Can You Marry A Guy You Are Older Than? - Page 2

CAN YOU MARRY A GUY YOU ARE 6 YEARS OLDER THAN:

A very close friend asked me this question and i told her that it all depends on how one feels..if one feels comfortable with the relationship then she should go ahead...

now that i am thinking about it, my first reaction...

Click here to read the entire palava

DoubleWahala · Oct 17, 2007 , 07:23 PM

The question we should all ask ourselves is this:

Why is it that, the world over, women generally marry men who are older than them?

Some would say that there are:

1. Biological reasons

2. Financial/economic reasons.

3. Psychological reasons.

4. Good old 'cultural' reasons.

DW

Soul Sista · Oct 17, 2007 , 08:34 PM

I dated a guy younger than me for a short time once. It was no big deal. . . when I finally got over the fact that he was three years younger than me

He was actually very mature and confident. But, our society frowns against such relationships so, to each his/her own. Don't do it if you feel uncomfortable with it.

smartomoge · Oct 17, 2007 , 09:56 PM

Originally Posted by Soul Sista

I dated a guy younger than me for a short time once. It was no big deal. . . when I finally got over the fact that he was three years younger than me He was actually very mature and confident. But, our society frowns against such relationships so, to each his/her own. Don't do it if you feel uncomfortable with it.

Me too. Three years younger. He was trying too hard to show he could control me sha. And that was soooo not working out, so I waka. I doubt my parents would have been overjoyed sha.

crimsonbabe · Oct 17, 2007 , 10:03 PM

Though I have never dated a guy that was younger than me, I dont see the big deal if the guy is matured but like everyone else said its really not par for the course in our society.

But sha o, since boys generally mature slower than girls

(make someone no kill me o), there seems to be greater probability that a younger guy will be less matured all things being equal..

But am sure we all know people of both sexes that dont behave in age appropriate way

My $0.2
CB

Vade Mecum · Oct 17, 2007 , 10:11 PM

But, our society frowns against such relationships -Villager

Our society once frowned against marrying one wife.

In yester years,it was a sign of weakness for a man to have one wife

Our society once frowned against having few children.

In yester years,it was a sign of weakness for a man to have few children.

Our society once frowned against sending one's children to the white man's school.

In yester years,it was a sign of weakness for a great man's children to go to the White

man's school and be subjected to the white man's cane and manual labour for school

yard maintance.

Our society once frowned against going to the white man's church.

In yester years,it was a sign of weakness for a man's wife and children to go the white

man's church and worship the white man's God.

Our society once frowned against having twins and physically challenged babies.

In yester years,it was a sign of weakness for a man to have twins and physically

challenged babies.

etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc

Hmm we have come a long way.

This funny culture too shall pass.

People want life partners

The society is creating age barriers

The same society frowns against unmarried persons

Abeg make we leave society, make progress.

Tony Okosun

Showcase · Oct 17, 2007 , 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by Sweet-joy

@ Post

To me o! i can't marry him, i won't even go out with a guy that am older than with 1year not to talk of ALMIGHTY 6years...(1) i won't respect him (2) I will be seeing him as a baby (3) I will feel too cheap (4) It will make me look too despriate (5) What will people say and how will they take me? the guy himself will not be comfortable with me, if i try to make a point or give advice, he may take it to be that am over shadowing him or controlling him etc so i will advice who ever is involve to go out there and get better and matured (that is older than her o!) guy that has good qualities of a husband.

Had it been they are age mates i would adviced her to go ahead or let's say a year older but 6 NO NO NO!!!

But she can still marry the guy o if only age is no longer on her side!

It is not about agreeing or disagreeing with you, but I like the way you came across with your opinion. Well said.

Alexa · Oct 18, 2007 , 06:34 AM

A guy I'm older than?No way.I don't even date guys that are my age.From Three years older than me is ideal.I have younger brothers and to think that I may be going out with someone their age is just too hard for me to take.I think I have a seniority complex.

sandybaby · Oct 18, 2007 , 10:33 AM

All well said!!

But lets face fact, a guy can lie about his age..you could believe him especially if he is a young achiever! if you re say "34" and the guy is "37" and he is basically on his own, a young achiever and you re attracted to him, of course you would date him!

and then along the courtship period, he asked for your hand in marriage.

THE GUY: will you marry me? ; he asked on his knees
THE BABE: wow! yes i would ( screaming and hugging him)

(a romantic proposal, you re marrying him becos you love and respect him)

wedding preparations in progress...
A day to the wedding, Boom!!!! he calls you and tells you he has something to tell you.

the next thing, he is confessing that he isnt 37, he is 29...

What would you do? would you back out or continue with the wedding?

AS FOR ME, I WOULD JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR AND WISH FOR GOD TO COME DOWN HIMSELF TO ADVICE ME! I BELIEVE GOD"S OWN ADVICE WILL BE THE BEST!

WHO WOULD YOU DO?

Sweet-joy · Oct 18, 2007 , 12:49 PM

Sandybaby

Why are u talking like this? for the guy to hide his age till that time means he is a gold digger...and doesn't worth marrying at all!

.bebi · Oct 18, 2007 , 12:54 PM

Originally Posted by Sweet-joy

Sandybaby

Why are u talking like this? for the guy to hide his age till that time means he is a gold digger...and doesn't worth marrying at all!

Digging which gold?She said the guy is an achiever.May be the guy knew the chic would back out if she knew his real age.

.bebi · Oct 18, 2007 , 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by sandybaby

All well said!!

But lets face fact, a guy can lie about his age..you could believe him especially if he is a young achiever! if you re say "34" and the guy is "37" and he is basically on his own, a young achiever and you re attracted to him, of course you would date him!

and then along the courtship period, he asked for your hand in marriage.

THE GUY: will you marry me? ; he asked on his knees
THE BABE: wow! yes i would ( screaming and hugging him)

(a romantic proposal, you re marrying him becos you love and respect him)

wedding preparations in progress...
A day to the wedding, Boom!!!! he calls you and tells you he has something to tell you.

the next thing, he is confessing that he isnt 37, he is 29...

What would you do? would you back out or continue with the wedding?

AS FOR ME, I WOULD JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR AND WISH FOR GOD TO COME DOWN HIMSELF TO ADVICE ME! I BELIEVE GOD"S OWN ADVICE WILL BE THE BEST!

WHO WOULD YOU DO?

Is it possible to be with a guy that has added a whole 8 yrs to his age and u wont suspect,even till a day to ur wedding?Wouldnt u have met and conversed with his family and friends?

Sweet-joy · Oct 18, 2007 , 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by .bebi

Digging which gold?She said the guy is an achiever.May be the guy knew the chic would back out if she knew his real age.

But why should he hide it till that time? does he now want to break the lady's heart? knowing fully well that she can't say no to him? i hate guys that doesn't tell the truth from the onset!

sandybaby · Oct 18, 2007 , 01:15 PM

Originally Posted by .bebi

Is it possible to be with a guy that has added a whole 8 yrs to his age and u wont suspect,even till a day to ur wedding?Wouldnt u have met and conversed with his family and friends?

HI BEBE,

it is very possible..sometimes we have guys who look older than their age and dont act their age..

lets face fact, you might not want to spend so much time digging about his age but instead you might want to get information on his character, past relationship, family background and things that you would not want to affect you when you guys are married.

So Age might not be a constant topic while courting... if a guy was born in Feb12 and he met his babe feb25th and courted for 10months and decides to get married in Jan, remember his birthday is FEb, the babe might not still guess in that direction...

so its possible..
I expand my thoughts! i imagine in different circumstances. What i am trying to do is balance the equation...
BeBe, i perfectly understand your question..i appreciate

.bebi · Oct 18, 2007 , 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by sandybaby

HI BEBE,

it is very possible..sometimes we have guys who look older than thier age and dont act their age..

lets face fact, you might not want to spend so much time digging about his age but instead you might want to get information on his character, past relationship, family background and things that you would not want to affect you when you guys are married.

So Age might not be a constant topic while courting... if a guy was born in Feb12 and he met his babe feb25th and courted for 10months and decides to get married in Jan, remember his birthday is FEb, the babe might not still guess in that direction...

so its possible..
I expand my thoughts! i imagine in different circumstances. What i am trying to do is balnce the equation...
BeBe, i perfectly understand your question..i appreciate

I'm liking this my new name o

Well different strokes for different folks.I am inquisiive to a fault and I pick holes in gists(I know,Im that terrible).

sandylomo · Oct 18, 2007 , 01:24 PM

Age like every other issues in a relationship is dependent on what priorities you have decided to assign to it.

Like Anthony Okosun said above. For so many of us (men & women) we carry this burden of age-consiouness because of the cultural and the societal "norm" that we have been inductrinated into.

This also raises other issues about how much of our choices and decisions in marriage are influnced by "fitting-in the societal norm". Let's face it, questions like what will my family say? What wil i look like amongs my friends are a huge influences on our decisions albeit our own personall judgement.

The african society is largely influenced by its rich tradition and culture, but i dare say there must come a time when every woman will have to ask herself how does this tie into the future and hope that i envisage for myself.

It is not a matter of being a non-comformist it is about being in control of the choices for our lives

el_pharoah · Oct 18, 2007 , 06:23 PM

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but I have a question. The word maturity has been used liberally on this thread to describe the guy's qualities. What does maturity mean in this context? Is it age, not being pampered romatically? What is a mature man? I think that word mature is a bit vague and any explanation would be much appreciated. Merci de advance

Alexa · Oct 18, 2007 , 06:25 PM

If a guy lies like that,then I'll be wondering what else he's lying about.I wouldn't marry such a person.

sandybaby · Oct 19, 2007 , 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by el_pharoah

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but I have a question. The word maturity has been used liberally on this thread to describe the guy's qualities. What does maturity mean in this context? Is it age, not being pampered romatically? What is a mature man? I think that word mature is a bit vague and any explanation would be much appreciated. Merci de advance

By Maturity, i mean Sensibility, responsibility, reliability, experience, understanding,good thinking faculty e.t.c

sandybaby · Oct 19, 2007 , 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by Alexa

If a guy lies like that,then I'll be wondering what else he's lying about.I wouldn't marry such a person.

Remember he confessed before the marriage.that means he dosent want to keep lying..though the reason he never mentioned it was because he might not want to loose you.

Note that he is not the only one that has secrets..Even the woman would have some she wouldnt want to share with her spouse...
not that i encourage lies but what makes one different from another person is the ability to own up that you re wrong....and you tell the truth b4 the next step of action

Vaya con Dios · Oct 19, 2007 , 05:21 PM

Ehm. . .di question wey I wan make una answer for me be say, "If you marry man wey young pass you like say 5 years or more, na how you go dey take celebrate yah different birthdays, if na Naija una dey live?" Abroad, it ain't a big deal. . .but, ehm for many areas in Naija. . .na another thing o!

I mean. . .take for example, it is your 40th birthday, and your own circle of awon correct babes you grew up with, decide to throw a bash for you knowing your own age and all. . . .how would you feel (if five years later), your own hubby now clocks 40, and you invite these same set of visitors to the bash?

Just imagine all the muttered whispers of ".....you mean say, na so she take old pass di bobo, and we no sabi say na 'cradle-snatcher' she be since...?" Kai!

Make una no mind me. . .of all the crazy thoughts to pop into my head, at this hour! Na wetin be my own sef?