Tradional Marriage List - Page 2

People ... help oo. My friend has just fainted. He just received the following list from his in-laws for their traditional marriage next year.

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Iye · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:12 AM

Originally Posted by Lalakokofefe

No mind me jare.... na night school i go.

me na oga nite school and I no dey see you....that means you no even dey reach there

MrsChocT · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:13 AM

Originally Posted by Lalakokofefe

Thanks Valteena.

They also offered help him get the stuff, so he doesn't have to transport them from his place.

Well with that, he is in for a ride....cos dem go double the price times 10. He better get a jobless relative, book a cheap motel for am, and send him/her to do that...At least if that one go chop money, na small..but with these inlaws who want Central Bank of Nigeria...hmmmm e get a e be

Iye · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:19 AM

Originally Posted by Lalakokofefe

Thanks Valteena.

They also offered help him get the stuff, so he doesn't have to transport them from his place.

....less transportation fees.....they really got his back

Lalakokofefe · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:19 AM

Originally Posted by MrsChocT

Well with that, he is in for a ride....cos dem go double the price times 10. He better get a jobless relative, book a cheap motel for am, and send him/her to do that...At least if that one go chop money, na small..but with these inlaws who want Central Bank of Nigeria...hmmmm e get a e be

Hmm.. dat one go hard ooo. My man lives in the US with im family ooo.

MrsChocT · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:22 AM

Originally Posted by Lalakokofefe

Hmm.. dat one go hard ooo. My man lives in the US with im family ooo.

He doesn't have anybody back home..hmmmm, then he needs to start working double shift

valteena · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:23 AM

Originally Posted by Lalakokofefe

Thanks Valteena.

They also offered help him get the stuff, so he doesn't have to transport them from his place.

That's another option open to him. He can ask for an estimate and just give them the cash to get it themselves. But in my place for instance, those items that are sacrosanct he has to get and bring with him when he is going for any of the stages.

You see those different individual of group on that list are usually dealt with in stages and can be spread out over a period of time(which by implication can mean spreading out the cost too) before the actual marriage ceremony itself(about 3 or 4 stages) So in a way he doesn't need to cough all out at ones .

MrsChocT · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:27 AM

I will be sure to tell folks to eat well and be belle full before they marry an Akwa Ibom beauty...Chei.......too much money!

valteena · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:31 AM

Originally Posted by Lalakokofefe

Hmm.. dat one go hard ooo. My man lives in the US with im family ooo.

Then why is he complaining? $1000 or $2000 dollars will take care of that list up there now

.

He must have some close if extended family members back home ke? that can arrange all those stuff on his behalf.

Iye · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:31 AM

Originally Posted by MrsChocT

I will be sure to tell folks to eat well and be belle full before they marry an Akwa Ibom beauty...Chei.......too much money!

I will add Yamiri babes to that list too

Iye · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:33 AM

Originally Posted by Lalakokofefe

Hmm.. dat one go hard ooo. My man lives in the US with im family ooo.

The only option left is to send the money to the girls family.....

lateesha · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:44 AM

Originally Posted by Lalakokofefe

Mrs ChocT, the wedding is next year oooo, easter.

The question my friend has is, is this type of list "normal"? The in-laws are from Akwa Ibom. In fairness though, he is marrying the first daughter.

Valteena, is the list really negotiable?

lala

Ibibios, Annangs and Igbos have very similar culture in a lot of things including new yam festival,fattening rooms, masquerades and traditional marriage.
Most of that list is non negotiable except perhaps the actual brideprice which I think is that $150,000 in the suitcase.
The culture is such that everything on that list has to be accounted for because some of them are going to the kinsmen,some to the women and if the inlaw doesn't provide them,the father of the girl would have to buy them himself to save face.

I remember during my traditional wedding, the list was complete to the T and in my place, the things are displayed in suitcases and the guests (especially the locals) come and look at them.
My father however only took one naira as dowry just for the symbolic aspect of it all.

That list is not bad at all
He got a good deal.

Lalakokofefe · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:55 AM

Originally Posted by lateesha

lala

Ibibios, Annangs and Igbos have very similar culture in a lot of things including new yam festival,fattening rooms, masquerades and traditional marriage.
Most of that list is non negotiable except perhaps the actual brideprice which I think is that $150,000 in the suitcase.
The culture is such that everything on that list has to be accounted for because some of them are going to the kinsmen,some to the women and if the inlaw doesn't provide them,the father of the girl would have to buy them himself to save face.

I remember during my traditional wedding, the list was complete to the T and in my place, the things are displayed in suitcases and the guests (especially the locals) come and look at them.
My father however only took one naira as dowry just for the symbolic aspect of it all.

That list is not bad at all
He got a good deal.

What happens if the groom cannot afford all the items on the list?

lateesha · Nov 7, 2009 , 03:07 AM

Originally Posted by Lalakokofefe

What happens if the groom cannot afford all the items on the list?

This groom is already chopping the girl and has pikins,they are doing the whole thing backwards.Your friend actually has a huge advantage and bargaining power because we are not talking about a fresh, untouched bride here.
The car has accumulated tons of mileage

,believe me the parents will gladly take whatever he can provide.

My advice would be to ask the inlaws if the can cut down on the list and if they say the culture would not allow it,he should buy it so as not to embarass his inlaws in the eyes of their kinsmen.
You are his friend, lend him some money

SE and SS girls ain't cheap

But girls from that area make great wives .
They are excellent cooks
They teach them how to pamper their husbands
If I were a man I would have married a "Calabar" girl

Balo · Nov 7, 2009 , 03:44 AM

Originally Posted by lateesha

lala

My father however only took one naira as dowry just for the symbolic aspect of it all.

.

Hehehe, wetin you do am?

Lalakokofefe · Nov 7, 2009 , 03:56 AM

Originally Posted by lateesha

This groom is already chopping the girl and has pikins,they are doing the whole thing backwards.Your friend actually has a huge advantage and bargaining power because we are not talking about a fresh, untouched bride here.
The car has accumulated tons of mileage ,believe me the parents will gladly take whatever he can provide.

My advice would be to ask the inlaws if the can cut down on the list and if they say the culture would not allow it,he should buy it so as not to embarass his inlaws in the eyes of their kinsmen.
You are his friend, lend him some money
SE and SS girls ain't cheap

But girls from that area make great wives .
They are excellent cooks
They teach them how to pamper their husbands
If I were a man I would have married a "Calabar" girl

True talk. Thanks Lateesha.

lateesha · Nov 7, 2009 , 04:17 AM

Originally Posted by Balo

Hehehe, wetin you do am?

ROFL
Maybe they wanted to get rid of me quick quick and lowered the dowry down to one naira

kai
see how cheap they gave me out for when my mates are going for $150,000 in a briefcase.

Austin · Nov 7, 2009 , 02:17 PM

Back to East European, nay Russian girls

emj · Nov 7, 2009 , 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by Lalakokofefe

What happens if the groom cannot afford all the items on the list?

Lala, your friend should not make the mistake of going there with a large entourage o....we saw wen when we went for one some years back. I almost left the place in anger, the family wanted my head-tie after they had collected so much from us all,and i gave them the look

The brother we went with also had put their daughter in the family way several times over. After 3 children. They even threatened to take the children from him...this was in Nigeria.

We made the mistake of going there in various cars and large entourage to give support. We should have gone in a combi bus and dressed simply in ankara with non matching shoes(iya oba baba tan).

The guy pleaded with them to forgive some items on the list, but inaa, they pointed at us that we're rich enough to help him....my jaw dropped

There was breakdown in negotiation for close to 1hr(our alaga iyawo was perplexed). It was one of their sons that later help resolved it. But they collected at least 95% of what was on the list(unlike were i come from, we help the groom and even overlook a lot, so it was a shock to us).
You needed to see them after they got what they wanted. their attitude changed. they tried to be nice, but i just was no longer interested in the whole proceedings...that was just me...didnt stay long after that o.

The difference in culture can be shocking for some..it's always better to allow someone else to do all the talking and negotiations(preferably someone that knows the family)The spokesperson was not from their area. Also do some research b4 going, and have a lot of shock absorber(dat's wat i dont have)

Goodluck to your friend.

PS>...Traditional marriage negotiation is meant to be a fun thing and should really be one. It is very important to take along a native of the place(if from a different ethnic group) and even have a thorough discussion with who ever is going with you. No two family is the same. I've attended others that went smoothly and i thoroughly enjoyed myself. Some can take as much as 6hrs and some 10hrs. .

Your friend's list is not too bad. He just needs to use the wife as surety to get a loan..afterall, it's for securing her future

liloldlady · Nov 7, 2009 , 06:54 PM

The cost of things on that list is under $3000 what is his reason for fainting...
Did he thunk adiagha is free?
He is not buying the Yams in DC...Yam cheap well welll for Ikot-ntongdang.
Even if he strokes....let him get the things jor...He has a wife for life......who will be there even if he needs bib to eat his pureed yam pottage.
She will be there for him come rain come shine....He should stop complaining and cough up.
Hollandais is only $60 for the top top quality one..
Does he know how much it cost to train her in USA alone?

One of the reasons for the list, apart from the trado-spiritual component, is also to make sure that only those who can afford to look after a family, will venture into the institution of marriage.
'Cause anyman who can afford the things on the list......can afford to feed a wife and kids..so the logic goes.

Austin · Nov 7, 2009 , 09:46 PM

Originally Posted by liloldlady

The cost of things on that list is under $3000 what is his reason for fainting...
Did he thunk adiagha is free?
He is not buying the Yams in DC...Yam cheap well welll for Ikot-ntongdang.
Even if he strokes....let him get the things jor...He has a wife for life......who will be there even if he needs bib to eat his pureed yam pottage.
She will be there for him come rain come shine....He should stop complaining and cough up.
Hollandais is only $60 for the top top quality one..
Does he know how much it cost to train her in USA alone?

One of the reasons for the list, apart from the trado-spiritual component, is also to make sure that only those who can afford to look after a family, will venture into the institution of marriage.
'Cause anyman who can afford the things on the list......can afford to feed a wife and kids..so the logic goes.

Thanks Lill',
The first time I saw that list, I was pissed off, then I looked at it again and thought, this can't be that "expensive/unavoidable" in Nigeria. Then Valteena drew attention to them being less than $1000 and I smiled and nodded. Now you said 3; still okay.

But think about it, it is not the money that some people are challenging, it is the "rationale" behind. Good as most of these our cultural things are, they are usually challengeable, probably because they are sometimes meaningless, or tend to loose their meaning. Or probably because some folk ted to overdo things. And even more probably because they have not yet been standardised. Abi?

And if someone spends $3,000 on those things, exactly how uch is going to finish the wedding proper? Again, see what I mean by standardisation. Now what happens to good ol' those two people, their children and a few of their friends showing up for some thanks giving/blessing and refreshment? Nothing too burdensomely expensive. Nothing rather secretly/technically scary. Abi wetin you think.