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Old Oct 3, 2007 , 07:40 PM   # 1
Smile 50 Good Reasons Why Etteh Must Stay



Hilarious write-up by Adelani Ogunrinade on 50 good reasons why Etteh must stay. I thought there were 628 million reasons but heck, I settle for 50 good ones.


Good reasons why Etteh must stay


By Adelani Ogunrinade

IN the matter of the alleged N628 million contract award in the House of Representatives: Even as the findings of the nine-man panel (set up by the House to investigate the matter) has been released, if I was Mrs Etteh's lawyer, I will prepare at least 50 good defence arguments to ensure that the Speaker remains on her seat at the hallowed chambers. Here is my proposed defence of Mrs Etteh:

1) The ethnic defence : 'omo wa ni e je o se' - roughly translated as 'she is the shon of the shoil, let her remain there and rule '

2) The Yar'Adua famous defence : 'She is innocent until proven guilty'

3) For parental defence purposes , always quote the teary 'Leave my daughter alone'

4) And the famous Turaki excuse : 'She wanted to contribute to Yar'Adua's second term project'

5) Only Adam and Eve could have thought of this :'The devil made her do it !'

6) And there is the Clinton line: ' I never had any relationship with that contractor '

7) For added comfort , try the Odu'a express line 'It is a plot against the South-West'

8) The ultimate South Eastern alibi: 'if na you nko ?'( what would you have done in her shoes ?)

9) The historical line: 'Other speakers have done worse things, what happened to them ?'

10) The federal character argument: 'It is her share of the national cake'

11) The gender balance argument :'Men are corrupt, she did it in order to maintain gender balance in the house '

12) The Feminist line: 'She did it for the cause of Women Liberation ' !

13) The famous Kalu party line: 'She was a major financial contributor to the cause of the ruling party '

14) It is all jealousy !: ASUU people never forgave Mrs. Etteh for being a simple hairdresser now earning more than their vice-chancellor '

15) The hard line argument : 'And so what ?- the place has always been infamously known as the House of representa-thieves !'

16) The late Bakin Zuwo would have said: 'Haba, Speaker's money for the renovation of Speaker's house ?'

17) The parliamentary immunity argument: And what is wrong with that? Speakers all over the world have control over their budgets'

18) Politics again : Its all politics !

19) The political argument : Who does not know that politics is a dirty game !'

20) The Clerk of the House's approval argument: 'everything was approved to the last kobo, she needed to live in a house befitting her status '

21) The Nigerian Press line: 'May Baba forgive them for they know not what they write about '

22) The Obasanjo line : 'It is too early to judge her- let history judge her '

23) Fela might say: 'Even if it is true , it is misappropriation and not stealing '

24) Again the feminists: 'Women have been marginalised for too long in political matters'

25) The OPC racial line: 'First it was Balogun, now it is Etteh (both are from Osun-home of the source), it is a plot against the Yoruba race !'

26) The Niger Delta militant alibi: 'If she were truly guilty , she would have gone off-sick to Dubai , but she did not'

27) The antismoking argument : 'There is no smoke without fire, she was pushing for the anti-tobacco bill and they implicated her for that reason'.

28) It was a purely internal matter:' All members of the House got furniture allowance, it was her own furniture allowance'

29) Again the gender argument : 'How can she get justice from a nine-man panel ?'

30) This could only have come from a reading of Archibishop Olubunmi Okogie : 'He who is clean, let him throw the first stone' or 'remove the mote from thine eyes first'

31) She is not alone or as late MKO might put it :'You cannot shave the head of a speaker behind her back '

32) The poor victim's argument: 'Poor woman, what did she do that others have not done before '

33) The forgiven spirit line : 'Nigerians must learn to forgive and forget'

34) The ASUU line: 'She was trying to establish a Chair in the new Osun State University'

35) The heroine line: ' Even Alamesiego is a hero among his people ?

36) The School fees argument: 'What do they want her to do, she has children schooling abroad ! '

37) The Stevie Wonder argument: 'Balogun for all his billions got six months - what is half a billion Naira ?

38) The Soludo argument: Remove two zeros and the money becomes only 6 million new Naira - what are we talking about !'

39) Some Women might wonder: 'Why impeach the first lady speaker of the House ? '

40) The Pa Enahoro ethnic nationality argument : 'She married across the ethnic divide ! In a country mired in ethnic disunity, that alone should absolve her !'

41) The conspiracy theory : 'How about the contractors involved ?'

42) The Prayer Warriors' theory: 'It was the work of the enemy, by the grace of the living God, she will conquer !'

43) The Juicy Post theory- 'Those who were marginalised during the distribution of House chairmanship posts are trying to get back at her'

44) Again the cultural factor : 'These things happen- she is from the state of the Living spring '

45) And the long hands of AC's Aregbesola: 'We can see the hands of Tinubu and Aregbesola in the troubles of this Osun state PDP stalwart'

46) Pity a god-fearing woman : 'She is a God-fearing woman, she is not capable of such mago-mago'

47) The Atiku line : 'She met Vice-President Atiku briefly during her birthday celebration in the U.S. and that is the basis of her present trouble'

48) The Nigerian factor- 'Any Nigerian in her shoes would have done the same !'

49) The Nascent democracy argument- 'She is No 4 in the nation's succession hierarchy, getting rid of her will destablise Nigeria's nascent democracy'

50) The respect for womanhood argument : 'This is not how to treat a lady !'

* Professor Ogunrinade lives in the Kingdom of Lesotho

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Old Oct 3, 2007 , 08:29 PM   # 1 (permalink)
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Hilarious!
If not for this post I would not have known that people can be funny in Lesotho.

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Old Oct 3, 2007 , 08:39 PM   # 2 (permalink)
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Absolutely Hilarious! I saw this in the Guardian but never got around to reading it. Too Funny! I love Nigeria! Not you, Paul Adujie, sit dawn - I mean Nigeria as in NI-JE-RI-YA! (Apologies to Yar'Adua). And the Author is a Nigerian in Lesotho - Naijas sha...they are everywhere! Thanks, Ikechiji, for sharing this!

Auspy.

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Old Oct 4, 2007 , 01:13 AM   # 3 (permalink)
Default Re: 50 Good Reasons Why Etteh Must Stay



Read that in today's Guardian; it's a classic!

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Old Oct 5, 2007 , 01:16 AM   # 4 (permalink)
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Ikechiji

We can include the moving forward reason

in the interest of moving the nation forward let us not allow the enemies in our midst distract us by using this issue to stop us moving the nation forward by asking us to remove Etteh who is helping us with moving the nation forward.

And the nascent democracy reason.

we should not allow disgruntled elements in our society threaten our nascent democracy by demanding the removal of a speaker that has done so much in moving this country forward during her time as a member of the house.

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Old Oct 5, 2007 , 08:03 AM   # 5 (permalink)
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The NVS Lawyer's reason; why remove her when she would be replaced by another thief? Afterall the thief you know is much better than the rep you don't know.

The Admin reason; None of the reps used the report button.

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Thanked by: Auspicious, ikechiji, VOR
Old Oct 5, 2007 , 03:09 PM   # 6 (permalink)
Default Re: 50 Good Reasons Why Etteh Must Stay



Originally Posted by Bunch17 View Post
The NVS Lawyer's reason; why remove her when she would be replaced by another thief? Afterall the thief you know is much better than the rep you don't know.

The Admin reason; None of the reps used the report button.
Bunch! BUNCH!!!! BUUUUUNCH!!!!

You are Bad.

Auspicious.

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Old Oct 6, 2007 , 01:54 AM   # 7 (permalink)
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Amazing...This is one positive reason why we will continue to be the HAPPYIEST SOULS on the planet.

Our skill in killing off tension with laughter is unparalled!

To the writer. I doff my skull!

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Old Oct 6, 2007 , 01:58 AM   # 8 (permalink)
Default Re: 50 Good Reasons Why Etteh Must Stay



Originally Posted by Auspicious View Post
Absolutely Hilarious! I saw this in the Guardian but never got around to reading it. Too Funny! I love Nigeria! Not you, Paul Adujie, sit dawn - I mean Nigeria as in NI-JE-RI-YA! (Apologies to Yar'Adua). And the Author is a Nigerian in Lesotho - Naijas sha...they are everywhere! Thanks, Ikechiji, for sharing this!

Auspy.

Oga Sir. I saw it on the Guardian too but you know, the title suggests another of those youth-earnestly-defending-etteh type writeups, so I just spinned my scroll button.

This is the topmost height of creative comedy in text. I thro-way-Salute!

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Old Oct 6, 2007 , 02:11 AM   # 9 (permalink)
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Here is another interesting article I came across after a google search on this author.

Culled from http://www.utexas.edu/conferences/africa/ads/1382.html
-------------------------------------------------

The man who would be king

By Adelani Ogunrinade
The Guardian, Lagos
Monday, November 28, 2005

I WAS one of the 20 contestants for the University of Ibadan
Vice-Chancellorship. I did not make the next round because the Council
of the University declared that 'I had retired from the University
service four years earlier at the age of 51' and like Gen. Obasanjo
was alleged to have asked General Gowon, they asked me what I had
'forgotten behind to want to come back'?.

Prior to my retirement from Ibadan, I had been Deputy Vice-Chancellor
(Academic Affairs) at the University of Witwatersrand, one of Africa's
foremost institutions after a successful Deanship at Ibadan. I am
presently in the same position as Associate Vice-President for
Research in another institution in Jamaica. I consider my
international experience quite useful enough to offer my services to
my country and my alma mater in a different mode. If I had come back
to Ibadan as Vice-Chancellor, I would probably be taking a drop in
salary in doing so. Why I came back to contest and why I am I writing
this?

I am writing out of the same patriotic fervour and honesty of purpose
which took me out of the country. I believe there is a lesson to be
learnt from this exercise for all those gleaming-eyed idealists in the
diaspora and the University Council of Ibadan and other universities
in Nigeria on how to choose a Vice-Chancellor in a transparent manner.
First, many of us living in the diaspora would rather criticise our
country - the poor infrastructure, the corruption, the lack of basic
amenities, etc. I was not going to be one of those critics. I left in
1997, first because my appointment as Deputy Vice-Chancellor in South
Africa opened up new vistas of personal development which the Abacha
regime closed in 1997 and retired in 2001 because many of my
colleagues who were not so fortunate, had started to pressurise me to
come back home or forfeit my appointment at Ibadan. I chose to retire
to preserve my honour as I had not finished my term at Witwatersrand,
South Africa.

The atmosphere of the Nigerian university system had become quite
decadent for some time and this had been documented in a World Bank
Report, 1993 titled the African Universities: A decade of Crisis and
the Lessons of Experience. Because of the US sanctions against the
Abacha regime, many Nigerian academics were caught square in the
middle of the crisis. Our collaborative grants with US institutions
were cancelled or suspended and one would have to be plain crazy not
to take up foreign opportunities which came beckoning to academics in
1997. Let no one labour under the belief that those Nigerians
academics who remained behind were the patriotic ones. Many of our
colleagues who remained behind were either too lazy to search for
opportunities outside of our shores or their credentials were not
marketable enough in the scramble to get out of our blighted system.

There were the few of them with personal businesses successful
research and consultancies, family commitments or government patronage
who did not 'check out'. However, most people (including a traditional
ruler who went to Saudi Arabia) checked out in the Andrew fashion,
spurring the government to do jingles on the radio decrying the act.
Some of us who got out later became the butt of abuse for not 'helping
others' get out of the system. Even now, one gets loads of
applications and curriculum vitae from dissatisfied Nigerian dons who
still want to check out. Ali Mazrui, the political scientist had once
justified this new wave of intellectual brain drain by comparing it to
refugees fleeing famine or wars. He had said, if refugees could flee
the land, what stops academics from fleeing the system? Indeed, the
phenomenon of brain drain is not peculiar to Nigeria as an UNCTAD
report in 1987 estimated that about one million academics had entered
the North American academic market between 1967-87. The academic flow
is now a global phenomenon and a SESFAT database of the US National
Science Foundation in 1996 indicated that 72 per cent of 1.4 million
people with Science and Engineering degrees in the US are foreign born
and less than half of those who received their doctorates in the USA
return to their countries. Viewed from a developing country
perspective, it is obvious that a significant proportion of
intellectuals are lost to the brain drain. The return option for
reversing the brain drain has been successfully pioneered in
Singapore, Korea and India and one was pleasantly surprised that the
Council at Ibadan thought it fit to eliminate a Nigerian candidate on
grounds that he had left the system citing disloyalty for leaving the
system.

There was more to the problems of selecting a Vice-Chancellor for
Ibadan. There were no written guidelines for the VC exercise.
Initially all 20 candidates and their spouses were invited for a
dinner which was later cancelled. Time table and schedules were
shifted at short notice. There were no stakeholder representation at a
selection committee which was to choose a Vice-Chancellor for
students, staff of all categories, parents and alumni. The candidates
were not asked to present their vision to the constituents except as
an interaction with the community which had no statutory standing.
What was worse, candidates ought to have been shortlisted ahead in
order to avoid the situation of potential candidates like me, who
travelled great distances at great expenses only to be told that I did
not qualify to contest.

For a job which ought to be a five-year contract, the gate ought to be
thrown wide open for even international candidates who could enrich
the experience of the university as is the normal practice in modern
universities. All universities now advertise nationally and
internationally as indeed that was how I got employed overseas. I was
one of the three shortlisted candidates at the University of Makerere,
Uganda Vice-Chancellorship but denied an opportunity in Ibadan in
Nigeria. The international opportunity offered is the reason why some
of us have been able to secure jobs internationally and contribute to
other systems.

Politicking is a normal phenomenon in a political post such as the
Vice-Chancellorship but it seems that the University Council at Ibadan
were playing out a prewritten script. The long and short of it, is
that the University system at Ibadan still retains archaic structures
for choosing its executives and running its systems and structures.
Unless overhauled, she could never compete in a world that recruits
and strives to retain only the best and brightest from anywhere in the
world.

* Prof. Ogunrinade is the Associate Vice-President for Research
and Graduate Studies at the University of Technology, Jamaica and one
of the eliminated candidates at the recently-concluded University of
Ibadan VC race.
---------------------------------------------


Yet, we talk about foreign investment, ehn ?

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