Why Is It Difficult For Men To Say Sorry?
By Stella Igbasanmi and Omobolanle Oladeinde
Adeyemo ALEX waited in the sitting room, looking ruffled and disturbed. On entering the room, Oluchi met her husband with hatred in his eyes. Before she could utter a word, Alex gave her a deafening slap. She broke down in tears. Just then, Oluchi’s uncle walked into the room. After introducing himself as Oluchi’s uncle, Alex bowed his head in shame.
He had mistaken Oluchi’s uncle for a lover. He saw them coming out of a boutique in the neighbourhood. However, instead of apologising, he preferred to use other means to tell his wife that he was sorry.
It is generally accepted that most men find it difficult to tell their wives verbally that they are sorry when they are wrong. While some have argued that it is a show of ego, others hold that it is a sign of weakness. ST Relationship decided to find out why most men find it hard to verbalise the expression, “I AM SORRY.”
Pastor Popoola Taiwo: Some men find it hard to say sorry to their wives or anybody due to inherent ego which to me is better called pride. Though it may appear subtly. Anytime I offend my wife, I do feel too big to say sorry to her but whenever I remember that we are in the same maritalship together and to prevent devil bringing chaos to my marital journey. I do say sorry to her even though as an African man, it is painful.
Pastor Oni: Man finds it difficult to say sorry due to the cultural background. But spiritually, it is not, if there is genuine love and understanding between the spouses.
The cultural settings did not position or influence man to feel remorse for the wrongdoing to the woman why? because, culturally, a man sees a woman as his subject and subordinate so, he have no apology for any wrongdoing. In fact, in African setting, the culture did not position woman well enough. That makes a man to see a woman as a property and not helpmate. When a man wrongs his wife and he is spiritually well equipped, he is expected to apologise even at the expense of that woman’s stubbornness.
But on the other hand, if the woman is too “big enough” to say sorry to her husband, I don’t see reason why the man should, because the wife should be submissive and if she’s not, it will be difficult for the man to say sorry but if that woman is submissive and humble even to a fault, that is enough for a man to say sorry, if he has conscience.
Mr. Akinola Babatunde: Saying sorry is not a big deal but whom it is addressed to is most important. To me, saying sorry to my wife might be a difficult task under certain conditions. I do deluge the “sorry” for certain reasons.
In order not to compromise my superiority — you know the way our better halves of nowadays behave, immediately there is any argument between couple at home and the husband is in the habit of saying sorry, the woman will take it to be pride and will be expecting the husband to always say “Sorry.”
Sorry means acceptance of defeat or allegation. Sorry means you have agreed or accepted the defeat.
Misconception, a wrong perception of the behaviour of the husband by the wife might make the husband believe that saying sorry is not necessary in such a situation. To cap it all, a wife is part of the husband and there is no way a person will hurt his/her part without itching. Sorry is the point.
Mr. Bukola Oguntola: To me, it is not a difficult thing to say sorry. Saying sorry to either wife, friends or even anybody is the most easier way to live, most especially when stress and anger are all over people’s faces in Nigeria. If one does not learn a big way of saying sorry in the world nowadays, one may end up fighting all the time.
And for a personality, fighting means one cannot manage crisis either at home or in the society and it is a general opinion that a person that cannot manage his home cannot in anyway manage a nation. Saying sorry to me is good especially when it does not involve official matters. It is expected of any administrator to be careful with the language ‘sorry’ because it is a complete administrative negligence or incompetence. Therefore, it is only in administration that the word sorry should be carefully handled but outside this, sorry is a simple way of making peace.
Mr. Bashiru Adeyemo: The reason most men find it difficult to say “sorry” to their wives is the women themselves. Whenever there is conflict between a man and his wife, and it is the husband’s fault, the woman will start misbehaving. There will be pride in whatever she says or does. As a result of this, the husband will find it difficult to say sorry.
Mr. Anipupo Olusanjo: I do not see anything wrong in apologising to one’s wife whenever there is misunderstanding between a man and his wife. As for me, I always say sorry to my wife whenever we quarrel. Even if she is the one at fault, I still say sorry. I even prostrate to apologise atimes. I don’t care what anybody says about that. For a man to have a peaceful home, he must always apologise whenever there is conflict between him and his wife.
Mr. Adeyemi Yekini: I think the problem with most men is ego. They feel because they are the head of the house, their wives should always apologise whenever there is conflict between them. As for me, I don’t find it difficult to apologise to my wife whenever there is conflict between us.
Mr. Lawal Yusuf: Saying sorry to one’s wife whenever there is conflict is not something that should be difficult. I do not know why it is difficult for some men. But as for me, it is not difficult at all.
Mr. Biodun Shittu: I can only say sorry to my wife if and only if I am at fault. If she is the one at fault, and she is expecting me to apologise, then she must be making mistakes. Even if heaven comes down. I will never apologise. She also has a right to apologise to me if she offends me. So, it should be vice-versa.
Mr. Lekan Adisa: Being a born-again Christian there shouldn’t be difficulty in saying sorry to one’s wife. I believe once we are married, we are one so, I have every right to apologise to her whenever I offend her and she will also do the same. When a man loves his wife, he shouldn’t find it difficult to say sorry.
Mr. Adebayo: The problem with most men is pride. It is in the African tradition that since a man is the head of the house, the woman should also bow for him. I do not see anything difficult in saying sorry to your wife when you offend her. I am a very humble and generous person. I do apologise to my wife whenever I offend her.
http://odili.net/news/source/2009/oct/26/600.html 
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