struggle with and many have tried to solve by bringing relatives out of Nigeria to care for the children or send them home where they live in rich cultural environment.

Your stat were also on the money especially the similarity between Britain and USA. It seems we are a bit better off than the West Indians.

Babine,

Are you in denial?

[Babine]

@Magic

I am not in denial. I just don't see how children of single mothers in Africa fare any worse than those in the UK or the USA. I don't think the writer was suggesting single mothers move to out of the UK or USA to provide the best for their children without husbands or support systems do you? I am just trying to understand what the point of the article is. There is recession in the UK/USA, there is poverty in Africa. What is the difference?

[Magic]

Babine,

You may want to ask those moving back with their last savings that can last them much longer in Africa if they live modestly. May be better than living here as a welfare mother in public housing where they loose their children completely on the streets. Each to his own.

Originally Posted by Babine

@Magic

I am not in denial. I just don't see how children of single mothers in Africa fare any worse than those in the UK or the USA. I don't think the writer was suggesting single mothers move to out of the UK or USA to provide the best for their children without husbands or support systems do you? I am just trying to understand what the point of the article is. There is recession in the UK/USA, there is poverty in Africa. What is the difference?

[Babine]

Originally Posted by Magic

Babine,

You may want to ask those moving back with their last savings that can last them much longer in Africa if they live modestly. May be better than living here as a welfare mother in public housing where they loose their children completely on the streets. Each to his own.

Unfortunately, we are talking about single mothers here, not families with capable men to support and plan. I don't know any single mothers moving back here. I agree, each his or her own. Given the availability of resources and coping mechanisms in Africa or outside Africa, parenting is the most important factor]that can determine the outcome of a child's future. I don't agree with the author's summation that "Children of Single Mothers Fair Better In Africa During World Wide Recession". If you do not have a husband, you are going to fare worse. How much savings can a single mother survive on in Africa?

Single mothers can at least have some kind or social service to help outside Africa. The article provided by Villager Counsel above supports my point.
To each his own.

[Magic]

Babine,

I think I now understand where you are coming from, it has nothing to do with the message in the article and the one that followed it.

You have to understand that we can not live in fear all the time as disaster can strike anytime and anywhere. What you need to keep in mind is what our children face here even as working class or middle class compared to what that money can place you in Nigeria if you do not live above your means.

When I t read that story when it came first out, I feel bad for children left alone in USA. That kid was deported from every country including Britain and US as much as the parents tried to rehabilitate him finally in Nigeria. He was not a product of Nigeria though there are some like him. He got messed up before coming home, which makes the point in the article.

Babine, where is that article about the kid who killed his mother? Please post it back again so that we can all learn from it. Otherwise, I may have to find it.

[Magic]

The Guardian

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Why I Killed My Mum
FROM CHUCKS COLLINS, AWKA

CHUKA Okoli, the 27-year-old principal suspect in last Sunday night's brutal killing of the former Commissioner for Women Affairs and Social Development in Anambra State, Chief (Mrs.) Uzor Obi-Okoli, has confessed to the act, state Commissioner of Police, Mr. John Haruna said in Awka at the weekend.



advertisement

Haruna said Okoli was arrested and returned to Awka from Lagos, where he had run to in a bid to evade justice; and escape to London.

He, however, declined to give further details as to what the boy said prompted the killing, whether he had accomplices or any outstanding disagreement with his late mother.

The Guardian, however, learnt that part of the statement made by Okoli was that he shot and killed his mother because she kept reminding him of his past distasteful deeds.

Noted Haruna: "One Chuka Okoli, believed to be the second son of the deceased ex-commissioner, was arrested in Lagos two days ago and brought down last night here. He's now undergoing interrogation and he has made confessional statement, giving details of what he did that day and even up to the time he came and shot and killed his mother.

"As for what might have transpired between him and his mother, or other family members before that unfortunate incident, we cannot disclose that now," Haruna said.

The suspect's state of health, which has remained an issue of concern to friends and relations, was said to be stable and he was very normal.

It was also said that he claimed to have lacked adequate parental care and affection from childhood, and that he had always run foul of the law in the past, which was why his parents sent him out of the country.

Second in a family of seven, Chuka was reportedly a spoilt and over-pampered child that despite having a case of alleged rape hanging on his neck, his parents sent him to the USA to complete secondary education.

That did not help, as he was subsequently jailed for four years in Atlanta, USA for robbery and sundry theft/vices. The sentence ended last year, after he was summarily deported.

Police also disclosed that the Mercedes Benz 500 SEL car Chuka ran away with, after killing his mother, was found abandoned at a mechanic workshop in Auchi, Edo State.

"There was no indication that the boy worked in concert with anyone else in the actual killing of the mother," the police said.

"We are also still looking for the gun he used and also how he came in contact with the gun."



© 2003 - 2009 @ Guardian Newspapers Limited

[Babine]

Second in a family of seven, Chuka was reportedly a spoilt and over-pampered child that despite having a case of alleged rape hanging on his neck, his parents sent him to the USA to complete secondary education.

That did not help, as he was subsequently jailed for four years in Atlanta, USA for robbery and sundry theft/vices. The sentence ended last year, after he was summarily deported.

Excellent. I had provided that article previously, but decided not to use it because it has nothing to do with the subject of this thread, which I think is single mothers coping with the recessionary times.

1. Mrs. Obi-Okoli is not a single mother living outside Nigeria.
2. The young man here was already troubled right from his days in Nigeria.

He lived in the US till he was deported. His parents failed to supervise him while on his pilgrimage to the US(pampered and spoiled by his parents). This young man practically raised himself.

So in the end this makes us realize that, it does not matter where you are raised as a kid. Parenting is the most important thing to be considered here.

It was also said that he claimed to have lacked adequate parental care and affection from childhood, and that he had always run foul of the law in the past, which was why his parents sent him out of the country.

There you go. Not really a good example for the subject matter of this thread.

This is a young man that has been poorly parented from the get go, certifiably dysfunctional and ill-supervised. He had been apparently sent to the US after committing an alleged rape in Nigeria. He fled with the assistance of his 'well-to-do' parents to escape justice, because his parents were 'big people'. But God had other plans for justice. He would return to kill his own mom. Very sad indeed.

[Magic]

Babine,

The point here is that kids are difficult to raise in two parents homes during hardtime and more difficult for single family households.

This kid was traveling out and attended schools outside of Nigeria like his brothers before he came back to Nigeria. This story was big in Nigeria. The parents were rich and most of their kids schooled outside of Nigeria under no supervision of either parents except visits and vacations like other rich parents in Nigeria.

As poor as Africa has become, many parents usually look for any way out of their countries mainly for the sake of their children. Without either parent, it’s a quagmire some parents send children into abroad. If we are looking for children who will save Africa, they have to be home grown, not an Obama.

Nigeria has enough problem kids trained in Nigeria. The last thing we need are Columbia trained mass murderers. Jamaica has started refusing criminal deportees trained and wined in the USA.

[Babine]

Magic,

we do not need an "Obama". Obama is an American by birth even though his father was African. Obamas can only work in the American system. We need Nigerian children to grow up to be responsible adults in the future irrespective or where they are raised.

Nigeria has enough problem kids trained in Nigeria. The last thing we need are Columbia trained mass murderers. Jamaica has started refusing criminal deportees trained and wined in the USA.

So what do you suggest? That all single mothers should move back to Africa? We have armed robbers and hired assassins over here don't we? Are they not African children?

YouTube - Cults - Nigeria
Are these "Columbine" trained killers?

The point here is that kids are difficult to raise in two parents homes during hardtime and more difficult for single family households.

I guess it is a choice if the single mothers can fare better in Africa. But I don't see how that is possible. Many single mothers around me are having it rough. They have to really struggle to make it. I have a few friends like that.

[Magic]

Babine,

We need Nigerian children to grow up to be responsible adults in the future irrespective or where they are raised.

That has to be some exceptional kid. If their parents can not cope inside Nigeria, what makes you think the children will go back? We do not need to fool ourselves, most of those kids are not going back to where you refused to go.

That all single mothers should move back to Africa?

Common now, nobody is suggesting that all single parents move back. Please note that all bad kids do not come from single mothers or fathers.

Some of those single mothers or fathers who went back home find new relationships, start new businesses and at least temporary relief. Some have decided only to visit or to buy overseas and sell in Nigeria.

Others single parents who remain overseas send their children to boarding schools in Nigeria and they come back on holidays. Those kids are well mannered when they come on vacation. They do homework, speak the language, dance to the beat when they hear Nigerian music and are anxious to get into universities not basketball courts. You have to keep sending them back though for refresher, otherwise it wears off.

Do not forget, there are much more single mothers in Nigeria than outside. Out of those majority are good kids who do not join cults, armed robbers, shoot their parents. Most turn out to be what their parents pray for and that is why Nigerian culture and people still flourish. If we have to depend on those outside, you maight as well say goodbye to Nigeria as some of them have given up on that country.

Almost half of black children in Britain are raised by single parents, 48% of black Caribbean families as 36% of black African households. But single parent families are not as common in Indian families 10%, Bangladeshi 12%, Pakistanis 13%, Chinese 15% and whites 22%. Nine out of ten of them have single mothers as head of household. Different studies have shown that those children without biological fathers at home are more likely not to finish school, commit crime and remain unemployed. Are traditional homes better for children than “modern” homes?

[Babine]

Originally Posted by Magic

Babine,
That has to be some exceptional kid. If their parents can not cope inside Nigeria, what makes you think the children will go back? We do not need to fool ourselves, most of those kids are not going back to where you refused to go.

Which kids? I choose to stay in Nigeria. If I were outside Nigeria, I would keep my kids with me regardless of the economic critical situations. I know a lot of people who have done that. They send their children back to Nigeria for secondary education and then back to the US or UK for university education. I really can't tell if the outcomes are better. You have to weigh the pros and cons. At the end of the day it is an individual's choice. You have to take all factors into consideration before final plans are made.

Common now, nobody is suggesting that all single parents move back. Please note that all bad kids do not come from single mothers or fathers.

Some of those single mothers or fathers who went back home find new relationships, start new businesses and at least temporary relief. Some have decided only to visit or to buy overseas and sell in Nigeria.

That is okay too. I guess it is up to the individuals involved. If anyone can take the chance and the prospects are there, I don't have a problem then.

Others single parents who remain overseas send their children to boarding schools in Nigeria and they come back on holidays. Those kids are well mannered when they come on vacation. They do homework, speak the language, dance to the beat when they hear Nigerian music and are anxious to get into universities not basketball courts. You have to keep sending them back though for refresher, otherwise it wears off.

Sounds like a lot of money to me. I don't think a lot of people can do this in a recession. So is it worth all these on the long run?

Do not forget, there are much more single mothers in Nigeria than outside. Out of those majority are good kids who do not join cults, armed robbers, shoot their parents. Most turn out to be what their parents pray for and that is why Nigerian culture and people still flourish. If we have to depend on those outside, you might as well say goodbye to Nigeria as some of them have given up on that country.

I must admit, the future does not look bright for most children living in poverty. We know that only those whose parents have some form of wealth can afford some decent education for their children. At some points the children have to fend for themselves and their parents. Then the get into all kinds of deals to survive.