CRAPmyFAMILYsays

uniben82 · Sep 1, 2009 , 10:20 PM

In a perfect world in my mind’s eye, actions would have no consequences. Spoken words… no matter how blunt or offensive they may sound, would not hurt feelings. In my household, my husband and I have a special relationship with our kids. A relationship that some may deem dysfunctional or quickly label as "bad parenting." See, unlike the "Leave it to Beaver" clan, expletives like shit, jackass, butt-head, @sshole and so forth are tolerated on most occasions as long as they are used in a humorous, playful and non-malicious manner. This is the basis 4 all future posts on this thread, titled, "CRAPmyFAMILYsays."

P.S. If you are a tight @ss who cringes at the mere sound of curse words, be warned, this thread is not for you. Other than that, I think we are good to go. Enjoy.

UB82

uniben82 · Sep 1, 2009 , 10:24 PM

Hubby: Hey, did I not put enough water in the coffee pot? Why are you laughing? You f*cking ass. You took some of my coffee again, didn’t you? I don’t know why I always fall for that shit.

UB82

uniben82 · Sep 2, 2009 , 04:03 PM

ME: Stink-@ss, you think you can flush the toilet sometimes? Maybe? Just flush the damn toilet when you are done okay? It smells like you’re brewing a pot of skunk coffee in there.

UB82

uniben82 · Sep 4, 2009 , 04:23 PM

HE: "Jesus, there’s no f*cking water in the fridge! Why can’t you shitheads put some water in the fridge? I hate all of you. It’s like living with retards. You know what, I’m getting my own fridge. I’m gonna put it in my bedroom. No, in my office. And then, I’m putting a lock on the damn door. Yeeeeeeeeees!"

UB82

uniben82 · Sep 6, 2009 , 10:14 PM

ME: Screw the doggy training class. I’m tired of bribing the stupid dog with a bunch of treats to behave and he’s still an ass. I’m not going. You take him. The only training he needs is a swift kick in the nuts next time he tries to jump on me.

UB82

uniben82 · Sep 8, 2009 , 06:10 PM

ME: Can you please move? I don’t care. I’m trying to cook over here and your (_ _ ! _ _) is in the way. I thought you said you were not hungry? Why are you eating a freaking poptart? Don’t tell me to shut up, butt hole!

UB82

uniben82 · Sep 12, 2009 , 12:13 AM

ME to my 15-yr-old: Leave me alone. Because I don't feel like watching. Yeah. Letting an ice cube hang down from your lip takes real talent, you dumb-ass. No, I don’t want to try it. Hope it rips a piece of your freaking lip off.

UB82

uniben82 · Sep 14, 2009 , 10:04 PM

Me: Get the hell away from the window. What? Why would you want to moon your friends? Why not? Whatever. Knock yourself out. It’s your @ss on full display!

UB82

uniben82 · Sep 16, 2009 , 05:32 PM

Hubby: "Oh Jesus! Bennie, what are you watching? Look at that fat ass! Why is she wearing such a tight dress? And why are you laughing? Maybe I should sign you up for the show. You may need a two year contract. It’s called, Dance Your Ass Off, isn’t it? Shit. What the hell is next?

UB82

uniben82 · Sep 20, 2009 , 10:06 PM

Me: Why do I have to pick up the wet Sunday paper? You’re getting what? The mail? Are you kidding me? There’s no mail on Sundays you jackass! You don’t feel like bending over? Your back hurts. I understand. You’re way over forty.

P.S. Holiday is coming, no more morning bell(s?). No more teacher's yell(s? ( at least that's how i remember this nursery rhyme from otakara). Hubby and I will be sailing away with our kiddies for some splish splashing and snorkeling action. See you all in about a week. Stay away from this thread if you happen to catch the swine flu-

Bon voyage!

UB82

uniben82 · Sep 27, 2009 , 06:02 PM

My KID: "My mom is an @sshole. My mom is an @sshole. No, I have nothing else to say, other than, my mom is an @sshole!"
ME: Don't you ever forget that!

UB82

uniben82 · Oct 2, 2009 , 04:28 PM

There'll be no more updates on this thread. Barely escaped a family lynching. P.S. there's always 'crapIsay'...know what I mean?

UB82

Count1 · Oct 2, 2009 , 05:19 PM

Originally Posted by uniben82

There'll be no more updates on this thread. Barely escaped a family lynching. P.S. there's always 'crapIsay'...know what I mean?

UB82

Are you serious? This is really how your family speaks? I thought you were spoofing a Beavers and Butthead series. Or should I say Beaver and dickhead?

The Count

uniben82 · Oct 3, 2009 , 05:03 PM

@the 'Count'

Just in case you missed the preface to this thread, (which by the way does not state that we talk like that all the time) below is what sums it up:
"See, unlike the "Leave it to Beaver" clan, expletives like shit, jackass, butt-head, @sshole and so forth are tolerated on most occasions as long as they are used in a humorous, playful and non-malicious manner.

Have a great day!

UB82