His attitude has changed

Hi, I had to post anony because I am afraid of judgement (please dont judge me lol). So I have been dating this naija guy for a year and a half. He is really nice and everything is going ok. We fight but that is normal, what isnt normal is what happens afterwards. He does not call me until I call...

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[Oluwato]

Originally Posted by Anonymous Villager

Hi all, thanks for all the advice so far. Yes I have spoken to him about it. Everytime I am the first to call him he claims he was just about to call me which of course is bull. When I ask why he acts that way he has no answer for me.

That's the first thing wrong, you're running after him, not him after you. You're already acting "mummy", don't baby an adult, let him be.

Originally Posted by Anonymous Villager

So from what I gleaned from what everyone has said I should let it go because he does not really care about me whether or not the cause is the lack of sex and anyway the relationship is unhealthy which I agree with.

You got that right.

Originally Posted by Anonymous Villager

It is such a terrible feeling to have someone treat you like that and I do think it is a power game. He wants me to be the first to break and a guy friend of mine told me once that relationships are usually about games. And he said my problem in relationships has always been that I dont know the rules of the game and so I dont know how to play effectively. And that whoever cares the least (or acts like they do) has the most power in the relationship. Is that true? (Please be genuine here)

That is partially true at the immature stage of love, but at the mature stage, it is the reverse. Love is about giving and whoever loves more gives more. It takes two to make love work, if it is one-sided, then it becomes abuse!

Originally Posted by Anonymous Villager

Someone mentioned using other forms of birth control. I am not comfortable taking birth control pills or the shot or diaphrams (did I spell that right? lol) First because they have so many dangerous side effects and second of all because then there would be fluid exchange which I worry about because of infections/stds etc.

I am a health educator and while I am mandated by law to share everything out there, I only prefer condoms and abstinence. I support your decision, go with whatever you're comfortable with.

Originally Posted by Anonymous Villager

And really my pregnacy scare was serious. For two weeks I was having weird symptoms and I was terrified and the guy was telling me to take abortion pills etc. It was just awful because I was about to start a grad program in three weeks and I could just see my life falling down all around me...So now I am paranoid about the condoming bursting and getting preganant or worse stds etc. And to be honest I feel better now that sex is off the table because it was a cause of stress to me. It felt good during (of course!) but the next day (esp if it was a sunday) I would feel guilty about it. I'm pentacostal so all my life we have been threatened with hell fire and damnation. So just to keep this new found peace of mind I would like to continue celibacy.

First of all, since you've confessed your faith, I hope you have asked God for forgivenness for fornicating. No, you won't go to hell but you're not enjoying God's peace either. So if you've not repented, now is the time to do so.

Secondly, resolve it in your heart once and for all to leave sex where God wants it, in marriage! The man God wants for you will wait to sign a marriage license with you before inserting his sexual organ into yours.

Thirdly, get over the soulish (and or spiritual) tie(s) you have for this "whatever label you chose to give him" guy, he actually wanted you to take abortion pills, with all the risks involved, and you still "love" and "desire" him? What is the problem with you? Do you have a problem with one or both of your parents or someone who had parental authority over you when you were growing up that you should devalue your body to the extent of desiring a wannabe murderer (yes I just labeled him) who does not care about life that he cannot create but would rather you killed innocent life so that he can continue his illicit sex?

Originally Posted by Anonymous Villager

To round up my last question is, assuming me and the current bf go our seperate ways, wont it be so hard to find someone who will agree to a sexless relationship? Like how many guys out there will really agree to wait or are already practicing celibacy themselves out of choice? I know there are a few but not enough to make it likely I will find one. I have a cousin who is 26 and a virgin but she also has never been in a relationship. I dont want that to be me, like just because of celibacy be lonely for years at a stretch or worse, forever.

You're getting close to the root of your problem. you don't fully love yourself. Why are you not satisfied living alone (healthy, sane, peaceful) that you believe you need a man to complete yourself? Why is your cousin your yardstick? If she chooses to be celibate, that is her choice, leave her alone. You tell God (unless your unbelief is so deep you have so limited God to the point where you won't receive from Him) what you want and believe Him to give you your heart's desire. There may not be a lot of men who are godly out there but God has a remnant who obey Him! That type of reasoning is inspired by man's wisdom and is a trick of Satan to get you to compromise. You will receive someone from God who will uphold the principles of holiness, treat you like a queen that you are in Christ and value your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit that it is! Simply trust Him and pay the price of trust, you may not know the time it will happen because God doesn't always tell us His timing, but He always fulfills His promises.

In my own opinion, you need some spiritual study on who you are in Christ, what you have, where you are etc. Feel free to send me a PM, I can send you some resources. Shalom!

[Pooky]

Honey you have been dumped. If he was an honorable man, he would have come and talked to you and just officially ended it. If he cared for you, he would not have left you hanging like this. He doesn’t give a fig about you. It was all an act to get you to have and to continue to have sex with him. As long as you were parting your legs for him, he wanted to make up and talk. Of course, he wanted to continue getting laid. He 419ed you. His true character is exposed for you to see. You are trying to rationalize his behavior because you are very hurt, and I am sure traumatized. Honey in this life we all have the misfortune of meeting sheep in wolves' clothing. It is painful. I know, but girl you got to move on. He has moved on. He is just not man enough to tell you to your face. You been 419ed girl – conned. We have all experienced it.

You need to thank you lucky stars he isn’t your husband and/or you not pregnant. You would be so alone in your misery. He has shown his true nature. I know it is painful, but you must move on. He has. He is probably gruntin’ in her face right now. Again, we’ve all been there. There is nothing new under the sun. There are people who users. Your goal is to proceed with caution and not be fooled by the initial gestures of kindness, consideration, affections, etc. It is simply a ploy to pull you in to the con.

Please don’t let this fool make you bitter. He wins, if you do. Just chalk it up to one of life’s experiences. Doll don't let any of these folks brow beat you about having sex. Sex is a natural thing and if you made a decision to participate and if you are an adult, that is your business. You simply took a chance on the wrong man that's all. People are not always what they want you to believe they are.

I dedicate this song for you.

YouTube - Main Ingredient-Everybody Plays The Fool

[lateesha]

offtopic
No matter how strong and prayerful one is,the hardest time to keep away from fornication is that period between the engagement and the wedding.
Chineke God.
Thank God for his mercies.
The man is already yours and yet God said you people cannot chop.
Imagine sitting side by side alone with your one and only and making wedding plans, writing a list to go to Onitsha main market to buy the stuff.
You have managed all these months to abstain then all of a sudden he looks into your eyes you look into his then your body does you one kain.
He reaches over,pulls you closer and plants this juicy kiss on you,you respond in kind
Then you feel fingers meandering all over you
You know by hook or crook that the man is as stiff as a harmattan plaintain in the "boys quarters".
No single soul around
There's a large bed in the bedroom, your future matrimonial bed for that matter and a cozy couch where this action is already taking place.
Tell me
who wouldn't be tempted.
let me stop so far.
Our God is a merciful God.

[Oluwato]

Originally Posted by lateesha

offtopic...
No single soul around
There's a large bed in the bedroom, your future matrimonial bed for that matter and a cozy couch where this action is already taking place.
Tell me
who wouldn't be tempted.
let me stop so far.
Our God is a merciful God.

That was where you both were unprepared... always make sure there are souls around...God did say FLEE, abi no be so...?

[Vade Mecum]

Your man is not ready yet for a mature relationship

One of the true tests of real love is that he would be ready to wait for such a time that both of you could enjoy sex under the holy canopy and divine beauty of holy matrimony

He had no qualms telling you to go for abortion. Yet you are still undecided

If he was ruthless, brutal and callous enough to whimsically suggest to you, to go kill an innocent and unborn child, when he thought a child was on the way; who would he kill or abuse next ?

Surely, the morning tells the day

Your future plans were almost reduced to shreds. Yet, you are still worried by indecision

Thank God for his mercies. God has miraculously given you a second opportunity in life.

You do not need anybody to tell you, what your situation would have been by now, if this guy had impregnated you. You would have been reduced to an abandoned and inglorious wretch.

Once again, thank God and learn to live by the word of God. No sex before marriage

I am happy that you have decided to abstain from sex.

Go one more step. Tell him no more oral sex and stand by that decision

If you must sleep with him or give him oral sex to keep the relationship, then I am afraid, there is no relationship here.

I am surprised that you are compromising your body, virtue, esteem and dignity to please a man that was ready to vamoose, when you thought you were pregnant for him

People do not change after marriage

Stop reducing yourself to an instrument for his sexual gratification

He will respect you more and consider you a 'marriage material' if you live by your decision to abstain from pre-marital sex.

Learn to stand by and live out your principles

Do only that which makes you happy

Nobody can turn you into a rag, without your consent.

As a daughter of the most high, you must live by God's standards.

Do not allow any unfounded fear to keep you in any manner of sexual bondage

The very mighty God that you serve, will bless you with a good, fit and proper husband at the right time and right season

[Balo]

Originally Posted by M. Akosa

A man should call, run after and chase a girl / lady, sex or no sex involved, and not the other way round.

.

Hehehe. And what century has this come from my dear? What is wrong with a woman/girl chasing a man especially if those feelings are reciprocated? Abeg, please speak for ya sef.

[Balo]

Originally Posted by Pooky

Honey you have been dumped. If he was an honorable man, he would have come and talked to you and just officially ended it.

Hehehe and another one. So please tell us which kind freak of a guy wey go come tell woman "officially" say the relationship don end??. Sorry but most guys don't operate like that, we just let it kinda fizzle out much in the same way as this anoni's guy is doing and eventually we leave it up to you guys to figure it out. And please don't blame the player - put it on the game.

But this NVS funny sha! - picture the scenario on a cool Friday evening, man arrives at woman's flat/house, knocks on the door. Woman opens with a smile thinking it's gonna be a good night but guy enters with a frown on his face, sits on the sofa and says Sweetie, I just thought I should come and talk to you to let you know that this relationship is over". Me I am brave but not that brave oh. If una like call me mouse, I will concur.

[emj]

Hehehe, okay, i yam not laughing at this palava...only say for some wacky reason reminds me of a naughty friend of mine that always goes...'body dey catch me'...and i always respond..'catch body now'...hehehehohoho....seriously agro no good....person wey bin taste candy..una come dey tell say, ba hanyan...no road. The dude is used to having his own way, i dont blame the son of a gun..walahi hin own tactics is one of the oldest in the book of St Playa

He's not in a hurry to end anything...he knows how to play u....but u shld take control/charge and call his bluff off by not making any move...let him call till the birds go home...no response.

Nonee et al, it's difficult, but with some discipline u will be able to uphold that which u believe as true and not allow anyone man or woman to take u for a ride...u've been taken for a ride long enough...sever ties..cut the umbilical cord....live to please yourself....not in a selfish way, but in a self worthy way....love yourself...u deserve better


PS>>>.....the cihun advice is for all going through this type of jakari/headache in relationship...be u man or woman..be true to yourself...that's the only way u can be true to others...dont fake anything including looking for unbroken hymen

EMJ(St Playa P)..For and on behalf of all Iya and Baba Ijo St Playa's Seminary

[MrsChocT]

Nonee, you heard all ya villagers, so make your decisions wisely. I do not have anything to add but I will recommend you buy this book, HOW TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER 165 Questions To Ask by author Bimbo Odukoya. This book answers all the questions you could ever have on dating and in selecting a right marriage partner. You may order it online or ask someone to bring it from home for you.

Amazon.com: HOW TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER (9781597816892): Bimbo Odukoya: Books

Amazon.com: HOW TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER (9781597816892): Bimbo Odukoya: Books

Pastor Bimbo Odukoya (RIP) had a solid singles ministry before she slept in the Lord. I was blessed to have received a free copy of this book from her. My dear, you will never regret the purchase.

[OverLoad]

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh....RED FLAGS !!!! RED FLAGS!!!!! RED FLAGS all over since the inception of your relationship.

First of all you both need to agree on defining your "relationship", if any.
In this case it seems you think you are in a "romantic relationship", this dude is thinking "casual relationship with benefits" , benefits as used here could mean "idi", "a-s-s", "steady booty call", "hussle-free booty call" which could lead into something special but most likely has a 5% chance of blossoming into the real thing. This could be as a result of so many things like:
1) He ain ready to commit in terms of a serious relationship
2) Why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free
3) He ain gotten his s-h-i-t together
4) Hes not that into you
5) So many girls on his phone list he does not need to hussle them to get laid, so why bother with you????
6) Hes not sure exactly what he wants
7) Hes spoilt with so many options hes confused.

When a guy suggests/infers/implies to you to use abortion pills my sister FLEE do not run....for the love of JESUS , FLEE! . Such a man has no long term plans for you, the earlier u disentangle urself the better, if u had dumped the modasucka after the first sign of trouble u wud have gotten over him now, and would have been in at least one other relationship since then.

Let me let you in on an open secret most men are physically driven creatures in other words sexually driven. From the horny male teenager to the randy old man, they have sex on their mind. We women too we love sex, but we like to attach a meaning to getting down so we dont feel used , cheap and abused.
Maturity levels differ from one man to another when it comes to handling sex issues. I like to group them in 4 categories

1) The ones u meet and who seem to be all in to you to get in your pants and who will go any length to achieve this purpose. These ones would wait it out, if u dont give up the booty for 2yrs they still there, but be careful tho' they are like disclaimers on craigslist *try at your own risk* that they waited 2yrs dont mean once they hit it, they wont quit it

2) The ones whose attitude change at the first attempt in denying them some booty. Especially after they have taken you out to dinner or the movies or in some cases mcdonalds or after buying you doughnut and fanta think they have acquired ownership of your a-s-s. These ppl see u as an investment. So if you are not forth coming and they see that their R.O.I (Return on investment) ain looking good, they react and devise all possible means to recuperate from the loss. This might include, being persnickety, not calling you, calling and hollering other girls in your presence, updating their facebook status to "single", not being of any value to your life. In short no back for ground no communication. Heres how to test men like these, u can figure them out within a week, heres how , invite them for a walk in the park and u would see excuses trooping, "oh its the end of the month" I have a heavy workload, u'd be surprised u will find that same man having some drinks during happy hour at the bar down your street and not collapsed in between files.
But send a text message saying u just got some sexy lingerie from victoria secret and u are feeling all warm and u need company, give him a specific time like say 6pm, if he does not show up at ur door step at 5:30 he would most likely get there 5:59pm.


3) The ones who are genuinely into you but due to the lack of sex are not patient enough to work with you in working out a plan on getting intimate. Therefore, they dont stick around. PERIOD!!

4) The ones who are genuinely into you, who with sex or no sex are able to stick it out and work with you on all levels of your relationship.

Your guy seems to fall into category 2 with a slight variance. He comes across that he has other girls he is sexually active with and if hes at that point that he doesnt want commitment that would actually work for him. Trust me this man is sleeping with other women. Am amazed u will put urself at risk swallowing his schlong when u dont know what pit hes been digging. And u make me LOL when u say u scared of STDS very ironic.
Bottomline , cos we can sit here and analyse all year round, this guy is not a good fit for you now, needless to say he could be a good fit in the future should the circumstances change.
By good fit , I mean things arent quite fitting right. You both could be compatible, look cute together , but if the situation of things and timing is not right its a waste of time, energy and resources. Its does not necessarily mean hes a bad person or u r a bad person, or hes a player or low-life i-d-i-o-t, it just means his square peg isnt fitting into your round hole at the moment.
So babes, start preparing urself mentally for a seperation, define how far you are willing to go, draw a line and if he hes not willing to meet you at borderline then its time for you to explore other options. Goodluck!!!

[liloldlady]

Originally Posted by lateesha

offtopic
No matter how strong and prayerful one is,the hardest time to keep away from fornication is that period between the engagement and the wedding.
Chineke God.
Thank God for his mercies.
The man is already yours and yet God said you people cannot chop.
Imagine sitting side by side alone with your one and only and making wedding plans, writing a list to go to Onitsha main market to buy the stuff.
You have managed all these months to abstain then all of a sudden he looks into your eyes you look into his then your body does you one kain.
He reaches over,pulls you closer and plants this juicy kiss on you,you respond in kind
Then you feel fingers meandering all over you
You know by hook or crook that the man is as stiff as a harmattan plaintain in the "boys quarters".
No single soul around
There's a large bed in the bedroom, your future matrimonial bed for that matter and a cozy couch where this action is already taking place.
Tell me
who wouldn't be tempted.
let me stop so far.
Our God is a merciful God.

Go and see a Psychia Dr Naaaaaaw

[Rose]

Originally Posted by Balo

Hehehe and another one. So please tell us which kind freak of a guy wey go come tell woman "officially" say the relationship don end??. Sorry but most guys don't operate like that, we just let it kinda fizzle out much in the same way as this anoni's guy is doing and eventually we leave it up to you guys to figure it out. And please don't blame the player - put it on the game.

Many use this approach in case they want to make a U-turn and can always say "well I never broke up with you...blah blah blah". However, it cruel to toy with someone's emotions like Anonee's boyfriend.

[Balo]

Originally Posted by Rose

Many use this approach in case they want to make a U-turn and can always say "well I never broke up with you...blah blah blah". However, it cruel to toy with someone's emotions like Anonee's boyfriend.

Rose,

There are many possible ways we can choose to see this. It could be that the guy does not want to hurt her feelings that he uses their "fights" as an excuse to stay away and hope that she will eventually get the message without him having to spell it out, it could be that he wants to make a point as in "I tough pass you", it could be cos he is insecure, it could be that he is a player, it is even possible that the guy is a ritualist sef, or even murderer - infact it could many many things but the point is this - the guy is the wrong person for her whichever of the scenarios you decide to settle on.

[Pooky]

Balo,

Cowardice is no excuse. This dude’s behavior is callous and vicious. I wonder if you would mind your sister being treated like a nothin’ and discarded like trash with no explanation or nothin’. I was raised that you treat people as you want to be treated. I guess a lot folks weren’t given the same moral lessons. For example, if I know a man is really into me, and he doesn’t move me , I will simple tell him that there ain’t no way in hell he and I ever going to be in a room alone in the buff, of course I am kinder in word usage. I don’t believe in playing with people’s feelings. The goal I guess is to seek people with a similar moral fiber. It is unfortunate that many people are such snakes in the grass. You don’t know they are there until they dig their fangs in your flesh. One of my favorite lines of a song is by the Temptations in Smiling Faces that says “the impossible task is to figure out which of the smiles is a mask.”

If this young woman is interested in self preservation, she should cut off all contact with him, i.e. no accepting phone calls, deleting emails without opening, etc. He may kind of keep lines of communication open, so when his other girl and he are on the outs or he is between girls, to give her call and get his balls licked. The only thing this guy is going to do is scar her emotionally. So when the right man does come along, she is going to be so bitter, she want even recognize him. The dude is bad, smelly rubbish. What is boils down is to this dude bad character, his core humanity.

[agensheku]

From your last post , anonymous villager,may i suggest if its not too late that you go and enrol to become a Sister once and for all!i am yet to see any partner who will agree to a sexless relationship,unless he is a "february".secondly,you may need to go for counselling as you sound like an under18(no insult intended).there are so many young ladies who can cope with your kind of situation easily.one last thing,a lot of nija ladies love with all their head and heart and cannot think straight again.its such ladies that men abuse emotionally.meanwhile,there are nija ladies who are so streetwise they can talk a man to part with his wetincall and he would be on the path of slicing it off before such girls tell him to zip up.life is full of ups and downs.shine your eyes and make up your mind what exactly you want.goodluck!

[Rose]

Originally Posted by Balo

Rose,

There are many possible ways we can choose to see this. It could be that the guy does not want to hurt her feelings that he uses their "fights" as an excuse to stay away and hope that she will eventually get the message without him having to spell it out, it could be that he wants to make a point as in "I tough pass you", it could be cos he is insecure, it could be that he is a player, it is even possible that the guy is a ritualist sef, or even murderer - infact it could many many things but the point is this - the guy is the wrong person for her whichever of the scenarios you decide to settle on.

Balo, this guy doesn't seem to give a hoot about Anonee's feelings from what she describes (and we all know that type). He's stringing her along since the breakup isn't official and keeps her pining for him by withholding attention/communication. It's just a matter of time before she begins to despise him and recognize she's much better off without him. Can you imagine how he would destroy her spirit and self-esteem were they to marry?

[Rose]

Originally Posted by Pooky

Balo,

Cowardice is no excuse. This dude’s behavior is callous and vicious. I wonder if you would mind your sister being treated like a nothin’ and discarded like trash with no explanation or nothin’. I was raised that you treat people as you want to be treated. I guess a lot folks weren’t given the same moral lessons. For example, if I know a man is really into me, and he doesn’t move me , I will simple tell him that there ain’t no way in hell he and I ever going to be in a room alone in the buff, of course I am kinder in word usage. I don’t believe in playing with people’s feelings. The goal I guess is to seek people with a similar moral fiber. It is unfortunate that many people are such snakes in the grass. You don’t know they are there until they dig their fangs in your flesh. One of my favorite lines of a song is by the Temptations in Smiling Faces that says “the impossible task is to figure out which of the smiles is a mask.”

If this young woman is interested in self preservation, she should cut off all contact with him, i.e. no accepting phone calls, deleting emails without opening, etc. He may kind of keep lines of communication open, so when his other girl and he are on the outs or he is between girls, to give her call and get his balls licked. The only thing this guy is going to do is scar her emotionally. So when the right man does come along, she is going to be so bitter, she want even recognize him. The dude is bad, smelly rubbish. What is boils down is to this dude bad character, his core humanity.

Everything you said!

[Eja]

A rebuttal to those who say men don't tell a woman to her face when the engine is knocked (and the relationship is fatally stalled). I do. Always works best, everything is out in the open and even though there may be a period of resentment, after a while, things calm down - you may even become very good friends.

I remember the one time though that I did the breaking up in an indirect way - this was someone with whom it had become very clear I had very little interests in common O - we had even discussed this fact several times....anyway, like the man in the first post on this thread, I stopped visiting or calling and after some time, she phoned me: "Why haven't I seen you?"

"I've been busy with my project."

"So when will I see you?"

"Weeeeell, as you know, I am in Year 2 of my course now - when I finish, I will call you."

"You will call me when you finish?"

"Yes."

Phone drops.

A few days later, I get a call and an intense whispered voice tells me "I haaaate you!!"

Phone drops.

We poor men, we just can't win....

[agensheku]

Sis Rose,why do you hate annony s boyfriend on her behalf so much?you have not even heard his own side o!and how are you sure the standby man giving annony advice is not filling in the gap?in any affair,if one party ceases to get accross up to a year,the matter should be regarded as bygone.compatibility is also very essential in affairs.if annony does not want ACTION and her boyfriend wants it,do they need a soothsayer to see that they must find their levels?in this era when lagos form one girls are "knowing"men,a post graduate candidate is jittery to taste the apple?she urgently needs a sex counsellor or she goes to become a rev sister,finish.

[Amy]

Originally Posted by agensheku

From your last post , anonymous villager,may i suggest if its not too late that you go and enrol to become a Sister once and for all!i am yet to see any partner who will agree to a sexless relationship,unless he is a "february".secondly,you may need to go for counselling as you sound like an under18(no insult intended).there are so many young ladies who can cope with your kind of situation easily.one last thing,a lot of nija ladies love with all their head and heart and cannot think straight again.its such ladies that men abuse emotionally.meanwhile,there are nija ladies who are so streetwise they can talk a man to part with his wetincall and he would be on the path of slicing it off before such girls tell him to zip up.life is full of ups and downs.shine your eyes and make up your mind what exactly you want.goodluck!

My dear Anonymous,

You are a believer and therefore, you are not like everyone else. Your case is very different. You made a huge mistake by aligning yourself with an unrepented soul and you have simply gotten what is usually dished out to backslidden believers by the unbelieving... shattered dreams, a wounded heart and broken thoughts. It is not too late to find your level and follow the nudging of the Spirit within.

A man that is acting up because you refused him sex as an unmarried lady is not led of the Spirit of God... simple and short. Worse still, one that will consider abortion in a heart beat is dangerous... period! His true colors are glaringly evident, so what I find intriguing is your apparent indecision when you know all too well that he does not exactly meet your bible's specs. of who qualifies as a possible husband material. Count your losses and move on.

You missed the mark on this one and I am glad, in a sense, that he is treating you this way now for you to open your eyes wide and scram before it is too late. God loves you enough to want the best for you and my dear, this guy is not that best.

The above poster suggests it is impossible to find men that will agree to celibacy while unmarried in his world. That may be so in his world!!! As it pertains to this unrighteous generation of ours, such stories can only be told by believers who operate under a different code of conduct. There are thousands of believing men of God that are full of integrity and wisdom that will not condescend to fornication at any cost. I know they exist because I have come across many such men in Christian circles.

You need to mix with the right crowd and stop being unequally yoked with the unbelieving. I have offered my piece from a purely Christian perspective because you claim to be pentecostal. True Pentecostals that walk in the Spirit do not mess with fornication, whether regular or oral- still the same sin from my prism.

Agensheku also indicated that there are women that cope with such rubbish. My dear, your portion as a child of God is not to cope in a relationship. God's idea is for true believers to have fulfilling and sizzling relationships that mirror Christ's relationship with his body- the church. He does not respect or cherish you and you do not need a diviner to tell you that. Go with your gut feeling on this one and start afresh with a true man of God that respects the book of life and that is willing to accord you the respect you definitely deserve. Do not begin life 'coping' or you will be sorry years down the line.

Men of God are out there and you sound like a person with an agreeable personality, so position yourself in the company of believers. Muster some self-confidence and self-respect and clear out of your emotionally abusive relationship... you deserve better... period.

Bottom-line, get right with God, first and foremost, and be more bothered about how you can stay in the center of God's will for your life than how you can satisfy the lustful needs of a sinful guy that cares little about your emotional needs and feelings. Draw near unto God and he will draw near to you... thereafter, he will miraculously satisfy the desires of your heart and bring a righteous man your way. You must first define your level of spirituality and then, uncompromisingly commit yourself to finding only that guy that will advance righteousness and true holiness in your life.

The wages of sin is spiritual death and sometimes, even physical death. Abhor sin and you will be surprised how your life will change for the best. Peace, joy and righteousness will be your reward and nothing beats that deep confidence that you are right with your maker and God. Pleasing an unbelieveing man is not worth losing your soul for. Get real and make up your mind who you want to serve- the God of righteousness or a mere mortal? Whoever you yeild your soul to is the one you serve. I hope you decide to make God the center of your life as all true believers should.

Best wishes. Remember, you can always lean on God for support as you break loose and start afresh with the right guy when the time is right. Half the story of successful marriages is hinged on choosing the right partner from the word go. This guy aint it, if you ask me, except of course, he has an encounter with Christ in future. Prayerfully reject any soul-ties to this guy, purge him from your system and keep stepping as you are on a pilgrim's journey through life. For now, I think you know the right thing to do, so get with it.

Later o.