So YOU too want to MARRY?

[Djister]

My People,

We always ask people how marriage is for them. Everybody has a different story.

As part of my VILLAGE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY (VSR) duties, here are some of the most valuable quotes on marriage we should remember, from wise old men and women.

Please feel free to share your own experiences or quotes for those who wish to be advised.

DAVID BISSONETTE:

“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.”

SACHA GUITRY:

“After marriage, Husband and Wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but they stay together.”

SOCRATES:

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

ANONYMOUS:

“Woman inspires us to great things and then prevents us from achieving them”

DUMAS:

“The great question which I have not been able to answer is, ‘What does a woman want?’”

SIGMUND FREUD:

“I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.”

ANONYMOUS:

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

SAM KINISON:

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It is called marriage.”

JAMES HOLT McGAVRAN:

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.”

PATRICK MURRAY:

“Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:

1. Whenever you are wrong, admit it;
2. Whenever you are right, shut up!”

NASH:

“The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once!”

ANONYMOUS:

“You know what I did before I got married?...Anything I wanted.”

HENRY YOUNGMAN:

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. And then we met.”

RODNEY DANGERFIELD:

“A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong.”

ANONYMOUS:

“A man inserted and ad in the classifieds ‘Wife Wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine’”

ANONYMOUS:

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel”
Second Guy (jealously): “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive”

ANONYMOUS:

Five Rules for YOUNG MEN towards marital bliss:

1. It is important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job;

2. It is important to have a woman, who can make you laugh;

3. It is important to have a woman, whom you can trust and does not lie to you;

4. It is important to have a woman, who is good in bed and likes to be with you;

Most of all,

5. It is VERY, VERY important that these four women do not know each other!


And finally, from my house:

DJISTER (sneering): “After 20 years of marriage, a WRINKLE-FREE wife is hard to find.”

SUBU (hissing): “After 20 years of marriage a HARD husband in bed is difficult to find”


Djister

[ISL]

some of those had me laughing out loud

[valteena]

Nice, Nice Djister

As a woman I shouldn't be adding to this mostly negatives on women. But what the heck it's a laugh.

(1) "Women are like flies which feed amongst us at our table or fleas sucking our very blood, who leave not our most retired places from their familiarity.
yet for all their fellowship, they will never be tamed, nor commanded by us."


(2) "Women are like the sun, which is violently carried one way yet hath a proper course contrary. So though they, by the mastery of some overruling churlish husbands, are forced to his bias, yet have they a motion of their own which their husbands never know of"


(3) It is the nature of nice and fastidous minds to know things only to be weary of women".

(4) "Every woman is a science, for he that plods upon a woman all his life long shall at lenght find himself short of the knowledge of her"

- John Donne

Originally Posted by Djister

And finally, from my house:

DJISTER (sneering): “After 20 years of marriage, a WRINKLE-FREE wife is hard to find.”

SUBU (hissing): “After 20 years of marriage a HARD husband in bed is difficult to find”


Djister

I am still lamenting at the possiblity of this happening in my home.....this is serious. Just wondering why men go "soft" later in life.

Time to cherish and hold only.....since sickness in health has set in.

Agape.

[smilee]

I think that marriage is some weird persons idea of a crazy prank (on both sexes).

smilee's cousin

[shinycoin]

Marriage is like an institution: those inside want to come out; those outside want to go in.

[Djister]

What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne




Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. ~H.L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques, 1916




The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly. ~Peter De Vries




I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner




Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911




Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. ~George Bernard Shaw




Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work. ~Author Unknown




Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. ~Simone Signoret





Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner




A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. ~Anne Taylor Fleming




Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night. ~Paul Hornung




More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson




Divorce: The past tense of marriage. ~Author Unknown




Djister

[Djister]

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. ~Judith Viorst




Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn




A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966




In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. ~Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire




There is no such cozy combination as man and wife. ~Menander




It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. ~Benjamin Disraeli




The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe




Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966




In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all. ~Anne Sophie Swetchine




In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced. ~Robert Sexton




An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit. ~Pliny the Younger, Letters




If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960




A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing. ~W. Somerset Maugham




If two stand shoulder to shoulder against the gods,
Happy together, the gods themselves are helpless
Against them while they stand so.
~Maxwell Anderson




After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6º of marriage! ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960





There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship. ~Iris Murdoch




English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation. ~Author Unknown




A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. ~Paul Sweeney




Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had. ~Francis Rodman




Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose. ~Beverley Nichols




Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is. ~Author Unknown




Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage. ~Finnish Proverb




A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together. ~James H. Boren




All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. ~Raymond Hull




Djister

[Djister]

AND FINALLY:

One of the good things that come of a true marriage is, that there is one face on which changes come without your seeing them; or rather there is one face which you can still see the same, through all the shadows which years have gathered upon it. ~George MacDonald




As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent. ~Socrates




Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. ~Mark Twain




Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you. ~Jean Rostand, Le Mariage, 1927




Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. ~Isadora Duncan




When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. ~G.B. Shaw, Getting Married, 1908




A first-rate marriage is like a first-rate hotel: expensive, but worth it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966




Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day. ~Gene Perret




Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented! ~Heinrich Heine




The reason for much matrimony is patrimony. ~Ogden Nash




I figure that the degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown Manhattan. ~Claire Cloninger,

"When the Glass Slipper Doesn't Fit and the Silver Spoon is in Someone Else's Mouth"


A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journals




Marriage: that I call the will of two to create the one who is more than those who created it. ~Friedrich Nietzsche




Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. ~Author Unknown




Though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools. ~William Congreve




Marriage Ceremony: an incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family. ~O.C. Ogilvie

Goodluck! with your marriage propositions!

Djister

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent. ~Socrates

To be or not to be "born again"? That is the question.

He he he he he he



Celibacy is not my portion in Jesus' name......Amen.

Sorry, Oga Socrates........nothing to repent for on my end.

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. ~G.B. Shaw, Getting Married, 1908




The greatest of all Bull Sheets.....self deceit. By 2 months maximum....the thrill is sooooooooooooo gone. The rest na management even with "spiritual powers".......ever so thankful, with each passing day you have not committed any form of homocide against the spouse or the kids.


Just do like I do....escape alone for like 2 months without trace.....to get back to your senses. Leave both the man/woman and all the children to fend for themselves and take super nice vacation.....pampering yourself with utter idleness.

[Abikemi]

LOL!

Heh heh!!!

[christen08]

eh marriage is this marriage is that, de tin be say weda u like am, weda u no like am, u go still dey chuk ur head inside!!!!

[amebo]

i be jjc oooo. but i wan just add say, if me i cum dis life again (of course no 2nd chance) if i hear m 2lk less mar..., i go tear race . wat with a husband who is a serial adultrer, no kudi (always broke but thinks bcos him get ding dong b/w d legs, he has arrived) and unappologetic i beg he no worth d stress @ least 4 me oooooo.