Can You Marry A Guy You Are Older Than?

CAN YOU MARRY A GUY YOU ARE 6 YEARS OLDER THAN:

A very close friend asked me this question and i told her that it all depends on how one feels..if one feels comfortable with the relationship then she should go ahead...

now that i am thinking about it, my first reaction...

Click here to read the entire palava

[crimsonbabe]

Originally Posted by .bebi

Is it possible to be with a guy that has added a whole 8 yrs to his age and u wont suspect,even till a day to ur wedding?Wouldnt u have met and conversed with his family and friends?

I was wondering the same thing o.. I just dont see how you can date a guy and get to the point of marriage and you dont know his age.. unless you met and married the next day.. Just doesnt make sense unless you guys live in a vacuum, dont have any friends, dont have relatives or assuming you are both 9ja folks, dont have friends that he knew from Nigeria.. the only way i can see this being possible is if he went out of his way to always lie.. simple things like the year he left secondary school, the age of his friends and siblings.. can shed light.. without you even trying.. if you live abroad, u never done anything together like travel where you see each other's pasport, never laughed over each others ugly drivers license pictures??

if a guy adds 8 years to his age especially the 29 vs 37 kind not the 40 vs 48 kind.. you should know.. unless you just refused to know .. now that is another matter

My $0.2
CB

[sandybaby]

Originally Posted by Vaya con Dios

Ehm. . .di question wey I wan make una answer for me be say, "If you marry man wey young pass you like say 5 years or more, na how you go dey take celebrate yah different birthdays, if na Naija una dey live?" Abroad, it ain't a big deal. . .but, ehm for many areas in Naija. . .na another thing o!

I mean. . .take for example, it is your 40th birthday, and your own circle of awon correct babes you grew up with, decide to throw a bash for you knowing your own age and all. . . .how would you feel (if five years later), your own hubby now clocks 40, and you invite these same set of visitors to the bash?

Just imagine all the muttered whispers of ".....you mean say, na so she take old pass di bobo, and we no sabi say na 'cradle-snatcher' she be since...?" Kai!

Make una no mind me. . .of all the crazy thoughts to pop into my head, at this hour! Na wetin be my own sef?

na by force to invite people for the birthday?
you can just celebrate with famliy that's all

[Showcase]

The men have not said much, if anything here. Are their views needed, as in, Can you marry a lady you are younger than? Sth like that.

[bigboy]

Originally Posted by Showcase

The men have not said much, if anything here. Are their views needed, as in, Can you marry a lady you are younger than? Sth like that.

I can understand why most women may not fancy the idea of marrying younger men. By evolution and natural inclination, a woman's natural desire is to feel protected; therefore most women feel more secured to marry a man they percieve as being in position to afford them that security. It is natural to assume that the older a man is the more likely he is to either emotionally, materially or physically provide that security. This innate inclination has inherently developed a culture where women seek older men for marriage.

Conversely, by anthropological and evolutionary implications men are demanded upon to provide security and protection for the female beings hence the need to feel strong dependable and providable. Hence it is common culture to assume that older males are better positioneed to do these.

The reality is that these cultural and evolutionary phenomenon has continued to define our ways of life and what we see as norms.

Personally, age is not a primary determinat provided the woman feels confortable with that. Marriage ia about understanding, mutual respect and spiritual connection that is wrapped in genuine and undying love.

[Nigerian]

Originally Posted by Showcase

The men have not said much, if anything here. Are their views needed, as in, Can you marry a lady you are younger than? Sth like that.

Yes! Yes, yes yes!! Sweet lawwd, YES!

For some reasons, perhaps because of my age vs looks, I've always dated chicks older than moi for the most parts. I don't see nothing wrong with it and I haven't noticed any attitude from any of those chicks. I know dating is different from marriage but to me, age will never be an issue.

I just don't know why so many people are clinging to so many prejudices. I mean, how can you be willing to sacrifice a chance at happyness and a blissful marital life over something as simple as age. Like my girl Aaliyah sang, age ain't nothing but a number...

It is exactly the same attitude that many have towards inter-racial relationships/marriages.

What a sad little world we live in.

[Lingo]

A few years ago, I was one of those who swore never to date a guy I was older than until I met Kunle.

He was everything I wanted in a guy and we got on so well. Then….a few months into the relationship, I saw his passport and realised I was a year older and almost died! I am not kidding; I started hyperventilating and almost went into shock. Luckily he wasn’t home when I saw it because Lord knows he would have had to take me to A&E that evening.

I called my best friend immediately and told her what I saw only for her to start laughing which made me snap out of my shock. She asked what difference it made and if I thought my feelings for him would change upon this revelation. Well…it never did and I never mentioned it to him, not because I didn’t want to but because all through the time we were together, I just didn’t remember as it made absolutely no difference whatsoever, even when our birthdays came round.

I have since learnt to never say never until I have acted as I thought I would when in a given situation.

So…in response to the Q, I can marry a younger guy over and over and over again if he ticks all my boxes.

[Vaya con Dios]

Originally Posted by Nigerian

Like my girl Aaliyah sang, age ain't nothing but a number...

Age is more than a number, especially when it comes to most men. Most of the men who are older than their women, act like babies for the most part. . .so you can imagine how a man that is younger than you are, would act. Before anyone says anything, I have been 'there', done 'that' and even got the 'T-shirt to show' for it. In my case, the age gap was more than 5 years.

Wouldn't think of doing it again! Mba!

[katampe]

Originally Posted by Vaya con Dios

Age is more than a number, especially when it comes to most men. Even most of the men who are older than their women, act like babies for the most part. . .so you can imagine how a man that is younger than you are, would act. Before anyone says anything, I have been there, done that and even got the T-shirt to show for it.

Wouldn't think of doing it again!

Different strokes for different folks, others have tried it and it worked. It is the continuation of the breaking of barriers between man and woman.When you did, you were sold a bad product. You never know, you might just change your mind when a good product comes along

[Nigerian]

Originally Posted by Vaya con Dios

Age is more than a number, especially when it comes to most men. Even most of the men who are older than their women, act like babies for the most part. . .so you can imagine how a man that is younger than you are, would act. Before anyone says anything, I have been there, done that and even got the T-shirt to show for it.

Wouldn't think of doing it again!

Just a T-shirt? Hmm... no comment.

But wait, just how old are you, sista?

[Nigerian]

Originally Posted by katampe

Different strokes for different folks, others have tried it and it worked. It is the continuation of the breaking of barriers between man and woman.When you did, you were sold a bad product. You never know, you might just change your mind when a good product comes along

Thanks, dude. I suspect that she's been hanging out with the wrong pack.

[Vaya con Dios]

Originally Posted by Nigerian

Just a T-shirt? Hmm... no comment.

But wait, just how old are you, sista?

How old am I?

Old enough to go to a pub, old enough to vote & old enough to see a dirty movie, without being bounced from the door. Next question?

[Lingo]

Originally Posted by Nigerian

Just a T-shirt? Hmm... no comment.

But wait, just how old are you, sista?

Im almost certain your experience had nothing to do with age. A bad person is a bad person regardless !

[Vaya con Dios]

Originally Posted by Lingo

Im almost certain your experience had nothing to do with age. A bad person is a bad person regardless !

Sweetheart, trust me on this one. . . it had a lot to do with age. And maturity, common sense as well as an ability to make independent decisions without relying on your friends, colleagues and family for approval of every little step, you take!

Can't say more than that. Sorry!

[Lingo]

Originally Posted by Vaya con Dios

Sweetheart, trust me on this one. . . it had a lot to do with age. And maturity, common sense as well as an ability to make independent decisions without relying on your friends, colleagues and family for approval of every little step, you take!

Can't say more than that. Sorry!

I'm sorry you experienced that but I know for a fact that there are men who behave that way irrespective of age.

We live and learn....the older woman/younger guy thing is not for everyone.

[katampe]

Originally Posted by Vaya con Dios

Sweetheart, trust me on this one. . . it had a lot to do with age. And maturity, common sense as well as an ability to make independent decisions without relying on your friends, colleagues and family for approval of every little step, you take!

Can't say more than that. Sorry!

How old was Tony Blair when he was the Prime Minister of Britain? Did he employ his family members to make decisions on his behalf, or his colleagues or friends? One of the best, if not the best African American actor, Denzel Washington is four (4) years younger than his wife, Pauletta Washington, and they both have a great marriage. He is personifies most things that most older men aren't, not just in America but around the world.

So there goes your thesis, any more ?

[Vaya con Dios]

Originally Posted by katampe

Different strokes for different folks, others have tried it and it worked. It is the continuation of the breaking of barriers between man and woman.When you did, you were sold a bad product. You never know, you might just change your mind when a good product comes along

Yeah, I do agree that there are different strokes for different folks. But I hope you will understand that there some actions we take, which are dictated by age and experience. Another thing is that the wishes, desires, vision, plans and programmes of a 27 or 28-year old man, may be significantly different from those of a 35 or 38-year old man.

Their response to issues and their worldview is likely to be dictated to a larger degree by their age, maturity level as well as the sum of the experiences, both men have had within their respective age groups. Please note that in my own case the age difference was rather significant. Such issues may not be so pronounced, if the age difference is small.

My own experience was not unique. I compared it with what some of my other friends have gone through in the hands of their much younger blokes. The general consensus was similar.

[katampe]

Originally Posted by Vaya con Dios

Yeah, I do agree that there are different strokes for different folks. But I hope you will understand that there some actions we take that are dictated by age and experience. Another thing is that the wishes, desires, vision, plans and programmes of a 27 or 28-year old man may be significntly different from those of a 35 or 38-year old man.

Their response to issues and their worldview is likely to be dictated to a larger degree by their age, maturity level as well as the sum of the experiences both men have had within their respective age groups. please note that in my own case the age difference was rather significant. Such issues may not be so pronounced, if the age difference is small.

My own experience was not unique. I compared it with what some of my other friends have gone through in the hands of their much younger blokes. The general consensus was similar.

I have tackled the substance of your thesis above, please refer to post #55

[Vaya con Dios]

Originally Posted by katampe

I have tackled the substance of your thesis above, please refer to post #55

Sir, I have referred to your post no. 55. And my own views have not changed in this respect. I wore the shoes. I know where it pinched me. And kindly remember that I also stated that the age gap was wide. With all due respect to Tony Blair and his age, I do believe ruling a nation is a collective effort. A lot of men who have achieved great things in their professional and political life, are known to have bad marriages or poor family relationships. This is just a comment. I am not putting Tony Blair in this category.

So, I must beg to differ with you on this issue. The 'older woman-younger man' thingy works for some like you said earlier, but it didn't work for me and I doubt if it ever could. My current stance is called 'once bitten, twice shy'. You are free to hold on to your views, while am also free to retain mine.

Thank you.

[katampe]

Originally Posted by Vaya con Dios

Sir, I have referred to your post no. 55. And my own views have not changed in this respect. I wore the shoes. I know where it pinched me. And kindly remember that I also stated that the age gap was wide. With all due respect to Tony Blair and his age, I do believe ruling a nation is a collective effort. A lot of men who have achieved great things in their professional and political life, are known to have bad marriages or poor family relationships. This is just a comment. I am not putting Tony Blair in this category.

So, I must beg to differ with you on this issue. The 'older woman-younger man' thingy works for some like you said earlier, but it didn't work for me and I doubt if it ever could. My current stance is called 'once bitten, twice shy'. You are free to hold on to your views, while am also free to retain mine.

Thank you.

Madame, I noticed you omitted Denzel Washington, maybe I should go back to the post and highlight it in bold for others that might pass over it. Please it is the notion that is under attack or review not your person.Nevertheless, I do respect your view very deeply.

[Vaya con Dios]

Originally Posted by katampe

Madame, I noticed you omitted Denzel Washington, maybe I should go back to the post and highlight it in bold for others that might pass over it. Please it is the notion that is under attack or review not your person.Nevertheless, I do respect your view very deeply.

Sir, I took note of your reference to Denzel Washington. And since I do not know exactly what goes on in his marriage, I refrained from passing any comment in that direction.

My earlier response where I stated that ". . .A lot of men who have achieved great things in their professional and political life, are known to have bad marriages or poor family relationships," still stands. Look at Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. Both were great singers, but their personal lives were a mess. Scratch that. . . .maybe that wasn't a great analogy, because a lot of their problems were not strictly due to the disparity in their ages, but more to a host of other factors. But Hollywood is still a place where 'make-belief' holds sway. It is not my own reality, and as such I won't place too much emphasis, on what goes on in the lives of those who dwell there.

P.S. Thank you for respecting my views. The feeling is mutual.