Okotie's Failed Marriage In A Failed Nation!
- Post 23 July 2012
- Last Updated on 23 July 2012
- By SOC Okenwa
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Okotie's Failed Marriage In A Failed Nation!
By SOC Okenwa
The world is witnessing something of a 'revolution' in marriage matters especially as they concern the rich and the powerful. Marriage is a social contract mutually existing between a man and a woman (husband and wife); it involves a supposedly everlasting relationship solidified by a church wedding. Even God, the Supreme Being, had commanded us in the Bible to marry and multiply and fill the universe! So, doing so is only in perfect harmony with His wish and will!
The crux of the matter, ladies and gentlemen, is this: if the Almighty God in His infinite wisdom and celestial grace had not deemed it wise creating Eve out of Adam's rib you and I would not have been here -- here as glorified visitors to this universal village. We must collectively, therefore, seek to discourage, through good conduct and personal moral example, those hell-bent on destroying an orderly world as we were born to know it. Homosexuality, against this backdrop, is evil and it must be seen as such from, at least, the African perspective!
In Igboland, where I hail from, marriage is loudly celebrated and deeply respected. Every adult of marriage age always looks forward to the day he would take his soulmate to the alter answering 'Yes I Do' before a priest or a pastor in the presence of friends and relations. Marriage is very blissful when it is anchored on sincerity and true love. In the place of my birth when one sees a couple whose marriage has endured the wear and tear of times memories of paradise here on earth is evoked.
The marriage institution is generally on the decline in many parts of the world. With the advent of the modern world and the modern man loving just only a woman (a wife) is becoming more and more challenging in a new world of possibilities in which the internet has revolutionalised the way we relate with the opposite sex. Besides, it might be in order to insinuate here that the beautiful ones are now born! Daily, these 'angels' try out every possible means to seduce us sometimes reminding us that one cannot afford to 'eat' only one 'sauce' at home! By their seductive comportments they inadvertently encourage infidelity and promiscuity.wittingly or otherwise.
In high society levels marriage is easily contracted and easily dismissed with or without consequencies. The rich and the powerful among us go for big ladies, some previously married, who they desired out of lust or driven by their riches. It happens often in the United States in particular and the Western world in general -- especially among professional entertainers and stars. Now we have such issues in Nigeria and elsewhere in Africa. Back home in Nigeria it is no longer surprising to hear about one celebrity (especially Nollywood actor or actress) getting married and weeks or months or years later divorcing for reasons often not disclosed.
Elizabeth (Liz) Taylor, the late British-American actress and socialite in her hyperactive sexual life had eight failed marriages! She even divorced one husband at a time and had to remarry the same man, Richard Burton, a year after! She was the quintessential beauty that captivated men with her stunning natural endowments! When she passed away last year the whole world had mourned her exit bringing back fond memories of her modest beginning and her eventful life filled with amorous adventures and philantrophy.
The golf living legend Tiger Woods got his marriage into the 'woods' sometime ago when his wayward sexual lifestyle was exposed leading to the wife, Swedish-born bombshell, Elin Nordegren, leaving him. Woods' sexual escapades dated back years but luck ran out on him as the truth was revealed of his extra-marital engagements with women. The gifted golfer was a smart 'away' lover smartly concealing his amorous relationships outside wedlock while pretending to be a good husband at home.
But the golf Tiger recognised his "moral failings" and "irresponsible behavior" admitting he had been "unfaithful" to his ex-wife apologising profusely and asking for forgiveness in a released statement soon after the scandal broke out in the States. Sometimes we play games with our wives but whenever these ladies get to know of our philandering ways they are often shocked and depressed. We must endeavour to curtail certain transgressions in our marital lives.
But Woods cannot be said to be alone in this game men play with other women outside wedlock neither should his case be considered as one in isolation. In the US and elsewhere men have had to confess their womanising streak and others have had to bow to their cheated partners' wish for divorce. Name them: Hollywood megastars, Bollywood superstars and Nollywood stars have all had one embarrassing experience or the other concerning their extra-marital relationships. The great former wrestler and film actor Hulk Hogan, the iconic ex-pugilist Mohammed Ali, the hard-hitting ex-boxer Mike Tyson and popular actor Eddie Murphy whose penchant for divorce and new marriages is legendary.
In Nigeria sexual scandals are nothing new in Nollywood circles and elsewhere. Many actresses have had to be accused (rightly or wrongly) of sleeping with film directors and/or producers to obtain prime roles in movies! And in political circles we often read or hear about couples going their seperate ways because of involvement in politics. Politicians in 'Naija' are generally bad lovers and bad husbands frolicking with young students on campus to the detriment of their wives. Recently online I read a report of one bitter politician in Edo State telling a court in town in a divorce case that one night his wife came back home drunk with her pant nowhere to be found!
Reverend Chris Okotie is a Nigerian flamboyant new-generation pentecostal preacher of the Gospel. His church, Household of God Church, is based in Lagos and it has some high-profile Nigerians as members. Like Pastor Chris Oyakhilome based in South Africa Okotie is a good-looking man of God with gifted power of the tongue and deep intellect. Nigeria, despite her mounting socio-economic challenges, is not short of rich and powerful pastors delivering the children of the living God from the principalities and powers of darkness. Some of these pastors are reportedly wealthy to the extent that they feature in Forbes list of the most powerful and richest men in the world.
Reverend Chris Okotie surprised some members of his church and his friends and foes alike when he unexpectedly announced publicly late June this year that his four years marriage with the beautiful Stephanie Henshaw had hit the rock! Though the divorced couple had, according to the funky Pastor, vowed to keep mum over what led to the break up the glamorous marriage crumbled because of "irreconcilable differences". It is worth recalling here that Okotie and Stephanie got married on 7 August 2008 in a glittering wedding in Lagos. Rev. Okotie had previously married and seperated and Stephanie had equally married three men before the man of God came into her love life!
Rev. Okotie, a former pop star turned pastor, is also a politician much like the radical Pastor Tunde Bakare of Latter Rain Assembly in Lagos. During his musical career Okotie released a hit song "ABC 123". I had listened to that song when I was doing my secondary education in Benin City. Pastor Okotie whose political platform is called the Fresh Party has sought to become the President of Nigeria on more than one occasion but the fact is self-evident that the Nigerian treacherous political terrain may not accommodate someone like Okotie or even Bakare because of their brutal frankness and charismatic Christianism.
In the Christian community the Catholic priests or reverend fathers are forbidden to marry as they struggle (amid scandalous sexual revelations around the world) to maintain their Vatican celibacy imposition. But in the pentecostal fold new generation pastors and bishops have had to be in the news -- sometimes for wrong amoral reasons. Sometimes we hear and read about pastors and 'men of God' committing adultery, defrauding people and serving both God and satan by way of praying and fasting on behalf of morally-corrupt politicians.
After the Okotie/Stephanie seperation announcement with tongues wagging as to the real cause the mother of three reportedly took out her frustrations in a Facebook posting recently where she tried to explain her own side of the story, apparently trying to convince whoever cared to read of her new-found status of spinsterhood and to correct the erroneous impression people have of her being a 'bad wife material'. She directly accused her rivals in Okotie's church of bringing the marriage down saying some of the members had labelled her "a witch and a mermaid" -- a wicked charge she strongly denied!
Rev. Okotie in his flamboyant grammar-spewing pulpit seems destined to be 'wifeless' in his life? (But) the recent collapse of his marriage is somehow a metaphor for a failed nation we all live in in search of re-birth. Nigeria, like Pastor Okotie, has an option left: for Nigeria she must fully embrace the fight against corruption and terrorism to free her denizens from the clutches of evil her leaders are putting her through. And for Rev. Okotie he only have to look inwards, yet again, searching for 'mrs right' within his congregation to be able to break the apparant satanic 'curse' in his marital life. Potential 'candidates' abound!
And for the charming damsel Stephanie it is not the end of the world, sister! Wipe off your emotional tears! We know what you are passing through now after previous failed marriages! Age is still on your side and you can still hook up with yet another man if only to satisfy your sexual needs and be seen by the public to be a good wife under a man. You deserved Okotie but he thought otherwise perhaps out of the desire to 'taste' another 'pudding'! You can never tell with famous people and the spirit firing them on!
Ms Henshaw might be innocent in the whole marriage collapse saga because of Okotie's status as a popular handsome rich preacher of the Good News. Other spinsters out there might want to try their own luck marrying the former musician if only to attain certain celebrity status such union guarantees. But one thing is sure though: Okotie is every woman's ideal man! So no tears and no sorrow whenever he uses and dumps the daughters of Eve in his quest to fulfill all 'righteousness'.
SOC Okenwa
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"if the Almighty God in His infinite wisdom and celestial grace had not deemed it wise creating Eve out of Adam's rib you and I would not have been here"
When you read these adult-version of SANTA Clause remarks you wonder to yourself, has the average Nigerian been so mentally enslaved by western religions and doctrines that they have no control over their own minds to debunk these laughable neolithic beliefs?
I read your article and it fell flat from what I expected...really flat. Unlike I usually do with articles which is to read 'em and leave 'em, I feel like being a responsible citizen today so I will give some constructive criticism.
I hope you can take some constructive criticism? QUOTE:
Totally unnecessary and did not even help your argument because as far as we know, the institution of marriage did not exist at the time of Adam and Eve; according to the Bible. Then you derail to discuss homosexuals as if they are the cause of the breakdown in heterosexual marriages and they threaten World order...How? QUOTE:
This shows a mindset that we will be better off if we do away with it as a society. Nobody has to endure a failed marriage because of stigma of being divorced. In the same Igbo land, traditionally, Polygamy is the norm. So you should refer to the practice of Christianity instead of ''In Igbo land''. QUOTE:
Now, here is a contradiction...what you applaud in your previous paragraph (one man one wife), you are recognizing as a problem in this paragraph. So are you now saying that the Christian ''one man one wife'' is a problem? Also, you can look at marriage as being in a decline or you can actually look at the current statistics (as I do) as closer to the reality of what marriage has always been. People are just less inclined to pretend these days. QUOTE:
I don't know how you came to the conclusion that she had a hyperactive sexual life. Does it take a tally of how many husbands one marries to know how active their sexual life is? Unfounded claim. QUOTE:
This article can really do without this commentary. It is not necessary; As unnecessary as I found your use of the word ''bombshell'' to describe Elin and not even an apt description of her in my honest opinion. QUOTE:
and this too...it is relevant to the subject matter but only in small detail. It seems you went off tangent with this one. QUOTE:
Honestly, this should have been the beginning of your article and to the emboldened part of your comment, all I can say is...''beauty is in the eye of the beholder!'' 
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Most of the people that would read your article from the heading would already be familiar with Pastor Chris' story so I really don't think going into this much detail was necessary; especially at the expense of drawing a parallel regarding his failed marriage and a failed Nigeria as your article title promised. QUOTE:
Relevance? This comment just hangs in the air. QUOTE:
I don't see any metaphor? I also don't see the parallel that you are trying to draw in regards to his failed marriage and Nigeria. You should have spent less time moralizing about other marriages and more time engaging us in a discussion that was in line with the title of your article. QUOTE:
Incredibly inappropriate if you were writing under the guise of being sympathetic towards Stephanie in her plight. It seems like you have something against divorced women. What's your beef? So they don't deserve happiness? QUOTE:
In the most polite way I can type, now you are totally, totally writing nonsense at this point. Which woman's ideal man? This your last paragraph especially leaves me bewildered as to the essence of your article, seriously. I don't get it...at all. QUOTE:
When did it become morally right, sensible or glamorous for so-called MoG to "use and dump" daughters of Eve? This is enough to cause a revolt in the Household if thats the mission of their Man! The writeup is a shameful attempt at trivializing a serious matter. QUOTE:
a very misogynist mindset article aimed at making divorced women to look bad. the writer does not seem to recognise that real men do not abandon their marriages or wife just because they are unable to have children or a wife had a failed IVF as in the case of this pastor. the pastor is actually exploiting his wife or those women that he marries and then abandons or dump them for one reason or another to make himself look better while hiding away his own inadequacies. he should come out clean and explain truthfully why he has not been able to make any woman happy for long term ?
This is an empty, purposeless, pointless and unintelligent rehash of recent events.
One would expect an article featuring on this forum to contain objective, well informed, well researched and educative pieces of information.... this article lacks it all. It was pointless at the beginning and ended up making no points and litle sense. Much as i respect and value freedom of expression and exchange of ideas, i aslo expect admin to be prudent in allowing some articles to be published in a forum such as this. We need to maintain certain standards of intellectual discourse... sorry, but this piece doesn't meet that standard!!
Anwulika,
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Unfortunately some of your own comments had the usual sloganeering that papers over complicated issues with appeals to conventional wisdom - just as with the article itself. What one considers attractive in the opposite sex has to do with both factors of sexuality AND the environment in which those factors are in play. In Nigeria there is widespread poverty and low average intelligence, so here Chris Okotie is a VERY attractive man. Igbo people have two proverbs that say "mma nwoke bu ego" and "mma nwanyi bu agwa".....a man's beauty is his wealth and a woman's beauty is her demeanor/attitude. Regrettably the patriarchal dominance that inspired such cultural wisdom is still in play in Nigeria and remains entrenched due to poverty. The attraction that Elin, the former Ms Woods, held for Mr Tiger Woods was also due in large part to the mileau in which their marriage played out. In terms of the Western world, Mr. Woods further upgraded his progeny by giving them Caucasian genes, just like Mr. Woods own father upgraded Tiger by marrying an Asian woman. Ms Stephanie Henshaw herself is in EXACTLY the situation described by Mr Okenwa, by the way. He wrote: QUOTE:
Both Stephanie Okotie, Elin Woods and Elizabeth Taylor and other attractive women usually have no problem at all finding mates AND are more likely to have had more sexual partners than a woman of average beauty. Likewise for very attractive men. Anwulika, you yourself have admitted in the past that ending sexual relationships is "harder" on a woman, which I've copiously explained on NVS has to do with the effects of oxytocin on women. So what exactly in that paragraph shows animus towards divorced women? Is there anything in that paragraph that's not true? As for polygamy, I'll repeat what I've written before - it's the nature of the human male. Any man with the means and opportunity will indulge in either polygamy or multiple concurrent sexual relationships as long as they can afford the social, economic and legal consequences. This Okotie divorce illustrates several important things we'd all do well to take note of...after careful analysis. I particularly like some of the comments of Ajibs on this thread: LINK: NVS Lounge - Okotie Divorce Genetic abilities and gifts, constrained by circumstances. That's the human condition. That's why.... ! Life Is a Market ! Obugi
dats ma daughter #3...like papa..na moi born'm....
only disappointment wey i get be say she refuses to finish her novel...lol! QUOTE:
Writing was the easy part, Daddy...na editing dey cause the hold up. Marketing...another beast on it's own but we shall overcome
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OK now, dig deeper than I dug and shake the foundations of my reasoning, please
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I am not sure you read me closely or read the article closely either because I cannot relate this latter part of your comment to anything I have written? In other words, you are raising valid points but none of it counter-balances what I have opined. As for this comment: QUOTE:
This is a general statement and one thing we know about general, blanket statements is that by considering the nature of their composition, they are inaccurate. I am a woman and Chris Okotie is not my ideal man and I am sure I speak for a good number of women in the female population. (I broke the reason down on some other thread  ) Whether he is not ideal for me or other women as a result of a different social circumstance from some Nigerian women, environment, physical attractiveness blazay blazay, is irrelevant. Just know that there are many of us that don't think he is ideal anything, and we demand to be recognized.
and apart from that false assertion in the latter part of the author's comment there is also the condescending, egotistical, male chauvinist-pig tone that the author adopted displaying his misogynistic tendencies in his commentary about divorced women. Like they have become lesser human beings not deserving of love or respect because of a failed marriage/s Did you miss that?
Anwulika,
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I've given my views on these sex market issues - and other subjects - over and over so I don't feel the need to be expansive. QUOTE:
You're not a part of the market in which Chris Okotie is offering his sexual services. So it's perfectly understandable that you're oblivious to his charms. You don't NEED Chris Okotie. In Nigeria, Chris Okotie is an ideal man. And so is Stephanie Henshaw Okotie. QUOTE:
Again, there's nothing in that paragraph that insulted or demeaned Stephanie Henshaw Okotie. Biological fact - The effects of breakups are harder on a woman. The effects of breaking up a sexual relationship are such that they make a woman less behaviorally attractive to a man, unless the woman has enough desirable assets that negate those effects. In fact, such breakups make it increasingly more difficult for a female to sustain a committed relationship, which is part of why sexual promiscuity is accompanied by high divorce rates in prosperous societies. Stephanie Henshaw Okotie, being very beautiful, has such an assets that may overcome the negative effects that accrue to a woman from 3 or 4 sundered marriages, not to talk of other lovers she may have had along the way. In other words, she can bear the consequences of female promiscuity, just like Chris Okotie can afford the costs of serial monogamy/polygamy. That's all I saw in that paragraph. !Life Is a Market! Obugi |
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