Wanted: True Love

Does any one have any tips or pointer for me on how to find True love?.

I am a beautiful professional lady in my early thirties. I have a thriving career and comfortable financially for a single lady my age. I have also dated a few great guys, smart professional men whom I thought were ideal partners. Only none has ended in that life long commitment that I seek.

Normally I don’t worry about my single status. But lately everywhere I turn, it is the story of some lady I know either closely or remotely getting engage or married that meets me. Two weeks ago, I arranged to meet a girlfriend I haven’t seen in a while and she was full of excitement and happily gushed out to me even before we sat at our table that she is engaged. I went to work last Friday and noticed my female colleagues squealing in excitement over something... and guess what, it was one of my colleague displaying her new engagement bling . Since then every where I turn and every one I meet has an engagement or newly married news to gist me.

This has got me thinking oh my god everyone is getting married. Why am I being left behind?. Why can’t I seem to find a decent handsome , smart professional man to settle with? Is there something I am doing wrong? If so I need advice on how to remedy this.

[bob]

a senior bros told me this:

the best girls are taken while in college.
the next best during national service.
all the rest are chop remain.

i rile my wife with this quote, we got hooked some years after her nat service.


sorry anonymous, i could not help taking a dig, some better villagers will soon come to your aid.

[lateesha]

Does any one have any tips or pointer for me on how to find True love?.

1. Be open to being introduced to people

2. Keep an open mind to people of other tribes too,your mister right could be a Tiv or Kalabari man.

3. Attend weddings and kporapo parties etc and dress real good when you do.Invest in your hair, good shoes and handbags and know the clothes that look good on you and wear those with the right accessories.
I don't mean expensive stuff,you know what I mean.


4. Make yourself friendly,men are attracted to smiling, friendly women.

Above all,be yourself.

I wish you the very best.

[lateesha]

Originally Posted by bob

a senior bros told me this:

the best girls are taken while in college.
the next best during national service.
all the rest are chop remain.

i rile my wife with this quote, we got hooked some tears after her nat service.


sorry anonymous, i could not help taking a dig, some better villagers will soon come to your aid.

no wonder people were rushing me like October Rush

[Iye]

Honey…..you are not doing anything wrong, if profession prostitute in the course of their work can meet a man that will take them as wife, then why wouldn’t a hard working girl find someone….its just one of the mysteries of life……….The trial of your faith worketh patience….

[lateesha]

Originally Posted by Iye

Honey…..you are not doing anything wrong, if profession prostitute in the course of their work can meet a man that will take them as wife, then why wouldn’t a hard working girl find someone….its just one of the mysteries of life……….The trial of your faith worketh patience….

She says her patience has metamorphosed into long suffering.
Whatchu gonna say?

[valteena]

Originally Posted by bob

a senior bros told me this:

the best girls are taken while in college.
the next best during national service.
all the rest are chop remain.

i rile my wife with this quote, we got hooked some years after her nat service.


sorry anonymous, i could not help taking a dig, some better villagers will soon come to your aid.

I swear you this bob sef en you're something else. You no go kill someone for the village.

AV all I can say to you is that I sincerely hope you find the true love you're seeking lol. Good luck with your quest.

[Iye]

But AV…this one weh you cover face…we just might have some eligible bachelors for this village oooh

[Shoko Loko Bangoshe]

Does any one have any tips or pointer for me on how to find True love?.

I am a beautiful professional lady in my early thirties. I have a thriving career and comfortable financially for a single lady my age. I have also dated a few great guys, smart professional men whom I thought were ideal partners. Only none has ended in that life long commitment that I seek.

Normally I don’t worry about my single status. But lately everywhere I turn, it is the story of some lady I know either closely or remotely getting engage or married that meets me. Two weeks ago, I arranged to meet a girlfriend I haven’t seen in a while and she was full of excitement and happily gushed out to me even before we sat at our table that she is engaged. I went to work last Friday and noticed my female colleagues squealing in excitement over something... and guess what, it was one of my colleague displaying her new engagement bling . Since then every where I turn and every one I meet has an engagement or newly married news to gist me.

This has got me thinking oh my god everyone is getting married. Why am I being left behind?. Why can’t I seem to find a decent handsome , smart professional man to settle with? Is there something I am doing wrong? If so I need advice on how to remedy this.

Hi AV.

I think the first thing to do (if you haven't done this already) is to decide exactly what you want in a life partner. If you don't know what exactly you're looking for, you could meet someone and spend X amount of months and realise that he isn't the person for you. So you need to ask yourself (amongst other things):

- what would you like his moral/ethical values to be?

- what are his views on religion, finance, raising a family?

- how would you like him to communicate?

- what are his aspirations in life?

- what interests would you like him to have?

- what kind of socio-economic background would you like him to come from?

- what physical characteristics would you like him to have?

- what you'd like his professional background/financial status to be?

You also need to prioritise how important these things are - what are nice-to-haves, and what are deal-breakers.

Once you've decided on that, you also need to ask yourself what you bring to the table as well. Sure, you may want to attract such a person - but do you have the qualities that would make such a person attracted to you? If not, are you working on that? You mention that you were in relationships that didn't end in lifelong commitment - it may be worth asking yourself why it didn't work out, and if there was anything you could learn from them.

At this point, you should know what you want, and what you have to give. The next thing to do is to go out there and seek - and I know that that's not as straightforward as it sounds. But there are a variety of methods that you can use to find the right person. Lateesha has already mentioned one - go to social engagements where you might meet the right person.

I'd would extend this not just to social engagements but any event or setting where the kind of person you are looking for might also go to (e.g. if you like reading, go to a book reading event). Or join a group where such a person might go - it helps if you are interested in what the group does.

You could definitely put the word out amongst your social network that you are interested in meeting any potential person. I'd suggest that you create the impression that while you would like to meet the right person, you aren't desperate, otherwise people may decide that any person will do for you. I would also suggest that you choose the kind of person to do the introducing with care, ensuring that they really understand the kind of person you are looking for. Some people are so hell-bent in getting people married that they think nothing about introducing square pegs to round holes.

Then there's the prospect of meeting the person you are looking for online. It opens up the opportunity to meet a whole lot more people who you wouldn't normally meet in your usual course of work. Some people I know swear by eHarmony, but you can try the different sites out there and see what works.

Lastly, but by no means least, even as you're searching, don't get so carried away by the story that Miss X is becoming Mrs. Y that you forget to enjoy the wonderful life that you do have. Continue to enjoy your work, form friendships, go places and have great adventures, learn new skills and ideas - and who knows, it's just while you're having such fun that you'll find the true love that you're looking for.

Cheers, and good luck,

S.

[Dapxin]

Originally Posted by bob

a senior bros told me this:

the best girls are taken while in college.
the next best during national service.
all the rest are chop remain.

i rile my wife with this quote, we got hooked some years after her nat service.


sorry anonymous, i could not help taking a dig, some better villagers will soon come to your aid.

this is really cracking.....

[Balo]

Wow, everywhere I turn there are so many beautiful people - guys and babes all over the place, so I ask myself why is it that some people complain about it being so difficult to meet a partner.

Some guys/women have women/men pouring out of their ears, eyes, mouth, ass in fact everywhere conceivable and it could be impossible to even remember their names a lot of the time - so I guess the problem lies with how sociable one is and where you hang out. Infact sef everywhere you chose to hang out sef there are so many potentials all over the place, whether na church, club, library, sporting events, through your friends etc. Having said all these, your self confidence (self esteem) is what is most important and once you work on this I guarantee, you will be struggling to keep them at bay.

In the absence of more info on anony, one cannot really offer specific suggestions as such other than to generalise as done above.

[Beam]

AV1

Read post 8 and 10 ...in a nut shell all has been said
reading your post, I sense the only reason you are thinking this way at present it because it seems people you know and people around you are all getting married and engaged if this is the case then read the posts above but heed to the advise only when you are truly ready within yourself.

I wish you best of luck, & happiness in the future

[OkunrinMeta]

Annony,
I am looking for a girl like you. I hope you read my introduction. But even if you didn't anyway, here I am reaching my hands to you. Lets chat, if you don't mind.
Love's in the air.

[liloldlady]

Sorry I am not going to join the folks, gushing over this post, with the "aawww you are great wait on your luck" Brigade.

Naa...

listen, the 'Boy-meets-Girl-market' is the most efficient market I know.
If you are as great as you have just stated, you would have met somebody just as great....32yrs(sorry I always attach a number to such descriptions as early this or late that) and waiting, is a very long time, on the biological clock.

There is obviously something you are not telling us? or maybe you don't know how important this thing is, or you have been minimising it.
when you stop being in denial....fess up, and we will help you lick this problem.

And voila, in 6months, you will be making a list, for your wedding invitation.

cheers.

[Anike]

Anonym,

You are 30something and still single, you should not start to beat yourself up for that now because of what is going on around you. Your age is not as important as the real reason you are in the situation you are in.

Are you looking for the ideal man? Nothing wrong with that if you are the ideal woman? As SLB put it, and I will paraphrase; are you looking for what you won't attract? Do you rarely come across the kind of guys that interest you? If this is the case, you should consider SLB's advice maybe it'll work for you (it should); engage yourself with activities that will bring you in contact with the kind of man you desire, but don't pretend to be what you are not because it will catch up with you. If you like a runner but don't enjoy running, yeah you can go to the neighborhood track to meet a runner, but don't pretend to enjoy it so that you don't attract a man that equally likes runners. You are either going to be stuck with running or a disappointed, and maybe angry, man.

Do you think there is a chance that your attitude is the problem? Are you not the most pleasant person to befriend, not to talk of date? Be honest with yourself so that you can make amends if you need/want to. Do you know what qualities you want in a man, or will anything that falls under that label do just fine? Do you know who you are as a person? As a woman? I know that you are not only defined by your accomplishments, even though that and your beauty are about all you made reference to. You have to highlight those other qualities when you go out to meet someone. I have a friend who used to make her career the talking point when she went on dates, she ended up with equally vain men. Doing a soul-searching and changing her approach, focusing more on her many good qualities and looking for the qualities that mattered in her dates, worked to her advantage.

Tamedo is getting hitched to Lagbaja, ehen? Are you mentally ready to be married or are you only, as you read, worried that you are being left behind? The latter is a recipe for disaster. Worry first about how to build the kind of relationship you desire and leave every Molade and Zainab to be getting hitched. You can't say that they are happy. Focus on your own happiness. You did not write about your dating/relationship pattern or what qualities you are looking for in a man. The superficial “smart and professionalism” does not and should not define anyone. Aimoye (Countless) "smart and professional" who double up as spouse abusers and/or egotists out there. And aimoye not-as-smart non-professionals who might just possess the qualities you need.

Since marriage is your thing, yes you should at least be in a serious relationship by 30, most people will agree. Especially if you intend to bear children. But since that's not your story, you hopefully have wisdom on your side and should be less susceptible to settle for less than you deserve. But it will start with knowing what you want and what you deserve -setting realistic goals. Remember that, as you are doing the cross-examination, so are your candidates.

Do enjoy every step of the search, and all the best with it.

[.bebi]

Originally Posted by liloldlady

Sorry I am not going to join the folks, gushing over this post, with the "aawww you are great wait on your luck" Brigade.

Naa...

listen, the 'Boy-meets-Girl-market' is the most efficient market I know.
If you are as great as you have just stated, you would have met somebody just as great....32yrs(sorry I always attach a number to such descriptions as early this or late that) and waiting, is a very long time, on the biological clock.

There is obviously something you are not telling us? or maybe you don't know how important this thing is, or you have been minimising it.
when you stop being in denial....fess up, and we will help you lick this problem.

And voila, in 6months, you will be making a list, for your wedding invitation.

cheers.

Im sorry but I don't agree with u.I am not Anonee but I definitely can relate.
I don't buy into what Bob wrote either about the best having been snapped up at college.Thats bullcrap to me.The best(whatever that may be)are being snapped up as we speak well into their 30s and beyond sef.
I believe everyone has their time according to the way God has willed it for them.Maybe God doesn't feel at 27,Miss X is emotionally ready to handle whatever package may come her way and He feels that at 35 or whenever,that she would be mature enough for it.
Its because of these nonsense set rules that chics desperately jump into the arms of any man that cares to propose,just to beat the "deadline" and end up either miserable or out in a few years.
Its amazing the number of divorced junior schoolmates I know,not to talk of older people or my mates.Its no longer funny.

I am all for living and loving your life while you wait for it to happen IF its meant to happen.If its not what God has called you for,you can lead a single happy life too.My prayer is that we recognise the vocation God has called us to-whether to serve Him in marriage or as single persons( example Catholic priests,nuns etc).

AV,good luck.Take the good advice some people have given you here and roll with it but DO NOT BECOME SOMEONE ELSE JUST TO STRUT DOWN THE AISLE.It will come back to bite you.

[Anonymous Villager]

Originally Posted by .bebi

Im sorry but I don't agree with u.I am not Anonee but I definitely can relate.
I don't buy into what Balo wrote either about the best having been snapped up at college.Thats bullcrap to me.The best(whatever that may be)are being snapped up as we speak well into their 30s and beyond sef.
I believe everyone has their time according to the way God has willed it for them.Maybe God doesn't feel at 27,Miss X is emotionally ready to handle whatever package may come her way and He feels that at 35 or whenever,that she would be mature enough for it.
Its because of these nonsense set rules that chics desperately jump into the arms of any man that cares to propose,just to beat the "deadline" and end up either miserable or out in a few years.
Its amazing the number of divorced junior schoolmates I know,not to talk of older people or my mates.Its no longer funny.

I am all for living and loving your life while you wait for it to happen IF its meant to happen.If its not what God has called you for,you can lead a single happy life too.My prayer is that we recognise the vocation God has called us to-whether to serve Him in marriage or as single persons( example Catholic priests,nuns etc).

AV,good luck.Take the good advice some people have given you here and roll with it but DO NOT BECOME SOMEONE ELSE JUST TO STRUT DOWN THE AISLE.It will come back to bite you.

.bebi luv you back? I am looking to hook up with you soon. I will take you off the market "efficiently". But will you marry a Yoruba man? I no dey chop run o! Na to chop tanda make you give me little juniors I dey.

[Balo]

Originally Posted by .bebi

Im sorry but I don't agree with u.I am not Anonee but I definitely can relate.
I don't buy into what Balo wrote either about the best having been snapped up at college.Thats bullcrap to me.The best(whatever that may be)are being snapped up as we speak well into their 30s and beyond sef.
I believe everyone has their time according to the way God has willed it for them.Maybe God doesn't feel at 27,Miss X is emotionally ready to handle whatever package may come her way and He feels that at 35 or whenever,that she would be mature enough for it.
Its because of these nonsense set rules that chics desperately jump into the arms of any man that cares to propose,just to beat the "deadline" and end up either miserable or out in a few years.
Its amazing the number of divorced junior schoolmates I know,not to talk of older people or my mates.Its no longer funny.

I am all for living and loving your life while you wait for it to happen IF its meant to happen.If its not what God has called you for,you can lead a single happy life too.My prayer is that we recognise the vocation God has called us to-whether to serve Him in marriage or as single persons( example Catholic priests,nuns etc).

AV,good luck.Take the good advice some people have given you here and roll with it but DO NOT BECOME SOMEONE ELSE JUST TO STRUT DOWN THE AISLE.It will come back to bite you.

Balo could never write something like that! All these strange attacks on a perfect gentleman can be quite discombobulating.

[MrsChocT]

.bebi ............10 gbosas for you! Even the late Bimbo Odukoya wrote books on enjoying one's single life. My advice is that you shouldn't become desperate so as not to find yourself in miserable position.
Often times, folks are much more interested in weddings than marriage. Marriage is an institution that one never graduates from once you get in except something tragic happens (death, divorce). Everyone prepares for all other things in life. You take x amount of credits to graduate college but no one prepares you for the institution of marriage.

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. From my own assessment, nonee, it's fair to say that you seem to preoccupied by others than yourself. You only seem to think of the idea of marriage or feel pressure when a girlfriend or co-worker shares news of their engagement with you. Your single time is when you should spend most of your time being the best at what God wants you to be. Make yourself useful, take care of yourself and leave the rest to God. Leaving the rest to God doesn't mean you should remind Him of your need.

Have an idea of who you want to marry in mind. On every single woman's list must be someone responsible, someone that loves God, respects himself and women. No one wants to have a dead beat or man with no potential for a husband. Nonee, this is the time for you to be careful. If you start acting or being somewhat or obviously desperate, many "things" will come your way. Don't just accept anyone that comes your way without checking off the things you can't compromise on. For example, don't marry a man with three wives all in the name of becoming Mrs. somebody.

In all, a lot has been said on this thread, take the 2cents that suits you and roll with it. Learning to love yourself is a first step in the right direction. One other thing is to learn to think positively. It makes a difference since the mind is one of the ground the enemy attacks. If you give him access to your mind, then dat one na wahala. Play the part, carry yourself well. I don't know if you are a Christian, but if you are, search the scriptures on what the Lord says concerning marriage. Own the promises, speak them and believe them. Put your faith in action and forge on with full speed ahead.

And Oh about that age thing, I say whose report do you want to believe, God or negative voices? I can attest to being a bridesmaid at a dear friend's wedding who got married at 38 to nice brother. What can't my God do............nothing at all. Gba be!(Take that)

[lateesha]

Originally Posted by .bebi

Im sorry but I don't agree with u.I am not Anonee but I definitely can relate.
I don't buy into what Balo wrote either about the best having been snapped up at college.Thats bullcrap to me.The best(whatever that may be)are being snapped up as we speak well into their 30s and beyond sef.
I believe everyone has their time according to the way God has willed it for them.Maybe God doesn't feel at 27,Miss X is emotionally ready to handle whatever package may come her way and He feels that at 35 or whenever,that she would be mature enough for it.
Its because of these nonsense set rules that chics desperately jump into the arms of any man that cares to propose,just to beat the "deadline" and end up either miserable or out in a few years.
Its amazing the number of divorced junior schoolmates I know,not to talk of older people or my mates.Its no longer funny.

I am all for living and loving your life while you wait for it to happen IF its meant to happen.If its not what God has called you for,you can lead a single happy life too.My prayer is that we recognise the vocation God has called us to-whether to serve Him in marriage or as single persons( example Catholic priests,nuns etc).

AV,good luck.Take the good advice some people have given you here and roll with it but DO NOT BECOME SOMEONE ELSE JUST TO STRUT DOWN THE AISLE.It will come back to bite you.

My dear, I agree with you to a large extent but truth be told,if a young woman desires to get married and she gets towards the mid thirties yet nobody has asked if she's offloading the merchandise or selling them,it's time to sit back and ask yourself what you may be doing wrong.
It may be possible that certain of her actions are repelling suitors,that is a possiblity.
Where does she live?
If she lives in a small quaint town with 10 Nigerian men 9.5 of whom are married and she wants to marry a Nigerian, her chances are almost nil.I don't suppose she'll be snatching someone's husband or praying for wives to die.
She may need to relocate to a place with a larger Naija community.
She can't for instance live in Boise Idaho and find a Nigerian husband (if that's her preference)