"Why We Left Our Husbands"....5 Women Provide Startling Reasons

[Vade Mecum]

“Why We Left Our Husbands”…5 Women Provide Startling Reasons.

The Decaying State of Marriage in the Diasporan Community

The Diasporan Sep 19, 2009 By Ekerete Udoh

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2009/09/1...ran-community/

The marital heartbeat within our Diasporan community is on life support. It has been afflicted by several ailments- ailments that have left it enfeebled, emaciated and lacking all the nourishing nutrients for a healthy life.

Where one had expected it to show vibrancy, strength, and all agents of happiness and growth, it has instead been plodding, lumbering in its tired form as it gropes for direction and a sense of purpose that had all been sacrificed at the alter of deception, greed and emotional cruelty. It was never intended to be like this.

Marriage is God’s ordained and sanctioned enterprise or undertaking that we are all expected to partake of. It is one of the most sacred and profound assignments that human beings are expected to perform. Marriage- where all the ingredients, such as love, trust, mutual respect, abiding faith and hope in one’s spouse, fear of God align themselves, can be an incredibly exhilarating affair.

It can lift the soul and soar our minds above the sublime. It can bring blessings of indescribable proportions. Where the elements veer off course, it can sentence one’s soul to a lifetime of emotional roller-coaster, alternating between moments of highs and lows, the mountains and valleys, and the attendant loss of purpose that most times defines unions that have ruptured.

Here in our Diasporan community, stories of matrimonial fissures, down right cruelty, infidelity, the shirking of responsibility often associated with men and the utter and sometimes unimaginable sense of disrespects shown to spouses by their supposed loved ones boggle the mind.

For the past one year, drawing from the true-life stories that we publish in our popular column “Stories that touch the heart” we have received many letters from our readers, especially the female, urging us to look into the state of matrimony in our Diasporan community. Many of those letters detail some of the observations and crises that they have seen and how these issues need to be addressed by the general public.

Three weeks ago, we received a lengthy mail from five women who belong to a nascent association in Maryland (name withheld). The mail was entitled “Why we left our husbands… and why men out there should read our stories.” In the letter, the five women gave gripping and sometimes heart –rendering accounts of the misadventure that was their attempts to fulfill the cardinal undertaking of marriage.

Beginning from this week, we will publish one of the stories by the lady-a medical doctor, eminently successful and one who ordinarily should be a picture of marital bliss and happiness. Her story, alongside others, speak to a greater problem affecting our Diasporan community, the decision by some of our compatriots to seek out wives who are above and beyond their intellectual and social pedigree, often motivated by pecuniary considerations, the hope of turning the women into the family’s ATM or piggy banks while the man rests on his oars and have the woman work to maintain the home front.

The five stories had a common thread in this aspect. While I believe that we should all aspire to marry wives that complement our strengths and values, I think something is inherently wrong for a man who for whatever circumstance life has dealt with him, may not have been intellectually curious or may not have had the benefit of a university education to decide that he would travel home and marry a medical doctor, a pharmacist, a lawyer or a nurse, bring her to America, and hope that the marriage would succeed- the apparent and gaping gap in the intellectual and professional angles notwithstanding.

As one of the stories illustrate, the husband had lied to the medical doctor while courting her in Nigeria that he was an IT specialist, only for the lady to realize later that the ‘IT specialist’ she had married was a man who was doing odd jobs to get by. I believe that marriages entered into on such platforms and foundations are like a house built on cardboard.

The first encounter with the elements will reveal the shaky foundation upon which it was erected and would come tumbling down, leaving debris of hate, anger, deceit and pain in its wake. I believe that men should tell the truth about their circumstance in America to their would-be spouses. That way, they can make the determination if they want to go ahead with it or not.

The motivation to marry a woman purely for economic reasons should be disavowed. There is no denying the fact that American society is designed for two family incomes. The man should strive to bring something to the table and not see the wives, who oftentimes may have a job that earns more money than the husband as the official ATM. This is a major kernel of conflict that the five ladies stories revealed.

Below, we publish the first of the five stories that show the crises in marital department of our Diasporan community. We would love to have readers’ reactions to this issue.

Dear Mr. Ekerete Udoh

Let me first thank you for giving us this wonderful and entertaining medium. Your newspaper The Diasporan Star is so good and so addictive.

Here in Maryland, we always look forward to the beginning of the month, when your newspaper is on the newsstands. Congratulations for continuing the good works that you started in Nigeria. It’s good to know that you have not abandoned your passion for journalism. Keep up the good work.

I decided to send in this story along with four of my dear friends whose decision to find love and happiness got blown away in a haze of deceit and insecurity by the men whom we trusted our lives, passions, emotions and heart to.

I could have internalized the hurt and pain I experienced, but I think my story may help change the way our men conduct their marital business and by so doing, help the sanity of other women out there who may end up being lied to, taken advantage of, and sometimes emotionally scarred for ever. If I were not emotionally and psychologically defined and stable, I would have lost my mind following what I experienced.

Let me go straight into the heart of the matter. I got married to a Nigerian-American five years ago. My husband, a handsome gentleman, well spoken and significantly older than me, met me five years ago in Lagos, during one of his trips to Nigeria in search of a wife.

I was a physician, working at a public hospital in Yaba-Lagos. Even though I may not be considered by American standards to be rich, I was however, by our standards, comfortable. I had a beautiful apartment, a nice car and a doting circle of friends and family.

Three of my friends in the medical school were in the U.S., and had told me how successful they were, after they got their medical licence and board certification. I was, therefore, desirous migrate to the United States one day. When my husband showed up, and told me he was interested in marriage, in spite of the almost 15 year -age gap, I gave the issue a serious consideration.

My husband had then told me he was an IT specialist for a Fortune 500 company and had an IT degree. I had no reason to doubt him. Things moved at a dizzying height, and six months after we met, I joined him in the U.S. after he petitioned for me as a fiancee.

The first signal that all was not well with my marriage happened right there at the airport when my husband came to pick me up in a car that looked like a cab. As we were loading my luggage into his car, his friends who were also driving cabs started hailing him about the beautiful woman he was picking up. I overheard him tell them that I was his wife, the medical doctor he has been telling them about.

I was stunned to observe that my husband was a cab driver and not the IT specialist he purported to be. But I kept my counsel. I deluded myself into believing that may be driving a cab was a second job he did to augment his income.
If I was disappointed at what occurred at the airport, what awaited me at his home completely demoralised and shattered me beyond repair.

My husband was living in a hell hole, a stuffy basement in one of the most crime infested areas of Washington D.C. The stench that oozed out of the dingy place was so offensive that I had to go outside to catch some fresh air.

•To Be Continued next Week. Don’t Miss this Riveting Story

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2009/09/1...ran-community/

[Babine]

Enh Heeeeeeeeeeeeenhnnn!!!

Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrect topic!!!!

Just woke up...getting ready for another "happy hour" tonight........Wey this Swedish woman wey suppose to come pick me up sef...as designated driver to the 'venue' of enjoyment? Still sleeping I guess?

Where do we even start with this "mess" people are unfortunate to get themselves into?


First....let me worship my God.........not our God abeg....some of una dey worship the god of misery.

EL----SHADDAIIII....

El Shaddai....wey that my song abeg....From the blockbuster album "Chioma Jesus"...

YouTube - CHIOMA JESUS (Part 6)

[Iye]

My prayer everyday is for God to direct my step in this journey of life……one can never be to care….its a cold and wicked world…one more thing….please sisters….. if you want to come abroad……waka by yourself to embassy!! Its either… accepted or rejected…..don’t let anyone turn you to a sex slave, walahi it’s not worth it!

[lateesha]

The first signal that all was not well with my marriage happened right there at the airport when my husband came to pick me up in a car that looked like a cab. As we were loading my luggage into his car, his friends who were also driving cabs started hailing him about the beautiful woman he was picking up. I overheard him tell them that I was his wife, the medical doctor he has been telling them about.My husband was living in a hell hole, a stuffy basement in one of the most crime infested areas of Washington D.C. The stench that oozed out of the dingy place was so offensive that I had to go outside to catch some fresh air.

Bru ha ha ha ha.
na today?
that's what happens when a woman wants to go to America at all costs.
Mrs Ekerete Udo, abeg shatap! let us hear sumtin'
You have collected ya green card then suddenly you remember you married a smelly cab driver in a rat infested, crime laden neighborhood which you had no problem sharing with him for 5 years before your eyes opened abi ?
Stupid woman

[lateesha]

Originally Posted by Iye

My prayer everyday is for God to direct my step in this journey of life……one can never be to care….its a cold and wicked world…one more thing….please sisters….. if you want to come abroad……waka by yourself to embassy!! Its either… accepted or rejected…..don’t let anyone turn you to a sex slave, walahi it’s not worth it!

Gbam!!
The woman above said she'd been looking for a way to travel to America since her friends tell her of how much they make.
The man may have been deceptive regarding his profession but she also used him.
She got what she asked for,afterall she's now in America,her ultimate destination.

[Iye]

Originally Posted by lateesha

You have collected ya green card then suddenly you remember you married a smelly cab driver in a rat infested, crime laden neighborhood which you had no problem sharing with him for 5 years before your eyes opened abi ?
Stupid woman

True talk…..but remember that she got here before she realized all that glitter is not gold…knowing the expectation from home and the shame of not wanting to let a her friends and family know that its not all rosy…she had to stick to the guy…..lets wait and hear the concluding part of the story….why she left him before we crucify her……

[lateesha]

Yes Iye
let's hear the full story but from the intro,I can already predict the tale.
Woe is me,a whole medical doctor married to an "Igbotic/Ngbatic" cab driver that's way beneath me.So the shame cleared after 5 years?,coincidentally the same length of time it took her to qualify for citizenship and perhaps finish up her residency program and fellowship.
I smell a giant NY rat!

[Babine]

Originally Posted by Vade Mecum

“Why We Left Our Husbands”…5 Women Provide Startling Reasons.

The Decaying State of Marriage in the Diasporan Community

The Diasporan Sep 19, 2009 By Ekerete Udoh

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2009/09/1...ran-community/

The marital heartbeat within our Diasporan community is on life support. It has been afflicted by several ailments- ailments that have left it enfeebled, emaciated and lacking all the nourishing nutrients for a healthy life.

The marital hearbeat in the diaspora indeed....frankly sugar, we are doing far better than the bondage 'sex' slaves masquerading as wives in Nigeria.....so please retrace your steps ok? At least we have some form of autonomy over here....which most women in Nigeria can never dream of on account of the poverty...and shario-christo-fetish status accorded to the marital institution in Africa as a whole.

Yes, I may agree the marital heartbeat of "holy-holy" matrimony is on life support in the diaspora for MOST Nigerian marriages...as long as a Nigerian man is involved......but frankly speaking, a better deal compared to the 'marital heartbeat' of those in Nigeria and Africa as a whole.....the status is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past resuscitative measures and is experiencing 'rigor mortis'....pending the necessary funeral arrangements...due to lack the availability of funds.....as usual....

Now let me analyze the cases we have here....for I am sure I personally have made some of the mistakes these women have made.

This topic should keep me busy for a whole week.....

I just love relationship/marriage topics.

Coming to the specifics of then cases before us....

Where one had expected it to show vibrancy, strength, and all agents of happiness and growth, it has instead been plodding, lumbering in its tired form as it gropes for direction and a sense of purpose that had all been sacrificed at the alter of deception, greed and emotional cruelty. It was never intended to be like this.

Marriage is God’s ordained and sanctioned enterprise or undertaking that we are all expected to partake of. It is one of the most sacred and profound assignments that human beings are expected to perform. Marriage- where all the ingredients, such as love, trust, mutual respect, abiding faith and hope in one’s spouse, fear of God align themselves, can be an incredibly exhilarating affair.

It can lift the soul and soar our minds above the sublime. It can bring blessings of indescribable proportions. Where the elements veer off course, it can sentence one’s soul to a lifetime of emotional roller-coaster, alternating between moments of highs and lows, the mountains and valleys, and the attendant loss of purpose that most times defines unions that have ruptured.

Yaddy yaddy yaddy yaddy daaaaaaaaaaa...please go on.

Here in our Diasporan community, stories of matrimonial fissures, down right cruelty, infidelity, the shirking of responsibility often associated with men and the utter and sometimes unimaginable sense of disrespects shown to spouses by their supposed loved ones boggle the mind.

For the past one year, drawing from the true-life stories that we publish in our popular column “Stories that touch the heart” we have received many letters from our readers, especially the female, urging us to look into the state of matrimony in our Diasporan community. Many of those letters detail some of the observations and crises that they have seen and how these issues need to be addressed by the general public.

Three weeks ago, we received a lengthy mail from five women who belong to a nascent association in Maryland (name withheld). The mail was entitled “Why we left our husbands… and why men out there should read our stories.” In the letter, the five women gave gripping and sometimes heart –rendering accounts of the misadventure that was their attempts to fulfill the cardinal undertaking of marriage.

Good...which they could not have tried in Nigeria or anywhere in Africa.....they should count themselves lucky. I say they should have tried that in Nigeria...the only solution would have to become stuanch "born agains" to cope with their misery.

Employed in their "counsel" would have been at least some 3 pastors a dayX7 days of the week.....in rotational shifts round the clock to help them cope with the 'marital dungeon' they find themselves trapped in.(21 or more pastors and bishops).....while they use their 'malnourished' congos to pay tithes!

Beginning from this week, we will publish one of the stories by the lady-a medical doctor, eminently successful and one who ordinarily should be a picture of marital bliss and happiness. Her story, alongside others, speak to a greater problem affecting our Diasporan community,

the decision by some of our compatriots to seek out wives who are above and beyond their intellectual and social pedigree, often motivated by pecuniary considerations, the hope of turning the women into the family’s ATM or piggy banks while the man rests on his oars and have the woman work to maintain the home front.

Na todaaaaaaaaaaaay?....Come to the State of Texas...where I live and see how useless some men(Nigerian) can be....no shame at all.

The five stories had a common thread in this aspect. While I believe that we should all aspire to marry wives that complement our strengths and values, I think something is inherently wrong for a man who for whatever circumstance life has dealt with him, may not have been intellectually curious or may not have had the benefit of a university education to decide that he would travel home and marry a medical doctor, a pharmacist, a lawyer or a nurse, bring her to America, and hope that the marriage would succeed- the apparent and gaping gap in the intellectual and professional angles notwithstanding.

Or juggle one or more clueless AA woman/women with AAA figures...looking desparately to connect to some 'phantom' Neo-African roots to support his 'trifling' habits with his bad grammar/vocabulary or fascinating table/toileting manners.

As one of the stories illustrate, the husband had lied to the medical doctor while courting her in Nigeria that he was an IT specialist, only for the lady to realize later that the ‘IT specialist’ she had married was a man who was doing odd jobs to get by. I believe that marriages entered into on such platforms and foundations are like a house built on cardboard.

The first encounter with the elements will reveal the shaky foundation upon which it was erected and would come tumbling down, leaving debris of hate, anger, deceit and pain in its wake. I believe that men should tell the truth about their circumstance in America to their would-be spouses. That way, they can make the determination if they want to go ahead with it or not.

That's right.....That IT of a 'thing' has never been a recognized field of employment in my opinion...Yes, some can make a decent meaning from that(but carrying out a conversation with some of these dudes is enough to let anyone know they are just 'gameboy' players and yahoo boys in the field)....but gosh.....Indians and Pakistanis are all over the place for a tenth of the requested salaries of other 'races'...so no big deal....most are just using that as a cover up.....most of them still present with the 'it dosen't worth it' (instead of it isn't or it wasn't worth it)....and 2 dollar(instead of 2 dollars) grammar for crying out loud......

Or keep saying silly things like "he do"....."she do" and "they does".........having failed to get the basics in Nigeria before ferrying across the Atlantic to the US....then instead of re-organizing themselves to make up for the handicap...they proceed to shack up with every ghetto bunny in the vicinity who cannot tell if they are speaking French, Cuban, or Russian.....just happy to snag an "African dude" from the motherland....even if it from the 'bottom' of the barrel....

Poverty is a terrible thing......I wish these women would travel on their own first of all...instead of allow these men to 'import' them.....Nigeria can be a frustrating place for professionals...so I can understand why these women would seek greener pastures...but I would have done exactly what they did to get out of Nigeria then DUMP them as soon as I was settled.....especially if the dude "REFUSED to pull up his weight. As soon as I get my residency.....and a couple of kids....I am so ourra there.....Will gladly dash him the house/cars and pay his lazy arse every month to finance his fufu habits...or escape the UK or Canada to get far away from him.

The motivation to marry a woman purely for economic reasons should be disavowed. There is no denying the fact that American society is designed for two family incomes. The man should strive to bring something to the table and not see the wives, who oftentimes may have a job that earns more money than the husband as the official ATM. This is a major kernel of conflict that the five ladies stories revealed.

Below, we publish the first of the five stories that show the crises in marital department of our Diasporan community. We would love to have readers’ reactions to this issue.

Nothing wrong with being motivated to marry for some socio-economic upliftment.....we all do that and rightly so...with some hope at some emotional fulfillment while we are at it...but by God do your blaaaady part......Don't just sit there and think your job is complete since you imported the 'golden goose' to the US.

While I wait for the 5 stories...I will predict that the MEN are ALL to blame mostly for the break-up of the marriages. If I were a Nigerian man.....my first and main concern would be to protect my African or Nigeria sisters from the harsh environment they have weathered by the grace of God.....but what do they do? They proceed to even make things more difficult for the JJC professional wives....after all the LIES....SEX....AND VIDEO TAPES!!!!

It becomes a competition....based on envy....especially when the women catch on fast that they are being used.


Story #1....

Dear Mr. Ekerete Udoh

Let me first thank you for giving us this wonderful and entertaining medium. Your newspaper The Diasporan Star is so good and so addictive.

Here in Maryland, we always look forward to the beginning of the month, when your newspaper is on the newsstands. Congratulations for continuing the good works that you started in Nigeria. It’s good to know that you have not abandoned your passion for journalism. Keep up the good work.

I decided to send in this story along with four of my dear friends whose decision to find love and happiness got blown away in a haze of deceit and insecurity by the men whom we trusted our lives, passions, emotions and heart to.

I could have internalized the hurt and pain I experienced, but I think my story may help change the way our men conduct their marital business and by so doing, help the sanity of other women out there who may end up being lied to, taken advantage of, and sometimes emotionally scarred for ever. If I were not emotionally and psychologically defined and stable, I would have lost my mind following what I experienced.

Let me go straight into the heart of the matter. I got married to a Nigerian-American five years ago. My husband, a handsome gentleman, well spoken and significantly older than me, met me five years ago in Lagos, during one of his trips to Nigeria in search of a wife.

I was a physician, working at a public hospital in Yaba-Lagos. Even though I may not be considered by American standards to be rich, I was however, by our standards, comfortable. I had a beautiful apartment, a nice car and a doting circle of friends and family.

Three of my friends in the medical school were in the U.S., and had told me how successful they were, after they got their medical licence and board certification. I was, therefore, desirous migrate to the United States one day. When my husband showed up, and told me he was interested in marriage, in spite of the almost 15 year -age gap, I gave the issue a serious consideration.

My husband had then told me he was an IT specialist for a Fortune 500 company and had an IT degree. I had no reason to doubt him. Things moved at a dizzying height, and six months after we met, I joined him in the U.S. after he petitioned for me as a fiancee.

The first signal that all was not well with my marriage happened right there at the airport when my husband came to pick me up in a car that looked like a cab. As we were loading my luggage into his car, his friends who were also driving cabs started hailing him about the beautiful woman he was picking up. I overheard him tell them that I was his wife, the medical doctor he has been telling them about.

I was stunned to observe that my husband was a cab driver and not the IT specialist he purported to be. But I kept my counsel. I deluded myself into believing that may be driving a cab was a second job he did to augment his income.
If I was disappointed at what occurred at the airport, what awaited me at his home completely demoralised and shattered me beyond repair.

My husband was living in a hell hole, a stuffy basement in one of the most crime infested areas of Washington D.C. The stench that oozed out of the dingy place was so offensive that I had to go outside to catch some fresh air.

•To Be Continued next Week. Don’t Miss this Riveting Story

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2009/09/1...ran-community/

How can someone expecting a wife not prepare for her?

Before I comment.....I would love to read the rest of the story and how you coped for those five years......what you have written so far is typical of what I know to be true of some Nigerian couples....with the men lying about their true professions.....I know it is difficilt to get a visitor's visa from Nigeria and a fiancee's visa is the quickest way out in most cases...I would have done the same thing. I most definitely would NOT want to be a female...and a medical doctor for that matter stuck in Nigeria after all that education.....So I do not blame you at all.

It was good you waited 5 years to see your residency papers through and hopefully with 1 or 2 kids, so you can close this marriage chapter...it looks like 5 of you already left.....thanks for sharing.

But like I stated....I will wait to read more......it is well sister...

[MrsChocT]

I would like to wait to read the whole story before I analyze the issue. But truth be told, if you follow man all in the name of I wan reach America..........na serious problem be that.

From her mail, even before this cabbie came into her life, she had been dreaming of reaching these United States for quite a while. In my own opinion, she thought she was using the man as a means to reach her destination but he turned out to be a smarter cat than she bargained for.

Like I've always known, book smart isn't the same thing as street smart.

@Lateesha, Ekerette Udo is the columnist and the not the woman telling her story.

[lateesha]

Originally Posted by Serious_Naijababe

@Lateesha, Ekerette Udo is the columnist and the not the woman telling her story.

Chei!
and I'm supposed to be educated?
maybe my kabu kabu lover hubby is rubbing off on me
We have lasted more than 5 years
and I'm yet to see da light
I need to move to Maryland

[Iye]

Originally Posted by lateesha

Chei!
and I'm supposed to be educated?
maybe my kabu kabu lover hubby is rubbing off on me
We have lasted more than 5 years
and I'm yet to see da light
I need to move to Maryland

Lets hope u stay in darkness oooh…becos this light can cause a lot

[lateesha]

Originally Posted by Iye

Lets hope u stay in darkness oooh…becos this light can cause a lot

are you telling me?
I'm the only woman I know that doesn't own one single coach bag
I feel cheated.
I shall burn that stupid yellow cab tonite
I'm stepping up
can't wait for the rest of this story.

[M. Akosa]

To all my sisters,

I just pray that before any one of us who is in bondage or blind, sees the light, that it is only power struggles, verbal wars and mind games and no blood shed or violence.

No be today nyash dey for back.

Girls/women will forever be conned, fooled, decieved, and then hopefully see the light, with good health intact to tell the tales.

May God keep us all well.

[Ajanlekoko]

I think a lot depends on the partner on the 'other side'. The lady in the story has three friends in the US and she could have implored them to do a secret background check on the gentlemen. A very smart puppy love ex-girlfriend (now a very close friend) of mine once told me she had met a gentleman in Nigeria who wanted her to 'join' him in NY. She wanted to know if I knew this guy and/or if I could find out some information for her about him. Smart move, I'd say. Happened that this guy is a twin brother to a very good friend of mine and so I had no problem in giving him a pass mark. Now they are married and blessed with loads of 'nwa'. So I'd say to the ladies, send people you know on a reconnaisance mission before you go too deep. Information dissemination is much better than decades ago and it doesn't anymore take 2 months for letters to get to Nija from overseas. QED.

[liloldlady]

Rule No 1...Never marry a man, you would not have agreed to date...full stop.

If you know in your heart of hearts, that what does it for you, is a GQ cover type bobo.
what are you then doing, marrying a Jew man, who more or less still chills at home wearing loin cloth.

[Iye]

[QUOTE=Ajanlekoko;389240]I think a lot depends on the partner on the 'other side'. The lady in the story has three friends in the US and she could have implored them to do a secret background check on the gentlemen. QUOTE]


Mr Ajanlekoko… background check might eliminate…. IT professional now turn Taxi driver issue…but what of the evil intentions of turning the woman into a milking cow? What kind of check can search the mind of man….

[M. Akosa]

The biggest issue is the intentions or hidden agenda. I agree that background checks has some limitations too, in this regards.

In this case, I guess on both sides there are some elements of desperation. The wife needs green card and an overseas medical career, far away from Nigeria. While the man is in need of a cash cow and an economic safety net, or (PPP) perverse pension plan, which is very highly undesirable for the typical wise and capable Nigerian trophy wife, that had 3 sugar daddies and a glamourous or enviable social life while in Nigeria. She has never been pimped before, or subjected to sexual (permanent) relationship with a man from a lower socio-economic standing. So she will reject it by all means.

It is a very good drama. But I just always pray that no one, both the man and the woman looses their lives or blood shed involved

It is only a drama. An amusing one indeed.

[liloldlady]

Originally Posted by M. Akosa

. The wife needs green card and an overseas medical career, far away from Nigeria. While the man is in need of a cash cow and an economic safety net, or (PPP) perverse pension plan, which is very highly undesirable for the typical wise and capable Nigerian trophy wife, that had 3 sugar daddies and a glamourous or enviable social life while in Nigeria. She has never been pimped before, or subjected to sexual (permanent) relationship with a man from a lower socio-economic standing..

GBAM
Ewoo..I ji ya...No be lie.

Parachuting a woman, across the oceans for marriage, when, included somewhere in the scheme, lurks a plan to Midas.. the woman, Is a bad idea. A very bad idea.
Because........;
Typical Nigerian mind set is do or die, When it comes to money.
Folks are not mucking about.
A woman who has been living in the west, is not about to behead anybody because of money, or getting it. Unlike some of our sisters back home, where money literally makes the difference between life and death.
And they come at getting their hands on it, with that level of seriousness.
Do not plan to bring anybody here, and expect them to be coughing money, like kalo kalo jackpot...
dat wan no go work....lai lai.

So to our various Bros, who tend to overegg the pudding, when they go home to find a bride...enuf. ahbeg una.
dem tok say, when hand shake pass elbow, im don enta anoda tin.
enuf.
If you wan chop Dr. or RN salary....Hanlele to College. Its that simple.

[lateesha]

you guys are talking as if cab driving is easy.

[Oru-Ama]

Originally Posted by Iye

True talk…..but remember that she got here before she realized all that glitter is not gold…knowing the expectation from home and the shame of not wanting to let a her friends and family know that its not all rosy…she had to stick to the guy…..lets wait and hear the concluding part of the story….why she left him before we crucify her……

Well said. She got there before she realized all that glitter is not gold. Why didn't she pack her pali and go back to naija? I know a lady who was a bank Manager in one of the banks in naija who was almost deceived into marrying a cab driver in U.S. We were all shocked when she came back to naija after one week. It took her another 3 years to get back into banking on the same level. I will never understand this lady's reason for staying put to use the poor cab driver to get to the top and then dump him. This cab driver (and fake I.T professional) have gotten his own... he got dumped. This lady will get her own for living a lie to get to where she is today.