Whose house is it anyway?

I need your help!

This is a palaver, that I have no clue how to deal with! I have a mother-in-law who has taken it upon herself to think that my matrimonial home is also her home. Mind you, this woman lives in Naija while we live in the states.

In the only spare room (of course also only guest room in our house), this woman has put clothes and clothes and toiletries to make it resemble her own room. I.e. clothes are hanging in the closet, toiletries and what-have-you’s on the shelves. Please can I add that we are yet to be blessed with God’s gift of children and when I say the only spare room, this is most likely the room for my future children. Since God has not put me in this desired position yet, I still don’t want her to claim turf in my home. Due to arm-twisting/make-my-son-feel-guilty, there is a permanent TV and other electronics for her use in this room. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, this woman calls me from Lagos since she is getting ready to come and visit and says something like this: “I want to ask you to go to the kitchen for me and you know where we put food in the kitchen………check if there is enough……..”

I’m sure many of you would have no problem per se with the above, but something stood out of that sentence and it was the “we”! What did she mean by “we”? Is this her house that we that is, me and her are putting food on the shelves in the kitchen? I didn’t find that statement funny at all. I sat there on the phone and replied (in a much nicer version): Ma, if you want to bring food, please do so by all means, but just enough for you to eat…….Your child and myself don’t eat much. Thank you ma. She could have phrased the question in a manner such as: Do you have enough igba or awo (this and that) at home and would you like me to bring some for you? That is how another time she said me and her child should eat the dried fish in the freezer oh and that we should not say because she’s coming we are saving it for her. Egba mi (save me)! First of all, which dried fish? If you see the 5 or less pieces of dried fish this woman is talking about? Apart from that, will I not cook food in the house again that I will be saving dried fish for someone that is coming from a whole riverine area called Lagos? Mmmmmmmmmmmssssssssspppccccheeew!

Come and see my freezer packed with all sorts of food from the last time she came. Se before I was waiting for her to come and tell me what she wants and what she doesn’t want? I am so determined that by the time she comes, I would have thrown every single thing she brought the last time to my house into the trash can and asked the waste disposal board (aka BFI) to carry it to another state to dispose of. Is it ogi, ata, ewa, egusi…….all these foodstuffs that she brings are things she eats oh, not what me or hubby eat. She will now call and be asking, what do you want me to bring for you? When I am not a thief, do you want me to start providing list, plus as I said earlier, me I no dey too chop. Ma’ami (my Mom) comes to Yankee twice a year and every time she is coming I have never heard the question: what do you want me to bring for you? She just brings whether I like it or not. She also brings for my SIL and doesn’t ask her either. If we don’t want, she will give another child or a relative.

I am just fed up because I have family members who would be coming to stay with me too and I don’t want a situation where my guest room is packed with one mama’s personal things! I don’t at all and I am beginning to resent the fact that she can assume that she has a “room” in my house and that my kitchen is her kitchen! If not for the fear of God (and also that I am not ready to carry my load from my husband’s house), I would have packed all her belongings and carried them to storage to be retrieved only upon her re-arrival! Since I married, this woman has had a very strong presence in my home and I won’t lie, I have found it rather disturbing. Making statements such as the above just leaves a knot in my stomach and makes me not want to be bothered with her even more.

Usually, I am not a rude person and try my utmost best to respect my elders to the core, but this woman wants me to pull a Naija movie scene on her as in she wants me to look at her face. It’s bad enough that when she arrives now, housegirl duties will increase as I will be expected to add cleaning and cooking (her bathroom, her food, laundry, etc.) to my regular ones. My recent job which I just started is a little involved and requires mental capacity and I am exhausted when I get home and want to quickly do chores before crashing. I can just imagine having to se-se cook, etc. before I get ready for work, eat my own food, clean up and then sleep. Lord save your daughter oh. This marriage thing gan sef.

My plan this time around is to really really defend my territory and to innately let her realize that wait oh, mama this is my home, not yours. How can I pass my message across without being disrespectful and also maintaining peace in my home as well as with my husband? A lot of you women on NVS come across as wanting to do the right thing. Please help me do the right thing, while putting my foot down at the same time.

[Count1]

Yo Nony,

what does your husband think of all this? Is he in agreement with you? If he is, the battle is not yours but your lord's (feminists and the Good Book, apologies). I know someone who had a similar experience. At a point he 'invited' his mother and sister who had come ostensibly to help with the baby that was due at any moment, to leave. They had simply added to the poor wife's stress, with the mother insisting that her breakfast must be ready for 7.am, lunch 1pm and dinner 7pm, and the sister also being waited on, hand and foot.

The Count

[Anonymous Villager]

To Count 1:

My husband is certainly not helping matters. as a matter of fact, he doesn't even like me going inside "the room."

[Auspicious]

+

Khai!

Thank goodness for some of those moms we have out there. You'd have to politely ask some of these moms before they can offer to come be your baby nanny, talk less of them 'installing' themselves as 'inconveniences' in the homes of their married children.

I mean, for these moms of which I speak, it is all about self-respect. You'd hear them go: "Emi o ma fe arinfin n'temi o!". That is the kind of moms that we know - moms who cherish their self-esteem enough to strive to avoid "exposing themselves to rudeness" from their DILs.

AV will need all the diplomacy she can muster, for doing otherwise would only create unnecessary wahala for her. This is not about who is right or wrong, nor is it about "whose house it is anyway?". It is, rather, about playing one's game right without losing one's rights.

The politics of marriage (especially as it affects in-laws like the mom here) can often be very delicate, and may often require as much dexterity as one would employ where ones bread is buttered. The Tigress needn't proclaim her tigritude in the face of any funny attitude.

What we have here, IMHO, is NOT a problem.

Auspicious.

[lateesha]

Anonee, you sound very very angry.
The way you address your mother in law as "this woman" and talk about her like she's a nonentity is reprehensible.
And so what if your mother in law's clothes are in the closet in the guest room, would you be this offended if the clothes were your mother's?
From your long post so far,the woman has done you no ill.
you are wrong in all counts here .
How can you claim to love your husband when you have nothing but disgust and disparaging remarks for the woman that bore him?Your MIL is not your competition and you make it sound like she is.
Grow up!

[lateesha]

I need your help!

Fire on

This is a palaver, that I have no clue how to deal with! I have a mother-in-law who has taken it upon herself to think that my matrimonial home is also her home. Mind you, this woman lives in Naija while we live in the states.

Still listening

In the only spare room (of course also only guest room in our house), this woman has put clothes and clothes and toiletries to make it resemble her own room. I.e. clothes are hanging in the closet, toiletries and what-have-you’s on the shelves

.

and this is the palaver?
a woman left her clothes in her son's house and it is now "a problem" ?

Please can I add that we are yet to be blessed with God’s gift of children and when I say the only spare room, this is most likely the room for my future children. Since God has not put me in this desired position yet, I still don’t want her to claim turf in my home.

And somehow you think she doesn't know that the room will eventually be your childs?
and when that happens and she comes to visit,do you plan on keeping her clothes in the garage?
Or will her clothes contaminate the baby's You have no issues

Due to arm-twisting/make-my-son-feel-guilty, there is a permanent TV and other electronics for her use in this room

.

The MIL is not entitled to entertainment abi?
do you run a nazi camp or what?
don't other people have music and TV in their guest rooms?

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, this woman calls me from Lagos since she is getting ready to come and visit and says something like this: “I want to ask you to go to the kitchen for me and you know where we put food in the kitchen………check if there is enough……..”

I say you have no issues
This is a caring woman who has taken you as her own daughter and here you are calling her names.God forgive you

I’m sure many of you would have no problem per se with the above, but something stood out of that sentence and it was the “we”! What did she mean by “we”? Is this her house that we that is, me and her are putting food on the shelves in the kitchen? I didn’t find that statement funny at all. I sat there on the phone and replied (in a much nicer version): Ma, if you want to bring food, please do so by all means, but just enough for you to eat…….Your child and myself don’t eat much. Thank you ma.

How rude of you!
Your response should have been
That would be very kind of you ma,thank you ma.
all that crap about her son and you not eating much is bull
You could always give some of the food away
use your commonsense dear

She could have phrased the question in a manner such as: Do you have enough igba or awo (this and that) at home and would you like me to bring some for you? That is how another time she said me and her child should eat the dried fish in the freezer oh and that we should not say because she’s coming we are saving it for her. Egba mi (save me)! First of all, which dried fish? If you see the 5 or less pieces of dried fish this woman is talking about? Apart from that, will I not cook food in the house again that I will be saving dried fish for someone that is coming from a whole riverine area called Lagos? Mmmmmmmmmmmssssssssspppccccheeew

!

You are the problem not your MIL.
Go and do a pregnancy test,your hormones are getting the better part of you and if the test is positive,I say congrats.
I forgive you.

Come and see my freezer packed with all sorts of food from the last time she came. Se before I was waiting for her to come and tell me what she wants and what she doesn’t want? I am so determined that by the time she comes, I would have thrown every single thing she brought the last time to my house into the trash can and asked the waste disposal board (aka BFI) to carry it to another state to dispose of. Is it ogi, ata, ewa, egusi…….all these foodstuffs that she brings are things she eats oh, not what me or hubby eat. She will now call and be asking, what do you want me to bring for you? When I am not a thief, do you want me to start providing list, plus as I said earlier, me I no dey too chop.

I say you need an education on how to treat your MIL

Ma’ami (my Mom) comes to Yankee twice a year and every time she is coming I have never heard the question: what do you want me to bring for you? She just brings whether I like it or not. She also brings for my SIL and doesn’t ask her either. If we don’t want, she will give another child or a relative.

Your maami is a saint and your MIL is a devil
who shall we ask.
abeg leave mama alone and solve your other problems

I am just fed up because I have family members who would be coming to stay with me too and I don’t want a situation where my guest room is packed with one mama’s personal things! I don’t at all and I am beginning to resent the fact that she can assume that she has a “room” in my house and that my kitchen is her kitchen!

What an insecure woman thou art!
You need prayers

If not for the fear of God (and also that I am not ready to carry my load from my husband’s house), I would have packed all her belongings and carried them to storage to be retrieved only upon her re-arrival!

why would a few things here and there in a guest room bother you this much.
You have serious problems unconnected to your MIL

Since I married, this woman has had a very strong presence in my home and I won’t lie, I have found it rather disturbing. Making statements such as the above just leaves a knot in my stomach and makes me not want to be bothered with her even more.

The poor woman must be going through a ton of abuse in your hands.
I hope you don't poison her fanta at this rate
God forbid!

Usually, I am not a rude person and try my utmost best to respect my elders to the core, but this woman wants me to pull a Naija movie scene on her as in she wants me to look at her face. It’s bad enough that when she arrives now, housegirl duties will increase as I will be expected to add cleaning and cooking (her bathroom, her food, laundry, etc.) to my regular ones

.

Looking for a problem where there's none
does she poo poo on the wall?
Does she shed fur?
grow up I say

My recent job which I just started is a little involved and requires mental capacity and I am exhausted when I get home and want to quickly do chores before crashing. I can just imagine having to se-se cook, etc. before I get ready for work, eat my own food, clean up and then sleep. Lord save your daughter oh. This marriage thing gan sef.

Don't take out the stress of your life on mama
I said earlier that your issues are not mama related and I was right.
get a maidservice to clean up once in a while.
You complain this bitterly about cooking for mama and yet you want God to bless you with children.
Do you think caring for kids is equivalent to eating puff puff?
You need to ask questions.

My plan this time around is to really really defend my territory and to innately let her realize that wait oh, mama this is my home, not yours

.

mama is not your competition I say.
leave her alone ,please!

How can I pass my message across without being disrespectful and also maintaining peace in my home as well as with my husband? A lot of you women on NVS come across as wanting to do the right thing. Please help me do the right thing, while putting my foot down at the same time.

You owe your MIL respect and you have absolutely none
That is the problem here
Most likely your relationship with your husband is strained too
You already told us your job is hell on earth
what more can I say
De-stress your life and leave mama out of it
Good luck

[Shoko Loko Bangoshe]

AV,

Honestly, I don't understand why her asking you what you would like her to bring is an issue, but perhaps you can make this clearer. I don't really see the issue with the TV - after all, the TV can be used by anyone else visiting.

I get the sense that you are uncomfortable with the permanence she seems to be establishing in your house, but I'm honestly not sure what the koko of the matter is. Sometimes, we focus on the manifestation of the problem rather than the problem itself. In this case, the manifestation of the problem might be that she has a TV for her; the problem might be that she is trying to make herself more 'permanent' in your house than you feel comfortable with. So you need to decide exactly what the problem is (as opposed to the manifestation).

Once you've decided, you need to ask yourself - why is this a problem for me? Assuming I'm right, and the permanence is an issue, you might ask - Is it that I just like my house to myself? Am I worried that this will turn out to be the handshake that will pass the elbow, and she will end up running our house? You need to decide whether your concerns are well-founded.

Then you need to discuss your concerns with your husband. In fact, without getting your husband onside, I think you face a difficult time negotiating things with your MIL, because she probably would listen to him more receptively than to you. It matters how you bring it up - try to avoid threats/ultimatums, and stress mentioning how you feel about the matter, and why you feel the way you do.

Also, you need to realise that there may not be a comfortable winner-take-all resolution to this problem, and you need to be able to suggest alternatives that will go someway to meeting both your and your MIL's desires in the matter. If the 'permanance' is an issue, you might suggest a limit to how frequently she visits.

But honestly, as Auspicious has said, it is really going to take a lot of tact and diplomacy to resolve this. It might help to try and understand your husband's/MIL's POV by asking them for it - this might make them more willing to see yours, and will hopefully make them more accommodating towards it.

Good luck,

S.

[Anonymous Villager]

Lateesha,

Please enlighten me oh………because by what I have written you have concluded that I don’t love my husband. What has loving my husband got to do with addressing his mother as this woman in a write-up. Do you think I refer to her as this woman to her face or his face? Am I supposed to refer to her as the love of my life. Truth is you don’t know half the story or better yet, maybe you have not had a mother-in-law like mine. Maybe I should throw you the question. If you had no kids and your mother inlaw felt she had to keep space in your house and have her belongings in the only spare room in your house would you like it?

I asked you to give me advice not condemn me. If you thought the way I approached the story was wrong (your perception of course) then tell me but provide me with advice at the same time don’t tell me I don’t love my husband. Wicked people too are capable of bearing children now or because she bore my husband that automatically makes her a saint? Have you not heard stories of mothers-inlaw who beat their son’s wives? If I am right you have provided a story or two on this NVS about situations you have been privy to so what makes me a non-loving wife because I dare ask for your advice on how to address a situation that I don’t like with my mother in law? I don’t need to grow up? I am already grown and maybe that is part of the problem. You are almost 40 from what I can read in your posts and I am not too far behind you. And finally, if you knew me, you would know anger is not in my dictionary. What I perceive is wrong is what I think is wrong and I am free to voice it no? What have I said that suggests anger? Please share with me.

While you are at it, keep digesting and reading wrong meanings into what I have written. Since you have nothing to share, I won’t even bother to read because since you have already judged me what is the point? Two men have given concrete advice, yet you a woman, have done nothing but condemn me.

Auspicious,

Thanks for the advice, and I do agree wholeheartedly, but I still liken it to a problem. A problem because I still don’t want my mother inlaw to lay claim on my home and set up shop in my house. As for the rudeness, God forbid it will ever get to that stage because if I become disrespectful, I will cause unnecessary stress both for myself and for my husband, I will also have insulted my husband which is far from my intention. My mother is an example of one of those who will not near her son’s house for any reason than to do a quick visit and leave immediately. I who is not even one yet a grandma that is, have been planning that baby nurse speech for when my time comes in short, I will hope the wife has a mother that she can ask to come and help. I appreciate your perspective and looking at it from both sides.

Shokolokobangoshe, thanks for your input. Based on the way you have voiced things, I don’t think it’s the permanence issue. If my mother inlaw had to move into my house for health reason, etc. I won’t mind. This is different. I think it’s because I know for a fact that my mother in law has a strong hold on her child and that with her, whether I want to face it or not, it is a competition and has always been one so her laying claim on a room in her child’s house is really her letting me understand that he is her son and that she has as much right as I do. Now I may be wrong, but I know this woman well. And maybe there is nothing wrong with that, but am sorry it just doesn’t seem right. As for the TV you are right, it is no big deal cos any one can use at random. But for reasons that are best, I refuse to share some of the things that have happened in the past. Even this one I put here took guts to post, but it is just the way things are going that I am not happy about and it may get worse.

[liloldlady]

AV..I agree whole heartedly with Lateesha in Post#5.

Please also consider this...

When Her son Married you,

Did she gain a Daughter?

or

Did she lose a Son?

[lateesha]

Lateesha,

Please enlighten me oh………because by what I have written you have concluded that I don’t love my husband. What has loving my husband got to do with addressing his mother as this woman in a write-up. Do you think I refer to her as this woman to her face or his face? Am I supposed to refer to her as the love of my life. Truth is you don’t know half the story or better yet, maybe you have not had a mother-in-law like mine. Maybe I should throw you the question. If you had no kids and your mother inlaw felt she had to keep space in your house and have her belongings in the only spare room in your house would you like it?

I asked you to give me advice not condemn me. If you thought the way I approached the story was wrong (your perception of course) then tell me but provide me with advice at the same time don’t tell me I don’t love my husband. Wicked people too are capable of bearing children now or because she bore my husband that automatically makes her a saint? Have you not heard stories of mothers-inlaw who beat their son’s wives? If I am right you have provided a story or two on this NVS about situations you have been privy to so what makes me a non-loving wife because I dare ask for your advice on how to address a situation that I don’t like with my mother in law? I don’t need to grow up? I am already grown and maybe that is part of the problem. You are almost 40 from what I can read in your posts and I am not too far behind you. And finally, if you knew me, you would know anger is not in my dictionary. What I perceive is wrong is what I think is wrong and I am free to voice it no? What have I said that suggests anger? Please share with me.

While you are at it, keep digesting and reading wrong meanings into what I have written. Since you have nothing to share, I won’t even bother to read because since you have already judged me what is the point? Two men have given concrete advice, yet you a woman, have done nothing but condemn me.

The truth is always bitter.
I suppose what you shared with us are the worst things about your MIL and IMHO she has done you no ill.
You need to hear the truth.
My mother and my MIL have their clothes especially their winter clothes in my house and I have no qualms with it.
Just because a lot of women have issues with MIl's does not make every MIL a witch
There are women who have real MIL problems and from what you've written here,you are not one of them.

Stop looking for issues where there's none.

[liloldlady]

@AV

If you had no kids and your mother inlaw felt she had to keep space in your house and have her belongings in the only spare room in your house would you like it?

AV...Get di belle first now...it takes 9months to gestate the pregnancy....there is enough time for her to vacate the room.

It is a spare room not a shrine to a yet to be conceived Child.

AV please your M.I.L is not your problem....It will be a shame if you allow a relationship that is perfectly within your power to make a great one, falter, because you chose to be this way.

You are a new bride at most not a very old one.....Please do not ruin things I take God beg you,
Your line of thinking can only create problems for you and possibly even spread to your marriage too....Please, don't let this happen.
The pain you are about to create for yourself is not worth it.

[lateesha]

The other issue which the Anonee may not agree with here is her feelings that somehow her position as a wife is threatened because she's yet to bear a child.
That is a natural feeling amongst us Nigerians knowing our culture.
Her actions and interpretations of any moves or spoken words by her mother in law could be stemming from some "insecurity" that need not be.
The human mind can be crazy sometimes making mountains out of molehills.
She needs to chill and give mama a much needed break.

If she told me the woman mocked her or called her names as some wicked MIL's do I'll be the first to say,burn the clothes but so far all the woman has done is place her dusting powder and nku cream on a dresser and ask to bring food and her SIL won't let us hear sumtin.

[lateesha]

Originally Posted by liloldlady

@AV
AV...Get di belle first now...it takes 9months to gestate the pregnancy....there is enough time for her to vacate the room.

It is a spare room not a shrine to a yet to be conceived Child.

AV please your M.I.L is not your problem....It will be a shame if you allow a relationship that is perfectly within your power to make a great one, falter, because you chose to be this way.

You are a new bride at most not a very old one.....Please do not ruin things I take God beg you,
Your line of thinking can only create problems for you and possibly even spread to your marriage too....Please, don't let this happen.
The pain you are about to create for yourself is not worth it.

2 seasoned wives who have fought battles and won are talking to her but she chooses to listen to men who are trying to sound politically correct.
Let her continue and soon she'll don on a polythene bag to tell us how her man packed her Ghana must go and set it out on the lawn
BTW this AV is not doing a good job at hiding her identity.
make I shatap sef

[Shoko Loko Bangoshe]

Originally Posted by Anonymous Villager

Shokolokobangoshe, thanks for your input.

You're welcome.

Based on the way you have voiced things, I don’t think it’s the permanence issue. If my mother inlaw had to move into my house for health reason, etc. I won’t mind. This is different.

It's good that you are thinking this over. It's important to define exactly what you feel is the problem here.

I think it’s because I know for a fact that my mother in law has a strong hold on her child and that with her, whether I want to face it or not, it is a competition and has always been one so her laying claim on a room in her child’s house is really her letting me understand that he is her son and that she has as much right as I do. Now I may be wrong, but I know this woman well. And maybe there is nothing wrong with that, but am sorry it just doesn’t seem right.

I assume then that you knew what your MIL was like when you married your husband, and I assume that you had factored this into the marriage. The reality is that such a relationship will be very difficult to change, especially if it has been established over a lifetime.

But honestly, I don't see why this has to become a 'competition' where you both battle over complete domination of your husband. Surely, you have him for most of the time, and will have him for a much longer period than she will (God willing). So are you sure that you aren't overreacting and reading wrong meanings into the matter? Even if you are right, and she is going to great lengths to emphasise her motherhood, if she isn't trying to be a third wheel and run/interfere with the marriage, that may be something you can live with.

But again, it is much better not to labour under assumptions, and this is again why I recommend discussing how you feel with your husband (if you can't discuss with your MIL). You might be pleasantly surprised at what you find out.

As for the TV you are right, it is no big deal cos any one can use at random. But for reasons that are best, I refuse to share some of the things that have happened in the past. Even this one I put here took guts to post, but it is just the way things are going that I am not happy about and it may get worse.

That's OK. I hope you are able to communicate and let both your husband and MIL know how you feel so that you can resolve the issue.

S.

[Auspicious]

+

As always, Lateesha, you have good points.

But your (judgemental?) approach to imparting these points to AV will rub anyone who has a fairly good dose of self-esteem the wrong way, and as such, whatever message you seek to impart may get lost in translation.
Just said to mention this. Hopefully it makes some sense.

Auspicious.

[Shoko Loko Bangoshe]

Originally Posted by lateesha

2 seasoned wives who have fought battles and won are talking to her but she chooses to listen to men who are trying to sound politically correct.
Let her continue and soon she'll don on a polythene bag to tell us how her man packed her Ghana must go and set it out on the lawn
BTW this AV is not doing a good job at hiding her identity.
make I shatap sef

Lateesha,

You don't see me insulting you for the advice you are giving. Would you kindly concentrate on dispensing your advice, and leave me to give mine?

Thanks.

[MrsChocT]

My dearest anonee, diplomacy is the key when dealing with your new mom. Yes, I said your new mom because that's the way she should be treated like your own mother. Sometimes, even our own mothers say things to us that baffle us. Do we go hay wire and write a palava? I bet you your answer would be no.

My dear, thank your stars, you don't have any problem but it seems you "fixing" to create one. If your mother in law was at your throat demanding that you should get belle asap, then you would know the true definition of wahala. If I were you, my main focus would be loving my husband and being the woman of my house. No one can take your place in your home unless you want them to. The same way there are no replacements for one's MIL. Just take it like that.

When you are waiting on the Lord for the fruits of the womb, it is better you deal with the enemies within first. The enemies within are strife, anger, bitterness, negativity and it is obvious you don't seem to be fond of your MIL. Having a negative attitude towards the woman that gave birth to your husband isn't the way to go. You need to let go. I don't know your story, I just dey give my own 2 cents.

If my MIL asks me of what to bring, kai, I go jump and say Mama bring me this, that and that. I would have my list of fish, ofada rice, naija movies etc. Just as I dey do for my Mama. I wouldn't even take that and run with it to create drama. If she says keep fish in freezer for her and I cook it. What can she do? I would just smile and say your son ate it with his favorite dish. Everything go turn to joke. Diplomacy is the key.


Haba, this woman, from your own account has done you nothing wrong. If you have guest coming to stay for a while, just pack up her stuff. When she comes, just tell her you didn't want anyone messing with her stuff, so you packed it up for safe keeping. I am sure your husband wouldn't mind if you put it to him that way. Girl, where is your thinking cap? Go get it!

Biko, there are worse MILs but from your own account, yours isn't the case. Lucky you. Thank God and forget it.
No judgments, just adding my 2 cents.

[lateesha]

If my MIL asks me of what to bring, kai, I go jump and say Mama bring me this, that and that. I would have my list of fish, ofada rice, naija movies etc. Just as I dey do for my Mama. I wouldn't even take that and run with it to create drama. If she says keep fish in freezer for her and I cook it. What can she do? I would just smile and say your son ate it with his favorite dish. Everything go turn to joke. Diplomacy is the key.

Gbam!
You said it

My dear, thank your stars, you don't have any problem but it seems you "fixing" to create one. If your mother in law was at your throat demanding that you should get belle asap, then you would know the true definition of wahala. If I were you, my main focus would be loving my husband and being the woman of my house. No on can take your place in your home unless you want them to. The same way there are no replacements for one's MIL. Just take it like that.

You said it again.

[lateesha]

Originally Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe

Lateesha,

You don't see me insulting you for the advice you are giving. Would you kindly concentrate on dispensing your advice, and leave me to give mine?

Thanks.

didn't know sounding politically correct was an insult
na wa for you and your temperaments
report the post then or issue a yellow card on the spot

[lateesha]

Originally Posted by Auspicious

+

As always, Lateesha, you have good points.


Auspicious.

I know
I am smart,like that