Single mothers.. villains or victims?

[shinycoin]

Ann Coulter, National Post
Published: Wednesday, March 11, 2009

www.nationalpost.ca

The most worshiped figure in modern America is the "single mother." Politicians tout their programs by explaining how they will help single mothers. No news report on a matter of national importance is complete unless it includes a sound bite from a single mother, preferably one bravely struggling to juggle a career and child-rearing obligations. Even Superman's girlfriend Lois Lane is a single mother in the 2006 movie Superman Returns, in which the Man of Steel plays a superhero deadbeat dad.

Single mothers are not only "Unsung Heroines," as the title of a recent book puts it, they are perennial victims -- the unwitting victims of sex with men they're not married to.

There is no better example of phony victims who are actually victimizers than single mothers. We're not living in Dickensian England, with husbands dropping like flies from cholera, plague and industrial accidents, creating blameless single mothers. Charles Dickens's England had single mothers because the average life span for males, circa 1830, ranged from 44 years for the middle and upper classes down to 22 years for labourers. That isn't the reason we have an explosion of single mothers in 21st-century America.

We have "single mothers" because more than a million women choose to have children out of wedlock every year in America, and do not then wed or give the babies up for adoption. By their own choices, they consign their children to starting life with second-class status.

Of all single mothers in America, only 6.5% of them are widows, 37.8% are divorced and 41.3% gave birth out of wedlock. The 6.5% of single mothers whose husbands have died shouldn't be called "single mothers" at all. We already have a word for them: "widows." Their children do just fine compared with the children of married parents.

Likewise, we can't blame mothers who get divorced for being single mothers: We should blame both mothers and fathers. And divorced mothers should be called "divorced mothers," not "single mothers." We also have a term for the youngsters involved: "the children of divorce," or as I call them, "future strippers." It is a mark of how attractive it is to be a phony victim that divorcees will often claim to belong to the more disreputable category of "single mothers."

Far more cruel than bequeathing your children a broken family through divorce is to raise children out of wedlock. True "single mothers" are women who, by their own volition, have done everything in their power to ruin their children's lives before they're even born. It makes no difference if the pregnancy was unplanned, unwanted or accidental. And many aren't any of those.

Getting pregnant isn't like catching the flu. It involves a volitional act by which single mothers cause irreparable harm to other human beings -- their own children. Single mothers also foist a raft of social pathologies on society. Look at almost any societal problem and you will find it is really a problem of single mothers. -

So What do you think Shinycoin?

Of all single mothers in America, only 6.5% of them are widows, 37.8% are divorced and 41.3% gave birth out of wedlock. The 6.5% of single mothers whose husbands have died shouldn't be called "single mothers" at all. We already have a word for them: "widows." Their children do just fine compared with the children of married parents.

What significantly different outcomes in the lives of all these children can statistics show us, to tell the difference between these sets of single parents?

Can you tell that the children of widows are different from the children of divorced single mothers or children of 'deliberate out of wedlockers'?

The 6.5% of single mothers whose husbands have died shouldn't be called "single mothers" at all.

What are they?

37.8% are divorced and 41.3% gave birth out of wedlock.

Should they be stigmatized or rebuked for being 'divorced' mothers or 'out of wedlock baby momas'?

Likewise, we can't blame mothers who get divorced for being single mothers: We should blame both mothers and fathers. And divorced mothers should be called "divorced mothers," not "single mothers." We also have a term for the youngsters involved: "the children of divorce," or as I call them, "future strippers." It is a mark of how attractive it is to be a phony victim that divorcees will often claim to belong to the more disreputable category of "single mothers."

Being a single parent with a child born out of wedlock puts you in a "more disreputable category of single mothers'?

Getting pregnant isn't like catching the flu. It involves a volitional act by which single mothers cause irreparable harm to other human beings -- their own children. Single mothers also foist a raft of social pathologies on society. Look at almost any societal problem and you will find it is really a problem of single mothers. -

Is that right? Well, what do you want us to do about it then? Education in uses of birth control is not working....marriage is not working....should all the children be aborted to get rid of all the babies born to single mothers? Or do we sterilize all the single mothers to prevent them from getting pregnant out of wedlock.

What do we do to the men....castrate them all? Or burn down all the 'sperm banks'?


Just trying to understand what this article is all about.

Single mothers...Victim or Villian?

Neither. It is every woman's responsibility to 'empower' herself in ALL areas of her 'femininity'. No need to play victim or villain.

Dewdrops Corner: My Personal Opinion and Belief.

HAVING A CHILD IS ULTIMATELY A WOMAN'S RESPONSIBILITY....A MAN IS ONLY PART OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM. GOD MADE ONLY WOMEN TO GET PREGNANT AND SO ANY WOMAN MUST REALIZE THAT THE SOLE RESPONSIBLITY LIES WITH HER.....IT IS HER BODY NOT THE MAN'S!


This is 2009. Any woman who makes the mistake of getting 'knocked' up without adequately thinking it through is a fool. This is not the age of "Oooops". If you must have sex...you better get on some really gooooooood birth control. Women should put their daughters on birth control as from age 10, with or without the onset of 'menarche'. I am not talking of birth control pills either. The strongest birth control out there their young bodies can handle with the least side effects.

1. It takes 2 emotionally/spiritually healthy adults to live together and raise a child. It is in the best interest of children in such unions for a man and a woman to stay together. If they can work things out till the children are at least grown. Children are not a good reason for anyone to stay in any unhappy relationship.

2. Any woman or man that does not feel comfortable being married for whatever reason...abuse, infidelity, boredom, or outright 'change' of heart....is FREE to get out of whatever relationship/marriage if she can function better out of it. The most important thing is to protect any child in such a circumstance from any dysfunctional aftermath in the 'fallout'. If a woman CANNOT afford a kid....she has no business having one.

3. No woman should have to 'postpone' having children in the absence of Mr. Right. If you have not found Mr. Right by age 25.....I think every woman should have at least one child if she wants to. But, must be ready to take full responsibility for the child/children she chooses to have in the absence of a 'significant other'. she MUST be ready to provide for that child/those children the best she can without turning them into selfish 'puns'.

4. If any woman does not have the basic education or means of livelihood.....she has no business getting pregnant. If she can get the support of her parents and she comes from a really nice family of 'strong' and healthy social networking patterns.....she can only use that as a temporary means to set herself up. She MUST get on her feet as soon as possible to take care of her responsibilities with or without a man around to help. She gave birth to that child and is ultimately responsible for him or her....WITH OR WITHOUT A SIGNIFICANT OTHER!

5. All females should go on "MANDATORY" birth control specially funded by the government for ladies 9-25 years of age. UNLESS SHE IS MARRIED!

6. Single or Married couples SHOULD NOT be given public assistance without the presence of an education or a means of livelihood. Any woman is welcome to have children out of wedlock if she chooses....But she cannot qualify for public assistance if she does not stay in school or get herself employed or refuses to stay employed. No need to go after child support payments from the 'absentee' father. I always hated that. That should only apply to legally married couples after divorce.

7. Children who are born to single women who do not have the means of taking care of them should automatically be placed in foster homes. They are on government assistance anyway...so the state should have full custody of them.



Me!
I would rather be a happy single mother than an unhappy married mother. My kid would be just fine.

I have a good job and a fantastic family network system.....no need to put up with 'shit'....thank God I don't have to.

NO WOMAN/MAN SHOULD EVER BE FORCED TO STAY WITH A MAN/WOMAN WHO CHEATS OR ENGAGES IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ..........That relationship or marriage will only do more harm than good to the children because that environment is NOT conducive to raise children in any way, shape or form. I will welcome a divorce any day under such circumstances. The children will be just fine.

Bottom line:Personal choice.....Free will. All society can do is be supportive. Being a single mother is not a crime.

[liloldlady]

Dew, ...With your Kind permision may I copy and save that article on Dewdrops corner: My personal Opinion and Belief.
Whilst I may not subscribe to the entirety of what you said, I have quoted the parts that so totally resonate with me.
Your write up is profound, insightful, honest, wise and accurately identifies the issues that has made this topic a hot button issue today.

It takes 2 emotionally/spiritually healthy adults to live together and raise a child. It is in the best interest of children in such unions for a man and a woman to stay together. If they can work things out till the children are at least grown. Children are not a good reason for anyone to stay in any unhappy relationship.

a truer truth has not been told. If only people can have the honesty, Self accountability to heed this profound truth.

2. Any woman or man that does not feel comfortable being married for whatever reason...abuse, infidelity, boredom, or outright 'change' of heart....is FREE to get out of whatever relationship/marriage if she can function better out of it. The most important thing is to protect any child in such a circumstance from any dysfunctional aftermath in the 'fallout'. If a woman CANNOT afford a kid....she has no business having one.

Somebody should make this the 11th commandment. what you just said is pivotal to raising emotionally healthy, normal Children, who will eventually become emotionally healthy, well adjusted and functioning members of society, without the excess baggage most folks lug around today.

[shinycoin]

Originally Posted by Dewdrops

Dewdrops Corner: My Personal Opinion and Belief.

HAVING A CHILD IS ULTIMATELY A WOMAN'S RESPONSIBILITY....A MAN IS ONLY PART OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM. GOD MADE ONLY WOMEN TO GET PREGNANT AND SO ANY WOMAN MUST REALIZE THAT THE SOLE RESPONSIBLITY LIES WITH HER.....IT IS HER BODY NOT THE MAN'S!


This is 2009. Any woman who makes the mistake of getting 'knocked' up without adequately thinking it through is a fool. You're assuming its a mistake when they get knocked up sometimes. how do you justify or rationalise kids having kids at age 15/16? This is not the age of "Oooops". If you must have sex...you better get on some really gooooooood birth control. Women should put their daughters on birth control as from age 10, with or without the onset of 'menarche'. some people still think its a taboo discussing sex with under-aged kids. I am not talking of birth control pills either. The strongest birth control out there their young bodies can handle with the least side effects.

1. It takes 2 emotionally/spiritually healthy adults to live together and raise a child. It is in the best interest of children in such unions for a man and a woman to stay together. If they can work things out till the children are at least grown. Children are not a good reason for anyone to stay in any unhappy relationship.an excellent summation and good, sound advice

2. Any woman or man that does not feel comfortable being married for whatever reason...abuse, infidelity, boredom, or outright 'change' of heart....is FREE to get out of whatever relationship/marriage if she can function better out of it. The most important thing is to protect any child in such a circumstance from any dysfunctional aftermath in the 'fallout'. If a woman CANNOT afford a kid....she has no business having one.

3. No woman should have to 'postpone' having children in the absence of Mr. Right. If you have not found Mr. Right by age 25.....I think every woman should have at least one child, nope, don't agree, a child is not a trophy, or an object to show the world of our accomplishments if she wants to. But, must be ready to take full responsibility for the child/children she chooses to have in the absence of a 'significant other'. she MUST be ready to provide for that child/those children the best she can without turning them into selfish 'puns'. how does she do this without adequate preparation, mentally, psychologically, spiritually and financially?

4. If any woman does not have the basic education or means of livelihood.....she has no business getting pregnant. my thoughts exactly, so why kids just because she's 25years and above? If she can get the support of her parents and she comes from a really nice family of 'strong' and healthy social networking patterns.....she can only use that as a temporary means to set herself up.that means she's having kids with the intention of having her family and strong, healthy social network care for the kids? She MUST get on her feet as soon as possible to take care of her responsibilities with or without a man around to help. She gave birth to that child and is ultimately responsible for him or her....WITH OR WITHOUT A SIGNIFICANT OTHER! a kid is not a trophy, don't have one if you aren't ready for one, significant other or not

5. All females should go on "MANDATORY" birth control specially funded by the government for ladies 9-25 years of age. hhmmm? UNLESS SHE IS MARRIED!

6. Single or Married couples SHOULD NOT be given public assistance without the presence of an education or a means of livelihood. Any woman is welcome to have children out of wedlock if she chooses....But she cannot qualify for public assistance if she does not stay in school or get herself employed or refuses to stay employed. No need to go after child support payments from the 'absentee' father. I always hated that. That should only apply to legally married couples after divorce.

7. Children who are born to single women who do not have the means of taking care of them should automatically be placed in foster homes. this would create more problems than it solves, cos the abuses in foster homes are too well documented and over burdening the homes is no way to solve this wahala They are on government assistance anyway...so the state should have full custody of them.



Me!
I would rather be a happy single mother than an unhappy married mother. My kid would be just fine.

I have a good job and a fantastic family network system.....no need to put up with 'shit'....thank God I don't have to.

NO WOMAN/MAN SHOULD EVER BE FORCED TO STAY WITH A MAN/WOMAN WHO CHEATS OR ENGAGES IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ..........That relationship or marriage will only do more harm than good to the children because that environment is NOT conducive to raise children in any way, shape or form. I will welcome a divorce any day under such circumstances. The children will be just fine.

Bottom line:Personal choice.....Free will. All society can do is be supportive. Being a single mother is not a crime.

your opinion is respected and i agree with them on the most part, but this a pressing, hot button issue and there are as much opinions on it as there are people out there interested in the topic.

[heart-thief]

DD your post is simply perfect in my opinion!
You just spoke my mind.

Originally Posted by shinycoin

You're assuming its a mistake when they get knocked up sometimes. how do you justify or rationalise kids having kids at age 15/16?
some people still think its a taboo discussing sex with under-aged kids.

Assuming? Justify/rationalize? Not at all. When a kid gets pregnant it is a mistake. Not justified....but inevitable...it happens all the time for one reason or the other. You can only advice children right? When you have teenagers around you....then you will understand that they live in a world of their own. As you already know, those parents who think it is a taboo to discuss sex education with 'under-age" kids who are already sexually active....pay a dear price. You let them stew in their own juices. You sit back and watch their own kids make the same mistakes they made. Can't do much about that.

Originally Posted by shinycoin

nope, don't agree, a child is not a trophy, or an object to show the world of our accomplishments if she wants to.

I agree a kid should not be a trophy. The reason I wrote earlier that children should not be used as 'puns'. But if a woman is ready to have a child......I support her. It is better than jumping from one man to another...wasting the best of her reproductive years when indeed she should be takin' on more adult responsibilities.

Spending my precious time taking care of my child in my opinion is better than spending 10 years or more dating all kinds of men for ever, and waiting for some Mr. right. My opinion. Too bad if Mr. Right comes after that....he has a choice to stay or leave. I would still take care of my kid. Mothers should educate their daughters. There are more unmarried people in the world today than ever. You adjust to the times.

Originally Posted by shinycoin

how does she do this without adequate preparation, mentally, psychologically, spiritually and financially?

If any lady refuses to stay in school, protect herself and is reckless enough to have unprotected sex first of all....I do believe that is enough education to prepare her for the possibility of unwanted pregnancies. She will have to wise up....like Sarah Palin's daughter. Any child that decides to indulge in adult style behaviors should 'grow' up quickly too. Don't care how she does it.....she just has to. No body cares really.

Originally Posted by shinycoin

So why kids just because she's 25years and above? A kid is not a trophy,

A 25 year old is not a kid. By 25, if you do not know where your life is heading, I doubt you would ever find it....especially as a female. You should have at least had a first degree or some form of 'job training' to set map out a course of action in life. The reason we have parents right? If anyone spends time from 19-25 fooling around......that is just too bad. Yes, a kid is not a trophy. Just saying that if a lady wants to have a kid and she is not successful in getting a man to commit to her....she should have a kid IF she wants to....if the man does not want to have a kid with her...she should head to the nearest sperm bank. Her choice. SHE HAS MY FULL SUPPORT.

Originally Posted by shinycoin

hhmmm?

The difference between parents who think and parents who do not.

Originally Posted by shinycoin

This would create more problems than it solves, cos the abuses in foster homes are too well documented and over burdening the homes is no way to solve this.

Well then, is it the PROVEN dysfunctional single parent situation that is better? I don't believe in giving children to parents PROVEN unfit to take care of them. I would take my chances with the foster homes.

Originally Posted by shinycoin

your opinion is respected and i agree with them on the most part, but this a pressing, hot button issue and there are as much opinions on it as there are people out there interested in the topic.

Thank you. What are your own solutions? All you had were comments. We all know that being a single parent is challenging and can be problematic for society. Perhaps, it is necessary for any society to re-evaluate the need NOT to encourage young women to have children they cannot take care of. I am all for a woman being a single parent if that is the best she can do....but she has to play her part and demonstrate she is equal to the task. Only then should she get public assistance. Useless baby momas who use that as a sport should NOT be encouraged.

[lateesha]

Of all single mothers in America, only 6.5% of them are widows, 37.8% are divorced and 41.3% gave birth out of wedlock. The 6.5% of single mothers whose husbands have died shouldn't be called "single mothers" at all. We already have a word for them: "widows." Their children do just fine compared with the children of married parents.

Likewise, we can't blame mothers who get divorced for being single mothers: We should blame both mothers and fathers. And divorced mothers should be called "divorced mothers," not "single mothers."

Gbam!
When I use the term single mother,I usually refer to women who have babies out of wedlock not divorced and widowed women.
Those women that open their legs to men without a commitment are the reason our jails are overflowing with inmates since they make up a large number of the inmates.
There's one a few meters from me right now that has 4 babies by 4 different men.

[2plus2]

Lateesha be serious.

Recently meet a mature woman here in this very lagos (translating from Igbo to english) who has three children by three different men. Infact, the father of the last child has always claimed he is not the father. When I heard of PATHCARE's DNA service I told her older sister who is a family friend.

Guess what, the man just fanished into thin air. Disappeared.

Her children range from 9 (if I am right) to 15 years. In this very Lagos. It's not only aborad that has weird issues. It's all over. It's global. It's terrifying.

What can public policy do to get this sorted.

What woman is a single parent?...Nothing to stigmatize really....Pregnancy is not a crime.

Single parent na single parent. Whether na by design or by default. The total physical and financial absence of the significant other in a woman's life. Be you a widow, a baby momma or a divorcee.

NOT ALL DIVORCED/OUT OF WEDLOCKER MOTHERS ARE SINGLE PARENTS.

Most of the men are still alive after the divorce and are somewhat active in their kids' lives. Some share joint custody. Some men still help the baby mommas with raising the kids in a healthy partnership.

If you are receiving child support...YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE PARENT even if the man is not in your life.....he is contributing some to the childrens' lives. Full custody yes...single parent NO! Both parents are alive.....father contributes MONEY(except for widows)


A Widow.The only woman who qualifies as a single parent truly.

Question: Do widows have a man in their lives?
Answer: No. They are the 'real' single parents.....they have no spouses....not even as 'absentee' dads. She may have another man in her life, but he is not officially the 'significant' other legally and cannot be recognized.

Their children may also end up in jail if not taken care of and have the same chances of being 'troubled' kids like any other group of women without a 'helpful' significant other in their lives.

They are the real single parents.

Single mom by choice? No Problem...But....
If a woman opens her legs and can take care of her kid, without commitment...is that a bad thing? NO! Not everyone has the same value systems. Some women cannot find the right partners...should they remain without children for life because Mr. Right can't commit? Hell no! How many women have got married and ended up worse than widowed single parents too with all the to cherish and hold 'commitment' fallacy? Many men have totally disappeared without physical or financial presence....even where still alive.

We just pray that the children are taken care of and not neglected. On the other hand, you have children who are from 'committed' relationships who turn out to find the jail houses more 'palatable'...for one reason or the other(domestic violence).

Nothing wrong with being a single parent. Society just has to find a way to discourage those 'irresponsible' single parents, who do not have what it takes to raise a kid from having them in the first place......like the recreational baby mommas..... the "Octu-Mommas" with 14 kids without a house. She should have been arrested for 'reckless' endangerment of children, as a deterrent to those 'career' single mothers who choose to take advantage of the system to the detriment of the children they selfishly choose to bring into the world as 'puns'.

Who is to say really?

Case of Barack Obama. Interesting case study.

White American teenage mother gets knocked up by Black Kenyan father.
Couple gets married under duress.
Couple divorces under duress.
Father absconds under duress.
Mother single parent. Gets help from parents.
Mother remarries....grandmother raises Barack
Grandmother has guardianship with both absentee mother and father of Barack Obama for the most part while alive...Go figure?

Did Barack end up in jail with all this drama? No! What a lucky guy who beat ALL odds.

Who is to say?

[joyhappiness]

If you have not found Mr. Right by age 25.....I think every woman should have at least one child if she wants to......

35 is the new 25......

[shinycoin]

Women who were married at one time and had kids then later got divorced should not be categorized as single mothers, nor widows with kids.

These were responsible women who did the right thing and had kids in the process, but now find themselves without a partner.

Whether or not a man is in a woman's life right now, if he was there at one time and they had kids together, such women should not be classified in the same group as women who never got married but has kids.

Studies find that women who have kids out of wedlock are more than likely going to have even more kids, either for the same man, or for yet another man whom she never marries, and if the chance presents itself again, she would have another kid for another guy and never marries the third man.

What i cannot understand is having different kids for different men and never getting married to any of them and expecting society to be sympathetic and foot the bill of raising these kids, and then being classified in the same group as divorced women or widows.

Everyone will be sympathetic if its a one time thing, she gets pregnant for a guy and for wherever reason, marriage was never in the picture, ok, anyone could be in that situation, but perpetuating the same life style over and over again, having kids every other year for different men because the society will place you on welfare and give you a welfare check is just too much to accept, and its becoming the norm in some societies today.

Having kids should be one of the most beautiful things in the world and should be undertaken responsibly and with the aim of raising the kids and doing right by them.

I certainly do not subscribe to the fact that a woman should have a kid if she wants to, whether or not she's married, just because she is of a certain age and feels the urge to have babies. That i think is having trophies, and kids should never be trophies to be displayed as an accomplishment.... "i can have kids and i don't need a man to raise them, just drop your sperm in this receptacle and go your merry way, thank you very much...." , that seems to be what a woman like that is telling the world and is no way to raise kids.. what will you tell the child when such kids become of age and ask for their father? abi their opinion don't count?

In all likelihood, such kids may do just what their mother did, have a kid and never get married themselves, then we may as well do away with the institution of marriage, which will gradually but surely erode the moral standing of society.

Marriages may not be perfect, i don;t know what in this life is perfect, but at least you have two people doing their best to raise another human being and if such unions break up due to death or divorce, society is aware that at least they did the right thing one time and it didn't work out.

Having kids outside of marriage should be frowned on in every form and when it does happen, such individuals should rise to the challenge of raising the kids, but having more and more kids and not being married is just stretching one's credibility to a ridiculous limit.

[Bill Carson]

Originally Posted by lateesha

Gbam!
When I use the term single mother,I usually refer to women who have babies out of wedlock not divorced and widowed women.
Those women that open their legs to men without a commitment are the reason our jails are overflowing with inmates since they make up a large number of the inmates.
There's one a few meters from me right now that has 4 babies by 4 different men.

Lateesha,

Have you ever thought about the Children as stabilizing factor for the women you are accusing of opening their legs without commitment? It Is possible the women themselves would be In jail If the Children are not their to give them a purpose In life.

We have to be careful not to keep equating women sexual lifestyle with parenting, Until a well researched statistics Is presented, no one can conclusively deduce that Single Mothers open their legs more than the “respectable” housewives. Obama’s Mother was a Single Parent for most part and society of that time most have frowned at her yet she gave the world one of the most balanced Child.

Women that later marry and have a “balanced” lifestyle are more likely to have had one or more abortions while waiting for Mr. right to fall to earth, at the same time the Single Parents you are now demonising may have chosen to keep the pregnancy and face the consequence. Who do you think Is the brave one? Am a Catholic and as your avatar clearly shows you are a Christian and we know abortion Is wrong.

[Rose]

Originally Posted by Bill Carson

Lateesha,

Have you ever thought about the Children as stabilizing factor for the women you are accusing of opening their legs without commitment? It Is possible the women themselves would be In jail If the Children are not their to give them a purpose In life.

We have to be careful not to keep equating women sexual lifestyle with parenting, Until a well researched statistics Is presented, no one can conclusively deduce that Single Mothers open their legs more than the “respectable” housewives. Obama’s Mother was a Single Parent for most part and society of that time most have frowned at her yet she gave the world one of the most balanced Child.

Women that later marry and have a “balanced” lifestyle are more likely to have had one or more abortions while waiting for Mr. right to fall to earth, at the same time the Single Parents you are now demonising may have chosen to keep the pregnancy and face the consequence. Who do you think Is the brave one? Am a Catholic and as your avatar clearly shows you are a Christian and we know abortion Is wrong.

I was about to make the same point about the "abortion" aspect. The way I see it this is how some people can at least feel some kind of moral authority over others who do not know their own background/past.

I have definitely met men/women who got their acts together upon having children.

35 is the new 25......

Of course....when the ladies kept jumping around....with high heels looking for Mr. Right Playas......till their tubes get blocked from all kinds of STDs. Then they run to church looking for the "God of impossibilities". After wasting precious time. Meanwhile the silly girl/woman has been drinking all kinds of concoctions and birth control pills including annual abortions for over 20 years. HA! Women need to really examine their priorities. Like my mom always said....the uterus is like your life....if you don't use it when it matters....you lose it! A man can still squeeze out sperm cells at 100 years old....even if they turn out blind.

Or one or many huge "fibroid' tumor/s take permanent residency/citizenship in the 'fallow' uterus without any official immigration process.

Meanwhile the men have had at least 2 kids from other women before finally becoming "Mr. Right"!

Shiooooooooooor!

We have to be careful not to keep equating women sexual lifestyle with parenting, Until a well researched statistics Is presented, no one can conclusively deduce that Single Mothers open their legs more than the “respectable” housewives. Obama’s Mother was a Single Parent for most part and society of that time most have frowned at her yet she gave the world one of the most balanced Child.

Gbam! He was raised by his grandmother for the most part.

If you cannot raise the kid yourself...by God look for a mentally healthy adult in the family to do just that!

I certainly do not subscribe to the fact that a woman should have a kid if she wants to, whether or not she's married, just because she is of a certain age and feels the urge to have babies. That i think is having trophies, and kids should never be trophies to be displayed as an accomplishment.... "i can have kids and i don't need a man to raise them, just drop your sperm in this receptacle and go your merry way, thank you very much...." , that seems to be what a woman like that is telling the world and is no way to raise kids. what will you tell the child when such kids become of age and ask for their father? abi their opinion don't count?

Oh please...if the dude is not forthcoming after dating every Tom, Dick and Harry out there? Or with the ratio of men to woman (1:5).....do women sit around and save the virginity till the 'recycled' men come around with all their baggage from 3rd and 4th marriages? Hell no!

The reason you mutually agree to have a kid together with the man in question...if not...please proceed to the nearest 'sperm bank' and get you a good fertility doctor. No woman should have a kid with a man who does not want to have a kid. She needs to protect herself from all that kind of nonsense. If a man is stupid enough to have sex without protecting himself, he can cry me a river for all I care. He is equally responsible.

Thank God women are getting smarter. If men can collect women as trophies, what is wrong with women collecting babies as trophies? Not like the "octumomma" with 14 kids for crying out loud. At least they have something to show for all those 'efforts'.

Some woman ever cried about not having a husband yes. Later in life most cry about being childless especially...even with the long awaited "Mr. Right", if they waited too long to have children, then due to one medical condition or another could not. I would rather be a single parent with a child than a married woman without a child. If a woman chooses not to have children in a marriage fine....but if she wants to have her children.....SHE BETTER THINK OF HAVING THEM EARLY.....Single parent or not. Husband MAY not always come.

Any woman who can read...let her go and educate her daughters! 2009 is not 1900!


Next topic please

[Rose]

Originally Posted by 2plus2

Lateesha be serious.

Recently meet a mature woman here in this very lagos (translating from Igbo to english) who has three children by three different men. Infact, the father of the last child has always claimed he is not the father. When I heard of PATHCARE's DNA service I told her older sister who is a family friend.

Guess what, the man just fanished into thin air. Disappeared.

Her children range from 9 (if I am right) to 15 years. In this very Lagos. It's not only aborad that has weird issues. It's all over. It's global. It's terrifying.

What can public policy do to get this sorted.

I always knew this was global and never bought into the notion that certain people are just simply more virtuous than others. For me to know women personally from different countries (even African) with multiple children indicates how common it is. I've seen stories on various African outlets running articles about women looking for men who fathered their children in other African countries and Europe too.

[lateesha]

Effects of Fatherlessness (US Data)
1) BEHAVIORAL DISORDERS/ RUNAWAYS/ HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS/CHEMICAL ABUSERS/ SUICIDES

85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)
90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)
71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)
75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all God's Children.)
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)
2) JUVENILE DELINQUENCY/ CRIME/ GANGS

80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978)
70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)
California has the nation's highest juvenile incarceration rate and the nation's highest juvenile unemployment rate. Vincent Schiraldi, Executive Director, Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice, "What Hallinan's Victory Means," San Francisco Chronicle (12/28/95).
These statistics translate to mean that children from a fatherless home are:

5 times more likely to commit suicide.
32 times more likely to run away.
20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.
14 times more likely to commit rape
9 times more likely to drop out of high school.
10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution.
20 times more likely to end up in prison.

Juveniles have become the driving force behind the nation's alarming increases in violent crime, with juvenile arrests for murder, rape, robbery and aggravated assault growing sharply in the past decade as pistols and drugs became more available, and expected to continue at the same alarming rate during the next decade. "Justice Dept. Issues Scary Report on Juvenile Crime," San Francisco Chronicle (9/8/95). "Crime Wave Forecast With Teenager Boom," San Francisco Chronicle (2/15/95).
Criminal behavior experts and social scientists are finding intriguing evidence that the epidemic of youth violence and gangs is related to the breakdown of the two-parent family. "New Evidence That Quayle Was Right: Young Offenders Tell What Went Wrong at Home," San Francisco Chronicle (12/9/94).
3) TEENAGE PREGNANCY

"Daughters of single parents are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a premarital birth, and 92% more likely to dissolve their own marriages. All these intergenerational consequences of single motherhood increase the likelihood of chronic welfare dependency." Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Atlantic Monthly (April 1993).
Daughters of single parents are 2.1 times more likely to have children during their teenage years than are daughters from intact families. The Good Family Man, David Blankenhorn.
71% of teenage pregnancies are to children of single parents. U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services.
4) CHILD ABUSE

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states that there were more than 1,000,000 documented child abuse cases in 1990. In 1983, it found that 60% of perpetrators were women with sole custody. Shared parenting can significantly reduce the stress associated with sole custody, and reduce the isolation of children in abusive situations by allowing both parents' to monitor the children's health and welfare and to protect them.
5) POVERTY

"The National Fatherhood Institute reports that 18 million children live in single-parent homes. Nearly 75% of American children living in single-parent families will experience poverty before they turn 11. Only 20% in two-parent families will experience poverty." Melinda Sacks, "Fatherhood in the 90's: Kids of absent fathers more "at risk"," San Jose Mercury News (10/29/95).
"The feminization of poverty is linked to the feminization of custody, as well as linked to lower earnings for women. Greater opportunity for education and jobs through shared parenting can help break the cycle." David Levy, Ed., The Best Parent is Both Parents (1993).
6) KIDNAPPING

Family abductions were 163,200 compared to non-family abductions of 200-300. The parental abductions were attributed to the parents' disenchantment with the legal system. David Levy, Ed., The Best Parent is Both Parents (1993), citing a report from the U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Juvenile Justice (May 1990).

http://www.childrensjustice.org/fatherlessness2.htm

[lateesha]

The data speak for themselves so ladies, close your legs until you get married and after you do,work at keeping your marriages.
It'll make soceity safer.
I speak to myself too.

[lateesha]

Originally Posted by Bill Carson

Lateesha,

Have you ever thought about the Children as stabilizing factor for the women you are accusing of opening their legs without commitment? It Is possible the women themselves would be In jail If the Children are not their to give them a purpose In life.

We have to be careful not to keep equating women sexual lifestyle with parenting, Until a well researched statistics Is presented, no one can conclusively deduce that Single Mothers open their legs more than the “respectable” housewives. Obama’s Mother was a Single Parent for most part and society of that time most have frowned at her yet she gave the world one of the most balanced Child.

Women that later marry and have a “balanced” lifestyle are more likely to have had one or more abortions while waiting for Mr. right to fall to earth, at the same time the Single Parents you are now demonising may have chosen to keep the pregnancy and face the consequence. Who do you think Is the brave one? Am a Catholic and as your avatar clearly shows you are a Christian and we know abortion Is wrong.

sadly a large number of female inmates (more than half) are single mothers on government assistance.That plan ain't working then.
Bringing kids into one's mess in order to help "calm one down" is the worst thing a woman could do.
Children deserve better than that.

[shinycoin]

Bottom line is: kids are better off raised in a dual parent household. its an abnormality that has recently become the norm to have kids raised by a single parent and am sure if the kids are asked, they'd rather have a home where a mom and a dad are handy and readily available, physically and emotionally for them.

Sometimes we adults take decisions and get involved in actions that are selfishly self centered without taking into consideration what our kids would think or if they'd have any opinion or say in the matter.
Fact is, kids would feel better with themselves at school and other social settings when they hang out with their peers that have both parents to care and nurture them.

In this age of permissiveness, i guess anything goes, it now becomes the rule rather than the exception to have a single parent household, be it a single mother or a single father household and equating widows and divorcees with unwed single mothers is missing the point entirely.

just my take on this issue.