Our Morals………How Much are they Worth?

[MsWoman]

I was speaking with a friend who was briefly visiting the US the other day and she had some stories to tell….it was one of those “tell me something” episodes. I can’t comprehend Nigerians sha. It gets more and more complicated each day and I often ask myself if the reason why our people keep carrying on the way they do is because they have continued to do it, often unchecked and have either assumed it is okay to do it, or have that sense of as long as I see others doing it and they don’t suffer any repercussions for doing it, then I will do it too. Or is it a sense of a power trip or invincibility? This is a country where those who are Christians acclaim to be born again oh, where they go to church every Sunday....meanwhile.......Anyway, before I get carried away asking questions that I don’t necessarily have the answers to, hear me on this one.

I know it is not today that it just started but why is it getting rampant enough to where Naija men now believe that flashing millions in the way of a woman is enough to contract a relationship with the woman and that it remains okay. Yes, Naija women are to blame in their own rights oh, because I am hearing that all those Chanel bags that Lagos girls are carrying are legit. I was like “Iro lo kpa (you are lying)!” Chanel bag that I know that if I start saving today, there is no guarantee that I will buy it in 10 years?! I passed my level by going to the Chanel store at the Westfield Mall in Shepherd’s Bush during my visit to London last month and asked how much one very beautiful handbag in the store was. I just liked the bag and was drawn to it. Well, the price tag was a mere 14,000 pounds!!! Is that madness? With my Naija self I didn’t know when I asked why the handbag was that expensive (see me oh, ehn I can’t change…is now to be haggling with Chanel Sales rep abi…when will this behavior stop?) The rep said it was made of crocodile skin….I said right there in front of her that if I myself went to Africa and killed the crocodile itself I would become rich because I would be able to make at least 3 handbags (depending on the size of the crocodile of course) and still have change. Besides, the crocodile na rare species of crocodile or na the last specimen of crocodile? In fact the crocodile na 18k gold? 14,000 pounds for one bag!!! Anyway, the cheapest handbag in the store was like 2500 pounds. So I now started pondering….all these people in Naija that carry original legit handbags, even if they were carrying the cheapest one in the store, that is some serious money to be spending on ordinary bag oh abi na just cheap me?

Anyway, before I digress even though you will later understand where I am coming from…..after my friend told me about how Naija men this and dat, I was like how come? Even if I was getting money from Naija man, why would I spend the bulk of the money on Chanel bag? My friend laughed and said, "MsWoman you are funny oh! What kain of money do you think we are talking about? I know someone that her boyfriend bought her a residence in Lekki for 19 million naira!” If a man can buy you a house that costs that much, what is a 2500 pounds handbag? Ngwanu a beg! Please say something else” I responded in my typical ebonics and a snap of the finger (reserved for situations as this)… ”you know das right!” She went on further, “MsWoman, let me tell you how it works. A Naija man once he has his eyes on you, looks at you as though you are at least (depending on his worth and caliber), a 5 million naira investment just for toasting oh, if you gree and stay that is a different figure altogether” I was like “La-ku-li! These Nigerian men are not easy at all oh!” She now furthered it by telling me that they don’t discriminate and that they will toast both married and single women a la fois! I was like “you don’t say?! Even when the women are in their husband’s house?” “Yes now, of course” was her response! I now said, well only a useless woman will waka with another man (yan ale) when she knows she has a man at home. She said “Eeeh MsWoman only if it was that easy! Some of these women are in such terrible marriages, that the very fact that one man is shadowing them is enough to make them disregard the sanctity of marriage. Do you know the extent of men who don’t go home at night to their wives in Naija? Out of 7 nights in a week, Naija man will go home tops 3 out of those 7 and will think he is doing his wife a favor. Soon after, when someone is shadowing the same woman, in fact it is prayer that she will be using to hope he doesn’t show up sef. Afterall, another guyoyo has taken his place!”

After that information, I now concluded that the bottom-line (no pun intended) is that it is one thing that leads to another ehn! If the married man treated his wife the way he should, would she be contemplating being with someone else? (Though not always oh, some of us are just plain greedy!) But ask the man who is toasting a married woman sef? Is it his money that has gotten to his head that he now thinks he’s in a position to flaunt it by getting any woman he so desires as long as he gives her money? Then the last question….he wouldn’t do it if he didn’t think he could succeed. Afterall, we Nigerian women have made men believe that as long as they can provide material things for us, we are okay with it and it is enough to make us land in their beds for spontaneous/constant good times.

This post is not to judge anyone because I don't want to come and be acting like one innocenty or holier than thou person on NVS. If I had been in Naija and married one of the above type men, or was single kpa-kpa I don't know in what category I will be today, but thank God, I am not sha!

[peterosa]

Hmmmmmmm thank you very much for your story,{SIGN SENIOR PREFECT}

[Miss Tee]

MsWoman, this your thread made me laugh much....especially when you asked the lady why the bag was so expensive and started contemplating whether the crocodile was of a rare specie or not or better yet laced in gold ...a phrase I often love to use when I think the price of something is just sheer stupidity....hmm but I know what you mean about those bags sha, for me its more of a shoe obsession, and at times I literally have to stop my self from entering certain shoe shops so I won't start annoying myself over the prices.
Nway before I completely digress. Nigeria is truly something else, Although I'm not really surprised. like you have kinda stated above, its like some sort of ripple effect where each person is set of to behave a certain way because of the effect on them from another party. As bad as it is, I also find it very sad. Maybe the present individuals behaving in this manor, do this because they really believe its a norm of some sort. My major concern however is really focused on the up coming generation. How will they see marriage as they grow up? Like you asked what standard of moral will they hold in accordance to any vows made to their partner due to the example set before them?.
Personally, I truly believe in sticking to (through thick and thin) promises made to the opposite party, especially that in the form of marriage. Yes its not always easy but I believe that if you love and respect someone especially through situations that can be worked on, you will stick it out. I just pray that women will start to think and study carefully before marrying certain men. It may not avoid situations that could lead to hard times but it may just be a saving grace from a bad marriage.
I hope that men will begin to take responsibility for the vows made to their wives on that faithful day chosen and described as a day of oneness. Or if truly they are not ready to settle down, simply avoid marriage and save another woman some form of heart break.
And overall I hope that individuals begin to realize that a condo, Gucci or Channel bag, Gimmy choo shoes, Mercedes benz and all these other material items that are so easily replaceable, (although can make one happy for a short amount of time, for those of us that like to be pampered )...are not the ultimate source of happiness and does not hold a marriage together (as many have proven).
Its just a shame that this is the so called raining norm not just in Nigeria but I'm guessing in many other places also.
May those of us who still understand the greatness of marriage and faithfulness that has been created to fuse the life time of two individuals into one, not loose this blessed fore sight by unworthy distractions.
May those already married continue to value their partners. Love them, bless them and especially through the tough times appreciate them more than every breathe they take.Marriage is such an individual gift that although situations involved may be the same or similar. Every vow taking couple's overall experience is ultimately unique and should not be compared to others.
May those who don't believe in the worth of marriage honor their decision by avoiding all contact with the gift in order to avoid a mistaken example for the up coming generation.
May those of you who have been hurt by the bad experience of taking vows with the other half who didn't truly know your worth, and those who are still healing, be giving the grace to experience its blossom in the right way. and to those who are healed and still believe in the truth of marriage and commitment, continue to rejoice in the wisdom you have chosen to follow.

And for those young ladies who only believe in the saying that money is love and love is money, may you not take away from such a mistake more than a lesson learnt.
Lastly for those faithful men who just love to spoil there partners with overly expensive gifts and are willing to stay faithful through good and bad times. I say more grease to your elbow
Thanks MsWoman....I truly did have a good laugh. hmm now you tempt me, I may pop into Westfeild this week.

[Auspicious]

+

LOL @ MsWoman.

I passed my level

Ogbonge Yoruba-English translation for "Mo koja levu mi". ROFL!

Anyhow, why yu dey act like say somebodi sopa si rice re (kick you rice ->suprise)? Ehn? Yu dey doo like say yu nor no as Naija be? And dat ya friend sef, 'aw she take no all dis runs, too? Ah, just kidding - hopefully na pesin wen yu no well wey yu fit vouch for, make e nor come be like say dem dey use style come recruit yu join Club Ayefele.

My friend vex wen eim Mama tell am say she go Zenith Bank go collect moni, only for wan Bad Boy Cashier to begin toast am - forget say di womon sef almost old reach make she born am; forget say, di woman carey ring put for hand; for get say, di woman na respectful-looking woman. Bobo nor send nobody - or eim job for dat mata.

I hear say Naija babes, dis days, dem prefer to shase married man pass Bashelors, say di wan wey don marry, 'e nor dey cause wahala like di wan wey neva marrey. Say nor be married man go toast dem; say na dem go shake-bodi fest for di man to notice. And, evin if eim nor notice, dem go grab am shake am say 'how far brother NARsiru, yu like me for yu?'

My friend Papa, anytime ein dey go Naija, eim wife go sneak condom put for insai eim luggage, saying, "At least, if ein do enitin, eim nor go carey 'arun wa sile' (disease come 'ause)". Na eim my jaw drop tell am say, khai ya Mama nor send norbodi o. My friend sef tohk say na true na, say eim Pops sef, na Dangerous Guy @ 60-somefin. Na eim me sef weak for di guy.

Be like say our Naija na Modehn Day Soddom and Gommora, wey all-everibodi jus' dey flenjor. Dat my 'bad' friend tohk say, "Auspy, maa bo nle se! Owo wa ni Naijaaa! (Auspy ah say make yu come Homuuu, moni boku for Naijaaa!). And he goes on, "And if na womon yu dey find, dem boku like ants - good, bad and ugly. Aa ri nkan fi won se! (We nor no wetin we go take dem doo!)"

Na eim ah come weak more. Naija don spoyel!

Auspicious.

[HolyPagan]

Ain't norrin amiss about Naija behaviour. Ee no start today...Ee no go finish dis week either.
Go to Victoria Harbour in HK, and see dem Chinese, queue to buy LV bags, at astronomical prices, when 150 miles south in Mainland china, the same bags were stitched together by their kith and kin, earning less than a dollar an hour.

In a society where if you do not appear to be wealthy, it makes you vulnerable, and open to be exploited, people will do anything to show affluence.
In Nigeria, our values are such that, since we do not have tangible things to show as our achievements, we have to rely on the ephemeral to do it for us.
Hence, the Labels, the tags, the Cars, Homes, and other "STUFF" to show we have arrived...so we can get us some respect, from the same folks, who bemoan the shallow nature of our soceity.
Afterall, many Nigerians will only show you the time of day, if you look the part ...ie rich and famous.
When last did anybody on this thread, accord the same level of welcome and acceptance to a poor person with tattered clothes and holes in their shoes, as they would a rich and famous acquaintance.

I beg una, our peeps are only playing to the gallery, of what is relevant in the Naija soceity.
If we truly want to be deep and meaningful in all we do, we must behave deep and meaningful in all we do.

That said, there is something positively orgasmic, about donning a pair of Manolos. shoot me.
I am an unabashed shoe whore.
I redeem my soul by owning only aba na anya.

[Auspicious]

Originally Posted by liloldlady

..When last did anybody on this thread, accord the same level of welcome and acceptance to a poor person with tattered clothes and holes in their shoes, as they would a rich and famous acquaintance..

Hey..

I don't know about you, Lady, but where I come from,

Appearance hardly dictates how one is treated.

That's what some of us were raised to uphold.

Auspicious.

[HolyPagan]

Originally Posted by Auspicious

Hey..

I don't know about you, Lady, but where I come from,

Appearance hardly dictates how one is treated.

That's what some of us were raised to uphold.

Auspicious.

I commend your folks and you for upholding those values.(kidding aside now)
I know it is the exception and not the rule. With us Nigerians.
If only majority were raised like you are, or had those values, it will mean that our fight against the fluff that seems to rule and influence everything, and the undeserved place it seems to have in our soceity will be all but won.

As for me......my ethos in this village, can be adduced from my posts. its self evident, judge for yourself.

[MsWoman]

I hear all of una! You guys don break it down big time in your own way.

@Auspi: Na wah for that your friend hin papa oh! Your friend talk true. The way girls are viewed in Naija is very worrisome!