Question: Dear Sir: I know of many wives who find it difficult to leave an abusive husband. Last week you explained why that is so. I do not understand, however why men would stay with abusive wives. Wouldn’t it be easier for men to leave? Why do men stay in abusive relationships?
Answer: Dear Reader: Thank you for your question. Many of us would not want to admit that many men, living with abusive wives, find it difficult to leave the relationship. Yes, statistically there are more abusive husbands than there are abusive wives. We also know that men are more prone to controlling and violence than women are. However, we also know that there are some women who, without reason, are belligerent, angry, and violently aggressive. Their husbands do not know what to do to please them. These wives are unashamedly very loud and boisterous, excessively critical, mostly emotionally but sometimes physically abusive. Yes, men can be abused, too, and not because they are "wimps." Although the situation is somewhat different and usually involves mostly emotional abuse, and even though it is usually easier - financially speaking–for a man to leave the relationship, men often stay for various reasons.
In a world where so much is expected of men (unreasonably so), and where the men are traditionally raised to be the controllers of things and people, most men are ashamed to admit that their wives are beating them up. Why then do they stay? Let me share with you five reasons, according to writer Nora Pina, why men stay in abusive relationships. I will add one more reason at the end of the list.
Denial: He may feel her abuse is caused by her emotional personality, PMS, or other hormone fluctuations. He decides to ignore her abuse because he loves her and wants the relationship to continue.
Love: In spite of the abuse, he may find enough good in the relationship to "make up" for the abuse. Often men do not see the pain and problems in marriage as easily as wives do. Men are usually more quick to forgive and forget.
Financial: He may stay, not because he wouldn't be able to support himself, but because of the prospect of paying child support and alimony or dividing the marital assets. He may choose to stay until the children are grown and then leave.
Fear: While a man may stay out of fear, it is more often fear of what she will do to herself, rather than what she might do to him. Abusive women often threaten suicide if her partner leaves. Additionally, she may have threatened to make trouble for him at his job.
Insulation: It may be easier for a man to avoid or ignore abusive incidents if he has a demanding job, or reasons to be away from home regularly.
He Needs Her: Most men are raised to depend on women to "take care of them." These women would keep their clothes clean and cook their food. In addition, they need the women to satisfy their sexual needs. Some men have low self esteem, made worse by an abusive wife. To avoid sharing their pain and answering many questions, they stay and "rough it out."
THE BIBLE PREDICTS CONTROLLING WOMEN
It is not surprising that women would also try to control and abuse men. The idea that women would become abusive and controlling was predicted in the Bible in Genesis 3:16. This is a verse that has been misunderstood for centuries. God told Eve that one of the results of sin would be " . . . Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." Our emphasis has always been on the man "ruling" his wife and we have overlooked the impact and meaning of the word "desire." The traditional understanding of the words "desire" and "rule" causes many to make a conclusion that the woman’s actions would be subdued and the man’s would be more aggressive and controlling. This is far from the truth. A deep research of the actual words used in the original language gives us a totally different picture.
Theologian Dr. John Temple Bristow, in his book "What the Bible Really Says About Love, Marriage, and Family," speaks about the mistranslations of the words. Many interpret the passage to mean that since men are to "rule" let’s raise them to be strong and in charge. Since women are to "desire" their husbands, let’s raise them to be submissive and quiet. Hence, our society has gone mad as a result of a misunderstanding of two simple words in the Bible--desire and rule.
Dr. Bristow points out that the Hebrew word translated "desire," or "teshuqah," is neither pleasant nor a romantic word. The word "teshuqah" was wrongly translated "desire." Teshuqah is "an insatiable desire to control a person. Eve was told that Adam would rule over her and that she would "desire" him, meaning that she would want to control him. He would be domineering, yes, and she would also be manipulative, cunning and controlling. Each of them, man and woman, would try to control the other." This understanding explains the mess we have in relationships today. Not every woman tries to control her man, just as not every man tries to do the same.
It must be clearly understood that these verses are only explaining the consequences of the bad choices Adam and Eve made, and not what God had planned for them. This is the "curse of sin." God sent his Son Jesus to remove the "curse of sin" through His death on the cross. If we accept Him as our Savior, we are no longer condemned by the curse of sin. Then, as sinners saved by grace, neither man nor woman should control or abuse each other.
WOMEN LOVE YOUR HUSBANDS
I appeal to wives to love their husbands as "Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it." To cherish and honor their husbands as they are to cherished and honored. What a different country we would have if women and men would love each other instead of trying to control, abuse, or manipulate.
__________________ I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. ~Abraham Lincoln
This your thread sha................... Anyway, to give a simple answer, men stay firstly because of "E go better", before you know it oldage don come. Secondly, the devil you know is better than the angel outside. Finally, the bible did not give "abuse" as one of the reasons for divorce.
"...Yes, statistically there are more abusive husbands than there are abusive wives. ...
Vade Mecum, kindly give the link to this article, I would like to know the source of the statistics above.
Originally Posted by Vade Mecum
In a world where so much is expected of men (unreasonably so), and where the men are traditionally raised to be the controllers of things and people, most men are ashamed to admit that their wives are beating themup. Why then do they stay? Let me share with you five reasons, according to writer Nora Pina, why men stay in abusive relationships. I will add one more reason at the end of the list.
So the form of abuse here is physical beating...
Originally Posted by Vade Mecum
Denial: He may feel her abuse is caused by her emotional personality, PMS, or other hormone fluctuations. He decides to ignore her abuse because he loves her and wants the relationship to continue.
The abuse may be caused by the reasons above or more, IGNORING was the wrong choice to make. seeing a specialist would be preferable.
Originally Posted by Vade Mecum
Love: In spite of the abuse, he may find enough good in the relationship to "make up" for the abuse. Often men do not see the pain and problems in marriage as easily as wives do. Men are usually more quick to forgive and forget.
I need stats on the highlighted above...men more quick to forgive and forget? Definitely not from my studies and experience, men may be quicker to RUN AWAY and repeat the same evil, but definitely not quicker to forgive and I sincerely doubt if they forget at all, they repress, which is pushing it to the subconscious area of the mind, but forget...I really want to read the study that gave those stats!
Originally Posted by Vade Mecum
Financial: He may stay, not because he wouldn't be able to support himself, but because of the prospect of paying child support and alimony or dividing the marital assets. He may choose to stay until the children are grown and then leave.
Fear: While a man may stay out of fear, it is more often fear of what she will do to herself, rather than what she might do to him. Abusive women often threaten suicide if her partner leaves. Additionally, she may have threatened to make trouble for him at his job.
Insulation: It may be easier for a man to avoid or ignore abusive incidents if he has a demanding job, or reasons to be away from home regularly.
He Needs Her: Most men are raised to depend on women to "take care of them." These women would keep their clothes clean and cook their food. In addition, they need the women to satisfy their sexual needs. Some men have low self esteem, made worse by an abusive wife. To avoid sharing their pain and answering many questions, they stay and "rough it out."
Many women do the same, it's the perception of survival skills.
Originally Posted by Vade Mecum
Theologian Dr. John Temple Bristow, in his book "What the Bible Really Says About Love, Marriage, and Family," speaks about the mistranslations of the words. Many interpret the passage to mean that since men are to "rule" let’s raise them to be strong and in charge. Since women are to "desire" their husbands, let’s raise them to be submissive and quiet. Hence, our society has gone mad as a result of a misunderstanding of two simple words in the Bible--desire and rule.
So true! The day people, especially Christians, particularly African Christians, understand this, then the home would truly be a divine place.
WOMEN LOVE YOUR HUSBANDS
I appeal to wives to love their husbands as "Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it." [/QUOTE]
Hmmm, this is the only thing strange here, that instruction is to husbands not wives... wives are to submit, men are to love, the Holy Spirit made it that way!
__________________ If God says yes, and you say no, you have disagreed with God and have made yourself, "God" - Oluwato Everything is by the law of sowing and reaping - Terry Mize
I keep six honest men. They taught me all I knew. Their names are What, Why, When, How, Where and Who - Rudyard Kipling Without faith (trusting God), it is impossible to please God - Apostle Paul
Everybody is ignorant, just on different subjects - Will Rogers Elohim made Adam (humans) in His image, in His image He created him, male (zakhar) and female (neqeba) he created them - B'resheet (Genesis) 1:27 "...without TRUTH, education is moved to the skeptical, spirituality is moved to the mystical, and art is moved to the sensual." - Ravi Zacharias I am the Way, the Truth and the Life - Jesus Christ I am Adonai's righteousness in Yeshua HaMashiach (Jesus the Messiah) - Oluwato [based on 2 Corinthians 5:21] God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say thank you? Baruch atta Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam todah rabbah - Blessed are You O Lord our God King of the universe, thank You very much. What you bow your knee to while you are climbing your mountain of life, is what will own you when you get to the top. - Lance Wallnau
This your thread sha................... Anyway, to give a simple answer, men stay firstly because of "E go better", before you know it oldage don come. Secondly, the devil you know is better than the angel outside. Finally, the bible did not give "abuse" as one of the reasons for divorce.
Yes it does, study!
__________________ If God says yes, and you say no, you have disagreed with God and have made yourself, "God" - Oluwato Everything is by the law of sowing and reaping - Terry Mize
I keep six honest men. They taught me all I knew. Their names are What, Why, When, How, Where and Who - Rudyard Kipling Without faith (trusting God), it is impossible to please God - Apostle Paul
Everybody is ignorant, just on different subjects - Will Rogers Elohim made Adam (humans) in His image, in His image He created him, male (zakhar) and female (neqeba) he created them - B'resheet (Genesis) 1:27 "...without TRUTH, education is moved to the skeptical, spirituality is moved to the mystical, and art is moved to the sensual." - Ravi Zacharias I am the Way, the Truth and the Life - Jesus Christ I am Adonai's righteousness in Yeshua HaMashiach (Jesus the Messiah) - Oluwato [based on 2 Corinthians 5:21] God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say thank you? Baruch atta Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam todah rabbah - Blessed are You O Lord our God King of the universe, thank You very much. What you bow your knee to while you are climbing your mountain of life, is what will own you when you get to the top. - Lance Wallnau
Adultery and Spiritual Idolatry are the only excuses given by the Bible for divorce. I say excuses because divorce is discouraged in its strongest terms
If you have a source for abuse as a reason for divorce I will like to know
Adultery and Spiritual Idolatry are the only excuses given by the Bible for divorce. I say excuses because divorce is discouraged in its strongest terms
If you have a source for abuse as a reason for divorce I will like to know
You are right. Even in the case of the two things you mentioned above, the bible say FORGIVE.
__________________ For good or ill, your conversation is your advertisement. Everytime you open your mouth, you let men look into your mind. -Bruce Barton
Adultery and Spiritual Idolatry are the only excuses given by the Bible for divorce. I say excuses because divorce is discouraged in its strongest terms
If you have a source for abuse as a reason for divorce I will like to know
You need more knowledge. Like I wrote earlier, study. Hebrew men were allowed to divorce their wives under the reason of "dislike"! John 4 shows a classic example of the Samaritan woman who had been married five times! Divorce has always been allowed, although God has His own rules which the Sanhedrin could not properly adhere to.
Basically, it wasn't until Christ rose from the dead and the Holy Spirit was given and Rabbi Sh'aul (apostle Paul) made that declaration in Galatians 3:28 that women and men were equal in Christ that woman now had the boldness to rise above the evil hold of chauvinism, sexism and patriarchal traditions that chained them down. Now women demand divorce and rightly so!
Again, I say study. Study the bible, study Hebrew customs, study history, study your customs, study your beliefs and values, study yourself, study human rights, study new covenant rules and then you will be assured that God does not want His temple (human body) destroyed or defiled and that if a man is beating a woman or has loshon hora (evil tongue), in other words, daily cursing the woman, putting her down, not providing for her upkeep, etc. she has a godly right to LEAVE him!
Start your study with the following books: Why not women? -
__________________ If God says yes, and you say no, you have disagreed with God and have made yourself, "God" - Oluwato Everything is by the law of sowing and reaping - Terry Mize
I keep six honest men. They taught me all I knew. Their names are What, Why, When, How, Where and Who - Rudyard Kipling Without faith (trusting God), it is impossible to please God - Apostle Paul
Everybody is ignorant, just on different subjects - Will Rogers Elohim made Adam (humans) in His image, in His image He created him, male (zakhar) and female (neqeba) he created them - B'resheet (Genesis) 1:27 "...without TRUTH, education is moved to the skeptical, spirituality is moved to the mystical, and art is moved to the sensual." - Ravi Zacharias I am the Way, the Truth and the Life - Jesus Christ I am Adonai's righteousness in Yeshua HaMashiach (Jesus the Messiah) - Oluwato [based on 2 Corinthians 5:21] God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say thank you? Baruch atta Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam todah rabbah - Blessed are You O Lord our God King of the universe, thank You very much. What you bow your knee to while you are climbing your mountain of life, is what will own you when you get to the top. - Lance Wallnau
In other words, she thinks you're one little KNOWLEDGE-DEFICIENT sinner!
When an Ogbonge Christian Woman tells you something like that, you're JUDGED, CONDEMNED AND DOOMED!
You better start praying to that you can be pure, and christianly and FULL OF GODLY KNOWLEDGE LIKE HER.
I hazard a guess that you shall not tarry on this.
No, I don't fink so.
Auspicious.
How do you marry above to this
Originally Posted by Auspicious
IN many instances (and many may not realize this), our subconscious tell far more about us than our conscious - the things we unconsciously do or say, reveal more about our true characters than does our deliberate acts or expressed thoughts. That is why my obsession with comparing and analyzing others' I.Qs, brains and other such things, might say more about my subconscious interest or desire (or my inferiority complex?) to continuously seek to convey a scholarstic impression of myself to my audience, than my supposedly simple appreciation for above-average intelligence in my fellow humans.
above quote can be Found Here
emphasis mine.
Now, what does mocking ones faith, and calling them names, say about whatever it is you want to tell about? Conscious or not?
You come across like you're begging for attention.
Your attempt at indicting me is as lame as a limp-dick.
It is so terribly lame, that I doubt responding to it is worth my time.
Perhaps if you expantiated on your 'indictment', I may re-consider my snubbery.
Auspicious.
.....When Suspy posts...he announces himself and is self evident.
When however Auspicious speaks as Suspy would...I get confused.(yep...IQ in single digits)
It was neither an indictment nor a quest for attention....
I just wondered who was speaking Auspy or Suspy.
BTW, when you really do not want to respond to a post....remember silence is golden .maybe remembering that, will help strenghten your resolve, not to post a reply.
.....When Suspy posts...he announces himself and is self evident.
When however Auspicious speaks as Suspy would...I get confused.(yep...IQ in single digits)
It was neither an indictment nor a quest for attention....
I just wondered who was speaking Auspy or Suspy.
BTW, when you really do not want to respond to a post....remember silence is golden .maybe remembering that, will help strenghten your resolve, not to post a reply.
Yeaaaaaaaarrrrrite!
Anyways, Suspy says he wants you.
As in, he waants you.
Maybe y'all kin share his single digits, eh?
As for Auspy, like Suspy, he likes to talk and talk a lot.
So, why deny himself of his pleasures? Please jare, pass the Currygoat abeg..
Auspicious.
__________________ "Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus" - Bob Rubin.
I consider my friendship with Oluwato on this board an abusive relationship.
Without doubt, I am the victim and Oluwato is the abuser
What should I do ?
Excuse me? This is slanderous, if na yoke, make you stop am o...! I am not an abuser and will never be, I am a human rights activist!
Just what are you talking about here? Kindly stay away from jesting that is inconvenient! Thank you!
__________________ If God says yes, and you say no, you have disagreed with God and have made yourself, "God" - Oluwato Everything is by the law of sowing and reaping - Terry Mize
I keep six honest men. They taught me all I knew. Their names are What, Why, When, How, Where and Who - Rudyard Kipling Without faith (trusting God), it is impossible to please God - Apostle Paul
Everybody is ignorant, just on different subjects - Will Rogers Elohim made Adam (humans) in His image, in His image He created him, male (zakhar) and female (neqeba) he created them - B'resheet (Genesis) 1:27 "...without TRUTH, education is moved to the skeptical, spirituality is moved to the mystical, and art is moved to the sensual." - Ravi Zacharias I am the Way, the Truth and the Life - Jesus Christ I am Adonai's righteousness in Yeshua HaMashiach (Jesus the Messiah) - Oluwato [based on 2 Corinthians 5:21] God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say thank you? Baruch atta Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam todah rabbah - Blessed are You O Lord our God King of the universe, thank You very much. What you bow your knee to while you are climbing your mountain of life, is what will own you when you get to the top. - Lance Wallnau
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