I am here to stay!

[INGODWETRUST]

greetings to all and sundry!

With me, let's just say that your right to smoke stops where my nose begins.

let the platicando continue!

[Dimaanu]

Originally Posted by INGODWETRUST

greetings to all and sundry!

With me, let's just say that your right to smoke stops where my nose begins.

let the platicando continue!

MR. INGODWETRUST,

Welcome to NVS

You may have observed the flurry of activities going on at the Village Twin Towers right now. We are conducting a very crucial interview.

I therefore advise, that to save your time and ours, you will do well to review threads started by other JJCs that were here before you. Be guided accordingly.

Gotta run.

Dimaanu
TIO

[INGODWETRUST]

Dimmanu:

Thanks for looking out! you are the true son of the soil, O bu nna gi muru gi, translating...na your papa born you!

I wanted to see how serious una dey for chamber; now I know. Again, as a true custodian of culture. let begin by saying...

Cho! cho!! cho!!! Igbo bu Igbo kwenu! Kwenu!! Kwezue nu!!!, Awon Yoruba peeps ekuruele nu! my Hausa brethrens sanu nu!!!, all the American Nigerians, European Nigerians, Asian Nigerians, Island Nigerians and the echetara m echetara m Nigerians Hi nu.

I am a true son of the soil by way of Abia State, I am not a member of PPA, PDP, PCP, TTP, NPN, NPP OBLC, EFCC, INEC or what have you out there.
With me, what you see is what you get. As you can tell from my name, all my trust belongs to THE MAN above; THE MIGHTY MAN in battle.

I was born In Ala Abia, schooled partly in Lagos by way of Baptist Academy before I started my mission to exile land by way of Texas. (Any AKA boy in the house?)

Let's just say that I went on Exile when it was possible to aboard a plane with Ak47, Razor blade, even 1 liter of toothpaste.

Finally, finally, I am very glad to be here, sufice it to say that any surugede music una play for me I go dance.

So let the interogation begin!

P.s. Dimaanu, for being a true nwafo Naija, anytime you find yourself in my neck of the woods, Dallas Texas that is, hit me up so that I can spoil you with freshly cooked Ofe nsala with Yam poundo, Ewedu ati Amala ( E better past iyaa Sule own for Palmgroove).

[Dimaanu]

Originally Posted by INGODWETRUST

Dimmanu:

Thanks for looking out! you are the true son of the soil, O bu nna gi muru gi, translating...na your papa born you!

I wanted to see how serious una dey for chamber; now I know. Again, as a true custodian of culture. let begin by saying...

Cho! cho!! cho!!! Igbo bu Igbo kwenu! Kwenu!! Kwezue nu!!!, Awon Yoruba peeps ekuruele nu! my Hausa brethrens sanu nu!!!, all the American Nigerians, European Nigerians, Asian Nigerians, Island Nigerians and the echetara m echetara m Nigerians Hi nu.

I am a true son of the soil by way of Abia State, I am not a member of PPA, PDP, PCP, TTP, NPN, NPP OBLC, EFCC, INEC or what have you out there.
With me, what you see is what you get. As you can tell from my name, all my trust belongs to THE MAN above; THE MIGHTY MAN in battle.

I was born In Ala Abia, schooled partly in Lagos by way of Baptist Academy before I started my mission to exile land by way of Texas. (Any AKA boy in the house?)

Let's just say that I went on Exile when it was possible to aboard a plane with Ak47, Razor blade, even 1 liter of toothpaste.

Finally, finally, I am very glad to be here, sufice it to say that any surugede music una play for me I go dance.

So let the interogation begin!

P.s. Dimaanu, for being a true nwafo Naija, anytime you find yourself in my neck of the woods, Dallas Texas that is, hit me up so that I can spoil you with freshly cooked Ofe nsala with Yam poundo, Ewedu ati Amala ( E better past iyaa Sule own for Palmgroove).

Abasi mbong!! If to say dem de do baptism two times eh, I go just do anoda one, come change my name to Adaeze make all dis pipul wey de call me "bros", "son of the soil" just stop am kia kia.
INGODWETRUST, shine ya eye

I say "YAA" to all di kwenu kwenu wey you take scatter everywhere.
How now? As pesin wey sabi tradition, wey even sabi organise correct grubs, wetin you bring come for the village elders?
You sure say you review those threads as I send you so? Wey kola? Wey palmie? Wey Schnapps ati ogogoro for the elders to rinse their mouth?

How did you find out about NVS?

What do you do for a living?

What positive impact do you hope to make in this village?

Tell us a brief interesting story about yourself (including why you went on exile)

Make I go come

[Exxcuzme]

Una welcome bro...may your stay be fruitful.

[INGODWETRUST]

"If to say dem de do baptism two times eh, I go just do anoda one, come change my name to Adaeze make all dis pipul wey de call me "bros", "son of the soil" just stop am kia kia."

Dimaanu nne, Mba nu! gbupu asu! tufiaaa!!! Make God no gree me think say you be "shehim'. The 'son' in that context knows no gender. A beg wetin Igbo language dey call am...a bi na 'akpala okwu'? I knew from your kini ko...profile that you are my personal sista. So I beg no pun intended.

As per the elders, why you won put aja for the garri wey i won drink with the elders now?
You no know say na insult to give elder ogogoro for market place? I dey wait make the elders gather for mkpuke make i give them the correct sapele water wey I have for them make dem carry salute their livers, plus including the correct oji Igbo wey no sabi oyinbo grammer (no be gworo i dey talk aboutoo!) wey dey in place for dem to carry call on Obasi bi n'elu make'em lower een eyes to that our pathetic beloved obodo called Naija; make Chineke God pursue all the efulefus called politicians from Naija to Iraq where suicide bombers go carry them practice their suicide game without no molayas ( sorry Chief Zeburudaya).

So Ndi elders, Ndi nze na ozo, Ndi oba, Ndi emirs, Ndi Chief, Ndi high Chief, Ndi Super high chief and all other protocols; make Una days be longer than that of metusela, make una no lack the things wey pickins go chop, make all the people wey dey owe una begin pay and make all the people wey una owe wait. Una go born and na una go raise, as bad things dey happen for front una go dey for back, as een dey happen for back una go dey for front. water no go dry and fish no go die...Iseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nne m, A beg make i go second base jare, I'll be back to address all those questionaires wey you get for me.

It must be well with ala Nigeria.

[Dimaanu]

Hi INGODWITHTRUST,


Abeg make you hurry come back quick quick
Di elders say make I tell you say, dem don use di eye wey elders de take see for darkness come see say u be correct pesin.

My ear don de itch to hear your tory
E go beta for you o

Dimaanu
TIO

[INGODWETRUST]

nhmm, now, where were we? o yes! the questionaire...

1. How did you find out about NVS?

One day as I dey rigmarole for cyber kini ko, E get one bros wey dey for anoda forum wey i be member, he come knack us for yonder with the story about that bobo wey call himself househusband, abi na sit-at-home-dad wey een be, wey tanda for home make een iyawo dey take care of business, anyways, as i read through the whole thing I was like... yekparikpaooo!!! so this village dey for town and all man no know.

So out of exictment, I just land-crashed the square without obtaining proper clearance from ndi elders ( honest mistake though). so na een you come put me for correct direction.
I love the square because man pikin fit express een sef without no molayas ( sorry again chief zebby). I have been priviledged to be members of other fora where all man dey compete who go blow grammer past. some of the grammer sef no dey for encyclopedia talkless of webster or oxford dictionary. So as I fall in-love with the square, na een i come put one knee for ground come dey ask NVS will you lovinda me? na een I dey wait for answer from ndi elder. But shhhhh!!! Iyawo no know say I dey propose to NVS, if she find out eh, she go slam me with finger nail support, toe nail support, massage support,even hair support. me no dey ready for all that yet as i be JJC for the square.

Anyways, make i leave the elders to take their snuff break while den de scratch their grey hairs and digesting the one wey i don't write so far. By the time i go finish with your questionaire, the elders go generate one position for twin tower for me, maybe something like chief disciplinary officer. when that happen eh, all those efulefus wey dey for yonder dey hold the efulefu politician for nyash as dey sing cumba yaya cumba ya in the name of praise singing go hear nwiii, by the time i finish with them as the chief disciplinary officer eh, den go sare lo to naija go check in for kirikiri or the one wey dey for calabar wey den de call abi na zone 6, na me talk am.
Make i run again, I shall return to finish.

[Dimaanu]

Originally Posted by INGODWETRUST

nhmm, now, where were we? o yes! the questionaire...

1. How did you find out about NVS?

One day as I dey rigmarole for cyber kini ko, E get one bros wey dey for anoda forum wey i be member, he come knack us for yonder with the story about that bobo wey call himself househusband, abi na sit-at-home-dad wey een be, wey tanda for home make een iyawo dey take care of business, anyways, as i read through the whole thing I was like... yekparikpaooo!!! so this village dey for town and all man no know.

So out of exictment, I just land-crashed the square without obtaining proper clearance from ndi elders ( honest mistake though). so na een you come put me for correct direction...

Talk true!!!! Dat househusband's name na PAPUWA
Everybody, standing ovation!!!!!!!!!! Papuwa the greatest

Somepipul been de yab that poor man, see as im don bring one convert to the Village.

Come, INGODWETRUST, I do not like suspense Nack me the whole yarns now.

[mulan]

Originally Posted by Dimaanu

Talk true!!!! Dat househusband's name na PAPUWA
Everybody, standing ovation!!!!!!!!!! Papuwa the greatest

Somepipul been de yab that poor man, see as im don bring one convert to the Village.

Come, INGODWETRUST, I do not like suspense Nack me the whole yarns now.

I love suspense and this guy is a master.

Abeg second base jare

InGodWeTrust

You are welcome

[INGODWETRUST]

"Come, INGODWETRUST, I do not like suspense Nack me the whole yarns now."

Ok for being a true Nwafo and my personal sista, I go give you all the yarns make i no go make your kini ko blood presure go up...

2. What do you do for a living?

My sista, no be small thingoo, as i come tire to dey ansewer oyinbo sir sir, I come begin to think wetin man picin go do, I come see say every year gomenti dey set aside 300 to 600 billions of the boy is good for all the old folks for their medical supllies and equipment. na een i come rack my brain say e go better make i partake in that dealoo since i have the passion to helep the old folks plus including the ego ofe wey go follow, na een i come gather my widows mite come open small business for my self. I don dey for the thing going on 4yrs now. So ndi elder, if una need some wheelchairs, and that one wey you pee inside wey you no go commot for ya bed at all at all, halla, i go give una village elder discount, plus including one year supply of magana buruntashi ab na viagra den dey call am free of charge.

3. What positive impact do you hope to make in this village?

My sista, One big Impact wey you go hia from me be say I go chase all the efulefu praise singers back to otta farm where dey belong, I am so ready to begin work as soon as i get clearance and the chief disciplinary officer position from Ndi elders and i hope to tap into the brains of the elders for wisdom becos my people dey talk say if you **** for ground and you no pee, na een be say you gave the ground dry food.

4. Tell us a brief interesting story about yourself (including why you went on exile)

My story na same like all the other correct exilers; in search of greenier pasture. mine be say popsie sent me to obodo onyinbo to come join my other 4 simbilings. so i Bailed Naija when i was 15 and that was 16years ago. I be go to college ab na university den de call am here. I be major in Kinesiology with emphasis on coporate fitness. mastering in physical therapy currently while i try to run my tiny biti bizness. now you see why i kept you in suspense all these while? Now you have it, what says yee ndi elders?

[Dimaanu]

Originally Posted by INGODWETRUST

"Come, INGODWETRUST, I do not like suspense Nack me the whole yarns now."

Ok for being a true Nwafo and my personal sista, I go give you all the yarns make i no go make your kini ko blood presure go up...

2. What do you do for a living?

My sista, no be small thingoo, as i come tire to dey ansewer oyinbo sir sir, I come begin to think wetin man picin go do, I come see say every year gomenti dey set aside 300 to 600 billions of the boy is good for all the old folks for their medical supllies and equipment. na een i come rack my brain say e go better make i partake in that dealoo since i have the passion to helep the old folks plus including the ego ofe wey go follow, na een i come gather my widows mite come open small business for my self. I don dey for the thing going on 4yrs now. So ndi elder, if una need some wheelchairs, and that one wey you pee inside wey you no go commot for ya bed at all at all, halla, i go give una village elder discount, plus including one year supply of magana buruntashi ab na viagra den dey call am free of charge.

3. What positive impact do you hope to make in this village?

My sista, One big Impact wey you go hia from me be say I go chase all the efulefu praise singers back to otta farm where dey belong, I am so ready to begin work as soon as i get clearance and the chief disciplinary officer position from Ndi elders and i hope to tap into the brains of the elders for wisdom becos my people dey talk say if you **** for ground and you no pee, na een be say you gave the ground dry food.

4. Tell us a brief interesting story about yourself (including why you went on exile)

My story na same like all the other correct exilers; in search of greenier pasture. mine be say popsie sent me to obodo onyinbo to come join my other 4 simbilings. so i Bailed Naija when i was 15 and that was 16years ago. I be go to college ab na university den de call am here. I be major in Kinesiology with emphasis on coporate fitness. mastering in physical therapy currently while i try to run my tiny biti bizness. now you see why i kept you in suspense all these while? Now you have it, what says yee ndi elders?

Kinesiology

Young man!

I am on official duty here See me laughing and losing control like.... anyway make I no yab myself.

Na people like you we dey find for this village. I hope say you go set up a branch of your business empire here make you de offer employment to our youths.

Ya papers go ready soon but e remain one thing.

It is customary for us to celebrate the arrival of every villager, but na you go finance am o! That is our way of testing your financial muscle as we do not encourage jobless riff-raffs fllooding our borders.

Abeg, make a list of all consumable items you are providing for this celebration.

I will be back to inspect them.

Dimaanu
TIO

[INGODWETRUST]

nhmm, Madam TIO,

as i see say e don dey reach the Jolly time, na een I kukuma assemble the best of the best for kithchen make dem wash their hands prepare correct for ndi ichie; Ikaite go prepare some afan soup, ikpankwukwa, edikainkon for Ndi elders. One bobo come hint me say e get one elder wey like 404 meat, na een I flew Akpan in from Uron make een roast correct ibua alias 404 for the Elder. Mama Nneka from Owerri junction dey for house to display her acrobatic jingoism for the preparation of Ofe Nsala with mackerel and mangala, Ofe owerri with anu nchi, and correct ofe achara for all the Umuahia elders. Also, Iya Sule from yonder just land to make all the burugutu, ori siri isi, all the afo anu, plus incuding the Amala ati ewedu, ifo ati iyan and other small small things wey dey make the elder body kuleee.

Yours truely, to display my sense of humility, go enter kitchen carry my two naked hands prepare all the pepper soups i.e fish, goat, chicken even the one with towel and roudabout.

I beg helep me tell the elders make den go knack pump so that den go clear den belle well well for this festi.

For the drinks, as we speak, freshly tapped tombo without sacharin from Ariam Usaka don dey ground de clear home land security because the aroma from the kini koo no gree them do their job, na een dey import experts from russia make den come confirm which kind vodka abi pina colada that tombo be.
I just pictured one elder wey dey for yonda after mesmerizing een brain with the tombo as een dey sing tombo eehh, tombo, ebe obula ina eje, oso gi ga panya, aga m esoro gi gaa.

And for the ladi elders too, as i get super respek for you all, me no fit give una anything less than marco buffante, plus including cryatal as in drink not the one wey den de smoke. Don perignon go follow. Infact, rice and stew go very plenty.

I don already buy the frame wey i go carry put my safiticati, plus including my village green card from the elders.

Ndi elder unu birikwa oo!!!!

[Dimaanu]

The Adviser General,
JJC Admission Matters Bureau (JJCAMB),
Village Twin Towers

Oga Abraxas,

Ref: INGODWETRUST (JJC)

On behalf of Madam Emj,AG, who is presently on Official assignment to the Cayman Islands, I submit that the above named JJC is cleared to step into your Office for his Transit and/or Shopping visas.

Please see attached documents.

Thank you.

Dimaanu
TIO

[Amy]

Nnaa, na u biko!

Dis ur description of the many things dey ur two hands fit prepare don maki my mouth begin water fast fast... benefits boku 4 dis elders' joint o!

Shaa, me I like ur style joo, not to mention your name. U are more than welcome to our beloved village square... Enjoy!

Kaomesia,

Amy

[purple]

Welcome Bros!

This ya vivid description of the food wey you dey carry come for the elders just dey make my mouth water. I beg make them stamp ya visa quick quick, luch time done reach.

[INGODWETRUST]

Purple and all the good people of village square wey join hand welecom me, I salute una.

I still dey for the drive way of oga Abraxas dey wait wen een go welecom me in or bring me my akwukwo Ndu make i head home.

Even though I don notice say my status don change from JJc to villager, but I go hold my breath until Oga Abraxas commot for een jacuzzi, you no say these rich elders dey take sofri sofri dey move around.

Anyways, It feels really good to belong to a forum that boasts of such a diversity of talents and minds.

It MUST definitely be well with Nigeria weda OBJ like am or not.

[emj]

Dimaanu good job(am still at the Resort)

@WIC

Oga Massa, e bi like say Dimaanu is due for Accelerated Promotion, you may wish to review the RCM i sent to you through the Captain's Secured channel, not only has she proved that she can function with little or no supervision, she has IMHO surpassed expectation. I had a goal-setting session with her last week, and i juess can't believe that even with all the stress inherent in the Visa-Office, she was still able to attend to all outstanding applications, plus including some old interviews.

As for INGODWETRUST, you may wish to sa hanu(put hand for him kpali), plus join sume tory put to helpy free hin mind sir.

Simply emj

[Abraxas]

Originally Posted by INGODWETRUST

greetings to all and sundry!

With me, let's just say that your right to smoke stops where my nose begins.

let the platicando continue!

Originally Posted by emj

Dimaanu good job(am still at the Resort)

@WIC

Oga Massa, e bi like say Dimaanu is due for Accelerated Promotion, you may wish to review the RCM i sent to you through the Captain's Secured channel, not only has she proved that she can function with little or no supervision, she has IMHO surpassed expectation. I had a goal-setting session with her last week, and i juess can't believe that even with all the stress inherent in the Visa-Office, she was still able to attend to all outstanding applications, plus including some old interviews.

As for INGODWETRUST, you may wish to sa hanu(put hand for him kpali, plus join sume tory put to helpy free hin mind sir.

Simply emj

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi, INGODWETRUST!

Congratulations!
TEMPORARY TRANSIT VISA APPROVED only(N.B.: No Elongated or Extended Shopping visa for wasting our time!)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Esteemed former JJC,

Now that your application for a GENUINE temporary transit visa has been approved, please help us make our Village a happy place to be in, by not presenting off-topic gist, or participating in gratuitous rudeness, and/or ad-hominem insults, or/and covert or overt ethnocentric or racial slurs, and/or gender chauvinism, or/and mindless pro-establishment sycophancy, praise-singing, executive arsehole hair licking, and/or ego massaging. Please strive to keep our Village of originthe bastion of responsible and intellectual free expression.

For your information and general enlightenment, such posts are subject to being vetted and/or removed completely. Also, kindly endeavour to accord our moderators all necessary cooperation they deserve in keeping our Village of origin the lighthouse of excellence, intellectualism and free responsible expression of opinions and ideas in cyberspace. Consequently, I fervently implore you to always consciously strive to partake in civilized exchange of creative and progressive thoughts, whenever you happen to be in the Square.

Finally, by the powers conferred upon me, on behalf of all Villagersand JJCs legally resident on planet Earth, I do hereby cordially, and very wholeheartedly, welcome you on board the Nigerian VillageSquare, the flagship of Nigeria in cyberspace, as a fully authenticated JJC.

We all look forward to your active participation as you metamorphose into a full-blown bona fide citizen of this Village, in line with the demands of reciprocal obligations of civility, and compliance with the fundamentals of due process. We also expect that you show some level-headedness, objectivity, consistency, maturity, and good interpersonal skills in your interactions on the Square.

Once more, welcome on board the Nigerian Village Square, the default home page of the Nigerian cyber-literati, worldwide.

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan Carlos ABRAXAS (III).
(His Eminence, Sheikh Sadiq d’Fcuk of Sakkwato Caliphate, Darfur & Dubai Emirates)
(Welcomer-in-Chief of all JJCs in this and other realities.)

cc: Director of Laptop Operations & Miscellaneous Services to His Excellency (250th Floor)
cc: Adviser General (AG) on JJC Admission Matters (105th Floor)
cc: Senior Special Assistant (SSA) to the AG (97th Floor) on maternity vacation.
cc: Director General, Village Security Service, DG-VSS. (69th Floor)
cc: Trainee Interrogation Officer, TIO. (105th Floor)
cc: Trainee Visa Review Officer (Pre-inspection), TVRO. (97th Floor)
cc: Database Administrator, DA. (Basement Level 10)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPENDIX 1:

Story, story, (story).Once upon a time, (time, time!):

And so, it came to pass that, in the olden days, an 18 year old Port Harcourt girl told her mommy that she had missed her period for over 60 days. Very worried, her mother went to the chemist’s and bought a pregnancy test kit. The test result showed that the girl was 100 % definitely pregnant. Shouting, cursing, and weeping, the mother said: "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The young girl simply picked up her 3-G GSM/Pocket PC handset, and made a quick call.

Half an hour later, a 2007 American export model stretched armoured Rolls Royce, with mirrored tinted windscreens, accompanied by dispatch riders and well-fed bodyguards, zoomed in front of their humble family house, by the "waterside". A mature and distinguished looking gentleman, with gray hair, and impeccably dressed in well-starched brocade babanriga, stepped out of the Rolls Royce, and waved his hand and greeted everyone in the vicinity, as he entered the house.

He sat in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl, and told them: "Good morning, folks. Your daughter has informed me of the slight problem. Well, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but, I assure you, I'll take FULL responsibility for your daughter. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."

"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath an X-Series Jaguar, a beach house in Florida, and California, USA, two retail stores in Abuja and Onitsha, a chateau in Lekki Peninsular, a beach front villa in Cape Town, and a 200 million naira bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories, at least one in every geopolitical zone in Nigeria, and a 450 million naira bank account. If twins, they will each receive a factory and 250 million naira. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father of the Port Harcourt girl, who had remained silent all the while, placed a hand firmly on his daughter’s sugar daddy’s shoulder, and told him: "Bros! You must to fukc am well-well again, now, (no be so, my in-law?).Oyibo say sey: If once you try, you no succeed, make you try, try, and try again. That’s all."

That is the end of my story for today.

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan Carlos ABRAXAS (III).
Welcomer-in-Chief

[Dimaanu]

Originally Posted by emj

Dimaanu good job(am still at the Resort)

@WIC

Oga Massa, e bi like say Dimaanu is due for Accelerated Promotion, you may wish to review the RCM i sent to you through the Captain's Secured channel, not only has she proved that she can function with little or no supervision, she has IMHO surpassed expectation. I had a goal-setting session with her last week, and i juess can't believe that even with all the stress inherent in the Visa-Office, she was still able to attend to all outstanding applications, plus including some old interviews.

As for INGODWETRUST, you may wish to sa hanu(put hand for him kpali), plus join sume tory put to helpy free hin mind sir.

Simply emj

Madam Emj,

Na Cordelia, wey dey for Reception tell me say you call for office today.
Ewooo, di thing pain me say I no dey dat taim.
Hmmm, I been run go Art Gallery to select some paintings for di men wey de refurbish your office. You no fit recognize your office when you return, walahi!
New carpet, new furniture, new dis and dat Oga Abraxas sef leave instruction say "spare no expense".

I hope say you go come back from the Islands before traveling to Spain, abi na from there you go travel?

Make you call again ooo

Dimaanu
TIO