Would you marry a very good lady, whose faith/race/tribe is/are different from yours?

Would you marry a very good lady, whose faith, race or tribe differs from yours?

For Sisters: Would you marry a very good man, whose faith, race or tribe differs from yours?

If your answer is YES; why?

If your answer is NO; why?

[Ph3y]

Mr Vade Mecum,

You know what?!?
I think we should just rename this section of the boards after you....So get ready for your coronation ceremony as the ihiala I [Dunno what this means o!!] of Vade Mecum Section of the NVS.......

[.bebi]

Vade,people do it everyday.Na today?

[Vade Mecum]

Originally Posted by Feyi

Mr Vade Mecum,

You know what?!?
I think we should just rename this section of the boards after you....So get ready for your coronation ceremony as the ihiala I [Dunno what this means o!!] of Vade Mecum Section of the NVS.......

Thank you for this new and wonderful title,

Well, I am afraid I cannot accept a chieftaincy title; because I am from an extended family, where the eldest son by primogeniture, automatically inherits a chieftaincy title. The title has been part of the family, before the coming of the white man. I don't want to be declared "over-ambitious and a threat."

I have observed too, that you have not answered my question. In your case: Would you marry a very good man, whose faith, race or tribe differs from yours?

[Vade Mecum]

Originally Posted by .bebi

Vade,people do it everyday.Na today?

Bebi,

Would you marry a very good man, whose faith, race or tribe differs from yours?

Support your answer with reasons

[.bebi]

Ofcourse except the faith part sha.All that matters is that we both love and care for each other and understand each other.Every other thing is secondary in my books.

[Vade Mecum]

Originally Posted by .bebi

Ofcourse except the faith part sha.All that matters is that we both love and care for each other and understand each other.Every other thing is secondary in my books.

What a sweet and brilliant answer?

Then again:

Bebi, have you thought about cultural differences and how a culture based issue could erupt and stealthly develope into a major crisis; and put you on a serious 'marital trial', so to speak?

How would you handle / deal with such crisis?

What principles based on your value system, would you apply?

Would you fall back on your christian faith?

If you would rely on your christian faith; tell us more about your faith?

[depirate]

Question:

Would you marry a very good lady/man, whose faith, race or tribe is different from you?

Anwser:

Yes

Why:

Faith, race and tribe (add affluence, education, colour of eyes etc) are only meaningful because we make them so, in actual fact they are of no consequence whatsoever, and if it doesn't work out,well too bad (and has nothing to do with the above unless we make them consequencial) - not all relationships/marriages work out

[Djister]

Originally Posted by .bebi

Ofcourse except the faith part sha.All that matters is that we both love and care for each other and understand each other.Every other thing is secondary in my books.

@VADE MECUM: Please note that this is a village! Learn to write in ENGLISH!

All this 'primogeniture' as if we are in a furniture shop!

@.BEBI: Dr.! Doctor. What kind of slip & slide answer is that. Except for the Faith? then in the same breath 'All that matters is that you love and respect each other?

If all that matters is the love you have for each other then where does the 'condition' of faith come in?

Without particular reference to you, I find such answers veiled with 'hidden' agendas. I am personally totally against ANY condition for marriage along the lines stipulated by VM.

ANY acceptance of such conditions or answer of NO to the question reveals an innate propensity to propagate the SAME reasons for the failure of Tribes, Communities, Regions and the Country Nigeria.

Let any who answers NO or a 'conditional' no to the question pretend they are not innately Tribalistic, Racist, Regionalistic or any other istic there may be.

Like Gays, eventually all will have to come out of the 'closet' given the right platform.

While we clamour for a unified Nigeria and its people on the one hand, making ourselves seem like we are true Nationalists, we hide and perpetuate the same crimes against its people to the detriment of the larger nation.

For many of us who see ourselves as detribalized and having grown up and developed in the midst of a variety of Nigeria cultures, with a variety of languages to boot, I find the next generation of Nigerians to be more ridiculous than their predecessors.

We camouflage our true beliefs and convictions in a variety of meaningless titles and place heavier conditions on ourselves while purporting to be well-educated and worldly individuals.

Who cares where my wife is from? Is that what makes her a good wife?

Is it the fact that it may be convenient within my own culture to 'bully', 'dominate' and 'intimidate' her that will make me insist on marrying someone from the same culture/tribe?

We should be careful as we carry forth the tribalistic, regionalistic and religious intolerance of or predecessors in the name of trying to see who 'fits' and who doesn't.

You see on NVS boards everyday, from the mundane to the ridiculous, arguements driven by misplaced passions for tribe and region. protestations, however seemingly civil they may be, only serve the purpose of looking good on the boards.

i think it is a very poignant assertion you make that 'except for faith' and as long as there is love (.Bebi). What love? Conditional love?

If the same GOD truly created all, we must learn to live with and be tolerant of all.

For all I care, Subu can pray 20 times a day as a muslim. She will be no different from Christy who spends all week in church and night vigils. As long as either one of them does not disturb my own preferred routine. Then we will fight.

You see, the assertion that one person is better than the other, which is what we are inadvertently doing in opting for preferences based on Tribe, Race, Religion etc. is the bane of the problems of our communities and countries not making any progress.

We do not lack academic qualities or capacities in Nigeria. We do not lack awareness of the world around us. We simply elect to 'ignore' tolerance and acceptance for the selfish promotion of self.

In the over one year of the administration in Lagos State. I am yet to see IGBOS or YORUBAS protest at Prof. Ben Akabueze being a Commissioner of Economic Planning in a Yoruba/SW State. A war has not broken out.

What has this got to do with marriage?

The same fundamental reasons we make these preferences are the same reasons we will make larger impactful decisions to the detriment of the collective.

Today it is camouflaged under the heading 'marriage' tomorrow it will be protectionist and to preserve a community. This we will pass on to our children and they onwards thereafter.

For me, you shag well, can offer me mutual respect and support, help me raise my children and give everyone around us overall happiness, then go ahead and book a venue. All friends invited.

If our parents' generation failed us, lets not fail our children's.

Let us all be openly tribalist and Religiously Intolerant. That devil we can live with.

Get Yours! (No apologies to Obugi!)

Djister

[.bebi]

Djister,all this for me?Nna na wa o.Make I go to bed,I have backslided in my resolve not to spend more than 2 hrs max on NVS in a day.Tomorrow is another day.I will be back to answer u,after I have dreamt of the right answer.
Good night to u,Subu and the twins.

[Djister]

Originally Posted by .bebi

Djister,all this for me?Nna na wa o.Make I go to bed,I have backslided in my resolve not to spend more than 2 hrs max on NVS in a day.Tomorrow is another day.I will be back to answer u,after I have dreamt of the right answer.
Good night to u,Subu and the twins.

@.BEBI

I refer...

Without particular reference to you, I find such answers veiled with 'hidden' agendas. I am personally totally against ANY condition for marriage along the lines stipulated by VM.

My dear Dr. there is no Right or Wrong answer.

I think VM's question in itself was mischievous and likely to 'inflame' rather than progress the current situation we find ourselves, in NVS and in Nigeria.

gd evening. (lol!)

Djister

[Vade Mecum]

Originally Posted by Djister

@VADE MECUM: Please note that this is a village! Learn to write in ENGLISH!

All this 'primogeniture' as if we are in a furniture shop!

@.BEBI: Dr.! Doctor. What kind of slip & slide answer is that. Except for the Faith? then in the same breath 'All that matters is that you love and respect each other?

If all that matters is the love you have for each other then where does the 'condition' of faith come in?

Without particular reference to you, I find such answers veiled with 'hidden' agendas. I am personally totally against ANY condition for marriage along the lines stipulated by VM.

ANY acceptance of such conditions or answer of NO to the question reveals an innate propensity to propagate the SAME reasons for the failure of Tribes, Communities, Regions and the Country Nigeria.

Let any who answers NO or a 'conditional' no to the question pretend they are not innately Tribalistic, Racist, Regionalistic or any other istic there may be.

Like Gays, eventually all will have to come out of the 'closet' given the right platform.

While we clamour for a unified Nigeria and its people on the one hand, making ourselves seem like we are true Nationalists, we hide and perpetuate the same crimes against its people to the detriment of the larger nation.

Djister

Djister,

I have just returned from a liquified gas shop, where I went to check out the meaning of propensity. I was informed that they only sell propane gas.

Now, I am off to find a 'proper-gate', though, I cannot tell for sure, what I would need it for?

Please Djister, what type of pepper were you talking about, when you wrote 'perpetuate'?

I wonder what you were thinking, when you were writing your opus.



Please read and reduce your post into a C.D. and send me the C. D. for my listening pleasure. I am tired of reading

[Djister]

Originally Posted by Vade Mecum

Djister,

I have just returned from a liquified gas shop, where I went to check out the meaning of propensity. I was informed that they only sell propane gas.

Now, I am off to find a 'proper-gate', though, I cannot tell for sure, what I would need it for?

Please Djister, what type of pepper were you talking about, when you wrote 'perpetuate'?

I wonder what you were thinking, when you were writing your opus.



Please read and reduce your post into a C.D. and send me the C. D. for my listening pleasure. I am tired of reading

Yeye Man. No be you start the confusion?

Now you don go include OPUS. Na Opus Dei?

Trying to confuse us with BIG english.

Djister

[Vade Mecum]

[quote=@[B]Djister[/B];275725]

[@.BEBI: Dr.! Doctor. What kind of slip & slide answer is that. Except for the Faith? then in the same breath 'All that matters is that you love and respect each other?

Nope, marriage is not only about love. Agreed love is the center of gravity. Parties going into a marriage, must also take into consideration other extraneous matters. Co's after the marriage, you are going to be living in a community of people. You will not suddenly turn into an island unto yourself, after marriage. Thus you must acknowledge, respect and consider the impact your decision will have on persons within your social constituency.

If all that matters is the love you have for each other then where does the 'condition' of faith come in?

Well, like I have just stated, love is not the only factor that matters. We must remember that "weteen follow soup pass throat, dem plenty"

Without particular reference to you, I find such answers veiled with 'hidden' agendas. I am personally totally against ANY condition for marriage along the lines stipulated by VM.

Well your position is an unattainable utopia. The society we live in is not perfect. It's a world of give and take. Compromise is the word my brother, compromise.

ANY acceptance of such conditions or answer of NO to the question reveals an innate propensity to propagate the SAME reasons for the failure of Tribes, Communities, Regions and the Country Nigeria.

Once again, you are preaching the ideal situation. Then, the world is not perfect

Let any who answers NO or a 'conditional' no to the question pretend they are not innately Tribalistic, Racist, Regionalistic or any other istic there may be.

No, I am not a tribalist, neither am I a racist. I am a realist.

Like Gays, eventually all will have to come out of the 'closet' given the right platform.

All gays need deliverance. Homosexuality is a spiritual problem. To marry in such a way, that you don't get cut off, from your 'root' family, and reduce your your whole family to an experiment in dysfunctionality is common sense.

While we clamour for a unified Nigeria and its people on the one hand, making ourselves seem like we are true Nationalists, we hide and perpetuate the same crimes against its people to the detriment of the larger nation

You have been reading too many books, written by arm chair critics and ivory tower theorists; who have no idea of the reality of the streets and the 'hoods'

For many of us who see ourselves as detribalized and having grown up and developed in the midst of a variety of Nigeria cultures, with a variety of languages to boot, I find the next generation of Nigerians to be more ridiculous than their predecessors.

Na oyinbo you dey speak, my dear brother. As much as I support inter-tribal and inter-ethnic marriage. I recognise too, that it must not be done, with our eyes closed. Feel free to marry any where, but please carry your family along with you. In Africa, unlike Europe and the Americas, marriage is between families and not just the persons getting married.

We camouflage our true beliefs and convictions in a variety of meaningless titles and place heavier conditions on ourselves while purporting to be well-educated and worldly individuals.

That you are educated, is not a good reason to put the cart before the horse. Our society is not there yet. When we get there, then and oh, then.

Who cares where my wife is from? Is that what makes her a good wife?

I agree with you

Is it the fact that it may be convenient within my own culture to 'bully', 'dominate' and 'intimidate' her that will make me insist on marrying someone from the same culture/tribe?

I guess, you have a coloured understanding of the fear and bias of our parents' generation against inter tribal and inter ethnic marriages. Personally, I am against inter-faith marriages.

We should be careful as we carry forth the tribalistic, regionalistic and religious intolerance of or predecessors in the name of trying to see who 'fits' and who doesn't.

Good point

You see on NVS boards everyday, from the mundane to the ridiculous, arguements driven by misplaced passions for tribe and region. protestations, however seemingly civil they may be, only serve the purpose of looking good on the boards.

Good point

i think it is a very poignant assertion you make that 'except for faith' and as long as there is love (.Bebi). What love? Conditional love?

Bebi is right. Leave Bebi alone jejelee. Love cannot be so blind, that one will go and marry a violent religious fanatic from across the religious divide.

If the same GOD truly created all, we must learn to live with and be tolerant of all.

One must not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

For all I care, Subu can pray 20 times a day as a muslim. She will be no different from Christy who spends all week in church and night vigils. As long as either one of them does not disturb my own preferred routine. Then we will fight.

You have exposed your real self here. What an incongruous posturing. Stop being intolerant of Subu. How dare you preach sanctimoniously to us on the need for inter faith marriages, when at home, you can not tolerate gentle Subu's fundamental right to free worship, dignity of the human person, free speech etc, etc. Charity begins at home. Please go home to assuage Subu hurt feelings, after violating her fundamental human rights; before you return to this thread to continue, your audacious grandstanding

You see, the assertion that one person is better than the other, which is what we are inadvertently doing in opting for preferences based on Tribe, Race, Religion etc. is the bane of the problems of our communities and countries not making any progress.

I agree with you

We do not lack academic qualities or capacities in Nigeria. We do not lack awareness of the world around us. We simply elect to 'ignore' tolerance and acceptance for the selfish promotion of self.

Once again, you are correct.

In the over one year of the administration in Lagos State. I am yet to see IGBOS or YORUBAS protest at Prof. Ben Akabueze being a Commissioner of Economic Planning in a Yoruba/SW State. A war has not broken out.

A great point, you have there.

What has this got to do with marriage?

Don't bother to explain, I understand

The same fundamental reasons we make these preferences are the same reasons we will make larger impactful decisions to the detriment of the collective.

Now, you are wrong. There is a reason, why every scientific study of the behavioural pattern of man is called 'social science' and not 'pure science'. Man is not as predictable as the elements nor figures.

Today it is camouflaged under the heading 'marriage' tomorrow it will be protectionist and to preserve a community. This we will pass on to our children and they onwards thereafter

With time, you will understand. We are not there yet. You are preaching the ideal scenario, but then, roses comes with thorns. An insect must navigate a rose stem soflee, soflee.

[blooming_i]

Originally Posted by Vade Mecum

Would you marry a very good man, whose faith, race or tribe differs from yours?

Pastor VM, the highlighted word is what's important as far as I am concerned. Can two walk, except they agree? (paraphrase).

[Vade Mecum]

Originally Posted by blooming_i

Pastor VM, the highlighted word is what's important as far as I am concerned. Can two walk, except they agree? (paraphrase).

Good and brilliant sister

Clap for your self

[Djister]

[quote=Vade Mecum;275759]

Originally Posted by @[B

Djister[/B];275725]



Nope, marriage is not only about love. Agreed love is the center of gravity. Parties going into a marriage, must also take into consideration other extraneous matters. Co's after the marriage, you are going to be living in a community of people. You will not suddenly turn into an island unto yourself, after marriage. Thus you must acknowledge, respect and consider the impact your decision will have on persons within your social constituency.



Well, like I have just stated, love is not the only factor that matters. We must remember that "weteen follow soup pass throat, dem plenty"



Well your position is an unattainable utopia. The society we live in is not perfect. It's a world of give and take. Compromise is the word my brother, compromise.



Once again, you are preaching the ideal situation. Then, the world is not perfect



No, I am not a tribalist, neither am I a racist. I am a realist.



All gays need deliverance. Homosexuality is a spiritual problem. To marry in such a way, that you don't get cut off, from your 'root' family, and reduce your your whole family to an experiment in dysfunctionality is common sense.



You have been reading too many books, written by arm chair critics and ivory tower theorists; who have no idea of the reality of the streets and the 'hoods'



Na oyinbo you dey speak, my dear brother. As much as I support inter-tribal and inter-ethnic marriage. I recognise too, that it must not be done, with our eyes closed. Feel free to marry any where, but please carry your family along with you. In Africa, unlike Europe and the Americas, marriage is between families and not just the persons getting married.



That you are educated, is not a good reason to put the cart before the horse. Our society is not there yet. When we get there, then and oh, then.



I agree with you



I guess, you have a coloured understanding of the fear and bias of our parents' generation against inter tribal and inter ethnic marriages. Personally, I am against inter-faith marriages.



Good point



Good point



Bebi is right. Leave Bebi alone jejelee. Love cannot be so blind, that one will go and marry a violent religious fanatic from across the religious divide.



One must not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.



You have exposed your real self here. What an incongruous posturing. Stop being intolerant of Subu. How dare you preach sanctimoniously to us on the need for inter faith marriages, when at home, you can not tolerate gentle Subu's fundamental right to free worship, dignity of the human person, free speech etc, etc. Charity begins at home. Please go home to assuage Subu hurt feelings, after violating her fundamental human rights; before you return to this thread to continue, your audacious grandstanding



I agree with you



Once again, you are correct.



A great point, you have there.



Don't bother to explain, I understand



Now, you are wrong. There is a reason, why every scientific study of the behavioural pattern of man is called 'social science' and not 'pure science'. Man is not as predictable as the elements nor figures.



With time, you will understand. We are not there yet. You are preaching the ideal scenario, but then, roses comes with thorns. An insect must navigate a rose stem soflee, soflee.

Mr Lecturer, class finish yesterday na im you come slip back quietly into the classroom after reseach to come write many tins put for blackboard, eh?

Here Goes..

I do not preach Ideal scenarios simply because I do not accept that the conditions we find ourselves should 'enforce' our actions and reactions on certain matters.

Intolerance of Faith, Tribe and Race is what I preach against.

Firstly, being 'enveloped' in the desire to 'prove' who or what is better than the other is a waste of time IMHO.

If we are truly driven by that which makes us survive this jungle we live in, then who will have time to make the comparisons you want us to make?

If we are truly to break from the failed 'traditions' of our society, why should we give any credence to it.

Be very careful, Good Reverend VM when you allude to one religion of Faith being 'Violent and Intolerant'. Yours is not any better than the next person's. the divisions within yours exists in every other religion. The radicalism and potential for violence exists in every religion including your own.

AND most importantly, the direction you have chosen and the path your followers are beating, like in every other religious faith, is as yet to be determined correct until your prescribed judgement Day. So please do not give yourself any premature applause.

You may stand on your pulpit and yell to the heavens that yours is the faith and path to redemption. All that yelling is only good enough for your flock. Like in WAEC, we are all awaiting results.

On the issue of 'idealism' in marriage, let me enlighten you, having been there a few times myself. Your theories hold no water. The experiences you gain could NEVER have been prescribed or predicted.

In the study of ANY grouping or pairing of animals, humans inclusive, there will be expectations borne out of previous studies, however, individual circumstances more often than not, throw such out of the window and we have to re-write the theories all over again.

The reason for this is simpler. Those theories and by extension, expectations were based on previous studies governed by previous circumstances and conditions.

Projections may take into account changes which may ensue but can never pinpoint the accurate reactions that will emerge because, in humans, there are other 'selfish' factors that will come into play under the then conditions.

Because we all read Mills & Boon gives us no special 'powers' in 'expecting' Love and Marriage to be filled with heaving bosoms and beating hearts.

It is a nonsense to think Love will carry through marriage in today's conditions. You must either have never married or had any worthwhile long-term relationship to know better.

Love, whatever that may mean to you and me and them, has been relegated from the Premiership in the high stakes of today. Comfort, Peace, Security, Happiness and Economic survival rule the roost. Wake up and smell the coffee I say.

The pressures we face as Individuals, Couples and/or in SERIOUS relationships all merge into a decision-taking cauldron, full of choices and chances we take. Later on, with hindsight, do we stand back and declare such decisions as correct or otherwise. the only control we have, is to ensure that when such decisions have to be taken, they should be done with the least amount of stress to us and those around us. Afterall, what is the use of taking on a battle where you cannot comeback to the drawing board and declare yourself 'winner' or start again?

You miss the point of my reference to Subu and Charity. Subu prays as many times a day as she needs to. Charity goes to church and prayer meetings as often as she needs to. In their individual beliefs, I do not disturb either. What you call my intolerance is totally off-point. I ask that their faith preferences and practices do not disturb my Football Time, Study Time, Eating Time, Shagging Time and/or Disco Time. Then we will fight. Got it now? (Ever heard the expression 'tongue-in-cheek'?)

That has nothing to do with being intolerant. Has it? You see, Subu has her prayer times and in acceptance that it does not match my own, she finds a quiet and convenient place and space to pray. Do I detest or resist my wife because of her faith? Please! You should eat her food and will see she can't do anything wrong in my eyes!

In Subu's own religion/faith there are reports and counter-reports of practices the larger world find unacceptable. In my own, there are abhorrent practices that are swept under the carpet and some which churn your stomach. Within both faiths, practitioners claim it was not them or was not meant to be so. The argument goes on and on. Neither faith in my opinion holds the Right to Superiority. Judgement Day is not yet here and the exam results have not been posted up.

Have and practice your faith as diligently as is prescribed for you. Only ONE thing is certain. On THAT DAY, zillions of mankind will be finding out too late that they have been wrong and misled all along. For now, seek peace and tolerate the world you live in.

Even YOU Good Reverend VM may have been interpreting the message of your faith for convenience and increasing your flock. Time and God will tell.

Finally, please stop this Obama-inspired 'i agree with you' condescending posture. in a debate, If I am right then You are wrong.

Don't hold your breath, I am not leaving this classroom.

Welcome to my world.

Djister

[skindeep]

would u marry a 'very good' woman/man ......?

do such people exist? They are not just 'good' but 'very good', i beg o, i go manage 'just ok', or 'not that bad' sef do me

Forget about faith, race and tribe... how average joe/jane one remain with very good, one of them go crase with time. Unless average J go corrupt very good, or VG go convert J (see first problem, we never even tackle other issues, then when they don marry, one go say him/her don change. Change ko, makeover ni )

On a more serious note, any relationship (long term) should be developed primarily on things of substance (views on life, money, culture, raising children etc) and then relative issues (good, beauty, love etc). In my opinion, might stand a better chance at survival. Relative issues are easier to modify or adjust to

[Djister]

Originally Posted by skindeep

would u marry a 'very good' woman/man ......?

do such people exist? They are not just 'good' but 'very good', i beg o, i go manage 'just ok', or 'not that bad' sef do me

Forget about faith, race and tribe... how average joe/jane one remain with very good, one of them go crase with time. Unless average J go corrupt very good, or VG go convert J (see first problem, we never even tackle other issues, then when they don marry, one go say him/her don change. Change ko, makeover ni )

On a more serious note, any relationship (long term) should be developed primarily on things of substance (views on life, money, culture, raising children etc) and then relative issues (good, beauty, love etc). In my opinion, might stand a better chance at survival. Relative issues are easier to modify or adjust to

SKINDEEP I thank you again AND again!

Even the question sounds somehow "very good man/woman.....faith, tribe, race....?"

Whatever qualifies as 'very good' shall remain each person's perogative.

However, let us not hide from the fact that what determines each person's decision along the lines of faith, tribe or race is nothing short of myopic and prejudicial in every negative sense.

I would rather deal/live with a Yahoozee Boy who wears a badge than the pretentious individual in a Red Cross uniform.

Djister

[Abraxas]

Hi, Rt. Reverend Vade Mecum!

I am ecstatically and happily married to a very good lady (Mama Marie-J), whose faith (extreme Roman Catholicism), and race (Yoruba-Brazilian-Hispanic Amazonian Aztec) are VERY different from mine.

Glory be to GOD most high!

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)