Why Do African Men Go Home to Marry? (Updated)

...Read the full article.

[el_pharoah]

What of the Nigerian man that is hoping to relocate to Nigeria and he doesn't feel his current girlfriend can cut it in Nigeria. My younger brother has been agonising over this scenario for awhile now. He has dated this girl from Senegal for over 3yrs and now our parents have "summoned" him home to take over the family business. The girl has lived in America for over 20 years and I can imagine she is very used to the American way of life. Among his many concerns are her reference about going to the states every so often. That is all well and good if there are flushed but if money no come de nko, he argues? Her career expect ions? Quality of life, will she be able to sit in the darkness when nepa strikes, will she one day get fed up with life and take off with his kids back to America etc.. I don't know the answer to all these personally, I can only ask him to pray. Other foreign wives have done it before so I don't see the big deal. But I have to say, that the imported wife marriages that have been more successful have had a lot of shishi to live a very comfortable life in Nigeria. So if he chooses to go with a Nigerian girl back home, what does that make him?

[Adisko87]

There you go with far too sweeping generalization of a matter you did not provide the flimsiest statistical data to back up.

What percentage of Nigerian/African men go home to marry? Was that not supposed to be the first point in your essay - establish a basis for the entire write-up?

Women in Nigerian big cities complain that boyfriends go back to universities and their villages to marry after dating them, while the ones in the West complain that same men go back to marry the Lagos girls after dating them, while the village girls complain that their men no longer look at them but at the well manicured/painted Lagos/P.H. girls, and more complaints like politicians talking of marginalization.

Has it crossed your mind that many go back to marry for the following reason -

They always knew these girls for ever, were going out with them before moving to the West, and are just being faithful to their pledges.

Picked the most beautiful and appealing from the entire world, and what is the statistical probability of finding that out of about 70million women in Nigeria versus 50,000 in the U.S.A. (relying on population data as published).

Are more comfortable marrying from families they know, and/or can relate with and have known, than a lone wolf that you are forced to take on his/her words which is known to have hurt in the past.

Because the enlist the help of families and close friends in this quest suddenly makes Nigeria their hunting ground, and before you criticize it as being "bush" tale a look at how Princess D. was contracted for Charly.

[Auspicious]

Why? Of course it's obvious:

Because Home is where the Heart is.

Shikena!

Auspicious

[Oghre]

They are women of two worlds: they know Africa and also understand the West.

Sabella, are you against marrying other races? Why specifically Nigerian women based in the US?


What needs to be added is the fact that most are never happy because they got what they never bargained for: stunned, disappointed and underachieving wives who never knew about 40-60-hour work week; women who never knew there are no dollar minting factories down the street, that America is not what they saw in the movies and magazines, that America is not a world of instant riches and glamour. You must toil and toil and toil!

Where did you get your statistics from? Do you visit these couples later to find out how there fared? Are you the Nigerian representative for village hunting husbands in America (VHH)? If so how many such marriages formed your sample?

Conclusion

Some Nigerians are local people, villagers themselves regardless of being based in America. I have seen even more local Nigerians than the ones back home in my trips around the west. It takes one to know one and birds of the same feather flop together. Was it not an educated American university professor who used pepper on the private part of his kid? How many times many of you in America actually ask people back home to send you juju? PHD or not many Nigerians are a disgrace to civilisation!

Many Nigerians are backward people; they are products of voodoo and *****ic behaviour.

Even the Sabella himself being Nigeria may have traits that civilised people might take issues with. I can think of stuff like dragging his country through the mud with unsubstantiated articles because you feel inferior and inadequate as a Nigerian as one of these traits.

The article makes very little sense, period! As far I am concerned Nigerians are married to all sorts of races and cultures the world over.

We are reputed for it.

The fact that a few of us decide to marry there own kind does not deserve an article for the world to see.

We have better issues other than arranged marriages and selling body parts to be discussing right now. Our country is going up in smoke but hey!!! We are discussing owambe party and what not.

[2plus2]

Like I have said before, in so far as you are an adult and can consent to an adult relationship you can basically do what you like. So, if you want to date a girl from Senegal and you have both agreed from the begining of the relationahsip about what you BOTH are expecting from the relationship then I say free for all. The problem arises when as ment the agenda changes mid way and then the problems arises. So if from the begining the Nigerian dating the Senegalese lady knew that the man was going to relocate eventually, and went in with her eyes wide open then there should be no tears.

But the question is how honest are these men in these relationships with these foreign women. In this months' TRUE LOVE magazine here in Lagos they interviewed three foreign wives, you all may wish to read their stores. One of the women in from INdia and has been married to her husband for 23 years. YEP

[akuluouno]

Oghre,

I say gbam to your submissions. Next Sabe will regale us with congo shining.
Reminds of Nero's attitude and I do not mean the Rt Hon N Africanus, when Rome was burning.
2plus2, I hope you meant adult male and adult female since two consenting adults may not be of different specie and furthermore we take the adult to be above 18 years.

[katampe]

There you go with far too sweeping generalization of a matter you did not provide the flimsiest statistical data to back up.

What percentage of Nigerian/African men go home to marry? Was that not supposed to be the first point in your essay - establish a basis for the entire write-up?

Adisko:

Ibadan woman, are you not asking too much? Where dem dey collect data for your village ?

I beg make we hear word , statistical data ko , stats ni!

Sabella,

I think it takes a lot of guts, especially for most Nigerian men that matured and were seasoned in Nigeria to look towards the future in a foreign land.I have often wondered why most people think of returning home someday.The interesting thing is returning home is sometimes outside their control.For example, the economy and crime situation might not get better. The public health and services might never improve.

How much do people have to spend in life that they become so fixated in going home to the extent they indoctrinate their kids about going home.There are pains and gains. Better quality of life is one and the pain is you have to constantly reinvent yourself if you are to remain competitive. I have been curious why we don't think like the whites.

The whites come to America with the hope of starting afresh and living the rest of their lives here. Sometimes benefits do not come until further down generations. I would hope someday Nigerians look at living life here. Do business here, aim to have kids that would be Bill Gates or you can aim to make it like Kase Lawal. I know for sure Akeem Olajuwon is not thinking of moving back to Nigeria.Many times the folks that are not fulifilled and like this ego-rubbing mentality typical of Nigerians that like to go back home.

But, the reality is some Nigerians are not very competitive when it comes to integrating themselves in the host society. I am not talking about collecting degrees like so many do.But, about being entrepreneurs trying to make it in their host country and see how they can have businesses across continents even as far as China.

How I wish we could be less timid, learn languages, see the world and die whenever death comes anywhere. I have always liked the idea of people marrying Nigerian woman, but are the "other" women not human beings?

[Oghre]

Originally Posted by katampe

Adisko:

But, the reality is some Nigerians are not very competitive when it comes to integrating themselves in the host society. I am not talking about collecting degrees like so many do.But, about being entrepreneurs trying to make it in their host country and see how they can have businesses across continents even as far as China.

How I wish we could be less timid, learn languages, see the world and die whenever death comes anywhere. I have always liked the idea of people marrying Nigerian woman, but are the "other" women not human beings?

katampe,

Nigerians are the most resourceful Diaspora blacks anywhere in the world, so I don’t know what you are on about. When you mentioned integration I have to laugh, while Asians and other blacks prefer to mingle with their own kind Nigerians are the first to integrate, inter-marry, produce mixed race children and completely adopt the host countries way of life... Even some try to fake their accent to sound like the hosts.

You talk about business, go ask a Togolese or Jamaican person what they think about Nigerians and ventures, whether na ibo people with containers or ordinary nijja folks opening business in host countries…. Where do you live Katampe wey you no fit observe these things, abi you dey Guantanamo Bay?

Then you embarrass yourself even more “saying we don’t learn languages”, you get ear at all my guy? I have travelled the west, Asia and the pacific and by God some Nigerians even teach the local languages while some are interpreters. What utter rubbish this guy dey talk about, is there any country where Nigerians don’t live, integrate and adjust?

Pal, open your eyes or ask people who have.

[sukaoma]

Originally Posted by Oghre

They are women of two worlds: they know Africa and also understand the West.

Sabella, are you against marrying other races? Why specifically Nigerian women based in the US?


What needs to be added is the fact that most are never happy because they got what they never bargained for: stunned, disappointed and underachieving wives who never knew about 40-60-hour work week; women who never knew there are no dollar minting factories down the street, that America is not what they saw in the movies and magazines, that America is not a world of instant riches and glamour. You must toil and toil and toil!

Where did you get your statistics from? Do you visit these couples later to find out how there fared? Are you the Nigerian representative for village hunting husbands in America (VHH)? If so how many such marriages formed your sample?

Conclusion

Some Nigerians are local people, villagers themselves regardless of being based in America. I have seen even more local Nigerians than the ones back home in my trips around the west. It takes one to know one and birds of the same feather flop together. Was it not an educated American university professor who used pepper on the private part of his kid? How many times many of you in America actually ask people back home to send you juju? PHD or not many Nigerians are a disgrace to civilisation!

Many Nigerians are backward people; they are products of voodoo and *****ic behaviour.

Even the Sabella himself being Nigeria may have traits that civilised people might take issues with. I can think of stuff like dragging his country through the mud with unsubstantiated articles because you feel inferior and inadequate as a Nigerian as one of these traits.

The article makes very little sense, period! As far I am concerned Nigerians are married to all sorts of races and cultures the world over.

We are reputed for it.

The fact that a few of us decide to marry there own kind does not deserve an article for the world to see.

We have better issues other than arranged marriages and selling body parts to be discussing right now. Our country is going up in smoke but hey!!! We are discussing owambe party and what not.

I agree that Abidde should have made an effort to get some stats because sometimes, what we think may not really match up with what really happens. At least having access to marriage licenses issued and following up with a questionnaire to those nigerian identified would have given us a little idea of what numbers we are looking at even if it was not 100% accurate.

However, I disagree with characterizing people (nigerian) as uncivilized, backwards etc. For the longest time we have allowed other cultures and races tell us what is right and what is wrong about us. True juju and etc have been indigenous to us for the longest time but what race or people do not believe in the existence of some form of a higher power?
I see many things that I do not agree with that other people do but who exactly has been appointed to say what is "civilized" and what is not?

My thing is we have been colonized previously, now they are gone why are we still colonized mentally by accepting these names that have been foisted on us by our colonizers?

[Fjord]

Another lazy piece or writing from a lazy mind feeding fat on degraded and disgraceful non-ideas.

.

[katampe]

Originally Posted by Oghre

katampe,

Nigerians are the most resourceful Diaspora blacks anywhere in the world, so I don’t know what you are on about. When you mentioned integration I have to laugh, while Asians and other blacks prefer to mingle with their own kind Nigerians are the first to integrate, inter-marry, produce mixed race children and completely adopt the host countries way of life... Even some try to fake their accent to sound like the hosts.

You talk about business, go ask a Togolese or Jamaican person what they think about Nigerians and ventures, whether na ibo people with containers or ordinary nijja folks opening business in host countries…. Where do you live Katampe wey you no fit observe these things, abi you dey Guantanamo Bay?

Then you embarrass yourself even more “saying we don’t learn languages”, you get ear at all my guy? I have travelled the west, Asia and the pacific and by God some Nigerians even teach the local languages while some are interpreters. What utter rubbish this guy dey talk about, is there any country where Nigerians don’t live, integrate and adjust?

Pal, open your eyes or ask people who have.

You did a good job! You don finish me tire

[dele26]

Sabella,
there you go again;

“Within the last eighteen months I have attended nine welcoming parties”.

“Why do African men go home to marry the “unknowns” instead of marrying the proven and the reliable here in the US?”

[Auspicious]

Hehe!

And I thought Dele26 would respond to Sabbide's question with:

"Because they have an abundance of short and ugly women at home"

Or what else should we expect, if Dele has dedicated two articles to the topic of proving why the short and ugly have a better chance of getting married than the tall and sexy - joke or no joke?

Auspicious.

[nero africanus]

Originally Posted by akuluouno

Oghre,

I say gbam to your submissions. Next Sabe will regale us with congo shining.
Reminds of Nero's attitude and I do not mean the Rt Hon N Africanus, when Rome was burning.
2plus2, I hope you meant adult male and adult female since two consenting adults may not be of different specie and furthermore we take the adult to be above 18 years.

akuluouno,

i am a comrade , not a RT Hon

nero africanus in classlessness mode

[dele26]

Originally Posted by Auspicious

Hehe!

And I thought Dele26 would respond to Sabbide's question with:

"Because they have an abundance of short and ugly women at home"

Or what else should we expect, if Dele has dedicated two articles to the topic of proving why the short and ugly have a better chance of getting married than the tall and sexy - joke or no joke?

Auspicious.

__________________________________________________ _____________________
Auspie, talk true you dey look out for my comment abi?........ 'eni ale mu lan ledimo', make u remember say 'Dada oleja but oni aburo to le ja ooooooo
_______________________________________________

[Auspicious]

Originally Posted by dele26

__________________________________________________ _____________________
Auspie, talk true you dey look out for my comment abi?........ 'eni ale mu lan ledimo', make u remember say 'Dada oleja but oni aburo to le ja ooooooo
_______________________________________________

Hehe!

Auspicious. (In a "Yanga-wake-Trouble" Mode).

[el_pharoah]

Originally Posted by 2plus2

Like I have said before, in so far as you are an adult and can consent to an adult relationship you can basically do what you like. So, if you want to date a girl from Senegal and you have both agreed from the begining of the relationahsip about what you BOTH are expecting from the relationship then I say free for all. The problem arises when as ment the agenda changes mid way and then the problems arises. So if from the begining the Nigerian dating the Senegalese lady knew that the man was going to relocate eventually, and went in with her eyes wide open then there should be no tears.

But the question is how honest are these men in these relationships with these foreign women. In this months' TRUE LOVE magazine here in Lagos they interviewed three foreign wives, you all may wish to read their stores. One of the women in from INdia and has been married to her husband for 23 years. YEP

Fair point.

[Uwaa Sef]

It's the moment-of-truth factor.

Later

[Abraxas]

Originally Posted by Fjord

Another lazy piece or writing from a lazy mind feeding fat on degraded and disgraceful non-ideas.

.

Hi, Fjord!

T'ank you, ojare, my small buroda. Na so me too, I see am, bo. Man don tyre for de same kind 'tory everytime. De jist done stale like Gala sosej roll wey no get wrapper!

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)