Mock Palava Hut

Originally Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Dear Overload,

I'm sorry to hear about your allergy to paint. From what you've said, the best thing to do is to forget about G-strings altogether and go commando, as you've been thinking. After all, it's not the G-string your husband is interested in, but the thing that the G-string is trying to cover - abi?

Regards,

Shoko Loko Bangoshe

It depends on the size of the parts being covered.....catapaults are not known to cover much.

Originally Posted by OverLoad

I have tried several alternatives
My problem is what to do???, should I just stop wearing undies altogether(abi nothing is better than half, at least in this case) or what exactly can be a solution??..




Thanks in advance for ur useless and useful advice(s)

G-strings are old fashioned please. Have you ever tried a sanitary plug......just like a tampon but made for non-periodic table days like the "gymnasts" use.

Like someone suggested....go nude. Since the catapault does not cover the "jack" or the "jill".

Just do like I do......stay off the pantaloons....just get a nice sanititary "plug" between your legs(or a wad of tissue paper sanitized for that purpose will do). No bathroom tissues please to prevent "toxic shock syndrome".

The benefit is that you would be seen in your birthday suit and Oga will really go mad....you will not offend your customers( I for one will never visit that restaurant if I find anyone of your waitresses adjusting in a place of business)......

You will also be protected from the mysterious monthly visitors who show up at odd times of the month...depending on your hormonal level.

The best part.....when you are horny......you remain clean and dry to the whole wholed....all drainage contained effectively.

[Eja]

Dear Doctors of Palava, please help me find a solution to my wahala. The trouble is this : I am happily with two women (Abike and Amina) but, whenever I am with Abike, I find myself calling her Amina and, whenever I am with Amina, I find myself calling her Abike (the odd ashewo I pick up, I just call "Honourable Minister").

This thing has been going on for long and it is really embarassing. Thing is, it has always being like this. I have always had this bad habit of calling 'A' 'B' and 'B' 'A'. One of my pentacostally inclined friends advised me to try being mongamous but that did not help. What happened was, I would call the woman "Emmm emmm, what is your name again gan sef...?"

Suffice it to say, the woman with whom I was being wholly monogamous thought I could not remember her name because I had no interest in her...no interest? I told her, "Look here ummm, emmm, if I had no interest in you, I would not be trying to have sex with you."

Abi?

Anyway, I am in trouble again because this thing has now extended to my telephoning. I would call Amina and say something like "So, how is my sexy Abike? Feeling horny? Ready for the rammer? etc. etc."

This has happened three times now and the temporary solution I found is to say "Who is that?" first whenever I phone. Which can't go on for long because people don't like being called and then asked "Who is that?" The other day, that sarcastic Amina answered by saying "This is the Virgin Mary, do you want to speak to Jesus?"

Anyway, I need advice....

[Shoko Loko Bangoshe]

Originally Posted by wonderer

Dear emj,
I am sorry to hear about your avatar related dilemma.
I don't think it is a problem of yours. It is a technical problem, and all you need to do is to ask the Admin to introduce a Viewer's-Personality-Prediction display mode to the forum, this display mode should predict the viewer's reaction to your avatar, then determine how to display it. If the viewer wouldn't like the avatar then it won't be displayed on his screen. Similarly those who are predicted to be soothed by it, they will see it all the time, while those who are indifferent can have it displayed to them 50% of the time.

Dear Wonderer,

The problem with this is that for some people, not displaying an avatar is almost as annoying as displaying an avatar that they don't like. Instead of being filled with revulsion at the avatar they can see, they will now be consumed with Kat-Killing Kuriosity from the avatar that they can't see.



Dear Emj,

As I keep a level head (excuse the pun) while waiting for the solution to my problem, may I suggest that you turn your 'problem' to your advantage. Instead of trying to please everyone, threaten those who have a problem with your avatar that you will keep it there until they make some form of reparation for {insert instantly-made-up imaginary wrong that they have done to you here}.

Or, you could just go commando (like me) and do without avatars altogether.

HTH,

Shoko Loko Bangoshe

[wonderer]

Originally Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Dear Wonderer,

The problem with this is that for some people, not displaying an avatar is almost as annoying as displaying an avatar that they don't like. Instead of being filled with revulsion at the avatar they can see, they will now be consumed with Kat-Killing Kuriosity from the avatar that they can't see.

..

Dear Shoko Loko Bangoshe,

Thank you for pointing this out. It means that not displaying an avatar will be very hazardous, especially for Kat viewers!

Then I might suggest introducing a display mode that would predict what avatar will be welcomed by each viewer, and then displaying for each viewer the avatar s/he prefers.






Dear Eja,

You face a very confusing situation.

One idea is to try to convince Abika that you like to call her Amina as a nickname, and similarly try to convince Amina that the nickname you have given to her is Abika.

Although given what happened when you tried being monogamous , I am afraid that the more radical solution, might require you being single . This way the problem of forgetting names or mixing them up will disappear, since there will be no names to forget in the first place.

[emj]

Originally Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Dear Wonderer,

The problem with this is that for some people, not displaying an avatar is almost as annoying as displaying an avatar that they don't like. Instead of being filled with revulsion at the avatar they can see, they will now be consumed with Kat-Killing Kuriosity from the avatar that they can't see.



Dear Emj,

As I keep a level head (excuse the pun) while waiting for the solution to my problem, may I suggest that you turn your 'problem' to your advantage. Instead of trying to please everyone, threaten those who have a problem with your avatar that you will keep it there until they make some form of reparation for {insert instantly-made-up imaginary wrong that they have done to you here}.

Or, you could just go commando (like me) and do without avatars altogether.

HTH,

Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Hmm, thank u...have you thought of putting on a Sikhs Head Gear..it's like a turban..that way no one will take advantage of your Pangolo Head...se u get

[heart-thief]

Dear Over Load,

I suggest u stop wearing G-strings when going out so to avoid sticking your fingers in there to bring the burried rope out.

Instead, wear them only when at home.. u can quickly change your panty whenever u want oga to have a view/show.

I hope it helps.

[heart-thief]

Dear Eja.. i guess u must be a player to have 2 on your hands at a time

As far as i know.. players mostly knwo their ways around.
I suggest u quit with the calling of names and use "sweetheart", "honey", "darling", "baby" or creat your own pet names.

Btw, stick to one lady at a time and it will save u wahalas that are yet to be born.

[Shoko Loko Bangoshe]

Originally Posted by Eja

Dear Doctors of Palava, please help me find a solution to my wahala. The trouble is this : I am happily with two women (Abike and Amina) but, whenever I am with Abike, I find myself calling her Amina and, whenever I am with Amina, I find myself calling her Abike (the odd ashewo I pick up, I just call "Honourable Minister").

This thing has been going on for long and it is really embarassing. Thing is, it has always being like this. I have always had this bad habit of calling 'A' 'B' and 'B' 'A'. One of my pentacostally inclined friends advised me to try being mongamous but that did not help. What happened was, I would call the woman "Emmm emmm, what is your name again gan sef...?"

Suffice it to say, the woman with whom I was being wholly monogamous thought I could not remember her name because I had no interest in her...no interest? I told her, "Look here ummm, emmm, if I had no interest in you, I would not be trying to have sex with you."

Abi?

Anyway, I am in trouble again because this thing has now extended to my telephoning. I would call Amina and say something like "So, how is my sexy Abike? Feeling horny? Ready for the rammer? etc. etc."

This has happened three times now and the temporary solution I found is to say "Who is that?" first whenever I phone. Which can't go on for long because people don't like being called and then asked "Who is that?" The other day, that sarcastic Amina answered by saying "This is the Virgin Mary, do you want to speak to Jesus?"

Anyway, I need advice....

Eja,

Your problem is simple.

What is going on is a case of a rare but documented syndrome called nameconfusionitis. It is usually manifested where the sufferer has natural polygamist (and I really do mean polygamist) tendencies.

What is happening is that your brain is not feeling sufficiently challenged in needing to remember just two names, so it is subconsciously protesting by getting the names mixed up. From the looks of things, your problem can only be fixed by adding at least an extra four women to your list of girlfriends - that will be enough to keep your brain challenged and happy.

Unfortunately, such an act would not only be unfair to the women involved, it would also tax you to death (in more ways than one). Perhaps you should try and convince Abike to change her name to Amina, and Amina to change her name to Abike? Or go single/solo as other have suggested? Or perhaps you should expand your sexual horizons to other areas...?

[Shoko Loko Bangoshe]

Don Juan Carlos Abraxas III,

I followed your advice, and now I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that the Almighty Carpenter heard my prayers to deliver me from the burden of skull flatness. So He brought out His saw, His chisels, His spanners, His lathes and His screwdrivers and went to work... and I am now the proud possessor of a more spherical head in the mould of Lamidi Adedibu.

The bad news is that I am now plagued with an insatiable appetite for amala and gbegiri. In fact, I cannot function for more than three hours unless I have had the stuff - if I choose to go without, this usually results in headaches, irritability, profuse sweating, trembling and hallucinations. It's become so bad that I have to carry around a cooler of the stuff, lest I get caught short in an unexpected place. I have tried praying to the Almighty Carpenter for a change of skull, but He isn't listening.

Please help - this palava is even worse than the flat headed one.

Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Originally Posted by Eja

Dear Doctors of Palava, please help me find a solution to my wahala. The trouble is this : I am happily with two women (Abike and Amina) but, whenever I am with Abike, I find myself calling her Amina and, whenever I am with Amina, I find myself calling her Abike (the odd ashewo I pick up, I just call "Honourable Minister").

This thing has been going on for long and it is really embarassing. Thing is, it has always being like this. I have always had this bad habit of calling 'A' 'B' and 'B' 'A'. One of my pentacostally inclined friends advised me to try being mongamous but that did not help. What happened was, I would call the woman "Emmm emmm, what is your name again gan sef...?"

Suffice it to say, the woman with whom I was being wholly monogamous thought I could not remember her name because I had no interest in her...no interest? I told her, "Look here ummm, emmm, if I had no interest in you, I would not be trying to have sex with you."

Abi?

Anyway, I am in trouble again because this thing has now extended to my telephoning. I would call Amina and say something like "So, how is my sexy Abike? Feeling horny? Ready for the rammer? etc. etc."

This has happened three times now and the temporary solution I found is to say "Who is that?" first whenever I phone. Which can't go on for long because people don't like being called and then asked "Who is that?" The other day, that sarcastic Amina answered by saying "This is the Virgin Mary, do you want to speak to Jesus?"

Anyway, I need advice....

Very small problem I say.

Just do like I do when I can't keep up with ma paramours. Develop a generic nick name that suits all.

Telephone calls? No problem.

Hello:

Hello my darlling "choco milo".

Abike=choco milo
Amina=choco milo
monagamous=choco milo.

Simple.......even when in bed with "all of them" at the same time.

Just moan and groan:


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....choco milo......you are the best.

[Toku.A]

Oh my God. It's more like comedy than a mock palava hut. Hmmm TA and the rest shoud better watch out. Kudos

[Abraxas]

Originally Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Don Juan Carlos Abraxas III,

I followed your advice, and now I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that the Almighty Carpenter heard my prayers to deliver me from the burden of skull flatness. So He brought out His saw, His chisels, His spanners, His lathes and His screwdrivers and went to work... and I am now the proud possessor of a more spherical head in the mould of Lamidi Adedibu.

The bad news is that I am now plagued with an insatiable appetite for amala and gbegiri. In fact, I cannot function for more than three hours unless I have had the stuff - if I choose to go without, this usually results in headaches, irritability, profuse sweating, trembling and hallucinations. It's become so bad that I have to carry around a cooler of the stuff, lest I get caught short in an unexpected place. I have tried praying to the Almighty Carpenter for a change of skull, but He isn't listening.

Please help - this palava is even worse than the flat headed one.

Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Hi, Shoko Loko Bangoshe!

(1) Please open the box containing the personal guillotine that I enclosed with my first memo to you on the subject matter of your flat-headedness.

(2) Get hold of the user instruction manual and read it very carefully. Make sure you take careful note of all the key points concerning the operational details related to the due processes of effective D.I.Y. decapitation methodology.

(3) Pilot-test the efficacy of your personal guillotine with a ram (or a sheep, or a goat) as your guinea pig, and ensure hitch-free operations.

(4) Now use your personal guillotine efficiently on yourself. Your problems will be satisfactorily resolved (once and for all), I assure you.

(5) Enjoy!

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)

[Kenn]

Originally Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe

"I'm beginning to resent the way people take advantage of my pangolo head. It so happens that the top is as level as a table, and because of my short height (4' 6")....

Eat more beans, shorty-elewa! Eat more beans to grow seven-feet-seven (and then you can begin to play basketball too)

[Kenn]

Originally Posted by OverLoad

I do not wanna stop wearing this rope- things cos it turns oga on,lai lai am not ready to share my husband, and i dont know how to stop adjusting the rope when it buries itself where the sun dont shine....note, I have tried several alternatives
My problem is what to do???, should I just stop wearing undies altogether(abi nothing is better than half, at least in this case) or what exactly can be a solution??..

They say if your right eye dey make you sin, pluck am commot! So, this troublesome pata-olokun must go! I mean, why are you still wearing rope pant in this day and age? Don’t you have fig leaves or palm fronds in your village? Abeg cut some take cover abuna, but first rub am well-well with dry pepper! It always works for any Oga who blows hot and cold. He won’t look anywhere else lai-lai! Oya, get to work!

[Kenn]

Originally Posted by Eja

Dear Doctors of Palava, please help me find a solution to my wahala. The trouble is this : I am happily with two women (Abike and Amina) but, whenever I am with Abike, I find myself calling her Amina and, whenever I am with Amina, I find myself calling her Abike

No problem, just dey call two of them “Abina”. If them complain say no be their name be that, tell them say you see vision say na their good luck name be that! No confusion. No stress!

[Kenn]

Originally Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Don Juan Carlos Abraxas III,

I followed your advice, and now I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that the Almighty Carpenter heard my prayers to deliver me from the burden of skull flatness. So He brought out His saw, His chisels, His spanners, His lathes and His screwdrivers and went to work... and I am now the proud possessor of a more spherical head in the mould of Lamidi Adedibu.

The bad news is that I am now plagued with an insatiable appetite for amala and gbegiri. In fact, I cannot function for more than three hours unless I have had the stuff - if I choose to go without, this usually results in headaches, irritability, profuse sweating, trembling and hallucinations. It's become so bad that I have to carry around a cooler of the stuff, lest I get caught short in an unexpected place. I have tried praying to the Almighty Carpenter for a change of skull, but He isn't listening.

Please help - this palava is even worse than the flat headed one.

Aha, you this man, what is your problem? It is your head the Carpenter carved now, not your mouth or stomach ke! E be like say your own pass solution O! Na home trouble dey do you? Wetin?

[enna inot]

Originally Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Don Juan Carlos Abraxas III,

I followed your advice, and now I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that the Almighty Carpenter heard my prayers to deliver me from the burden of skull flatness. So He brought out His saw, His chisels, His spanners, His lathes and His screwdrivers and went to work... and I am now the proud possessor of a more spherical head in the mould of Lamidi Adedibu.

The bad news is that I am now plagued with an insatiable appetite for amala and gbegiri. In fact, I cannot function for more than three hours unless I have had the stuff - if I choose to go without, this usually results in headaches, irritability, profuse sweating, trembling and hallucinations. It's become so bad that I have to carry around a cooler of the stuff, lest I get caught short in an unexpected place. I have tried praying to the Almighty Carpenter for a change of skull, but He isn't listening.

Please help - this palava is even worse than the flat headed one.

Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Hello SLB,
This ya problem na simple one,i tell you. Just continue eating Amala and Gbegiri,i mean EVERY HOUR!!! Eat it when you are sitting down,when you are lying down,when you are at work (even if the smell is nauseating your oyibo colleagues & oga),when you are riding the bus or train,driving,running or jogging,walking your dog,even when sitting on the loo passing out the previous Amala you have eaten!!Take it to bed with you and eat Amala and Gbegiri till you fall asleep with one hand inside bowl of Amala. Just continue eating it...........the goal is to make your system eat and eat enough Amala to last it for 5 lifetimes.After about 3 days,that 'insatiable appetite'for Amala will scream and beg you enough,enough i dont ever want Amala again and all your sypmtoms go vanish one time.See,you will be cured forever! Start the treatment now.

[Shoko Loko Bangoshe]

Originally Posted by Abraxas

Hi, Shoko Loko Bangoshe!

(1) Please open the box containing the personal guillotine that I enclosed with my first memo to you on the subject matter of your flat-headedness.

(2) Get hold of the user instruction manual and read it very carefully. Make sure you take careful note of all the key points concerning the operational details related to the due processes of effective D.I.Y. decapitation methodology.

(3) Pilot-test the efficacy of your personal guillotine with a ram (or a sheep, or a goat) as your guinea pig, and ensure hitch-free operations.

(4) Now use your personal guillotine efficiently on yourself. Your problems will be satisfactorily resolved (once and for all), I assure you.

(5) Enjoy!

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)

Dear Don Juan-Carlos Abraxas III,

I am typing out this e-mail from a laptop while running as fast as I can and eating a plateful of amala and gbegiri. (I will explain why later on in this message.)

I dutifully followed steps 1 and 2 of your instructions without any problem. In fact, I felt so confident that I would have no problems that I was tempted to skip straight to step 4 - and I wish I had done so, instead of being faithful to your instructions!

But no-o - I went to step 3 instead, and sought out the ram with the toughest and roughest neck I could find. After all, I wanted there to be no further complications.

Unfortunately, your guillotine must have been one of those inferior models flooding Nigeria these days, because on my first attempt at decapitating the ram, the blade broke loose of the ropes holding it and merely injured the ram instead of beheading it. This maddened the ram so much that it broke free from the ropes that were holding it and it started to chase me.

As I speak now, the ram is slowly but surely gaining on me. Please help, especially because it is your faulty guillotine that has landed me in this my new palava! I swear that if I escape this, I won't take any more advice from you (except for this last advice I am asking)! I think I will try Enna Inot's advice instead.

Yours desperately,

Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Abeg any porsin with new problem?.....we are tired of solving old ones.
If after 5 pages of this thread.....your problem has not been solved.....please head to VGC and let one of the religious brodas or sistas with "witchcraft" powers cure you.....

You most certainly cannot be helped here!

[Auspicious]

Oh Lawd!

I can't imagine how I missed this CRAZY thread..

Except that, well, it was around November 4 2008.

A very important date to many, many people last year..

Shoko, OverLoad..all of una, DON KOLO PATA-PATA!

Auspicious.