Concessions to Gender (NVS)

[Djister]

It has often been said that the reasons for the fallibility or failings or ‘silliness’ of man or woman is simply due to what they are, man or woman. But many would disagree and very strongly too.

The Nigerian Village Square epitomizes the culture, attitudes and interactions within and between the sexes, as illustrative as a real Nigerian gathering would be. So what are we to expect in such a gathering?

In cultural context across the numerous tribes and groupings in Nigeria, an observer would expect possibly the following:

Rowdy and gregarious men. Arguing with intensity regardless of whether they have their facts right, know what they are talking about or even have an idea what started the debate when they joined in.

Quiet and cautious women. Selective of their entry into conversations and very watchful of the comments directed at them, firstly by the men and also by fellow women.

This prevails in almost any society where men and women gather particularly for the first time before friendships, alliances and camaraderie are established.

Many would disagree.

Many would say that if a man or woman was to enter into discussion with particularly the opposite sex and in cognizance of the facts on attitude and approach stated above, then such should not be surprised at what they meet within the realms of conversation and discussion.

Then again we live in an increasingly politically correct world that tries to instill a degree of decorum and discipline in dialogue and interaction between the sexes.

In contrast and often in conflict with the dictates of a politically-correct world, is the underpinning culture and breeding of the Nigerian.

The men would beat and thump their chests accompanied with loud verbal ‘assaults’ on the topic of discussion. This is the typical scene in non-formal discussions. The ‘gaps’ however, make for the use of terms and terminologies which often may be seen as offensive and sexist in many instances.

Does the Nigerian male then aim to get a fuller experience in debate and conversation to the exclusion of the Nigerian female? Or does the Nigerian male restrict himself and stay within the boundaries of political correctness for the sake of decorum and societal decency?

Let us look at the most engaging threads on NVS that have elicited extensive input to varying degrees from both male and female villagers. While we do that lets also put our view in the context of this present subject.

In an exchange with a male villager, should the MEN be conscious of the presence of female villagers or be oblivious to such while focusing on making his point to the other male?

How should both male villagers conduct their conversation or debate in the event that a female villager interjects her opinion to either or both of them?

It is likely that in a male-to-male debate, there will be words, phrases and terminologies which are deemed acceptable between both parties or even ignored by both. However, some of these may not necessarily sit well with female observers. What then should prevail?

An example, not necessarily one we should take literally, is IF Ikechiji and Djister are having a regular ‘face off’ geared simply for the ownership of bragging rights for another day, there are likely to be words, phrases, expressions and inferences which may not be politically-correct and gender friendly to women.

In the course of such a Roforofo, as we know it, will and should the female observers remain observers or contribute at the ‘risk’ of being offended or ‘dive in’ with all guns blazing in the same mold as the parties in the Roforo?

What do we lose if the Roforo is ‘moderated’ by the presence of the females? What do we gain by such ‘moderation’?

This of course is not to say there aren’t those who would take an opposite view. There are men who would not ‘engage’ in any gregarious activity in the presence of females or at any time. It is known as ‘deference’ to the women present.

Similarly, there are females who would take a stand and aim to match any male gregariousness with their own brand of aggressive debating and discussion. It is called ‘rolling with the punches’.

What really stimulates us in a debate, roforofo, discussion etc.?
Yes, Yes, give me something else other than the usual boring ‘Intellect’ ‘Brains’ etc.!

Are women truly weaker than men, as it has often been said, hence must be treated with kids gloves?

Are men naturally rude and aggressive or just brash and excitable?

Are discussions and debates and indeed roforos in NVS guided by the principles of political correctness, which may well be in contrast to the real-life situation?
When the women ‘gang-up’ on one side ‘rooting’, ‘screaming’ and ‘laughing their way to making their points, should the men be ‘nice’, ‘courteous’, and ‘gentle’?

Or should we simply have Woman-to-Woman AND Man-to-Man sections with hefty doormen/doorwomen at each entrance?

What exactly are the Concessions to Gender we must be aware of in interactions between male and female villagers, online?

Djister I

[Chief Kalu]

Originally Posted by Djister

The Nigerian Village Square epitomizes the culture, attitudes and interactions within and between the sexes, as illustrative as a real Nigerian gathering would be. So what are we to expect in such a gathering?

Djister I

Djister my friend, you have raised some pertinent issues in this your thread.I must also say that you have made very good points. A village must have and also be able to contain all sorts. The good and gentle, the rough and agressive, the bad and the ugly.Hence, there must exist intellectual discussions, mere rantings, quarrels and abuses, fights and funny gistings, all and every, as one will say. Law enforcers are also there to regulate activities so that none is moleted and human rights protected.
Methinks that villagers have a right to join in discussions they find interesting and avoid threads or discussions they consider offensive or otherwise. It will be difficult to state rules where people of all sorts cohabit. There are people who can not use some words, where others say whatever they like. People can even fight naked in the village creating a drama that several others enjoy watching. That is a village. However, the eldres and chiefs and pastors and the good men, set the values and help maintain good civility in the square. A village where the bad and vulgar outnumbers the gentle and humane, then yawa fit gas for the villa.

[Djister]

Originally Posted by Chief Kalu

Djister my friend,
Methinks that villagers have a right to join in discussions they find interesting and avoid threads or discussions they consider offensive or otherwise.

There are people who can not use some words, where others say whatever they like. People can even fight naked in the village creating a drama that several others enjoy watching. That is a village.

A village where the bad and vulgar outnumbers the gentle and humane, then yawa fit gas for the villa.

I thank you honourable Chief Kalu. I agree with your observations. It is my wish and I am sure yours too that the various levels of interaction will provide flavour and a spectrum of opinions thereby allowing us all to learn and decipher ourselves about the people and their opinions.

The NVS shall and should continue to be a village of variety providing the said, intellect and also crassness evident in the real world. Somebody must provide the entertainment, abi?

Nde ewo!

Djister !

[Alexa]

In any village,one can find bars,schools,markets,motor parks,churches,farms,village squares,streams etc.There are conversations in all of these places but not all the conversations are same.For instance,the conversation in a bar is not likely to be the same conversation say, in a school compound or on the way to the farm.In a bar,one can get as vulgar,raucous and unrefined as one wants.The bar scene is not for the faint of heart or those that are easily shocked.Patrons of a bar know that they can basically yab,brag,and cuss all they want with no one asking them to keep it down.It is never advisabe to pick a fight in a bar or even in the motorpark if one is not willing to get down and dirty as the people in these settings fight dirty.On the other hand,the people in the village square are expected to talk with some sort of decorum because most times,it is elders that are gathered there.The people in this setting can argue and debate but the tone never becomes like the one in a bar.

What I'm trying to say is that people should know where they are in the village before they start talking.One can not use the language of the bar or bus park in the church or school or even in the gathering of elders at the village square.Being able to know what to say,when to say it and who to say it to is a mark of maturity and a sign of wisdom.

[Djister]

Originally Posted by Alexa

In any village,one can find bars,schools,markets,motor parks,churches,farms,village squares,streams etc.

There are conversations in all of these places but not all the conversations are same.For instance,the conversation in a bar is not likely to be the same conversation say, in a school compound or on the way to the farm.In a bar,one can get as vulgar,raucous and unrefined as one wants.The bar scene is not for the faint of heart or those that are easily shocked.Patrons of a bar know that they can basically yab,brag,and cuss all they want with no one asking them to keep it down.

It is never advisabe to pick a fight in a bar or even in the motorpark if one is not willing to get down and dirty as the people in these settings fight dirty.

On the other hand,the people in the village square are expected to talk with some sort of decorum because most times,it is elders that are gathered there.The people in this setting can argue and debate but the tone never becomes like the one in a bar.

What I'm trying to say is that people should know where they are in the village before they start talking.

One can not use the language of the bar or bus park in the church or school or even in the gathering of elders at the village square.Being able to know what to say,when to say it and who to say it to is a mark of maturity and a sign of wisdom.

Need you say more?

Djister I

[Alexa]

@Djister,I fit o.I had to stop myself as I'm not used to overtyping.

[Djister]

@Alexa,

You got it right, so my question was, 'While recognizing the fact that there is a type of setting within a sector of the village enclave, should ANY willing entrant into e.g. a bar-room scenario, be 'protected'?

If yes, then dont you think the scenario should have been prevented in the first instance?

My people say, 'Dem no dey tell deaf man say war done start'.

Oyinbo go count an unwitting victim as 'Collateral Damage'.

Djister I

[Anike]

er... nna, this is still the Woman-to-Woman section, yah know? Because this your frequency in this our domot, I taya o.

[Djister]

Originally Posted by Anike

er... nna, this is still the Woman-to-Woman's section, yah know? Because this your frequency in this our domot, I taya o.

Iya Olode Mi!

You don shek your 'heyes?

E bi like say dem dey roll o!

'ope notin'.

Djister I

[Alexa]

Originally Posted by Djister

@Alexa,

You got it right, so my question was, 'While recognizing the fact that there is a type of setting within a sector of the village enclave, should ANY willing entrant into e.g. a bar-room scenario, be 'protected'?

If yes, then dont you think the scenario should have been prevented in the first instance?

My people say, 'Dem no dey tell deaf man say war done start'.

Oyinbo go count an unwitting victim as 'Collateral Damage'.

Djister I

Is it not possible that the people you think are 'willing entrants' lost their way and just stumbled into the bar to ask for directions?Or could it not be possible that some of those people just came into the bar to quench their thirst?My thing is,if people walk into a bar-whether lost or thirsty-and they get tipsy and pick a fight,they should be able to fight their way out.No protection in a fight like that-unless the law is called in.

[Djister]

Is it not possible that the people you think are 'willing entrants' lost their way and just stumbled into the bar to ask for directions?Or could it not be possible that some of those people just came into the bar to quench their thirst?My thing is,if people walk into a bar-whether lost or thirsty-and they get tipsy and pick a fight,they should be able to fight their way out.No protection in a fight like that-unless the law is called in.

- ALEXA

Ok, Ok, so do we agree that the 'existing' rowdiness of the bar at the time of entry should be enough signal tot he entrants that all may not be well with the patrons of the bar?

If we agree, then should it then be noted that all such entrants 'remain' in the bar at their own risk therefore cannot claimed 'victimization' if a drink is spilled on them?

When the law is then called in at anytime to intervene in the ruckus, would it be proper for the law to isolate the rowdy, but dare i say cheerful, patrons from the 'unfortunate' 'victims' of spillages for punishment?

OR

Should the law regard all who are present to be joint-accomplices in the melee which occurred?

Your Views, Alexa?

Djister I

[Myne Whitman]

Djister,

You know for some time now, a few people have been calling for men2men section but it seems the guys are not up for it. Why don't you make a case for that again and turn it into your virtual bar/men's club (thanks Alexa). If NVS is a house, regard this section as the kitchen, how many times do you find yourself in the kitchen yabbing another man. What would you guys do if your mum, wife or sister enters? Probably leave the room for another part of the house or tone down the conversation even without prompting.

So also when the men try to take over the W2W section to give full reign to their testesterone driven gregariousness, any woman is free to butt in and must be excused by the men in question. Can't wait to see the exchanges in the men to men...

[Bunch17]

Originally Posted by mulan

Djister,

... If NVS is a house, regard this section as the kitchen, how many times do you find yourself in the kitchen yabbing another man. ...

I thought the present prevailing thought is that men should help more often in the kitchen? Is this a case of being damned if you do and damed if you don't.

[Djister]

Originally Posted by mulan

Djister,

You know for some time now, a few people have been calling for men2men section but it seems the guys are not up for it. Why don't you make a case for that again and turn it into your virtual bar/men's club (thanks Alexa). If NVS is a house, regard this section as the kitchen, how many times do you find yourself in the kitchen yabbing another man. What would you guys do if your mum, wife or sister enters? Probably leave the room for another part of the house or tone down the conversation even without prompting.

So also when the men try to take over the W2W section to give full reign to their testesterone driven gregariousness, any woman is free to butt in and must be excused by the men in question. Can't wait to see the exchanges in the men to men...

Leave the Kitchen?

Testosterone Driven Gregariousness?

Now the question is, why is there a presumption that the KITCHEN is exclusively the Serene Enclave of the female?

Yet, if the demands are made for 'deliveries' from there, men are often told to go get it themselves from the same kitchen!

I think the 'ownership' of the kitchen is one of convenience. When suitable, it is the sole purview of the female. When unsuitable it is a 'shared' common experience.

With regards to the NVS village, shall we then say that, though not so named, other areas where there are more males gathered shall henceforth be demarcated as male domains?

Will the females approach such domains with care, fear and trepidation? Else they be 'bitten' by the occurrences therein?

In the BAR scenario, there is no 'line in the sand' marking it a sole preserve of the male or female and for convenience this section cannot so be marked.

Unless, MULAN, you say that the issues herein do not warrant any contribution from the males and have so been determined by the law.

You say?

Djister I

[Myne Whitman]

Djister,

I say this section has been named W2W and so is explicitly demarcated as a female domain. But of course, you guys are always welcome here to bring or takeaway news, enjoy our gist and frequently give us the men's perspective. So it is not exclusive and who is to say that there are more females gathered here? LOL...Anyway until another section is similarly created for the men you are on your own.

Using the village scenario, this is not the bar, that could be the lounge or main square. Also all other parts of the square are free for all...

[Alexa]

Originally Posted by Djister

- ALEXA

Ok, Ok, so do we agree that the 'existing' rowdiness of the bar at the time of entry should be enough signal tot he entrants that all may not be well with the patrons of the bar?

If we agree, then should it then be noted that all such entrants 'remain' in the bar at their own risk therefore cannot claimed 'victimization' if a drink is spilled on them?

When the law is then called in at anytime to intervene in the ruckus, would it be proper for the law to isolate the rowdy, but dare i say cheerful, patrons from the 'unfortunate' 'victims' of spillages for punishment?

OR

Should the law regard all who are present to be joint-accomplices in the melee which occurred?

Your Views, Alexa?

Djister I

The law would not know the difference between the rowdy,cheerful patrons and the real innocent victims so the first thing they do is to grab everyone on the scene for questioning.If on the other hand,people hear the po-po coming and duck out of the bar before they arrive,they(the escapees) would not be taken in for questioning.In this case,it is not necessarily because the escapees are innocent but they were not caught when the law came in and apprehended the other people in the bar.And yes,the law should regard everyone present as equal participants in the melee until they are exonerated.But if people were not there when the law arrived and the law can't prove they were there causing trouble,then they can't be held accountable.Na so I see am or am I wrong?

[Ranter]

Anike,
be rest assured that Djister wears a skirt whenever he posts in this woman to woman section.

About the frequency of his 'parambulating' in this sexion is that he loves woman just like I do. we look out for them 24/7.

No men in a women's world makes it meaningless.
The gym I go to has an only women sexion down the same block, but I tell you the ladies in the open gym outnumber the ladies only' by like 7 to 1.

[Celebr8]

Originally Posted by Ranter

Anike,
be rest assured that Djister wears a skirt whenever he posts in this woman to woman section.

About the frequency of his 'parambulating' in this sexion is that he loves woman just like I do. we look out for them 24/7.

No men in a women's world makes it meaningless.
The gym I go to has an only women sexion down the same block, but I tell you the ladies in the open gym outnumber the ladies only' by like 7 to 1.

...and I'm thinking that if I were one of the ladies currently in the ladies only, I'd be in the open gym once my love handles have disappeared and my booty's firm enough - and I'm not even looking to hook up oh!

[Chief Kalu]

Originally Posted by mulan

Djister,

If NVS is a house, regard this section as the kitchen, how many times do you find yourself in the kitchen yabbing another man....

Mulan, I no blame you. You mean say chief find you enter kitchen. Tufia!! No be for una verrandaer i come see unu dey tory, na im bebi, hail me chief !! chief, come ask me where i dey go , na im i come close. na im i hear unu gist come dey contribute. How chief go enter kitchen. Na wa for you o!! Make them no hear am o!!!!
However, tory no fit sweet well well if woman no dey. Bone fit jam anyhow come wound somebody. Men no go too plenty again for unu corner, but if unu find us heee!! you know now!!!

[Myne Whitman]

Chief Chief,

Who am I to call a whole chief like you to enter kitchen, chukwu juru aju!

But if you find something enter, you are very welcome. You know say better dey always dey kitchen now...


The chief! Shey we go see you for Abuja meet up sha?