Wanted: True Love

Does any one have any tips or pointer for me on how to find True love?.

I am a beautiful professional lady in my early thirties. I have a thriving career and comfortable financially for a single lady my age. I have also dated a few great guys, smart professional men whom I thought...

Click here to read the entire palava

[liloldlady]

Originally Posted by Soul Sista

Dem:

I absolutely love this piece of advice.

Na wa for you sha, o! You don't even sugarcoat things.

First palava: Yes, you are fat.

Next palava: Being yourself has not worked for you.

I would sure hate to come to you for counselling!

Soul Sista a/k/a Soul Sizzling

No mine am
I bet if I came with palarva sey "my legs are like Parenthesis...do you think its sexy"
he will say "No you are bow legged..not sexy"

[Anonymous Villager]

Originally Posted by lateesha

1. Be open to being introduced to people

2. Keep an open mind to people of other tribes too,your mister right could be a Tiv or Kalabari man.

3. Attend weddings and kporapo parties etc and dress real good when you do.Invest in your hair, good shoes and handbags and know the clothes that look good on you and wear those with the right accessories.
I don't mean expensive stuff,you know what I mean.


4. Make yourself friendly,men are attracted to smiling, friendly women.

Above all,be yourself.

I wish you the very best.

I have been gone too long to respond to my palaver. I'll try to do so and update on development so far.

I don't think I can be found wanting in all that you mention above lateesha. I am very sociable and do attend a lot of functions. My pool of friends and acquintances is quiet impressive and a testimony to this. I also really have no qualms about where a guy comes from. But it still hasn't landed me that tue love. Thanks for your comment.

[Anonymous Villager]

Originally Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Hi AV.

I think the first thing to do (if you haven't done this already) is to decide exactly what you want in a life partner. If you don't know what exactly you're looking for, you could meet someone and spend X amount of months and realise that he isn't the person for you. So you need to ask yourself (amongst other things):

- what would you like his moral/ethical values to be?

- what are his views on religion, finance, raising a family?

- how would you like him to communicate?

- what are his aspirations in life?

- what interests would you like him to have?

- what kind of socio-economic background would you like him to come from?

- what physical characteristics would you like him to have?

- what you'd like his professional background/financial status to be?

You also need to prioritise how important these things are - what are nice-to-haves, and what are deal-breakers.

Once you've decided on that, you also need to ask yourself what you bring to the table as well. Sure, you may want to attract such a person - but do you have the qualities that would make such a person attracted to you? If not, are you working on that? You mention that you were in relationships that didn't end in lifelong commitment - it may be worth asking yourself why it didn't work out, and if there was anything you could learn from them.

At this point, you should know what you want, and what you have to give. The next thing to do is to go out there and seek - and I know that that's not as straightforward as it sounds. But there are a variety of methods that you can use to find the right person. Lateesha has already mentioned one - go to social engagements where you might meet the right person.

I'd would extend this not just to social engagements but any event or setting where the kind of person you are looking for might also go to (e.g. if you like reading, go to a book reading event). Or join a group where such a person might go - it helps if you are interested in what the group does.

You could definitely put the word out amongst your social network that you are interested in meeting any potential person. I'd suggest that you create the impression that while you would like to meet the right person, you aren't desperate, otherwise people may decide that any person will do for you. I would also suggest that you choose the kind of person to do the introducing with care, ensuring that they really understand the kind of person you are looking for. Some people are so hell-bent in getting people married that they think nothing about introducing square pegs to round holes.

Then there's the prospect of meeting the person you are looking for online. It opens up the opportunity to meet a whole lot more people who you wouldn't normally meet in your usual course of work. Some people I know swear by eHarmony, but you can try the different sites out there and see what works.

Lastly, but by no means least, even as you're searching, don't get so carried away by the story that Miss X is becoming Mrs. Y that you forget to enjoy the wonderful life that you do have. Continue to enjoy your work, form friendships, go places and have great adventures, learn new skills and ideas - and who knows, it's just while you're having such fun that you'll find the true love that you're looking for.

Cheers, and good luck,

S.

Originally Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Hi AV.

I think the first thing to do (if you haven't done this already) is to decide exactly what you want in a life partner. If you don't know what exactly you're looking for, you could meet someone and spend X amount of months and realise that he isn't the person for you. So you need to ask yourself (amongst other things):

- what would you like his moral/ethical values to be?

- what are his views on religion, finance, raising a family?

- how would you like him to communicate?

- what are his aspirations in life?

- what interests would you like him to have?

- what kind of socio-economic background would you like him to come from?

- what physical characteristics would you like him to have?

- what you'd like his professional background/financial status to be?

You also need to prioritise how important these things are - what are nice-to-haves, and what are deal-breakers.

Once you've decided on that, you also need to ask yourself what you bring to the table as well. Sure, you may want to attract such a person - but do you have the qualities that would make such a person attracted to you? If not, are you working on that? You mention that you were in relationships that didn't end in lifelong commitment - it may be worth asking yourself why it didn't work out, and if there was anything you could learn from them.

At this point, you should know what you want, and what you have to give. The next thing to do is to go out there and seek - and I know that that's not as straightforward as it sounds. But there are a variety of methods that you can use to find the right person. Lateesha has already mentioned one - go to social engagements where you might meet the right person.

I'd would extend this not just to social engagements but any event or setting where the kind of person you are looking for might also go to (e.g. if you like reading, go to a book reading event). Or join a group where such a person might go - it helps if you are interested in what the group does.

You could definitely put the word out amongst your social network that you are interested in meeting any potential person. I'd suggest that you create the impression that while you would like to meet the right person, you aren't desperate, otherwise people may decide that any person will do for you. I would also suggest that you choose the kind of person to do the introducing with care, ensuring that they really understand the kind of person you are looking for. Some people are so hell-bent in getting people married that they think nothing about introducing square pegs to round holes.

Then there's the prospect of meeting the person you are looking for online. It opens up the opportunity to meet a whole lot more people who you wouldn't normally meet in your usual course of work. Some people I know swear by eHarmony, but you can try the different sites out there and see what works.

Lastly, but by no means least, even as you're searching, don't get so carried away by the story that Miss X is becoming Mrs. Y that you forget to enjoy the wonderful life that you do have. Continue to enjoy your work, form friendships, go places and have great adventures, learn new skills and ideas - and who knows, it's just while you're having such fun that you'll find the true love that you're looking for.

Cheers, and good luck,

S.

Shoko loko bangoshe yours is a very candid take and I appreciate it very much. Yes o I do know what I want in a man and do have a list of some sort. You canglimpse some of those qualities from my first post. Let me just quickly add that it is not that I haven't met a few men with most of these quality that I want. Its just that it hasn't resulted in that "marriage" commitment. That really is my problem. Getting a commitment out of such men. Your poser that do I have the qualities that would make my ideal man attracted to me enough to commit really resonate with me. That is an angle I am willing to explore further.

[Anonymous Villager]

Originally Posted by Beam

AV1

Read post 8 and 10 ...in a nut shell all has been said
reading your post, I sense the only reason you are thinking this way at present it because it seems people you know and people around you are all getting married and engaged if this is the case then read the posts above but heed to the advise only when you are truly ready within yourself.:D

I wish you best of luck, & happiness in the future

Beam, yourself and shoko loko bangoshe were right on that score. All the wedding bells tolling around me did give me the blues. I'll heed your counsel and not let it bother me.

[Anonymous Villager]

Originally Posted by Anike

Anonym,

You are 30something and still single, you should not start to beat yourself up for that now because of what is going on around you. Your age is not as important as the real reason you are in the situation you are in.

Are you looking for the ideal man? Nothing wrong with that if you are the ideal woman? As SLB put it, and I will paraphrase; are you looking for what you won't attract? Do you rarely come across the kind of guys that interest you? If this is the case, you should consider SLB's advice maybe it'll work for you (it should); engage yourself with activities that will bring you in contact with the kind of man you desire, but don't pretend to be what you are not because it will catch up with you. If you like a runner but don't enjoy running, yeah you can go to the neighborhood track to meet a runner, but don't pretend to enjoy it so that you don't attract a man that equally likes runners. You are either going to be stuck with running or a disappointed, and maybe angry, man.

Do you think there is a chance that your attitude is the problem? Are you not the most pleasant person to befriend, not to talk of date?[/B] Be honest with yourself so that you can make amends if you need/want to. Do you know what qualities you want in a man, or will anything that falls under that label do just fine? Do you know who you are as a person? As a woman? I know that you are not only defined by your accomplishments, even though that and your beauty are about all you made reference to. You have to highlight those other qualities when you go out to meet someone. I have a friend who used to make her career the talking point when she went on dates, she ended up with equally vain men. Doing a soul-searching and changing her approach, focusing more on her many good qualities and looking for the qualities that mattered in her dates, worked to her advantage.

Tamedo is getting hitched to Lagbaja, ehen? Are you mentally ready to be married or are you only, as you read, worried that you are being left behind? The latter is a recipe for disaster. Worry first about how to build the kind of relationship you desire and leave every Molade and Zainab to be getting hitched. You can't say that they are happy. Focus on your own happiness. You did not write about your dating/relationship pattern or what qualities you are looking for in a man. The superficial “smart and professionalism” does not and should not define anyone. Aimoye (Countless) "smart and professional" who double up as spouse abusers and/or egotists out there. And aimoye not-as-smart non-professionals who might just possess the qualities you need.

Since marriage is your thing, yes you should at least be in a serious relationship by 30, most people will agree. Especially if you intend to bear children. But since that's not your story, you hopefully have wisdom on your side and should be less susceptible to settle for less than you deserve. But it will start with knowing what you want and what you deserve -setting realistic goals. Remember that, as you are doing the cross-examination, so are your candidates.

Do enjoy every step of the search, and all the best with it.

Straight talk Anike, thank you for it. You're the second person to suggest that my attitude might be an issue. I would think that I am a pleasant person to befriend and date. At least no one has told me contrary. But like I said I will do a serious self search to figure out why it never leads to the commitment I want. Am I mentally ready for marriage? Good question. A year ago I would have said I don't know but now I know I am.

[joyhappiness]

love is a beautiful thing ...dont get it twisted...dbanj....lol

i like this thread....
i support SHOKO...ur advice ROCKS!!!!!!...
i like .bebi's advice... ur 1st post on this thread....

.... for me... OSENDI OWENDI....
live ur life.... married ..single...divorced...widowed....bla bla...
life is toooo short ... enjoy every moment...

GOD DEY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Anonymous Villager]

Originally Posted by .bebi

Im sorry but I don't agree with u.I am not Anonee but I definitely can relate.
I don't buy into what Bob wrote either about the best having been snapped up at college.Thats bullcrap to me.The best(whatever that may be)are being snapped up as we speak well into their 30s and beyond sef.I believe everyone has their time according to the way God has willed it for them.Maybe God doesn't feel at 27,Miss X is emotionally ready to handle whatever package may come her way and He feels that at 35 or whenever,that she would be mature enough for it.
Its because of these nonsense set rules that chics desperately jump into the arms of any man that cares to propose,just to beat the "deadline" and end up either miserable or out in a few years.
Its amazing the number of divorced junior schoolmates I know,not to talk of older people or my mates.Its no longer funny.

I am all for living and loving your life while you wait for it to happen IF its meant to happen.If its not what God has called you for,you can lead a single happy life too.My prayer is that we recognise the vocation God has called us to-whether to serve Him in marriage or as single persons( example Catholic priests,nuns etc).

AV,good luck.Take the good advice some people have given you here and roll with it but DO NOT BECOME SOMEONE ELSE JUST TO STRUT DOWN THE AISLE.It will come back to bite you.

God bless you bebi you said it for me that is why the age aspect does not bug me one bit..

[Oluwato]

Originally Posted by Anonymous Villager

Let me just quickly add that it is not that I haven't met a few men with most of these quality that I want. Its just that it hasn't resulted in that "marriage" commitment. That really is my problem. Getting a commitment out of such men.

It would have helped if I knew whether you were a Christian or not... there are some things I picked up in your response but I only have Christianity-based advice so I need to know where you are in respect to that. If you answer that, I'll move on, but meanwhile, looking into my emotional archives, I want to state that I got married after I was 30 years old, and I got divorced before I was 40 years, so age is not really the issue. Before I met my ex, I did some research about marriage and after I divorced, I did some more research and I realized that some knowledge I gained after the fact would have prevented me from marrying my ex in the first place.

What I'm trying to bring across is the importance of knowing yourself, knowing the way your mind works, knowing the way your emotions function, marriage is (and my Christian bias is working here) about two people becoming one, don't be in a hurry, God has someone for you, but believe me, you don't want him if you are not ready for him or if he is not ready for you...spend time knowing you, loving you and enjoying you, soon, you will attract the right person and HE WILL COMMIT.

Take it from me, it's not every one that's married that happy... for many it's a yoke, you're better off single and peaceful than married and miserable (been there, done that), while you're busy being you, the right one will come. All the best.

[NextLevel]

Hmmm. What I think is really going on here is that madam AV desires an alpha male.