.Do you know a stay at home mom?

Questioned as to why they subject themselves and their children to such a rigorous life, man...Read the full article.

[Soul Sista]

Dr. Osundeko,

Thanks a lot for this thought provoking article. I like the objective manner in which you have dealt with an issue that can become a bashing session if not handled with care. I am in total agreement with you that we (not just mothers, but mothers and fathers) should carefully consider what to do with regard to care giving for young Nigerian children in the Diaspora. It is a very important issue because the children are our future.

I wish more Nigerian couples will plan ahead for children and beyond. My anecdotal experience and it is ONLY anecdotal is that we don't plan enough. For example, how many children can one afford to have in the Diaspora? Not just in terms of material provision, but given all the demands that children make on our lives this side of the Atlantic, without relatives to help in raising them? Their after school activities alone are enough to send a normal person round the bend!

How soon after marriage do we want to have these children? That is another area where I detect not enough thought going in. I know we often say culture and tradition demand that we have children immediately. But, if you are a woman in the middle of the first year of residency, is that the time you want to have a child? How will that affect the mother's career? Think it through. There is joy in delayed gratification so you can forgo the normal pace on the residency to have the child, but be aware that that is what you are doing? Make a conscious decision to do that if that is what you do. Don't just let it happen to you.

Do you really need that big house? What of the two cars? Must you belong to every Parapo Society and attend all their events? Can you survive on one income if you cut your coat according to your size, rather than that of Ada, Amina and Bolaji?

I will leave now, but I have a lot of thoughts on this issue. I think many of us are in the West, but we refuse to adopt some of the Western attitudes that go to make life in the West flow the way it flows. I like our cultures so much so my position is not to lose ourselves in a bid to be Western. But, it will do us a world of good to study some of these issues rather than thinking that we can do wholesale importation of our own practices and norms.

Again, thanks for raising this very germane issue.

Soul Sista

[oh baby]

This is such a good piece,for us to pinch ourselves each time.

Do you really need that big house? What of the two cars? Must you belong to every Parapo Society and attend all their events? Can you survive on one income if you cut your coat according to your size, rather than that of Ada, Amina and Bolaji?

like you have said above SS, i think we as a people, wo/men inclusive, there are some lifestyles we have to forgo and get our priorities right,we should remember it takes sacrifice, Rome was not built in a day,in thinking about those mega houses, homes that you buy you cannot live in it , just because you got to work like crazy to come up with payment at the expense of the paramount things in our lives, our chilren. Children that are not wellbred will put all things into jeopardy in future.Ile ti a fi ito mo eri ni yio wo.

[busanga]

Originally Posted by oh baby

This is such a good piece,for us to pinch ourselves each time.

Do you really need that big house? What of the two cars? Must you belong to every Parapo Society and attend all their events? Can you survive on one income if you cut your coat according to your size, rather than that of Ada, Amina and Bolaji?

like you have said above SS, i think we as a people, wo/men inclusive, there are some lifestyles we have to forgo and get our priorities right,we should remember it takes sacrifice, Rome was not built in a day,in think about those mega houses, homes that you buy you cannot live in it , just because you got to come up with payment at the expense of the paramount things in our lives, our chilren. Children that are not wellbred will put all things into jeopardy in future.Ile ti a fi ito mo eri ni yio wo.

And the Anambra commissioner whose ex-con son shot dead last week comes to mind..she must be regretting her failure as a parent wherever she is today.

[emj]

Quote
Do Nigerian mothers living at home or abroad deliberately choose to be stay at home moms? A minority may opt for this lifestyle and feel comfortable with that choice. These women make their dollar stretch and find fulfillment by pouring their time and skills into their young children. However, there are very many others who due to economic reasons, cultural reasons or the need for self fulfillment often chose to work at some income generating job and pay others to care for their children. These women are equally content with their choice. It is important that families carry out a cost benefit analysis on whether or not a mother of very young children should stay home. What works for one family may not be applicable to the next family. Mothers can do the research, get the facts and make informed decisions.

Nice article--Dr osundeko, captures a lot of what nigerian mothers living at home and abroad are facing. It is one gruelling and interesting topic. Like u rightly said, what works for one family, might not work for another. it is infact easy to raise a child and work in nigeria becos of so many support system in place than abroad.

I was a stay at home mum for a while in Nigeria, and dare say that am thankful for the opporunity if afforded me to raise my children and run my home properly. Though i was not initially kin on resigning from work to take care of the homefront, but later set my mind towards doing it properly anyways.

You can be a stay at home mum and work at your own pace from home. It all bores down to how you manage your time---Time Management, and your profession etc etc.

I daily watch as some nigerian women here in north pole struggle without real help to raise their kids and hold down a well paying job. It is not easy, some are lucky to get good daycare near the house or workplace etc etc, some with the help and understanding of their spouse juggle raising the kids and work together-----not easy

Osundeko wrote "This model may sound foreign to persons from some parts of Africa, but it is a widely embraced practice in the United States, Europe, the Middle East and parts of Asia" (2006).

Dr. Osundeko you allotted credit where it was not due and I am referencing the above quote. May I remind you that it was the African women that were the stay home Moms not the Americans. Before the recent American maternity law was enacted American women used and still do return to work immediately after giving birth and seldom breastfed their new-born. Some African women in attempt to imitate the world most advertised women (American women), emulated the American way of immediate return to work. At least most African women have helpers at home that assist with baby-care; American women rely on baby-sitters etc. Most African women still stay home after giving birth longer than 3 month to breastfeed the new-born which is a practice very rear in American society and some European countries.
Most African countries have at least 3 months maternity leave while Americans just recently incorporated that into law and some organizations still have major issues with the imposed maternity law.

Hillary Clinton wrote a book "It Takes A Village To Raise A Child" This is an African tradition/culture/practice that did not receive the credit it deserved. The book was widely haled and accepted in USA and no mention that most African countries practiced community child raring. Regardless; that was and still is an African practice and I am afraid that one day people will bestow the credit of community raising a child to Hillary Clinton.
I vehemently oppose people reaping off Africans their credit and imposing those credits to the Americans or Europeans. Please check your facts before you write.

I did not complete your article because I do not like reading fiction as fact.

I encourage you to read some ethnographic and sociological peer reviewed researches before you indulge in fabricating those kinds of fictitious statements.
Search and read some below recommended articles; get informed. I would have preferred giving you the annotated bibliography of below articles but I do not have enough time to do that but please before any further remark about African women venturing into work-force get yourself better informed. Thanks

Anonymous (2004) Minding the Gap. American Lawyer. 26(5)107-113. Retrieved July 18, 2006 from EBSChost database.

Wright, T. B. (2000) When pregnancy affects performance. Credit Union Magazine. 66(9)90. Retrieved July 18, 2006 from EBSChost database.

Kelly, E., Dobbin, F. (1999) Civil Rights Law at Work: Sex Discrimination and the Rise of Maternity Leave Policies. American Journal of Sociology. 105(2)455-493. Retrieved July 18, 2006 from EBSChost database.


Chavkin, W. (1999) What's a Mother to Do? Welfare, Work, and Family. American Journal of Public Health. 89(4)477-480. Retrieved July 18, 2006 from EBSChost database.


Gardner, M. (1998) Why do Americans get short-changed on maternity leave? Christian Science Monitor. 90(57)15. Retrieved July 18, 2006 from EBSChost database.

[purple]

Dear Villagers,

Thanks for your feedback as we look to strengthen our community both at home and abroad by sharing our experiences. Often times we forget that we cannot do many things the way our parents did because we live in a different age. Flexibility and a willingness to learn new ways of doing things can help us. Emotionally healthy mothers are an asset to our great country. Sometimes by placing undue pressure on themselves, mothers can and do jeopardize their children’s safety.

[Naija for life]

"Who sat and watched my infant head, while sleeping on my cradle bed? My mother"

"Sweet mother, I no go forget you, for the suffer wey you suffer for me."

A poem and a song that describe the African stay-at-home mum to a tee.

African stay-at-home mums are the most wonderful people in the world. Don't ever let anybody tell you different.

[crimsonbabe]

Dr. Osundeko

I liked your article and found it thought provoking. While you obviously try to play the devil's advocate, you are clearly seem to be of the school that thinks stay-at-home mums are better. I dont necessarily agree.

However, you dont seem to be giving enough focus to the fact that for many Nigerian mothers in the Diaspora, its just not that simple and black and white and issue. Sometimes, you have children and in order to make those children have a better future you have to go out to work. That means someone has to look after your kids for you.

Also many Nigerian families here in the US arent doing that great financially. The choice of staying at home is simply not there. Unfortunately bills have to be paid and am not talking the big house and car, am talking about electric, phone etc. You need a job

Also, I agree that its good to plan, but you cant plan everything. Given the choice that a woman in her 30s comes here, gets married, has to go back to school for several years before she can get a reasonable job, what do you do, wait till you are done with all that before you start trying to have kids, what happens then if you cant.

Am not married and neither am I up to 30 but God knows I plan to get pregnant as soon as possible once married because you never know if the baby will come when you finally decide that you are ready

Finally, I dont believe that just because you didnt have a stay at home mum means that outside child carers will have a negative impact on the child. Both my parents worked outside the home when I was growing up. My family lived in the UK and my siblings and I all went to day care and all those after school activities when growing up, and I can unbiasely say that we turned out okay.

Its the quality not quantity that counts. When my parents came back from work, they spent time with us and we as siblings spent a lot of time with each other. For example, my mum helped me with my homework almost everyday that I can remember even in nursery school (she even knew all the nursery rhymes). Anyway I know so many so-called stay at home mums that their kids are really nothing to write home about..And I have to wonder!

I dont necessarily know what I would do when my time comes, but I think I can almost safely theorize that I will be a working mum for many reasons including the fact that I really dont see myself putting my 100% financial future on my husband. Divorce or Death nko?? What happens to my children. On the other hand, I can see me doing part-time work..


But ultimately am depending on my mother to come live with me! As the song says, Sweet Mother, I no go forget you....

CB

[layifioren]

Also many Nigerian families here in the US arent doing that great financially. The choice of staying at home is simply not there. Unfortunately bills have to be paid and am not talking the big house and car, am talking about electric, phone etc. You need a job

Thanks for bring up this issue. Could those families that are not doing great financially misplanned? Just like it's been said, couples don't prioritise things right. I'm in my early 20's and it's always don on me that I'll get married someday. So for a young man like me, I take it as a full responsibility to provide for family when the time is due. That means I don't go around spending the money on some latest Cadillac or the latest Timberland when I don't have enough money in savings. We've got to make the right choice with God leading us and learn not to follow our materialistic/consumerism society. I recommend reading this book "THE MAN IN THE MIRROR" by Patrick Morley. I've never seen a book this realistic apart from that Bible! (by the way I'm not a book reader)

[purple]

Blessing made the following comments:

“I did not complete your article because I do not like reading fiction as fact. I encourage you to read some ethnographic and sociological peer reviewed researches before you indulge in fabricating those kinds of fictitious statements. please before any further remark about African women venturing into work-force get yourself better informed. Thanks�

I write to ask Blessing to complete reading the article to get the writer’s full perspective. Commenting on a half read article can be counter productive as the unread portions might shed light on the first half. For the purpose of this article, the writer defined a stay at home mom as “A mother who does not engage in income generating activities within or without the home, but stays home full time to care for her children. I daresay many modern Nigerian mothers of young children engage in some form of income generating activity and do not stay home full time to care for their children for different reasons.

Blessing asserted that the African women were the stay at home moms before the Americans, she then goes on to the length of the maternity leave, breastfeeding and then brings up Mrs. Clinton’s book. However, these are not germane to the crux of this piece. This article noted that Nigerian women of the past i.e. prior to the advent of colonization, had their young children with them for a large part of the day either at the farm, the market or at home while the mothers worked. The article further noted that modern Nigerian mothers work at jobs that necessitated more time away from the children and thus the need for different child care arrangements. I examined the concept for the stay at home mother from my personal views and experiences and did not make claims to write based on empirical data.

I have read more peer-reviewed articles published in scholarly journals than I care to remember, but it never hurts to read more. However, it is better to complete reading an article before commenting. I do thank you for your observations and comments.