State of The Village Address

[Mikky jaga]

Originally Posted by Abraxas

We appreciate, very much, all those who provided us strong moral and material support, maintaining our staff at various 5-star holiday resorts, and luxury hotels around the world, through out our shut down vacation period. On behalf of the Chairperson, Board of Trustees (JJCAMB), Countess (Ms.) EMJ, the Adviser General (JJCAMB), Lolo-Igwe (Ms.) Dimaanu, all other members of the JJCCAMB Board of Trustees, the in-coming Welcomer-in-Chief, Mr. Djister, and the in-coming Adviser General (JJCAMB), Ms. Sandylomo, I am particularly grateful to the many Village elder statesmen worldwide, who graciously and effortlessly bank-rolled our post-Ground Zero holidays, general joliffication, and gbaladun expenses!

There will be a world press conference hereafter, at the 500th floor, in the boardroom of the Village High Commission, starting from 01:00 hrs. (GMT), Tuesday, 1 July 2008. Our friends from the local and international press are cordially requested to please complete their mandatory accreditation protocols and biometric security scans at the designated office on the198th floor, before proceeding to the 500th floor for the world press conference.

Looking forward to the World Press Conference where, hopefully, it will be clearer if we now have two (2) Welcomer in Chiefs) and 2 (two) Adviser Generals).

Meanwhile, the two newly appointed high profile officers are very much welcome. May the Village Square be enriched with your unique experiences.

[Abraxas]

Originally Posted by Mikky jaga

Looking forward to the World Press Conference where, hopefully, it will be clearer if we now have two (2) Welcomer in Chiefs) and 2 (two) Adviser Generals).

Meanwhile, the two newly appointed high profile officers are very much welcome. May the Village Square be enriched with your unique experiences.

Hi, my guy, Mikky Jaga!

How body? How far? How Village? Country, nko? Wetin be ya present condition of wealth? Condition of health, nko? We t'ánk God, ojare.

We have only one (1) Welcomer-in-Chief, and one (1) Adviser General, the in-coming ones will start fading in gradually, starting from 1 July 2008. I hope it is clearer to you now.

Bye.

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)
Welcomer-in-Chief & High Commissioner

[emj]

Originally Posted by Abraxas

The Village High Commission

Official Website: http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com

STATE OF THE VILLAGE ADDRESS:

Fellow citizens of our very beloved Village of origin (of no regret),
Prospective citizens of our Village (a.k.a. JJCs), and applicants for our much coveted GENUINE temporary transit visa,
Nominated candidates for the issuance of our permanent residence permits, and diplomatic passports,
Esteemed members of the diplomatic corps here present,
Disgruntled self-exiled former citizens of our great Village (of no sweat),
Members of theVillage Elders’ Forum (Bar & Discotheque),
Distinguished ladies (i.e. Senior Babes, geges, chiquitos, cash madams, aunties of the night, and royal mummies),
Distinguished gentlemen (i.e. Big Boys, bobos, ogbonge traditional prime ministers, and royal papas):


Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)
(a.k.a. His Eminence, Sheikh Saddiq D'Fuqk of Sakkwato Khalifate, Darfur & Dubai Emirates)
Village High Commissioner.


Sunday, 20 April 2008.

Cabinet Reshuffle.......Starting from da Olori Ogun....My Uga Massa to the Non-Performing Welcomer in Chief..Djister..to the least employee are all FIRED...even those on Sabbatical and even gan pha pha those/dose on Early Retirement plus including those/dose who were demoted for non-appearance......are ALL FIRED...yes o.....we've all failed woefully.

Dont even mention any rule of law....No Appeal, No Pension...dat is the end of my Broadcast

EMJ
Chairperson Board of Trustees JJCamb(on Voluntary Cut and Lose)

PS>>>>>...Now that i got all Attention...wat da Ztang is going on here...The VTT is now a Shadow of it's Old self and nothing seem to be moving nor happening...chei.
Looks like the experiment/adoption of a New Format has failed...not just failed, but failed woefully.

[No Smoking]

On Aburi you stand??

[Dimaanu]

Originally Posted by emj

Cabinet Reshuffle.......Starting from da Olori Ogun....My Uga Massa to the Non-Performing Welcomer in Chief..Djister..to the least employee are all FIRED...even those on Sabbatical and even gan pha pha those/dose on Early Retirement plus including those/dose who were demoted for non-appearance......are ALL FIRED...yes o.....we've all failed woefully.

Dont even mention any rule of law....No Appeal, No Pension...dat is the end of my Broadcast

EMJ
Chairperson Board of Trustees JJCamb(on Voluntary Cut and Lose)

PS>>>>>...Now that i got all Attention...wat da Ztang is going on here...The VTT is now a Shadow of it's Old self and nothing seem to be moving nor happening...chei.
Looks like the experiment/adoption of a New Format has failed...not just failed, but failed woefully.

Madam Chairperson,

When your driver, Sekoni, came to call me; I thought it was to collect my outstanding October pension.

Which one be dis na?
JJCAMB Employee Handbook, Section (3), Sub section (XVII) states that Pensioners cannot be fired.

With all due respect, Ma'am, I request a hearing.



Dimaanu
Outgoing Adviser General (on Time Freeze)

[emj]

Originally Posted by Dimaanu

Madam Chairperson,

When your driver, Sekoni, came to call me, I thought it was to collect my outstanding October pension.

Which one be dis na?
JJCAMB Employee Handbook, Section (3), Sub section (XVII) states that Pensioners cannot be fired.

With all due respect, Ma'am, I request a hearing.



Dimaanu
Outgoing Adviser General (on Time Freeze)

Eherm All Employee Hand Book are hereby declared Illegal..hic,hiccups.
I hereby declare a State of Emergency..not even an Old Cargo can negotiate nor stand as a Representative of any Labour Body(thank god oshiomole don carry go)...No Eminent nor said eminent person can stand/sit to hear any frotest..not even Balogun Owu or his equivalent..ehen

[Dimaanu]

Countess,

The Board of Trustees should reconsider this decision o. The year is coming to an end and we have already paid the Caterers and Musicians for the annual VTT End-Of-Year Dinner.

Besides, what becomes of the hand-picked Delegates that will represent the VTT at the Obama Inauguration?

Make I go look for Oga at the Elders Forum Bar & Discotheque before Madam Chairperson evicts pesin from Official Quarters.

[emj]

Originally Posted by Dimaanu

Countess,

The Board of Trustees should reconsider this decision o. The year is coming to an end and we have already paid the Caterers and Musicians for the annual VTT End-Of-Year Dinner.

Besides, what becomes of the hand-picked Delegates that will represent the VTT at the Obama Inauguration?

Make I go look for Oga at the Elders Forum Bar & Discotheque before Madam Chairperson evicts pesin from Official Quarters.

Eherm, excuze me, u beta come and carry ya handbag abi na purse una dey call am self..before da imported Naval Ratings abi Na Okiro hin Boyz, abi self Hairforce/Airforce Boyz come scatter ground o..ehen..dont let me Nuhu Ribaldin una all o....na wich Uga u dey go call...We are all FIRED!!!!!


PS>>.....Na who i dey see for inside PentHouse so...chei, so na hia Djister Lugoor dey hide...hic, you are FIRED...drat

BTW, da Big Khuna..Big-K is also FIRED, plus dat guy with da Pony-Tail, na wetin be dat hin name self..Shoko is FIRED!!!!!!!

[Mikky jaga]

On behalf of all the fired officials, I, a regular visitor to the VTT and a beneficiary oif the free drinks served chilled to visitors and JJC alike, wish to plead for leniency.

I hope, when Oga madam thinks things twice over again, she will reverse the order and allow the sacked officers back to their offices again.

Long live the VTT.

[No Smoking]

Ahem, Mikky. Awoof no get bone, se u get..

[emj]

Hmmm...so you guys were Day Dreaming with me..walahi, ...but sha nothing spoil...na Wake-Up call for all of us.

Abi una no see as so many JJC bin full everywhere and all of us bin dey for slumber mode, apart from our regular visitors who come to welcome Jjcs....

Okay back to bayan counter..everybody...all hands on deck(emj rolling up her sleeves to begin processing all da processables) etc etc ati bee bee lo

SVRO SIOs TVSROS, CSOH, DDAAH..hic hiccups

All VTT accounts still frozen till there's improvement....Xmas dinner in freeze mode

[VOR]

Xmas dinner in freeze mode

The heat from the revolution brewing will unfreeze it!!

Countess, what are you playing at? You talk fire fire everyone yesterday, i nor talk.

Lolo sef dey beg you say make you take am easy sake of say she dey fia make dem no put pension for freezer..........i nor talk.....now you come dey talk say you want put Xmas dinner for freezer...... mba nu.......i nor go gree.

Come you nor say dem dey impeach chairperson too? I nor talk say dat na wetin go happen o..........I just dey spectaculate......ehh hoo.

Wey Sandylomo sef?

[Dimaanu]

Okay back to bayan counter..everybody...all hands on deck(emj rolling up her sleeves to begin processing all da processables) etc etc ati bee bee lo

Countess,

I don hear you. Na wetin bin cause all dis chaos for VTT, sef?
The falcon cannot hear the falconer.
Can someone please tell all dis JJCs to step outside and pick a number?
ORDER in da house

First off, make the Sanitation Dept. come clear all this refuse wey full everiwia. Who has been smoking in my office?

Wey Sandylomo sef?

Olori,
If you find Sandylomo, let me know.

[Abraxas]

Village Elders' Forum (Bar & Discotheque)

The Penthouse, 555th Floor, Village Twin Towers Complex, The Square, Cyberspace.

The Chairperson, Board of Trustees, JJCAMB,
Respected members of the Board of Trustees of the JJCAMB,
Dismissed staff of the Village High Commission, and Village Homeland Security,
Distinguished Senior Babes, and Big Boys of our very beloved Village (of no regret),

I salute all of una wey dey here so.

When we been hear, last night, sey Madame De Madam, Chairperson (Countess) Iyalode EMJ (GCVS) dey boil well-well, na 'inhm wey me I qwuick-qwuick call for emergency Annual General Meeting (AGM) of de most psychedelic elders of dis we own very beloved Village of origin, sey, make we put head together, quench de fire wey dey burn for JJCAMB before 'e burn our nyash for 555th Floor, where we dey normally relax our own jejely every day, 24/7 per 365 days/annum.

Make I tell give una small sef:

That our emergency AGM wey been start since 1800 hrs GMT yesterday, been finish about 0730 hrs GMT today for morning, after we done blow more dan taaty-tiri (33) bottles of Dom Perignon, taateen (13) bottles of Hennessey XO champagne brandy, tiri (3) 25 litres jerry cans of ogogoro (hic! hic-hic-hic!), taaty (30) crates of odeku, and some highly pepperized congo meat (imported wholesale from Moremi Hall, University of Hard Knocks, Igboeleri Campus). As for de outcome of dat awa meeting, {enhen?}, na 'inhm be sey, I go tell give una de final conclushion of awa delibareshions as follows:

(1) True-true, 'e no easy at all-at all, to do de work of Adviser General, JJC Admission Matters Bureau, sam-sam: I'm telling yoo. ... 'E no easy, at all. (Ko easy, ra ra!)

According to de historical archives of de Museum of Antiquity of our dearly beloved Village of origin, de ONLY pipul wey done do dat work as Adviser General, still survive till today, na my sister, Countess (Ms.) EMJ, and Lolo Igwe (HRH) Dimaanu. De job no easy, I tell give yoo!

Even sef, paa~paa, only siks (6) weeks wey Ms. Sandylomo (GCEM; PhD) been take carry de wahala of in-coming AG (JJCAMB) for him head, and 'inhm head done come start to dey ache am gan-gan, sotay-sotay, 'e hear nwhiiiiiin, disappear qwuick-qwuick from Village by force. Me sef, I no blame am, bo. Life no get duplicate, my dear . De job na real ijogbon, no be lie. I am telling yoo. So, next time, if somebody introduce 'inhmself to yoo tell yoo say sey 'inhm been be Adviser General for JJCAMB, for VTT, I beg make yoo take style dobale well-well, bow for de pesin, {yoo hear?}

(2) Tiri (3) of de most funkadelic senior elders wey dey for our forum been dey axe sey dem want know how many iyawo wey Djister get, as some of de younger elders (under 40s) dey claim sey Djister get about seven (7) concubines, tiri (3) spare tyres, and one (1) full-time baby producing machine, dat be de reason why 'inhm no dey si'do'n for de Village Twin Towers Complex do 'inhm job as Welcomer-in-Chief consign.

Na so, 'e jos dey hang for on top of 'inhm mansion, dey display 'ihnm wetin-call to all de babes wey dey pass for in front of am, even though 'inhm wife and shildrens dem all dey house dey look am with one kind eye so!

In view of the seriousness of the situation at hand, (especially with the threat of losing our Christmas gbaladun in the air), we, the entire members of the inner caucus of the Village Elders' Forum (Bar & Discotheque), hereby schedule an urgent consultative interactive session with the Chairperson and members of the Board of Trustees of the JJCAMB without any further delay, at the Village High Commission Conference Room (located at the 500th Floor), at 23:59 hrs GMT today, so as to regularize and operationalize the Village Twin Towers Complex at the earliest practicable time.

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)
(His Eminence, HRM Sheikh Saddiq D'Fuqkk of Sakkwato Khalifate, Darfur & Dubai Emirates)
Life President, Village Elders' Forum (Bar & Discotheque),
Immediate past Welcomer-in-Chief & Village High Commissioner,
Director of Operations, Logistics, Tactics & Strategy,
Special Task Force for the Effective Evacuation of OBJ from Aso Rock Villa, Abuja, to Ibogun, via Owu (in the middle of Nowhere).
Director of Propaganda & Enlightenment (D.O.P.E.),
Special Task Force for the Demystification of OBJ, IBB, Buhari Abdulsalami, David Mark, et al.

[Dimaanu]

Gentlemen of the Press,

On behalf of the Chairperson, Board of Trustees (JJCAMB), I would like to thank you all for your unflinching support, especially at this time of minor crisis.

I wish to commend each and every one of you for the orderly manner you have conducted yourself since the news of mass termination of employment, at the Village Twin Towers, hit the airwaves.

It is not our intention to keep you guys in the dark but I guarantee that as events unfold, you will be properly briefed.

Right now, members of the inner caucus of the Village Elders' Forum (Bar & Discotheque) are converging an urgent consultative interactive session with the Chairperson and members of the Board of Trustees of the JJCAMB at the Village High Commission Conference Room, at the end of which the Life President; Village Elders' Forum (Bar & Discotheque), Don Juan Carlos ABRAXAS(III) will issue a comprehensive Press Briefing.

Meanwhile, make yourselves comfortable and feel free to visit the Refreshment stand at the end of the hallway.

Thank you for your patience and cooperation.


Viva VTT!!!


Dimaanu
Outgoing Adviser General (On Time Freeze)

[Mikky jaga]

Meanwhile, make yourselves comfortable and feel free to visit the Refreshment stand at the end of the hallway

Please, all the Elders concerned, you can take all the time in the world for your deliberations as long as the bar remains inexhaustible. We are prepared to wait.

Thanks very much.

[Abraxas]

The Village High Commission.



500th Floor, The Village Twin Towers Complex, The Square, NV1SQ, Cyberspace.

Official Website: http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/

Ref.: VTTC/VHC/JJCAMB/VIPSS.03/2008.11.294Q

Date & Time Stamp: Thursday, 27 November 2008 @1911 hrs. GMT.

Subject: Regularizing & Operationalizing the Village Twin Towers Complex.

PROTOCOL:

The Chairperson, Board of Trustees, JJCAMB,
Respected members of the Board of Trustees of the JJCAMB,
Dismissed staff of the JJCAMB, the Village High Commission, and Village Homeland Security,
Big Babes, and Senior Boys of our very beloved Village (of no regret, whatsoever),
Distinguished ladies and distinguished gentlemen of the world press:

I t'ro'way salute for all of una wey come here specially to hear dis very important press briefing wey I dey give una so.

On behalf of the Chairperson, and members of the Board of Trustees of the JJC Admission Matters Bureau, the Village Elders' Forum (Bar & Discotheque), and the Village High Commission, I would like to thank you all very much for being here for our world press briefing on the proceedeings of the Board of Trustees of the JJC Admission Matters Bureau (JJCAMB)

Make I tell small 'tory give una sef, for this junction:

First of all, de extra-ordinary emergency meeting wey been take place between de Board of Trustees of the JJCAMB and the Village Elder's Forum (Bar & Discotheque) been start around 2100 hrs GMT last night, come finish for around 1757 hrs GMT today for evening. As for de rezolt of all dat awa marathon meeting, {enhen?}, below na de final conclushion of awa delibareshions as follows:

(1) With effect from 0:00 hrs Thursday, 27 November 2008, the day-to-day micro-management of the Village Twin Towers Complex reverts to the Board of Trustees of the JJCAMB, in line with global best practices and quality management benchmarks and imperatives. In other words, the entire VTT Complex will have to contend with an Ad-hoc Management Team comprising:

(i) Countess (Iyalode) EMJ as Chairperson & CEO of the JJCAMB, with Olori VOR as the pioneer Chief of Staff to the CEO.

(ii) Lolo-Igwe (HRH) Dimaanu as Senior Executive Adviser to the CEO, JJCAMB,

and

(iii) Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III) as the Village High Commissioner (Emeritus).

Consequently, and until further notice:

(A) Recruitment of staff of the JJCAMB, the Village High Commission, the Village Homeland Security, and the VTT Complex in general, will be by the nomination or recommendation of any member of the above interim management setup, for subsequent ratification by the Board of Trustees of the JJCAMB.

(B) With effect from 23:55 hrs GMT, Thursday, 27 November 2008, any temporary transit visa application that is not SUCCESSFULLY concluded within five (5) working days from the initial date of submission of application, shall be considered as defunct, expired, and so, may either be down-graded to a shopping visa, or could even be rendered completely null and void.

Specifically, all the applicants whose documents have been recently commented upon, in the past 24 hours or so, by the Chairperson, B.o.T JJCAMB (Countess (Ms.) EMJ), must quickly conclude their visa application protocol before 0:01 hrs GMT on Friday, 28 November 2008, or else, risk having their files being shredded before subsequent incineration!

(C) WE WILL NO LONGER TOLERATE BACKLOGS OF UNPROCESSED OR UNCONCLUDED TEMPORARY TRANSIT VISA APPLICATIONS, AS FROM NOW.

(D) In view of the prevailing global economic meltdown (and similar other flimsy excuses), except in cases where the applicant performed extra-ordinarily, henceforth, the Village High Commision will ONLY award ONE (1) solid gboza, with the issuance of one (1) GENUINE temporary transit visa to enable all deserving indigenes of our very beloved Village of origin unrestricted access into the juicy nooks and crannies of our Village of origin. Impressive performance in the visa review process could earn such an applicant one (1) nuclear GBOZA and one solid gboza.

All of the above shall hold henceforth, until further notice.

I will now take just a couple of questions from the press and the general public on the subject matter of our determination to speedily operationalize the Village Twin Towers Complex, at the earliest practicable time.

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)
(a.k.a. His Eminence, HRM (Ambassador) Sheikh Saddiq D'Fuqkk of Sakkwato, Darfur & Dubai Emirates)
Village High Commissioner (Emeritus)

cc: Chairperson, JJCAMB Board of Trustees & CEO JJCAMB: (Countess (Ms.) EMJ).
cc: Senior Executive Adviser to the CEO JJCAMB: (Lolo (HRH) Dimaanu)
cc: Chief of Staff to the CEO, and Adviser on Identity Authentication & Interrogation Methodology: Olori VOR.